Love. A four-letter word that turns our insides out or our minds upside down. Either way, I have witnessed over the years that love has been mostly over-rated, under-rated, misinterpreted and used as a formidable disguise for people to get away with a lot of physical and emotional crap.
Know that I am not down on love! Nor am I down on being loving. As a life and relationship coach I teach about a particular kind of love. The kind of love I teach and guide my clients to aspire to, is a love that is unconditional. You see there is only unconditional love. It took me over half a century to realize this. I don’t want it to take that long for you.
Tina Turner asked the question as the title of the hit song, “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” I love Tina Turner; however, love in this song got a bad rap! We are conditioned at a very early age to believe that we are not lovable. As children, we are very impressionable. Until we are six years old or so we live in a hypnotic state and are unable to think logically or objectively. Most of us did not receive the love we craved as children. By the time we are teens we begin to buy in to the notion that love is, on the one hand, beautiful and at the same time painful. We live in a catch-22 state. What we want the most we fear the most.
Herein lies the paradox of love that has been created through the generations. We have romanticized it. We have heard, read and talked about the illicit and forbidden aspects of it. We dream about experiencing it, feeling it, getting emotionally high from it. We even avoid it. Yet, when all is said and done, we have been totally misdirected to where to find it.
There are few of us who were taught or told where the true source of love can be found. I, for one, can never recall one instant in my life where it was indicated to me where I could find true love. For years it seemed so evasive and elusive, yet on a really deep, soul level I knew it was hanging out somewhere nearby. It was not until I began a personal, transformational journey that I discovered that love of the unconditional variety, was the only genuine state of love.
Now, if you are getting antsy in your seat I certainly understand! Unconditional love includes everyone and everything and that includes you and me. This includes the ex-husband who you would love to strangle for ditching you for another woman. And, yes, it also includes the father who left you, your mother and your siblings and forgot to leave a forwarding address. Oh, and by the way, this also includes your so-called best friend who ended up ‘stealing’ the love of your life. Let’s also add to this list your mother who hasn’t said a kind word to you since music was recorded on 8 tracks. And let’s not forget that ungrateful child of yours who hasn’t called you in months. Finally, let’s throw in that nasty boss or co-worker at the office who by just quitting or getting fired would restore your faith in divine justice!
Contemplate this for a few moments or even a few days or weeks: we are convinced we need love in our life. Contemplate this, too: How can you need anything when you already have it? The power of the only kind of real love lives, breathes and flows in each and every one of us. And how do I know this for sure? Because you and I possess the same consciousness. We may look totally different. We may have different likes and dislikes. You may have gifts and talents that I do not possess and vice-a-verse, yet one thing is for sure: we both have a built-in mechanism to feel unconditional love.
We have all experienced unconditional love. The most obvious examples are when we are around babies and pets. They only know unconditional love and we in return give them the same. That is until the baby grows into a little person who wants to demonstrate his or her independence. That is until the dog eats the toes off of your favorite pair of shoes.
Love relationships, as we see illustrated on the big screen, the boob tube and in romance novels, is primarily revolved around a good ‘roll in the hay’ followed by a commitment to ‘living happily ever after.’ Prince Charming, Cinderella and the whole crew on a journey of ever-lasting bliss. The truth is however, that we never get to check back in with Prince Charming and Cinderella (now Princess Charming) to see how they are doing after the honeymoon is over. If we were flies on the wall we would be quickly heading for the nearest exit because Prince Charming has already dropped his end of the bargain. Unprintable words are flying from the mouths of the Royal Couple. And why? Because love has nothing to do with it. Unconditional love is the answer and has everything to do with it.
Recently at one of our ‘mastering relationship’ seminars I spoke about the myth of compromise in relationships. We are told that love requires compromise. It’s a 50/50 split. ‘I will meet you half-way and you agree to do the same.’ Who thought up this nonsense and how did we ever buy in to it? True relationship, which can only be rooted in unconditional love, is about extending one hundred percent of yourself to your significant other, your friendships, your business associates, the world and most significantly, to you!
At this point I will say, that to go from living a lifetime in the notion of romantic love and switching to living from a position that is totally grounded in unconditional love, is a process of personal transformation. It may surprise you to know that this one single metamorphosis or change is the basis for all self-improvement, self-help and self-empowerment. It is also the one and only remedy for genuinely feeling happy and successful.
So the next time you confuse a dinner date and an interlude at the Motel 6 with real love, read this blog post. Now, I am not saying don’t enjoy the most natural of human experiences. What I am saying is put it all in real perspective. The next time love seems to hurt, be open to asking yourself, ‘What’s unconditional love got to do with this?’
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