Tag Archives: relationships

Creating a Permission Manifesto for Happiness!

Who decides whether or not we are happy? Who decides whether or not we feel at peace with ourselves? Who decides whether or not we see ourselves as successful contributors in this world?

The answer, for each of us, to all of the above questions, is “I DO.”

Permission Manifesto
Permission Manifesto

We are each responsible for our own happiness, peace of mind and success. It is when we refuse to take responsibility for our happiness, peace of mind and success, we suffer emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Most people, rather than take responsibility for their life, choose to blame. They blame other people and circumstances for their unhappiness, stress and so-called failures.

Let’s face it: it’s easier to point fingers than it is to take responsibility for where we are today and where we’d like to be tomorrow.

The truth is that life happens. It is part of the human experience. It’s what we all signed up for.

The challenge most of us face is that we are trained and conditioned to focus on what’s wrong with our lives rather than what could be. As children, we hear adults whining and complaining about how bad things are, what’s wrong with other people and how life is one struggle after another.

Bad attitudes and negative mindsets are contagious. The good news, however, is good attitudes and positive mindsets are contagious, too.

There is only one thing we each have to “do” to change our attitude and mindset: create what we call a “Permission Manifesto.” A manifesto is a declaration. When we declare anything, we put it into motion and our lives begin to change.

You see, until we give ourselves permission to be happy, be at peace and experience success, they will all elude us.

A permission manifesto is like your own personal decree; like your very own Declaration of Independence.

And what are you declaring your independence from: feeling down, being stressed and anxious, the past with all of its’ regrets and resentments?

A permission manifesto is a starting point where we all begin to live our lives on our own terms. It is where we give ourselves permission to develop the qualities within us that will allow us to shine, express our talents and gifts, and live our lives with greater zest and intensity.

We have written on numerous occasions that “happiness is a decision” and that we are each one decision away from experiencing it.

By giving yourself permission to experience happiness, inner peace and success, you will literally change your genetic makeup and DNA. Don’t take our word for it: scientists are now identifying this as verifiable fact.

A permission manifesto will make you feel better, look better, do more with less effort and create an all-around positive energy field for you.

Creating a permission manifesto is easy. All that is required is deciding how you want your life to be, how you want to feel most of the time and then allowing yourself to experience what it is you desire.

To get you started, here are some generic permission manifesto statements that almost everyone would want to experience in their lives:

“I now give myself permission to be happier.”

“I now give myself permission to experience more loving relationships.”

“I now give myself permission to do what I love and love what I do.”

“I now give myself permission to experience more inner peace, calmness and serenity.”

“I now give myself permission to thrive and prosper in all areas of my life.”

These are just a few examples you can include in your personalized permission manifesto. We challenge you to create your own permission manifesto. Read it daily. Print it out and place it strategically around your home: on a bathroom mirror or the refrigerator door.

Share your permission manifesto with a friend, a mentor or someone who is uplifting and encouraging. Share it with the two of us! We’d love to hear from you!

©2015 Possibility Coaches LLC

permission

permission

Discovering Your Greatness

Discovering Your Greatness
Discovering Your Greatness
In her classic book, “Dare to Be Great,” New York Times Best-Selling author and interfaith minister Terry Cole-Whittaker says, to be great means we become “the most fully actualized people we can possibly be and do whatever we can to uplift and improve society with our talents, products, services and projects.” She goes on to write that “intelligence is meant to be used intelligently to raise ourselves to the highest point possible and to help others do the same.”

We are all pressured at one time or another to keep up with the crowd, fit in, to be accepted and acceptable. This is a safe haven where we live a life of mediocrity, predictability, inertia and ultimately inauthenticity. When we play safe, we cannot be great, nor can we be real.

Chris and I witnessed greatness this weekend at our Break Through to the True You Retreat. We witnessed it in relationships, people emotionally lifting other people, as well as confronting each other so they could rise above their story lines and finally see the truth about their greatness.

At this retreat, Chris and I came together with a special group of individuals to assist them to break through the blocks and barriers that were preventing them from seeing their own greatness. In just two days, because of the courage they had, these blocks and barriers were dismantled. They are not only on the path of greatness; they are living examples of it, because they all have courage.

They have the courage to say “yes” to life and “no” to the stories of their pasts. The courage to be open and willing to explore the possibilities that tomorrow may bring and being okay with living in the mystery that the future holds for each of us. They each invested in themselves. Financially, yet more important with courage, because courage is the price we pay at the door for greatness.

At our weekend retreat, our intent is to always hold a safe space for participants. That is where safety ends. The intention is to create an environment where we can each soar. No mediocrity, completely unpredictable, lots of swirling positive energy and lots of authenticity.

Yes, to be great requires courage. We all have it. The question is why don’t most people use it?

Responsibility comes to mind as the best answer for this question. We have found that if there is an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s life, then greatness is elusive. To fully experience life we all must take responsibility and this requires courage.

Chris and I witnessed courage this weekend. Courage creates amazing outcomes. It is the willingness to embrace perfect health and release a cancer. It is about being open to allowing unconditional love to enter your life so you can truly love yourself and others. Courage is also the decision to see life situations differently and allow the power of forgiveness to heal all wounds and create miracles. Courage is about making the shift from living in impossibilities to knowing that anything is possible.

We spent two days together. None of us were or are more special than anyone else. Yet, each one of us is special in that we possess a uniqueness; an individuality that dissolves all mediocrity and conformity. Used courageously, that individuality can and does create great things in the world.

I see greatness in everyone Chris and I spent time with this past weekend. They, like you, are special to the world. Within all of us is the potential for greatness. Potentiality is energy and energy can be transmuted. You and I are energy. We can all transmute into greatness.

Chris and I are so joyous and yet humbled by the comments and afterthoughts from those who shared their lives and time with us this past weekend.

We would like to share some of these comments with you so they may inspire you to have the courage to, as Terry Cole-Whittaker wrote, “Dare to Be Great.”

“I learned to live my life more authentically, joyfully and daringly!”

“I feel that inner peace and thriving are possible.”

“I finally give myself permission to move forward spiritually and emotionally so that I can be who I am truly meant to be.”

“I finally realized that I am loveable and worthy of love.”

“I feel so relaxed and peaceful. Nothing seems to bother me anymore.”

Courageous comments! Seeds of greatness! Declarations for being unstoppable no matter what! Awesome stuff!

Do you want to get on the list for the next upcoming Break Through to the True You Weekend Retreat? Seats fill up fast. Learn more here: www.TrueYouWeekend.com

greatness

greatness

How to Transform Your Life Into The Life You Want!

How to transform your life Into The Life You Want? When first reading the title of this article, did you think about all of the things that you would like to acquire to make your life better? Did any of these thoughts pop into your mind: buying a house, a car, finding a new job, not having a job, winning the lottery, moving out of town, starting a new relationship, or having plastic surgery? What if I said that you can change your life without any of these things, and that you will be happy? Yes, your current life. The one where you are in debt, hate your job, are addicted to one thing or another, going through a divorce, or suffering from aches and pains. Would this be possible? Would it take a miracle?

Transforming Your Life
Transforming Your Life
In nature, butterflies are the expert miracle transformers. Caterpillars begin their life eating leaves and twigs until they are ready to change. When ready, they hang upside down attached to a twig and spin a cocoon or molt into a shiny chrysalis. Alone within this covering, the shift takes place. The caterpillar literally digests itself releasing enzymes to dissolve all of its tissue. The only thing left is a group of cells. The wings of the butterfly form in the soupy mixture until the butterfly becomes aware that it is time to appear and start anew.

How do you transform your life like the butterfly? Metamorphosis is transformation. This can only occur when we are ready to accept the life that we are living. This is necessary if we want to create positive changes. If you are attached to your current circumstances, be thankful for them and bless them. Unlearning the negative thoughts that play over and over in our mind is the way that we molt. Molting, in human terms, is letting go of the past. Being alone and turning within to discover our blocks, barriers, fears and addictions is essential for us. Like the caterpillar releasing its enzymes, we too need to release all fear.

So how do we do this? It’s done through surrender. Surrendering to a higher power begins the shift in our perception. It is not about giving up; rather it is about turning over and letting go. In this process, we are actually saying, “I no longer fear. I TRUST.”

Forgiveness is the channel for us to access the power that dissolves pain. Forgiveness is our soupy mixture. This decision allows up to let go and allow the power within to transform our lives. What is this power? The power is love which radiates through all creation including each one of us. We are all energetically connected through this power, it is our natural state. It is when we become aware of this concept that we are ready to awaken and emerge from our chrysalis like the beautiful butterfly.

Changing our perception is the shift required to change our lives. When we make this shift, our relationships are no longer filled with drama. Work becomes pleasurable. We feel better and are more energetic. We feel passionate about creating. Sharing our money and our time through volunteering fills our hearts with joy. Our new found energy attracts new opportunities. Life is not as fast-paced because the chaos in our lives vanishes.

The conscious awareness of the power of love, which in connected through all life, is the miracle to transform your life to one of inner peace.

Now, is this the life you want?

Doreen Lofaro
Doreen Lofaro
Written by Doreen Lofaro. Doreen is a Contributing Writer and Guest Blogger for The Possibility Coaches. Doreen’s articles inspire readers from all over the world to create a life filled with inspiration, inner peace and self-empowerment. She has been a student of the Possibility Coaches since 2007. Doreen is a Creative Writer and Spiritual Coach currently residing in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. She can be contacted at dmlofaro@gmail.com

transform your life

transform your life

Trusting Life Again!

You may have heard the phrase ‘trust the process of life.’ To trust Life requires most of us to re-think, review and respond differently to life’s situations, experiences and events in a very different way than we are accustomed to. This new approach may appear and feel radical or even contrary to the ways we typically handle the day to day activities of being human.

Trust Life
Trusting Life Again
The challenge most people face is they are taught and conditioned to react to life rather than ‘going with the flow.’ We react mostly out of fear, based on survival strategies wired into our minds.

From an internal mindset of fear, we experience life situations that confirm the belief that we should not trust most people and most circumstances. When we do not trust, we also eliminate taking risks.

Trusting life requires risk. Without some degree of risk, we miss out on life’s ultimate meaning which is to feel joy and exhilaration.

Our life takes on a dimension of different results and experiences when we become aware that we possess the power to change our life through the willingness to trust again.

Unfortunately, the fear of trust, which is rooted in the desire to survive, extends beyond our basic instincts and invades our minds. We then, at a very early age, begin to view each moment with a tactical survival approach. The most menial experiences and events are viewed as ‘life-threatening.’ With this belief, we learn not to trust Life. Under the umbrella of ‘Life’ falls the day to day activities that move us forward through what is intended to be a glorious journey for each of us.

It is that glorious journey, that we, by virtue of our existence, are entitled to experience. In order to experience this glorious journey it is necessary for us to be willing to take certain steps.

These steps are:

1. begin to let go of a fearful, mistrusting realm of perception.

2. being more open to rethinking and reviewing how the lack of trust blocks you from enjoying life.

3. be willing to release negative emotions that create mistrust.

4. learning how to respond and move with the flow of Life rather that reacting and being at the mercy of every life situation.

This is ultimately about changing your perspective. It has been said often that ‘when you change the way you look at things (life), the things (your life) you look at change.’

To radically change the results you are getting in your life (relationships, career, health), you will want to take a different approach.

This approach is not only about mindset. It goes beyond mindset, requiring us to change at the level of emotions and feelings. To trust the process of life, we each must disengage ourselves from the dominant fearful emotions and feelings we experience daily. This is about taking our power back from the fear-based feelings that have enslaved us for far too long.

We take our power back through a process called ‘shedding the light on the darkness.’ The light represents our new perspective. The darkness is our conditioning from the past which we presently repeat, resulting in a future that looks very much like our life today.

The darkness also includes our fears and our reactivity to it. The light is love, which is a much healthier response to life and all that it presents to us daily.

When we come from light and love, and begin to awaken to the realization that ‘yes, I have the power to trust the process of life,’ our life begins to dramatically improve.

One way to immediately create positive changes in your life is to become aware that you not only are not your thoughts; you are also not the emotions and feelings attached to these thoughts. This one realization, in and of itself, can be life changing.

By affirming your willingness to begin again and trust the process of life, miracles will happen on your behalf. It has been said that ‘miracles can move mountains.’ We’d like to add that ‘you don’t need to move mountains to experience miracles!’

To enhance the positive changes you desire for your life, we would like to give to you a gift: we call it your own personal My Declaration of Trust.’ If you like, print it, read it daily and experience a shift in your life that gets you back on what we call ‘life’s glorious journey.’

It’s never too late to begin to trust or to begin to trust again. Yesterday is history. What’s done is done! Read the Declaration of Trust, or if you like, create your own and witness the miracles one by one, day by day!

We can assist you to trust life again. Learn how here!

trust life

trust life

Is Technology Replacing Love?

Recently, we saw a post on Facebook that said social media is destroying relationships. In response, someone disagreed and said that social media is bringing us closer to everyone in the world.

Do you love technology too much?
Do you love technology too much?
It may be true that the internet has allowed us to create a smaller world and to come together and communicate on a global scale with ease. At what price though?

The other day we passed by a local eatery that we frequent on occasion. There was a line of traffic on the road in front of us so we were stopped directly across from the restaurant’s entrance.

It was a Saturday and very busy. People were waiting outside to have their names called when a table was available. To our astonishment, each one of the dozen or so people who was standing there had a hand-held device and was totally engrossed in whatever they were reading or searching for. They were all standing together and yet no one was talking to each other! Everyone was looking down at their devices. These very same people who send emails, texts and Facebook posts communicate freely on their devices, however, when they are standing right next to one another, they don’t know what to say!

This is just one of countless incidents that we have witnessed where people in public, who are undoubtedly with family or friends in supposed social situations, have literally ‘checked-out’ from where they are physically.

A while back we wrote about this same subject and how technology is adversely affecting parent/child relationships. The effect is the same no matter who is involved and the questions we must ask are ‘Is technology a substitute for love?’ and ‘Is technology destroying our capacity to genuinely connect with each other?’

Social media and gadgets have their place and do serve a positive purpose. However, they also appeal to and enhance dysfunctional behavior by a world population that is increasingly voyeuristic and at the same time increasingly isolated from real physical, personal relationships and social interaction.

Yes, the world is smaller because of technology. It is also becoming a haven for people, who in their lifetime, will experience little, if any, healthy relationships, real communication and genuine intimacy.

If you’re a baby-boomer like we are, then you may recall a movie in the 1970s called ‘Sleeper.’ It was written, directed and starred Woody Allen. In it, Allen is transported to a futuristic society where he discovers many oddities. Among them is a machine called an Orgasmitron. This machine allows you to have a sexual encounter without even having a physical partner.

We know what you’re thinking, so let’s keep it ‘clean!’ The point is, how far-fetched is the idea of having technology replacing love? Will the genuine human need, desire and drive for interpersonal interaction become obsolete?

As Relationship Coaches, we have heard stories from clients about marriages ending and breakups occurring through text-messaging. We’ve been told by clients about being terminated from their job via email by a boss who was in the same room at the time.

To us, this is indicative of a society that is particularly out-of-touch with its’ emotions and its’ ability to have truly mature relationships.

Now, more than ever, it is so important to be willing to participate in the world of face-to-face interaction. If you believe that technology is going to fulfill your every want, need and desire then you are deluding yourself and will end up very disappointed.

Perhaps in this moment you are struggling with a particular relationship. Or maybe, you feel like you lack the communication skills to express your true feelings. It may also be possible that you are using technology as an escape from a not so pleasant life situation.
You may also be using social media as a way to get attention; which is another way of saying ‘to feel love and approval.’

No matter what roles technology, the internet and social media play in your life, there is a very strong probability that you are over-indulging for a variety of emotionally unhealthy reasons.

Here are some tips that may assist you to use technology less and in healthier ways:

1. If technology usage is work or career-related then keep it focused on the task or project at hand.
Set parameters for yourself when you will and will not use technology. For example, we consciously keep all technology off for 24 hours on Sundays and we don’t miss it!

2. Turn technology off when you are in the company of others, especially loved ones. Learn how to give more attention to the people you love than some inanimate hand-held device.

3.Power down technology at least one hour before bedtime. Instead, read a book, listen to music, have a conversation with your spouse or better yet, just have sex!

From our perspective there is good news. Technology cannot and will not replace our desires to experience authentic human contact and love.

Yes, technology has brought us closer globally and that’s great! It has also given us a real sense of who and where we are as a society and has shed the spotlight on a real social problem: that most people live in avoidance of and isolation from emotional interaction.

Technology is hitting us all in the face by demonstrating that what we want most of all (to love and be loved) is what we fear the most.

No machine can ever give you what you or another person can give you. Take the time to honestly look at your relationship with technology. Is technology a substitute for love in your life?

To learn more about us and to receive guidance about love, marriage, divorce and how to create healthier, happier relationships in your life, connect with us here.

technology

technology

The Spiritual Side of Divorce

Divorce in America is at an all time high. The rate of divorce for second marriages is even higher than the rate for first marriages. Over the last 3 years, the demographics of clients in our relationship coaching practice represented a divorce rate of over 80%. So what’s going on in our world where relationships have become as disposable as plastic water bottles?

Spiritual Divorce
Spiritual Divorce
One way people can respond to this epidemic is to say that the moral fiber of our society is crumbling and crashing. Or that commitment to long-term relationships and the stability they are intended to provide for each of us is rapidly becoming an out-dated institution? Perhaps you personally may believe this explanation is valid. Or perhaps it isn’t.

Is the alarming divorce rate is a symptom of a society that has a deficiency? A deficiency of unworthiness that causes us to fear intimacy, openness, giving and receiving, sharing and love. As relationship coaches, we have found this to be the case with many of our clients who are facing rocky marriages and divorce.

From our vantage point we see the high rate of divorce as a symptom of a society that has become increasingly fragmented, isolated, fearful and expendable and sees relationships only as a means to a personal end.

However, we also see divorce as an opportunity to specifically heal the emotional wounds that marital relationships represent to both parties.

To heal an emotional wound is spiritual. Any lasting workable solution to any relationship problem is spiritual in nature. There is no alternative. If you believe that a big, fat alimony check is going to make everything all better, think again!

The problem was never about the divorce or how your spouse never lived up to his or her side of the bargain to honor and obey, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.

The real problem, which is always an opportunity for spiritual growth and healing, is that you bring to your relationships (marital and otherwise), your wounds from your past. Until you heal those wounds, you will repeat them.

The spiritual side of divorce, is like any life challenge, a potential blessing in disguise. It is an opportunity to look at yourself head-on in the mirror and say to yourself, ‘What is this situation showing me about myself and what is it attempting to teach me?’ Ask for an answer. Ask for guidance. You will hear it!

The spiritual side of divorce can open the door for you to finally grow-up and truly become the mature adult who can readily participate in healthy mature relationships.

When we say ‘mature’ we are not referring to the day-to-day activities and responsibilities of the average adult like having a job, paying the bills, putting a roof over your family’s head and food on the table.

We are referring to a maturity that goes much deeper than that. A maturity that has less to do with who you are and what you do and more about your willingness to heal where you are emotionally wounded. This is what it means to be spiritually mature.

Spiritual maturity is about learning how to take responsibility for your life. Responsibility for your life situations, experiences and relationships as well as the state of your emotions.

The spiritual side of divorce represents an opening. An opening where perhaps just a sliver of light is shining on a situation that looks very dark. It is only through your willingness that more light can shine on you and your life.

It is only when we begin to heal from within that the physical reality of our life and relationships permanently improve and change.

If you are experiencing intimate relationship challenges, consider the following tips as guidelines that may assist you to begin to see you and your life from a new, healthier perspective:

1. Stop playing the victim! Playing the victim role always attracts a cast of characters who are more than willing to perpetrate emotional pain on to a willing victim.

2. Cease blaming others for your situation. Until you take full and complete responsibility for your life and the role you play in it, you will suffer at the emotional mercy of other people.

3. Be open to looking within and discover why your life is not the romance novel you hoped it could have been.

4. Become more open to changing by developing a more positive, optimistic attitude and notice how you are attracting more positive, optimistic people in to your life.

5. Begin the process of loving and respecting yourself more. If you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love and respect you?

Whether you are going through a divorce now, contemplating one, have experienced one, and are attempting to get your life back on track, know that now is the time to heal your wounded relationship. First by beginning to heal the relationship with your spouse or your ex. Second, and more significant, is healing the relationship with yourself.

As relationship and divorce coaches we believe that ‘relationships are the cornerstone for all existence.’

The spiritual side of divorce is a divine invitation from your soul to heal your emotional wounds from all of your current and past relationships.

If you are contemplating divorce, going through divorce or rebuilding your life after divorce, we can assist you! Learn more.

©Possibility Coaches LLC

spiritual divorce

spiritual divorce

Jump from the Fiscal Cliff into the Spiritual Pool Now!

Fiscal cliff. I was probably the last person to learn about the latest fear-based sound byte from our politicians and our media. I confess: I have not watched a news broadcast or read a newspaper in nearly 15 years. Why would I? The news hasn’t changed much over the last 50 years except that it receives more air time. From the brief glimpses I’ve seen, ‘yellow journalism’ seems to be rampant.

Jumping from the Fiscal Cliff into the Spiritual Pool
Jumping from the Fiscal Cliff into the Spiritual Pool
The fiscal cliff as a concept is nothing new. You and I, like most people, have been conditioned to believe that life in general is one continuous series of fiscal cliffs. We are conditioned to live in fear, on the edge, looking out into the unknown and expecting the worst to happen. This is how you and I, if we allow it, are controlled by governments, organizations, corporations, religious institutions and by other people in general.

As children, we did not have the ability or know-how to say ‘no’ to being controlled by fear-driven individuals. And that includes our parents! However, as adults, we have the capability to discern truth from falsehood and make choices that are in and for our best interest. Buying into the idea of a fiscal cliff or hanging around the edge of any type of cliff is not in your or my best interest. Would you agree?

I believe as we enter 2013 that we are witnessing a desperate attempt by those who seek power and control through fear, a final push to hang on to old, dated, worthless values, whose time has come to fade away.

Friends, the fiscal cliff for you, for me, for us as a society, is an extreme version of a collective manipulation that can only succeed by making you and I jump of the cliff.

I will now back up and back off for a moment. I believe that I am a person of compassion. I know people are suffering financially and otherwise. I have been there! I know people who are currently suffering through their own personal fiscal cliff. However, although important for survival, financial soundness is not the one and only solution that will eliminate our so-called social problems in the 21st century and beyond.

I propose to you not to buy in to a fiscal cliff or any other precipice where your fear of heights may kick in. I suggest to you that you and I take a different approach to our current and all future hazardous situations by not hanging out on cliff edges.

Instead, may I recommend you consider taking up a more permanent residence in what I call the ‘Spiritual Pool.’

The spiritual pool, like the fiscal cliff, is not a location you will find on any map or world atlas. Your GPS can’t get you there, but your heart and soul can!

The spiritual pool is that place in your vision that emanates from your heart. From this place, your authentic self, which is comprised of unconditional love, peace and compassion, permanently resides in you. It is the best place to be when you are ready and willing to receive solutions to any of your so-called problems, financial or otherwise.

Who you are, where you’ve been and what you’ve done or haven’t done is unimportant to whether or not you relax in the spiritual pool. It is open to everyone. How to get to the pool is up to you. How long it takes you to get there is also up to you.

Some of you may be finding your physical or emotional health on a cliff. You may be confronted with some disease that you feel is causing you to suffer. For others, it may be a marriage or some other significant relationship that is causing you to hang on to the cliff for dear life. And for others, it may be standing on the edge of a cliff because your life at this moment lacks purpose and meaning.

As a Life and Relationship Coach, I deal with people standing on these ‘cliffs’ on a daily basis. Here are a few tips that I learned and have shared that allowed me to enter and bask in the ‘spiritual pool.’ Perhaps they will assist you to turn around, walk away from your own personal fiscal cliff or any other type of cliff for that matter.

Understand that to truly be successful, calm, centered and balanced in all areas of your life requires your willingness to create positive changes. It is the one and only way to get to the Spiritual Pool. Simply follow the old adage ‘If it is to be, it is up to me!’

By the way, these tips are taken from a class that Chris and I have taught live to hundreds of people over the last 5 years and is also available online. This class is called ‘A Blueprint for Success.’ The intent of this class and this article, is that Chris and I share workable ways for you to take responsibility for your life, your happiness and your overall well-being. You can only live this kind of life when you take yourself off the fiscal cliff and jump in to the Spiritual Pool.

Tip #1: Begin to define what a successful life looks like for you. Only you (not the mailman or your manicurist) know what kind of life you want to live.

Tip #2: Take your focus off of you and your so-called problems by being of service to those who are even less fortunate than you. This is the quickest way to get you to the Spiritual Pool.

Tip #3: Be open to healing your relationship with yourself. Since it’s the longest relationship you will have in this lifetime, wouldn’t you rather have it be peaceful, loving and harmonious?

Tip #4: Nurture, treat and feed you body well. You can’t live in the crystal clear water of the Spiritual Pool when you pollute your mind and body with toxic waste and toxic people.

Tip #5: Live life from ‘the inside-out.’ Give yourself permission to heal and grow. Your journey is personal and unique and you will discover it on your own, and in your own way.

Use these tips as your foundation for personal change. Live from the power that is within you. Stop giving your power away to ‘smoke and mirror’ antics like fiscal cliffs and anything else that is initiated for purposes to keep you in fear!

Fear, in all its’ forms, has paralyzed you and me long enough! The time has come for us to realize once and for all that our very survival is dependent upon each of us to take personal responsibility for our own overall well-being.

If you still feel like jumping off the fiscal cliff, that’s your choice. Look closely though, and notice that if you jump in one particular direction you might just land in the Spiritual Pool! Come on in! The water feels great!

Please comment!

To learn more, you’re invited to download a free gift: A Special Report: Breaking the Chain of Emotional Pain -Freeing Yourself from the Negativity of Your Past!

fiscal cliff

fiscal cliff

Is Your Relationship/Marriage Made in Heaven or a Living Hell?

As a Relationship Coach, I absolutely love counseling couples! Why? Because I enjoy listening to both his and her version of what’s ‘really going on.’ Each one, comes to their sessions believing they know what’s ‘wrong’ with their relationship/marriage. I always sit there with a grin as they each proceed to enlighten me on what their partner is or isn’t doing and saying or not saying, causing a breakdown and ultimate failure of the relationship.

Create Healthy Relationships!
Create Healthy Relationships!
My grins are a response to witnessing ‘the butting of two heads.’ Author and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle calls this interaction ‘the meeting of two pain bodies.’ Your pain body, as well as my pain body, is that part of us that believes you and I are separate from everyone else. This pain body also requires other people to fulfill its’ insatiable needs- especially those of the emotional kind.

When we do not have these emotional needs met we are typically faced with large amounts of internal strife. We can label these struggles with a variety of names and conditions. None of them feel good. Some of the names and conditions we give to the other person who is not fulfilling our needs are: ‘selfish,’ ‘self-centered,’ ‘unloving,’ ‘untrustworthy,’ ‘immature,’ ‘manipulative,’ ‘deceitful,’ ‘controlling,’ ‘argumentative’ and ‘critical.’ These are some of the descriptive words my clients, and perhaps you, too, have used to describe your partners both past and present.

As a result of attaching labels and conditions to our partners, we also simultaneously attach descriptive conditions to ourselves. If we do not feel good about ourselves, our self-talk can easily convince us either consciously or unconsciously that somehow we may deserve this current relationship. Your relationship/marriage which you once thought was ‘made in heaven,’ now appears to be ‘a living hell.’

This ‘living hell’ is a direct result of our feelings of unworthiness. This unworthy feeling stems from the belief that we are not deserving to be truly loved for who we are. We may also believe, on some deeper level, that love is not really meant to feel good, so consequently, we push away goodness from our lives. This is particularly true if we were taught not to trust people in general and/or we have experienced people who we thought loved us suddenly depart from our lives either physically or emotionally.

Right now, in this very moment, if you can honestly recognize and assess the status of your most significant relationship, I applaud you! So where do you rate it? Is it a heavenly co-existence, a hellish on-going battle like the ‘hundred years war,’ or somewhere in-between? Does it seem to switch without warning from blissful and loving to rage-filled and chaotic?

Begin now to take notice of the conditions, patterns and behaviors of both you and your partner/spouse that dominate and trend in your relationship. Observe if conflict is more prevalent than peace. Is intimate conversation and communication absent or a painful process that seems to be avoided at all cost?

Be honest about all of this! If you can’t, then honesty is absent from your relationship. I have found that most relationships lack a certain degree of authenticity in that each person wears a variety of ‘personality masks’ to keep themselves from getting hurt by other people.

These masks we wear are associated with the beliefs we have about ourselves, love, and whether or not you and I are deserving of receiving and giving love.

If your relationship/marriage is hellish, don’t get down on yourself or the current situation!

I have found with my own life journey and as a guide to hundreds of others over the years, that our relationships, like every other circumstance we experience, are reflections of how we see ourselves.

Now, this idea has some staggering, perhaps life-altering implications if you even contemplate and consider that this may be true. If all our relationships are simply like a mirror reflecting back to us what we are ‘putting out’ to the world, and we are dissatisfied with what we are experiencing, then perhaps it is time to be pro-active to positively changing the status of our relationships.

I’d like to share with you some basic, yet mandatory requirements that will assist you to begin the process of moving out of hellish relationships toward ones that are more likely made in heaven. These applications can be applied to all of your relationship, however, I am particularly focused here on your most intimate and significant ones at this time.

These ‘requirements’ cannot be overlooked or omitted, for if they are, you will surely experience a continuation of displeasure, disharmony and discord in your relationship or marriage. These requirements are listed below and must be followed in sequential order to create success in your relationship:

1. BEING READY, WILLING AND OPEN. Be ready, willing and open to improve the quality of your relationship. If you are not, then do not proceed! Instead, ask yourself ‘why am I resistant to moving forward?’

2. LOOK WITHIN. Once you agree to the first requirement, be open to looking within. This serves 2 purposes: first, it allows you to get in-touch with your true feelings toward the other person and yourself. It also provides you with greater insight to how you are in some way attracting unloving and unwanted relationships in to your life.

3. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE QUALITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. When you begin to accept that who you attract in to your life is a reflection of who you believe you are, you can begin to take responsibility for all aspects of your life, including your relationships.

4. COMMIT TO CREATING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS. Knowing that you are responsible for the status of all your relationships, you can now begin to positively affect their status. To do this requires commitment- and this is huge! This is about becoming the type of person you want in your life. This is acknowledging once and for all that the only person you can effectively change is you!

5. ACCEPT THAT ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY. By accepting that only you can change your relationships, you are on the road to becoming and doing whatever it takes to make your relationships work. This means that you cease to hold others responsible for your happiness. You also give up trying to change people to meet your emotional needs.

If you are willing to utilize my suggestions, you will gain clarity about yourself and your relationships. You will also see many of your relationships strengthen through love. On the other hand, some relationships may change course or even dissolve, yet they will do so in a more loving way.

This all can be a scary process! However, consider the alternative represented by a lifetime of unhealthy, unpredictable, dysfunctional relationships.

In the end, I guarantee you that the emotional payoff far outweighs the risk you take to create heaven on earth through your relationships!

To learn more, I invite you to download our free gift: Special Report: Breaking The Chain of Emotional Pain:
http://www.possibilitycoaches.net/pain

Are you ready to improve all of your relationships including the one you have with yourself? Contact us or a complimentary, no obligation coaching session.

©Possibility Coaches LLC

marriage

marriage

Relationships: What Really Matters Most!

Relationships matter! As a coach to individuals, couples, families and businesses, I am, on a daily basis, assisting people to create solutions for their most challenging relationships.

Relationships
The Power of Relationships
I took time out this weekend, or so I thought, from coaching, to go to my 40 year reunion of my elementary school in New York City. Most people who attend school reunions typically go to their high school or college reunion. This was different. It was a gathering of my peers, on-site, at the school itself, who journeyed with me from kindergarten to 8th grade: many of whom I have not seen in 40 years! Talk about re-living your childhood!

It was wonderful to see the faces from my past, although they have matured and changed just a bit from 14 to 54. I am blessed to say, I am still friends with many of them to this day. With others, it was an amazing trip back in time to a place of true innocence and a time when we all developed our beliefs about ourselves and our world. Ponder this idea: every decision you and I make today is likely rooted in some belief, either positive or negative, from our childhood and adolescence. When you attend a reunion, you get a really clear idea of the beliefs, be they positive or negative, that have dominated your thinking for so long and still do.

So, here I am attending this gathering of former classmates. Many, I felt, would seem like complete strangers to me. They are leading different lives than I am. They probably have different life-styles, different viewpoints on a variety of subject-matter from politics, religion, to who’s your favorite professional sports team. Would we have anything to talk about after 40 years? Was that really going to matter?

As I parked my car and made my way to the front entrance of the school I felt a ‘gnawing in my gut.’ You know the feeling. Its the feeling you get when you are nervous with anticipation toward an upcoming event and how it ultimately is going to unfold. As I made my way into the building, I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I actually felt as if I was transported back in time. To a place where it all began. Where, as children, we developed both physically and emotionally, the core beliefs and values that we would carry with us into adulthood. I then asked myself, ‘How much of that little boy is still part of the mature adult me?’

In addition, would I have anything to say that sounded halfway intelligent to my classmates after 40 years? Did that really matter? Would anyone really care? In short, the answer to both questions is ‘No!’ Conversations were mostly reminiscent in content. There was so much excitement as we wandered the hallways recalling highlights of a distant past. As we perhaps sugar-coated, embellished and exaggerated events, the content of conversation became irrelevant. Who we are now and what we do now seemed to be inconsequential.

What became extremely apparent was that there were no words necessary or possible to describe the bonds we all shared as children and classmates all those years ago. The realization for me was that after 40 years, each and every one of us still had relationships with everyone else who was present. For those classmates I hadn’t seen all those years, I was still participating in a relationship with each and every one of them. They may have been out-of-sight and out-of-mind for all of those years, yet the memories and their effects, both positive and negative, still endured. My friend Eleanor, who I have been friends with since 6 years of age, put it so eloquently when she said to me: ‘These relationships are for this entire lifetime because the roots are old, deep and forever intertwined.’ She was so on-the-mark with her comment. We all shared so many experiences that endure today, 40 years later, in our hearts and minds.

I learned on this day, as I have on so many countless occasions, that relationships never die…they just change. Those relationships we hold close to our hearts or rehash in our minds are extremely powerful in that they have the ability to move us in the direction of our wildest dreams or our worst nightmares. How we perceive our relationships, both past and present, directly influences every decision you and I make.

Truth be said, it isn’t American History or Algebra that fulfills the promise of a bright, successful future. It’s the relationships you and I have throughout our lifetimes. That’s the most important learning field. That’s the real classroom! It is our relationships that give to us life’s greatest lessons, and as I always say to my clients (and on occasion to myself): ‘Life gives you feedback. Each choice we make, in any given moment, produces an outcome. If you don’t like the result, make a different choice!’

Relationships are like a train depot. Growing up in New York City I spent many hours on its’ infamous subway system. I recall taking the subway to the ‘end of the line’ where all of the trains converged, merged and diverged all in one location. Some coming in, others going out. A few passing on the right, and others moving to left. In, out, constantly changing, moving from one train track to another.

That’s what our relationships are like. They are always on the move, changing, evolving, going in one direction or another. Relationships, much to our dismay, are also temporary. Sometimes temporary can last a lifetime, yet it’s still temporary. There is also an inherent fear that we have inadvertently built in to all of our relationships. This fear is the belief that all of our relationships, at some point in time, are going to end.

Consider this: your and my relationships never end and they never die. Yes, we all eventually will physically come to an end and leave our bodies. Yet, even then, we still have relationships with those who have passed on to wherever it is they pass on to. And yes, we may not see certain people in our lives for many decades, like I experienced this past week; however, those relationships live on.

The important question to ask yourself is: ‘Where do you store your relationships?’ Are they in your mind conjuring up negativity, judgments, grudges, guilt and regrets? Or do they live in your heart, where you realize that every relationship you and I have is a reflection of our participation in the process of life. I know, beyond any doubt, that our relationships mirror the direction we are moving, the choices we make, and the quality and quantity of the love we share with others and ourselves.

You and I have one relationship with many people. It is never too late to hone your relationship skills. Start at home with the relationship you have with yourself. Recall that train depot I described a moment ago. Picture it again. It is also a great image of the internal relationship we have with ourselves. Each train is a different aspect of who we are. Begin to have a relationship with all of those trains. Do not be frightened! Remember, all of our relationships, even the one you are having with yourself, are temporary and changeable in any given moment!

My 40th elementary school reunion put a huge smile on my face. Full of memories from a childhood gone by decades ago. Yet, the relationships live on. Changed only by the temporary, ever-changing aspect that life is, these relationships can, if we want them to, have a place in our hearts forever! Now there’s nothing temporary about that!

relationships

relationships