Tag Archives: self esteem

Being Your Best is Being Empowered

Being your best is truly about living life fully, with a sense of worthiness, direction and empowerment. Being your best is totally different than ‘doing your best.’ Doing implies action and ‘doing your best’ is based on a variety of contingencies rooted in day to day activities. ‘Doing’ also means there are external causes (action steps and results) that directly measure and determine whether you are ‘doing your best,’ and are worthy of recognition.

Being Your Best
Being Your Best
The idea that ‘doing your best’ will get you to the ‘Promised Land’ of achieving your goals, getting what you want and looking good to the rest of the world, is a flawed belief and a huge assumption at best. And why is that?

Ask yourself this question: ‘How would I define my version of ‘doing my best?’ Can you define it in real measurable terms? Have you ever achieved your perceived level of ‘doing my best?’ Or is it some unattainable goal far off in the future and even out of reach?

Does your ‘best’ even seem impossible because you believe you are unworthy of succeeding and shining?

When another person says to you ‘Do your best!’ do you know what they want from you? More important, ask yourself, ‘Do they know what they want from me?’

They know exactly what they want from you when they say ‘Do your best!’ They are really saying, ‘Make me happy and don’t disappoint me!’

The world has taken the term ‘do your best’ and turned it in to a form of manipulation resulting in never feeling good enough, smart enough or even loveable. Just hearing the words ‘do your best’ engulfs us in feeling guilty, worried and anxious and sets us up for on-going disappointment. It is the reason why we procrastinate, suffer from paralysis of analysis, and unwarranted perfection.

If you have spent much of your life focused on ‘doing your best’ in the name of making others happy and getting their approval, then consider stopping now! Stop focusing on ‘doing your best’ and shift to ‘being your best.’

Here is how you make this shift and know that you are ‘being my best.’ Get in-touch with how you really feel about yourself and your life in general. Review how you feel about your career, your business and your personal life. Write these feelings down.

Do these feelings bring up positive or negative emotions? Are they empowering or exhausting?

“Understand that being empowered is a feeling and a state of being. It has nothing to do with what you do or ‘doing your best’ or not. Being empowered, and feeling it, means you are being your best. Why? Because when you feel good about yourself everything you do exudes that sense of empowerment from within.”

‘Being your best’ results in taking inspired action. Inspired action is a demonstration of who you authentically are. It feels easy and effortless, and gives you a true sense of aliveness and purpose. It also means that you choose not to live your life for the sole purpose of making other people happy. Continuing to buy in to ‘doing your best’ means you will continue to define yourself and how you live your life based on how others see you and what they want from you.

Moving away from ‘doing my best’ to ‘being my best’ is a paradigm shift that results in true self-empowerment. Being your best requires you to become more inner-focused. This is not being selfish! It is actually about becoming quite generous!

Being inner-focused, so you can be your best, is about taking care of yourself first. Recall the quote “Be the change you want to see.” This is about living the life you choose! Not your parents’ vision for your life, not your spouse’s vision, and not your boss.’ This is about living life on and with purpose. Selfishness is when someone attempts to get you to live the life they choose for you. This is unhealthy and sets us up for a lot of suffering and disappointment.

Being your best means you love and appreciate yourself. It does not mean you don’t care about other people. When you really understand that being your best is the same as being empowered, you will actually give more and have more.

Let’s face it, if you don’t become your best you are withholding your greatness from the world. To be your best, begin to nurture yourself and all your gifts and talents. Allow yourself to explore your innate creativity. Be open and willing to shine simply for the sake of the experience! Author and publisher Robert Collier said it best when he wrote, “All power is from within and therefore under our control.” Look within, be your best, and watch your life transform!

To learn how to ‘be your best’ contact The Possibility Coaches™. They offer a 30 minute complementary coaching session by phone or Skype. Inquire about your session here.

being your best

being your best

Bullying: 7 Ways to End it Now!

Bullying gets so much press these days. That’s a good thing! To shine the light on the darker aspects of our human experience like bullying helps us to create positive shifts both individually and collectively.

Bullying: 7 Ways to End it Now!
How to Stop Bullying!
Bullying is an esteem issue. Bullying is about being convinced that ‘for me to feel good, I must make you feel bad.’ Bullying isn’t only inflicted through physical abuse and violence. There are more subtle, less obvious versions of bullying like verbal abuse, mind control, manipulation and distortion of the truth. Bullies always target someone who, like them, doesn’t have healthy self-esteem.

So, why do people become bullies?
As I said, bullying is a symptom of low self-esteem created by one or all of the following life challenges: 1. lack of trust in role models like parents, 2. the need to be in control because life feels out-of-control, 3. the need for attention, approval and love, 4. deep anger issues, 5. always feeling ‘wrong,’ 6. being bullied physically and/or verbally themselves and 7. being emotionally abandoned as a child.

Bullying requires two parties, each of whom does not feel good about him or herself. It’s not only in the school yard. In fact, it’s likely to start in the home between husbands and wives, parents and children and between siblings.

The dysfunctional behavior that bullying represents is the result of most challenges people face world-wide in today’s societies.

When we each have a healthy sense of ourselves…in other words, a healthy self-esteem, most of life’s so-called ‘problems’ seemingly disappear.

No matter where you are in life: young/old, male/female, and no matter what roles you play: husband/wife, parent/child, boss/employee, friend, classmate, the most important step is to feel good about yourself. When you and I take responsibility for feeling good about ourselves and share with others how to feel good, too, bullying will become a behavior of the past.

Chris and I have developed what we feel are 7 approaches that can assist you to begin to eliminate being bullied or the role of being a bully from your life and the lives of those you cherish and love.

7 Ways to End Bullying Now!:

1. Become aware about how you feel about yourself. Be honest! Not feeling good about yourself is just based on a negative story you’ve been telling yourself over and over. Is the story absolutely true about you? I doubt it!

2. Identify your fears. This pertains to both you the bully and you the victim. For example: perhaps as a child, your parents divorced. You couldn’t control that, so to create a level of safety and security, you unconsciously decided to bully others because it gave you a sense of control, power and security.

3. Create small ‘successes’ in your life that will make you feel more confident thus building your self-esteem. This is essential not only for children, but for adults, too! And especially for you adults reading this blog who have children: assist your children by supporting their likes and passions. Let them explore life on their own terms. Otherwise, you’re bullying.

4. Choose to be around positive people. Hang out with people who lift you up and don’t put you down. Examine your circle of friends. The company you keep is very telling about how you feel about yourself.

5. Mentor or coach with someone who can assist you to go through the process of raising your self-esteem.

6. Have the courage to set boundaries. Bullying is all about ignoring boundaries and disrespecting others. Know that real boundaries between you and others can only exist when there is mutual respect.

7. Celebrate your uniqueness and the uniqueness of those you love. People who tend to be bullied are perceived to be different in some way. They may be quiet, shy, non-athletic or non-academic. It’s important to understand that it’s part of who they are.

By committing to these seven suggestions, you can begin to develop a healthy self-esteem and assist others to do the same. It doesn’t matter your role, be it the bully, the bullied or even both. When we feel good about ourselves, bullying will dissipate and perhaps diminish in our world as we know it.

You and I both have the power within us to change. It is that power to feel good about ourselves that will end bullying. We can do it!