Tag Archives: relationship

The Spiritual Side of Divorce

Divorce in America is at an all time high. The rate of divorce for second marriages is even higher than the rate for first marriages. Over the last 3 years, the demographics of clients in our relationship coaching practice represented a divorce rate of over 80%. So what’s going on in our world where relationships have become as disposable as plastic water bottles?

Spiritual Divorce
Spiritual Divorce
One way people can respond to this epidemic is to say that the moral fiber of our society is crumbling and crashing. Or that commitment to long-term relationships and the stability they are intended to provide for each of us is rapidly becoming an out-dated institution? Perhaps you personally may believe this explanation is valid. Or perhaps it isn’t.

Is the alarming divorce rate is a symptom of a society that has a deficiency? A deficiency of unworthiness that causes us to fear intimacy, openness, giving and receiving, sharing and love. As relationship coaches, we have found this to be the case with many of our clients who are facing rocky marriages and divorce.

From our vantage point we see the high rate of divorce as a symptom of a society that has become increasingly fragmented, isolated, fearful and expendable and sees relationships only as a means to a personal end.

However, we also see divorce as an opportunity to specifically heal the emotional wounds that marital relationships represent to both parties.

To heal an emotional wound is spiritual. Any lasting workable solution to any relationship problem is spiritual in nature. There is no alternative. If you believe that a big, fat alimony check is going to make everything all better, think again!

The problem was never about the divorce or how your spouse never lived up to his or her side of the bargain to honor and obey, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.

The real problem, which is always an opportunity for spiritual growth and healing, is that you bring to your relationships (marital and otherwise), your wounds from your past. Until you heal those wounds, you will repeat them.

The spiritual side of divorce, is like any life challenge, a potential blessing in disguise. It is an opportunity to look at yourself head-on in the mirror and say to yourself, ‘What is this situation showing me about myself and what is it attempting to teach me?’ Ask for an answer. Ask for guidance. You will hear it!

The spiritual side of divorce can open the door for you to finally grow-up and truly become the mature adult who can readily participate in healthy mature relationships.

When we say ‘mature’ we are not referring to the day-to-day activities and responsibilities of the average adult like having a job, paying the bills, putting a roof over your family’s head and food on the table.

We are referring to a maturity that goes much deeper than that. A maturity that has less to do with who you are and what you do and more about your willingness to heal where you are emotionally wounded. This is what it means to be spiritually mature.

Spiritual maturity is about learning how to take responsibility for your life. Responsibility for your life situations, experiences and relationships as well as the state of your emotions.

The spiritual side of divorce represents an opening. An opening where perhaps just a sliver of light is shining on a situation that looks very dark. It is only through your willingness that more light can shine on you and your life.

It is only when we begin to heal from within that the physical reality of our life and relationships permanently improve and change.

If you are experiencing intimate relationship challenges, consider the following tips as guidelines that may assist you to begin to see you and your life from a new, healthier perspective:

1. Stop playing the victim! Playing the victim role always attracts a cast of characters who are more than willing to perpetrate emotional pain on to a willing victim.

2. Cease blaming others for your situation. Until you take full and complete responsibility for your life and the role you play in it, you will suffer at the emotional mercy of other people.

3. Be open to looking within and discover why your life is not the romance novel you hoped it could have been.

4. Become more open to changing by developing a more positive, optimistic attitude and notice how you are attracting more positive, optimistic people in to your life.

5. Begin the process of loving and respecting yourself more. If you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love and respect you?

Whether you are going through a divorce now, contemplating one, have experienced one, and are attempting to get your life back on track, know that now is the time to heal your wounded relationship. First by beginning to heal the relationship with your spouse or your ex. Second, and more significant, is healing the relationship with yourself.

As relationship and divorce coaches we believe that ‘relationships are the cornerstone for all existence.’

The spiritual side of divorce is a divine invitation from your soul to heal your emotional wounds from all of your current and past relationships.

If you are contemplating divorce, going through divorce or rebuilding your life after divorce, we can assist you! Learn more.

©Possibility Coaches LLC

spiritual divorce

spiritual divorce

Secrets to Finding True Love!

We’re going to talk about true love, but not necessarily in a way you may think! Visualize a horse with a carrot dangling about a foot in front of it. That’s how we get the horse to move in a forward direction.

Now imagine that you are that horse (no insult intended) and the carrot represents love in all its various forms. Like the horse in pursuit of the carrot, this is how most of us pursue love. We convince ourselves that once we are given love by another person our life is complete. We believe that the emotional void will disappear and be filled by a proclamation of love from someone else.

Secrets to finding true love
Secrets to finding true love
This belief, that another person can make us happy, is central to the mythology of romantic love. Romantic love, for the most part is simply a composite of sexual attraction. The balance of it tends to be made up of neediness: the need to be wanted, accepted and appreciated. The problem here is that when we do not have our own ‘needs’ met, romantic love quickly fizzles out.

Now don’t get us wrong, we’re all for romantic love and great sex! This modern notion of true love is a result of us being conditioned to find true love to be happy. However, this idea about romantic love is flawed simply because most of us do not understand what true love is all about. True love is changeless and absolute. On the other hand, romantic love can literally blow with the wind. Just look at the terms “falling in love” and “falling out of love.” The implication here is that there is something temporary about love and ‘fall’ becomes the operative word. If we can finally understand and dispel this myth, we would all begin to experience stronger, more loving relationships.

“Falling in love” does not exist because it implies there are varying degrees of love. Love cannot be measured, although most people spend a lifetime in pursuit of it with a measuring stick. Again, love is absolute. Either it is present in your relationships or it isn’t.

Experiencing stronger and truly loving relationships has one requirement: to love yourself. We are not referring to being narcissistic or egotistical here. We are talking about treating yourself in the only way you were intended to be treated: divinely, without conditions, rules or regulations. When you experience self-love you ultimately treat others the same way.

Think about it: if you do not love yourself, how could you truly love another person? You simply cannot give away what you do not have!

What we are suggesting may seem ridiculous, far-fetched and impossible to achieve. To this we respond: you can experience true love for yourself and everyone else in your life when you are open and willing to release and remove all the emotional blocks and barriers to love (which are all fears).

This requires you to go through a process of looking within. Scary at first, perhaps, but rest assured, you will be happy with the end result! We have a 4-step process to get you there. They occur in no particular order, and in fact are more likely to occur simultaneously and ongoing as you begin to unveil the secret to experiencing strong and loving relationships.

These 4 steps are:
1. self-awareness of love or its absence in your life.
2. self-acceptance so you can move to loving unconditionally.
3. self-forgiveness for all that you have done to deny loving yourself and others.
4. self-love: also known as ‘the real deal.’

Follow this process. Stop chasing the carrot. Come alive by experiencing self-love. It’s the only way to truly experience loving relationships, because after all, there is only one real relationship.

Begin to experience real love in your life by downloading your free copy of our Special Report: Breaking The Chain of Emotional Pain – Healing The Emotional Wounds From Your Past.

If you are you ready to improve all of your relationships including the one you have with yourself? Contact us for a complimentary, no obligation coaching session.

©Possibility Coaches, LLC

true love

true love

true love

Is Your Relationship/Marriage Made in Heaven or a Living Hell?

As a Relationship Coach, I absolutely love counseling couples! Why? Because I enjoy listening to both his and her version of what’s ‘really going on.’ Each one, comes to their sessions believing they know what’s ‘wrong’ with their relationship/marriage. I always sit there with a grin as they each proceed to enlighten me on what their partner is or isn’t doing and saying or not saying, causing a breakdown and ultimate failure of the relationship.

Create Healthy Relationships!
Create Healthy Relationships!
My grins are a response to witnessing ‘the butting of two heads.’ Author and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle calls this interaction ‘the meeting of two pain bodies.’ Your pain body, as well as my pain body, is that part of us that believes you and I are separate from everyone else. This pain body also requires other people to fulfill its’ insatiable needs- especially those of the emotional kind.

When we do not have these emotional needs met we are typically faced with large amounts of internal strife. We can label these struggles with a variety of names and conditions. None of them feel good. Some of the names and conditions we give to the other person who is not fulfilling our needs are: ‘selfish,’ ‘self-centered,’ ‘unloving,’ ‘untrustworthy,’ ‘immature,’ ‘manipulative,’ ‘deceitful,’ ‘controlling,’ ‘argumentative’ and ‘critical.’ These are some of the descriptive words my clients, and perhaps you, too, have used to describe your partners both past and present.

As a result of attaching labels and conditions to our partners, we also simultaneously attach descriptive conditions to ourselves. If we do not feel good about ourselves, our self-talk can easily convince us either consciously or unconsciously that somehow we may deserve this current relationship. Your relationship/marriage which you once thought was ‘made in heaven,’ now appears to be ‘a living hell.’

This ‘living hell’ is a direct result of our feelings of unworthiness. This unworthy feeling stems from the belief that we are not deserving to be truly loved for who we are. We may also believe, on some deeper level, that love is not really meant to feel good, so consequently, we push away goodness from our lives. This is particularly true if we were taught not to trust people in general and/or we have experienced people who we thought loved us suddenly depart from our lives either physically or emotionally.

Right now, in this very moment, if you can honestly recognize and assess the status of your most significant relationship, I applaud you! So where do you rate it? Is it a heavenly co-existence, a hellish on-going battle like the ‘hundred years war,’ or somewhere in-between? Does it seem to switch without warning from blissful and loving to rage-filled and chaotic?

Begin now to take notice of the conditions, patterns and behaviors of both you and your partner/spouse that dominate and trend in your relationship. Observe if conflict is more prevalent than peace. Is intimate conversation and communication absent or a painful process that seems to be avoided at all cost?

Be honest about all of this! If you can’t, then honesty is absent from your relationship. I have found that most relationships lack a certain degree of authenticity in that each person wears a variety of ‘personality masks’ to keep themselves from getting hurt by other people.

These masks we wear are associated with the beliefs we have about ourselves, love, and whether or not you and I are deserving of receiving and giving love.

If your relationship/marriage is hellish, don’t get down on yourself or the current situation!

I have found with my own life journey and as a guide to hundreds of others over the years, that our relationships, like every other circumstance we experience, are reflections of how we see ourselves.

Now, this idea has some staggering, perhaps life-altering implications if you even contemplate and consider that this may be true. If all our relationships are simply like a mirror reflecting back to us what we are ‘putting out’ to the world, and we are dissatisfied with what we are experiencing, then perhaps it is time to be pro-active to positively changing the status of our relationships.

I’d like to share with you some basic, yet mandatory requirements that will assist you to begin the process of moving out of hellish relationships toward ones that are more likely made in heaven. These applications can be applied to all of your relationship, however, I am particularly focused here on your most intimate and significant ones at this time.

These ‘requirements’ cannot be overlooked or omitted, for if they are, you will surely experience a continuation of displeasure, disharmony and discord in your relationship or marriage. These requirements are listed below and must be followed in sequential order to create success in your relationship:

1. BEING READY, WILLING AND OPEN. Be ready, willing and open to improve the quality of your relationship. If you are not, then do not proceed! Instead, ask yourself ‘why am I resistant to moving forward?’

2. LOOK WITHIN. Once you agree to the first requirement, be open to looking within. This serves 2 purposes: first, it allows you to get in-touch with your true feelings toward the other person and yourself. It also provides you with greater insight to how you are in some way attracting unloving and unwanted relationships in to your life.

3. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE QUALITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. When you begin to accept that who you attract in to your life is a reflection of who you believe you are, you can begin to take responsibility for all aspects of your life, including your relationships.

4. COMMIT TO CREATING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS. Knowing that you are responsible for the status of all your relationships, you can now begin to positively affect their status. To do this requires commitment- and this is huge! This is about becoming the type of person you want in your life. This is acknowledging once and for all that the only person you can effectively change is you!

5. ACCEPT THAT ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY. By accepting that only you can change your relationships, you are on the road to becoming and doing whatever it takes to make your relationships work. This means that you cease to hold others responsible for your happiness. You also give up trying to change people to meet your emotional needs.

If you are willing to utilize my suggestions, you will gain clarity about yourself and your relationships. You will also see many of your relationships strengthen through love. On the other hand, some relationships may change course or even dissolve, yet they will do so in a more loving way.

This all can be a scary process! However, consider the alternative represented by a lifetime of unhealthy, unpredictable, dysfunctional relationships.

In the end, I guarantee you that the emotional payoff far outweighs the risk you take to create heaven on earth through your relationships!

To learn more, I invite you to download our free gift: Special Report: Breaking The Chain of Emotional Pain:

Are you ready to improve all of your relationships including the one you have with yourself? Contact us or a complimentary, no obligation coaching session.

©Possibility Coaches LLC