How do you measure success? What are your parameters? Do you focus solely on your finances, status and getting and having “things?”
If you do, then it is likely you spend much of the time feeling stressed, disappointed and anxious. Perhaps it is time to experience a life that is more balanced and harmonious?
By believing in, and placing our faith in the commonly accepted version of success, we are bound to suffer. Success defined by money, status and materialism places happiness outside ourselves. This continuously puts us at the mercy of hoping that we will get what we want so we can finally be happy. When we don’t, unhappiness, disappointment and despair become the normal and dominant emotions we experience.
We can also suffer when we tend to live our lives based on the parameters set by others. The result is an eventual disconnection with our authentic identity. It is this authentic self that defines success for each of us. It is more than likely that no one ever asked you, or recommended to you, to define success for yourself. Left to your own devices, you may have simply “followed the herd” or “threw in the towel,” or still trying to figure it all out. When we live our lives by the rules and devices set down and invented by other people, we suffer.
So few of us will ever achieve this kind of programmed success for a variety of reasons. First, by the time most of us reach adulthood our sense of self-worth tends to be at low levels because we have been meticulously brainwashed to strive for a level of success that seems unreachable and unattainable. We are told to ‘do your best.’
By the way, has anyone ever defined ‘the best?’ It is the longest running mystery in man’s history. Hint: There is no way to define “the best.” The best does not exist. It is an objective abstraction based solely on individual opinion of constructed in the mind.
It is also highly likely we have spent much of our formative years with individuals (namely our family members) who are already disenchanted and tarnished by the so-called inequities and injustices of life. The message here is ‘life isn’t easy, let alone fair.’ From these perspectives, success becomes some far-off destination not likely to ever be reached. The chance of achieving success with this model is slim to none and results in disappointment for most.
The two of us were fortunate enough to awaken to the possibility that the so-called way to achieving success and the symbols of success were not necessarily success at all. On many occasions, for example, we have coached clients who seem ‘to have it all,’ yet at the deepest emotional and spiritual levels, feel truly unsuccessful, as well as unworthy, undeserving and inauthentic.
Years ago we developed a new model of success, incorporating other areas of your life where you can be successful such as having good health or a loving relationship. Our model suggests that success is a process and not a payoff. More so, it is a state of consciousness: success is emotional!
By shifting success from a payoff to a process, we have witnessed real transformations of individuals who committed to what we call ‘the process of creating success from the inside-out.’
When we feel successful first we are able to define success on our own terms. Success becomes a state of being. Feeling successful becomes your dominant emotion. When you feel this emotion you will truly wonder where it has been hiding all these years.
Here are some ways to get you started with creating your own personal internal blueprint for feeling successful:
Know your intentions! To feel successful and receive what you want requires the use of the power of intention. Behind each and every intention, clarity, discipline, resolve, commitment and an action plan must be present in order to achieve what it is you desire. Your intentions are the fuel that energizes the process of achieving results. Know your intentions!
Truly successful people focus on what they want, rather than what they don’t want. What you focus on expands, so consciously be aware of who and what you give your attention to as often as possible.
To feel success is about “tricking” your mind that you already have what you want to achieve. There are a variety of techniques that allow you to do this. One way is to begin a new healthy habit of speaking in the present tense when referring to the results you want. For example, if you’re looking for a new career that you love, affirm: “I am so happy and grateful for this incredible career that I absolutely love!”
Successful people never worry about the “hows” of life. They always focus on the “whys.” The “why” is why you do what you do in life and why you want to achieve the results you say you want. This gives you clarity.
Embrace a new level of thinking that is more willing to create positive change. You can never create positive change with the same identity that creates negativity and undesired results. “Attacking” your “problems” with the same mind that created them will never get you the results you want. A quick way to initiate positive change is by asking yourself “heart-felt” questions like “What would it feel like to me to be happier and more successful in all areas of my life?”
True success is about envisioning the results you want and less about setting goals. When you can actually feel the result and re-enact it in your mind on a regular basis, your likelihood of physically experiencing it increases dramatically.
According to the late Art Linkletter, success in any life is defined as “finding what you love to do and then spending your life doing it with people you like to be with.” Can you imagine living your life with that kind of success?
Being successful and balanced requires you to nurture, treat and feed your mind and body with love and respect and becoming your own “best friend.”
Jon Satin and Chris Pattay – The Possibility Coaches™
©2016 Possibility Coaches, LLC