Tag Archives: relationship coaching

The Spiritual Side of Divorce

Divorce in America is at an all time high. The rate of divorce for second marriages is even higher than the rate for first marriages. Over the last 3 years, the demographics of clients in our relationship coaching practice represented a divorce rate of over 80%. So what’s going on in our world where relationships have become as disposable as plastic water bottles?

Spiritual Divorce
Spiritual Divorce
One way people can respond to this epidemic is to say that the moral fiber of our society is crumbling and crashing. Or that commitment to long-term relationships and the stability they are intended to provide for each of us is rapidly becoming an out-dated institution? Perhaps you personally may believe this explanation is valid. Or perhaps it isn’t.

Is the alarming divorce rate is a symptom of a society that has a deficiency? A deficiency of unworthiness that causes us to fear intimacy, openness, giving and receiving, sharing and love. As relationship coaches, we have found this to be the case with many of our clients who are facing rocky marriages and divorce.

From our vantage point we see the high rate of divorce as a symptom of a society that has become increasingly fragmented, isolated, fearful and expendable and sees relationships only as a means to a personal end.

However, we also see divorce as an opportunity to specifically heal the emotional wounds that marital relationships represent to both parties.

To heal an emotional wound is spiritual. Any lasting workable solution to any relationship problem is spiritual in nature. There is no alternative. If you believe that a big, fat alimony check is going to make everything all better, think again!

The problem was never about the divorce or how your spouse never lived up to his or her side of the bargain to honor and obey, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.

The real problem, which is always an opportunity for spiritual growth and healing, is that you bring to your relationships (marital and otherwise), your wounds from your past. Until you heal those wounds, you will repeat them.

The spiritual side of divorce, is like any life challenge, a potential blessing in disguise. It is an opportunity to look at yourself head-on in the mirror and say to yourself, ‘What is this situation showing me about myself and what is it attempting to teach me?’ Ask for an answer. Ask for guidance. You will hear it!

The spiritual side of divorce can open the door for you to finally grow-up and truly become the mature adult who can readily participate in healthy mature relationships.

When we say ‘mature’ we are not referring to the day-to-day activities and responsibilities of the average adult like having a job, paying the bills, putting a roof over your family’s head and food on the table.

We are referring to a maturity that goes much deeper than that. A maturity that has less to do with who you are and what you do and more about your willingness to heal where you are emotionally wounded. This is what it means to be spiritually mature.

Spiritual maturity is about learning how to take responsibility for your life. Responsibility for your life situations, experiences and relationships as well as the state of your emotions.

The spiritual side of divorce represents an opening. An opening where perhaps just a sliver of light is shining on a situation that looks very dark. It is only through your willingness that more light can shine on you and your life.

It is only when we begin to heal from within that the physical reality of our life and relationships permanently improve and change.

If you are experiencing intimate relationship challenges, consider the following tips as guidelines that may assist you to begin to see you and your life from a new, healthier perspective:

1. Stop playing the victim! Playing the victim role always attracts a cast of characters who are more than willing to perpetrate emotional pain on to a willing victim.

2. Cease blaming others for your situation. Until you take full and complete responsibility for your life and the role you play in it, you will suffer at the emotional mercy of other people.

3. Be open to looking within and discover why your life is not the romance novel you hoped it could have been.

4. Become more open to changing by developing a more positive, optimistic attitude and notice how you are attracting more positive, optimistic people in to your life.

5. Begin the process of loving and respecting yourself more. If you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love and respect you?

Whether you are going through a divorce now, contemplating one, have experienced one, and are attempting to get your life back on track, know that now is the time to heal your wounded relationship. First by beginning to heal the relationship with your spouse or your ex. Second, and more significant, is healing the relationship with yourself.

As relationship and divorce coaches we believe that ‘relationships are the cornerstone for all existence.’

The spiritual side of divorce is a divine invitation from your soul to heal your emotional wounds from all of your current and past relationships.

If you are contemplating divorce, going through divorce or rebuilding your life after divorce, we can assist you! Learn more.

©Possibility Coaches LLC

spiritual divorce

spiritual divorce

3 Keys to Healthy Relationships

We all want healthy relationships! So why don’t we have healthy relationships? To experience healthy relationships, it’s important to understand that the physical world we see is like a gigantic mirror. It always reflects back to us our dominant thoughts, beliefs, feelings and emotions. What we see is a result of what we project. Our world is the screen. On that screen is a movie. We each script it, produce it, direct it and even act in it.

Tips for a Healthy Relationship
Tips for Healthy Relationships
If you are unhappy with ‘the plot’ and the cast of characters in your life, then perhaps it is time for a re-write of your script. The quickest, most efficient way to change the world you see is to begin to be more open, willing and vulnerable to healing your life through the relationships you may consider unhealthy or unstable.

Here are three key ways that the healing power of your relationships can assist you to create a new life for yourself.

Tip #1: Be open and willing to stop trying to ‘fix’ and ‘save’ other people. If you are in the habit of trying to fix and save people be open and willing to give this up now! Do not expect anyone else to change because you want them to. If you are carrying a ‘I’ll be happy and at peace when (s)he changes’ belief, you are going to wait a very long time…even a lifetime, for that to happen.

Wanting someone to change for self-gratification is an emotionally exhausting process. It creates stress and frustration, as well as physical disease. It is really about a need to control. Ultimately, the desire for someone else to change so we can be happy interferes with our Life learning process. In the end no one gains the wisdom required to be truly happy. This wisdom is programmed in to each relationship that affects our well-being.

Instead of wanting other people to change for you, focus on YOU and how you can make an uplifting contribution to all of your relationships. Start by blessing all of your relationships, past and present, good or bad. When you do this you instantly have a more positive impact on the world.

While going through this new process, you may also uncover some aspects of yourself that you may not like very much. Be okay with who you are! There is always room for change. Creating change from within is a conscious choice that we each can make if we want to improve the quality of all of our relationships.

Tip #2: Get to know yourself now! If you truly desire more intimacy in your personal relationships begin by focusing on developing an intimate relationship with yourself. The truth is, if you are challenged being intimate with you, how can you expect to be intimate with someone else?

Get to know “you” by going on a date with yourself. Spend alone time. Journal your thoughts about what you love about you. Begin to enjoy your own company!

To improve all of your relationships begins at home, with each of us contributing our share for positive change. Gandhi said, ‘Be the change you want to see.’ This is especially relevant when it comes to the state of our relationships. To improve and awaken to the power of our relationships requires each of us to lead by example. Strong, healthy relationships are the result of giving our focused attention to our feelings, emotions and energy levels directly linked to the relationships themselves.

To improve our life and our world requires us to consciously aim to put our heart and soul in to each and every relationship, because your relationships always reflect the heart and soul of who you think you are and who you potentially can become.

All relationships are the building blocks of life; however, they are often forfeited or destroyed in the name of personal needs or gratification and even for what some may call ‘success.’

Tip #3: Begin to develop more self-confidence and healthier self-esteem. You achieve this by learning to let go of the past and cease worrying about the future. Be alive now. Accept that you are unique and one-of-a kind and so is everyone else. Experiencing healthy relationships is also about realizing that we are all interconnected to everyone and everything.

To experience this idea of uniqueness and interconnectedness simply requires a shift in how you look at things. Recall that your life and world is the movie you created. You can edit and re-write the storyline as you choose.

We are each the small successes on the big stage called Earth. Small successes, compounded over time, can create some awesome results. To achieve results requires commitment, fortitude, courage and a willingness to play the Game of Life.

The Game of Life cannot be played out to its full beauty and grandeur without your consent. All, truly healthy, mature relationships, must contain consenting adults. From this point forward, consent to take responsibility for your life by strengthening all of your relationships.

Have you ever considered Relationship Coaching? It’s great if you are single and looking, in a relationship or just ended one. See what it can do for you.

©Possibility Coaches, LLC

healthy relationships

healthy relationships

Life and Relationship Coaching Dilemma: Breakdown or Breakthrough?

Over the years,  in our life and relationship coaching practice,  Chris and I have had many people come to us for guidance at what seemed to be ‘the breaking point.’  The breaking point is a time most have of us have experienced once or multiple times in our lifetimes or too many times we care to recall.  It’s a time when we felt we had no where to turn and we were out of options.

relationship coaching
Putting the pieces back together again with relationship coaching

For many of us, and I will include myself in this,  it appeared we were on the verge of an emotional breakdown of sorts;  a coming apart of all the seams that held our sanity in place.  Given the chance, we could easily throw in the towel on life.  And yet, we didn’t! Something prompted us to move forward.  To take some sort of action.  And at that time perhaps we ask the question, “Am I having a nervous breakdown?”

In relationship coaching,  we discuss the most important relationship of all:  the one we have with ourselves.  Everything we think, say and do is rooted in and emanates from that one relationship.  If it is healthy, then our other relationships and our  life and life experiences are healthy too.  For most people,  unfortunately, the relationship they have with themselves is not healthy.  To have a healthy relationship of any kind, especially the one we have with ourselves, we must be free of the blocks, barriers and discord we feel and experience internally.  When we feel like we are having a breakdown we are receiving clear messages that we must change our life course.

So where are these messages coming from? In my relationship coaching sessions I have given a variety of responses to that question.  My answers are only words. Only concepts. I believe what you call the messenger, be it your ‘higher self,’ your ‘authentic self,’ your ‘spirit,’  even God, is unimportant.  The important thing is that we listen to the message.

For this reason, and because I have gone through this process myself,  I know that most of the emotionally draining and fear-based episodes we experience as human beings are really opportunities for each of us to stop where we are, both physically and emotionally, and simply regroup.  This is typically where our life and relationship coaching clients are in their lives when they contact me and Chris.

The opportunity to stop and regroup emotionally and physically is critical.  It is a point in time, wherever we find ourselves on the life journey, when we literally have the option to utilize the greatest gift that was given to us as human beings:  the gift of choice.

When a so-called ‘breakdown’ seems to be knocking on the door, we have the choice to answer and turn our backs on our life or we can see this setback of sorts as an opportunity to begin the process of creating real positive change in our lives.

More times than not in our society we turn our backs on ourselves and others at these seemingly difficult and horrific times.  To get ourselves and others through it we seek easy answers that temporarily cover up the pain we are feeling.  We medicate,  be it with chemicals, food, sex, shopping.  We will literally do anything to numb the pain. You name it, somewhere, someone has a remedy for you and your breakdown.

In my life and relationship coaching sessions with clients who claim to be at their own personal ‘breaking points’ I suggest we begin an intervention of sorts.  We don’t look at the way they have numbed their pain.  We look at the choices they are making that comes from the mind that has convinced them that they have no alternative.

You see, you and I always, in any given moment, can decide to take the challenges we are facing and view them one of two ways:  as signs of impending disaster and doom or as a real opportunity to take stock of ourselves, who we are, how we treat ourselves and others and decide once and for all that  ‘I am going to have a breakthrough and not a breakdown.’

Breakdowns, according to the medical experts, are episodes where we are out of  touch with ‘reality.’  Based on where the majority of people in our society are today emotionally,  I believe measuring what is ‘reality’ is like measuring depression or happiness;  you can’t!  I have met many individuals who would be classified as ‘sane’ who I believe are out of touch with reality.  How many ‘functioning’ people do you know who believe that someone is always out to ‘get them’ or are regularly ‘flying off the handle’ and finding themselves in the middle of arguments, fights and conflicts?

I believe that there are a majority of people who are suffering what appear to be episodic breakdowns.  They are functioning, but barely, day to day, yet they feel like they are just hanging on by a thread.  Truth be said, they are just barely hanging on!  If you are someone in that situation or know someone that is, realize that what you are witnessing is what you may call a breakdown.  I, on the other hand, will suggest it is an opportunity, an encounter that literally happens continuously through messages delivered to us from that part of us that loves us unconditionally, that it will do everything in its power to awaken you to make different choices.

What I am really suggesting here in this blog and to all my clients who participate in relationship coaching sessions, is a change in perspective.  It is about becoming aware of opportunities that are knocking on your door and being at some point in time willing to answer.  I, like many of you, have been ‘down and out,’ yet here I am today astounded by where I have been emotionally, where I have gone emotionally, and where I am now.  This is not to impress you, but to impress upon you that anything is possible!

Wherever we find ourselves at this place in time is irrelevant.  What’s relevant is how you feel about where you are.  Our emotions tell the story…the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Remember this:  emotions are energy in motion and you and I have the power to change the contents of that energy at all times.

Seeing a breakdown as a potential breakthrough is one way to shift your energy.  Have a relationship coaching session with yourself.  Take time to get in-touch with yourself again at a conscious level.  If you are feeling ‘lost’ it means you have lost your emotional way because you have strayed from your true emotional ‘home.’  We all have the capacity to find our way back home.  It’s just a matter of deciding that we’re going to get there.  Not by having a ‘breakdown, but by breaking through the emotional barriers and blocks that we have allowed to prevent us from getting there! Chris and I are your guides. Jump on board!

relationship coaching

relationship coaching

relationship coaching