When you think of ‘manly’ emotions, what do you imagine? Is it fatherly love? Loyalty, trust, honor, and compassion? Or do you think of anger, rage, the ‘right to be right’, sarcasm, or jealousy?
In America, at this point in time, there is a very short list of ‘approved’ male emotions. Men are allowed to be angry, but not vulnerable. They are allowed to be ambitious and self-serving, but not nurturing. How can anyone truly thrive when being held to such narrow standards that work against everything that Life is supposed to be?
As coaches, we share with our clients that Life is composed of love, joy, inspiration, creativity, and expansion. There’s nothing inherent, or even natural, about living a life that is rooted in anger or fear. None of us are born that way, but we learn to be that way.
There is a ‘Chain of Pain’ that connects members of the newest generation to the dysfunction and self-sabotaging habits of their parents and grandparents. Somewhere along the line, we started teaching our sons that anger was acceptable, while certain expressions of love were not. As a result, men grow up feeling isolation, worthlessness, and a deep longing for the kinds of relationships that can only come from unconditional love.
Gillette ran an adnot long ago that stirred a lot of debate and controversy. The ad showed clips of a boy being chased through the street by a pack of other boys, until a father intervenes while his son watches. The ad urged men to abandon the excuse of ‘boys will be boys’ for violent and exploitative behavior, and adds the tagline ‘we believe in the best in men.’ Some men reacted with anger to this ad, as though they felt threatened by its message. When we feel threatened, it indicates that a vulnerability is in danger of being exposed. Vulnerability may come as a result of the fear of rejection that keeps us from experiencing love fully, or it may come as a resistance to change. By embracing vulnerability rather than shrinking from it, we can transform our lives.
‘We believe in the best in men’ is an interesting tagline. ‘Best’ can be a loaded word–when we strive to ‘do our best’, we tend to inevitably come up short of others’ expectations. But when we learn to BE our best–to release others’ expectations of us, and live empowered in the knowledge that we honor our authentic selves–we can live the lives we were always meant to have.
Some men live without allowing themselves to fully experience love, because they are afraid of vulnerability, afraid of rejection, and afraid of ridicule. The violence shown in the ad, then, does not stem from a political problem, but a spiritual one. Do you want to live in love, or in fear? Do you want to be confined by others’ expectations of what a man can feel and how he should act, or do you want to experience life as your authentic self?
If you’re like me and are consciously focusing on your own spiritual awakening, then you are familiar with the term ‘letting go.’
It’s been talked about, written about and made to be the ultimate goal for all spiritual seekers.
Yet, what exactly does the term ‘letting go’ mean? What is required of each us as we go through and experience the letting go process?
I have found that for so many, the process of letting go seems daunting, scary, frustrating and endless.
I’ve been asked countless times: “Does letting go have to be so difficult?” My answer is always a resounding ‘no!’
“When we begin to realize that we each are in control of our own destinies and the choices that we make, we awaken to the truth that we can decide in any given moment to let go.”
And, what is it that we are letting go of? The answer can be long. Too long, in fact to write about it; however, the process of letting go is always about giving up one misconception that most of us have about ourselves.
And that misconception is that there is something ‘wrong’ with us. That somehow, we are fundamentally flawed.
So letting go is simply the process by which we awaken to who we truly are. The truth that we are all special and awesome is scary for most of us, especially when we have been lying to ourselves for so long.
And what are the lies we tell ourselves? For starters: not good enough, something wrong with me, not good looking, not smart enough, not rich enough. Get the picture? The lies we tell ourselves are always about some deficiency or lack that deems us less than worthy: of happiness, success, joy and love, just to name a few items that seems so unattainable and of which we believe we are so undeserving.
Letting go is about surrendering to the truth which coincides with giving up the lies we tell ourselves or the lies others told us and we bought into.
The process of letting go challenges us because it is not a physical process; it’s an emotional one. Now that’s what scares us!
Most of us would sooner deal with being challenged physically than being challenged emotionally. And why is that? Because our emotions are directly linked to our thoughts and beliefs and our thoughts and beliefs are who we think and believe we really are. This is called our identity.
When we let go of our thoughts and beliefs, which includes our entire history, we can actually fear our own annihilation. It is like a death of sorts, only you do not die in the physical, bodily sense. What dies are the stories and along with that is the dissolution and disappearance of all our negative emotions like anger, despair, apathy, fear, anxiety, the right to be right, to name just a few examples.
“The truth is that no one can create anger, resentment, worry or any other negative emotion within you or me. Only you and I can do that by virtue of how we process the world.”
Letting go is available to each of us. This is every human’s karmic destiny and path. You can walk the path courageously or take a lifetime of detours that cause you a great deal of pain and suffering.
To begin to let go requires your willingness. For some of us, that willingness may not come easy. After all, we each invest so much time and effort into our identity and who we think we are. The truth is, who would you and I be without our identities?
Who are you without your name, your social security number, your job, your family, your possessions? Scary questions to ask, aren’t they? Maybe not. When we begin to peel away the layers of conditioning which includes so much negativity and self-limiting beliefs, we begin to realize that who we think we are may not be who we truly are at all.
Surrendering to the process of letting go is like a peeling-away process. I have likened the process to peeling an onion. Try it sometime and notice how many layers the onion has. We humans are very similar. We have many layers to each of us; in a real sense we are multidimensional. Yet, much of that depth and complexity is clouded by a multitude of misconceptions and misinterpretations.
When we live our lives this way, we are misled to believe that this is who we are and that this is just the way it is. Nothing is farther from the truth!
Letting go is magnificent! Letting go is spectacular! Letting go is experiencing true inner peace. What would you rather have? Anger or peace? Anxiety or peace? Despair or peace? Being right or being at peace? The more we let go, the more peace we experience because we spend more of our life being present rather than living in the past or future.
These are decisions we each have to make when we choose to consciously participate in the ‘letting go’ process. It is about choosing inner peace as your one and only goal. Despite where you are now and how you may be feeling, know that inner peace is your true natural state. With inner peace we experience love and with love we experience the joy of life. The sages call this ‘heaven on earth.’
I am passionate about personally experiencing heaven on earth and assisting others to experience it, too. Above all else, when I do experience it, I know that all other experiences are simply poor imitations. As I let go of the stories and all that is attached to them, I know who I am. Who I am and who you are is the same. We are all one and all connected. When you can absolutely get that concept at the deepest level of your being, you have completed the ‘letting go’ process.
You believe you have challenges. You believe you have problems. You feel pain. You suffer. Like you, I have challenges, problems, pain and suffering; however, I no longer identify or confuse myself by equating the situations in my life with who I am. This is my wish for you! Can you, no, rather will you, like me, make that distinction about who you really are? When you answer ‘yes’ you have begun to understand and experience the process of letting go.
The stirring and unrest of mankind continues. It will do so until more of us begin to realize that violence and unrest is the result of the violent thoughts and unrest that exists within the minds of men. It exist within each of us.
Terrorism may be a recent term to describe the current rash of unspeakable, heinous acts, but it is as old as the history of mankind. Churchill called history, “one damn thing after another.”
Acts of violence begin like any other physical experience: they come from a thought, an idea in the minds of men. These thoughts, which are seeds that germinate in the human mind, have been passed on from the beginning of history, from generation to generation. It is like a chain, one link connecting to another link through the ages. Now more than ever, it is time to break this chain of violence and pain.
The solution to ending this on-going planetary turmoil lives within each of us. You and I both have the power to break this chain of violence and pain. We can do so by ‘changing our minds about our minds’ and the relationship we have with them.
On my own personal journey and the journey of countless others, I have come to learn that who I am, let’s call it my essential nature, and my mind, are not one in the same.
How do I know this? I know this because in my life I have had thoughts of committing acts of violence. In fact, during my childhood, I did experience and participate in fights as a way of protecting myself and surviving.
That may have been in a school yard, yet the root of that conflict comes from the same mind that commits terrorist acts of violence.
Through personal transformation and awakening, I began to recognize a power within me that knows the ills and inappropriateness of violent acts.
We all possess this essential nature that knows morality. There is no exception to the rule. Within every sinner resides a saint. Even terrorists, who we may deem pitiful excuses for men, possess it, too. The greatest challenge we face, is the brainwashing of great populations of individuals who believe that violence is the key to their survival. Too many on our planet have been convinced that the credo to live by is “kill or be killed.”
It is this core belief, rooted in thoughts of survival of the fittest, that has poisoned the mind of mankind. It is a belief that those who possess the most weapons of destruction are the ones who will survive.
Thankfully, there is an antidote to this poison which permeates the mind of mankind. The antidote to violence is of course, peace. Peace in our world can only occur when we literally lay down our arms.
We can, I believe, only lay down our arms when we lay down our arms in our conscious minds. When you and I and everyone else on this planet makes peace with himself or herself, peace will then come to our world.
I know this is a tall order. It is asking for the stars when we have the moon. It is asking for the mother of all miracles. Yet, I believe it can happen. Do you?
The only way it will not happen is if you and I wait for the other guy to change so we can be at peace. Do not wait for the other guy! The human race has been waiting for the other guy to change for nearly 10,000 years.
Do you want peace? Then, be it. This is your only true power. Defending ourselves through acts of violence only destroys what we seek to create.
Ask yourself, “What do I want to create?”. Examine your thoughts and your overall mindset. Is it positive, uplifting and loving? Or is it negative, fear-based, angry and resentful?
Do the words of Gandhi, Dr. King or Jesus reside in your thoughts? Thoughts of love, peace, compassion, hope and integrity? Or do you feel like you have to fight for what you want because if you don’t get ‘it’ someone else will?
Be brutally honest with yourself! This is the only way we can change how we see ourselves and our world. And it is the only way we can effectively turn the tide toward peace and move away from violence.
“There is no way to peace because peace is the only way.” Global peace is the only way. Global peace begins with inner peace.
The current state of affairs of our world is simply an out-picturing of the state of our collective mind.
I cannot change your mind and convince you to take the high road of peace, love and compassion. Nor can you convince me of it either.
The only chance for global peace begins with the commitment to inner peace. The good news is, it doesn’t require the entire world population to achieve a state of inner peace.
By possessing the power and miracle of inner peace, we positively transform the lives of those we come in to physical contact with.
The number of people you and I can positively affect cannot be accurately calculated. We cannot begin to even imagine how many lives were changed over the centuries by Buddha, Jesus and Mohammed.
Their essential nature resides in you and me. Seek that essence within you. Know that it is there. With patience, commitment and a willingness, you will find it. And when you find it, the world will be a better place!
In her classic book, “Dare to Be Great,” New York Times Best-Selling author and interfaith minister Terry Cole-Whittaker says, to be great means we become “the most fully actualized people we can possibly be and do whatever we can to uplift and improve society with our talents, products, services and projects.” She goes on to write that “intelligence is meant to be used intelligently to raise ourselves to the highest point possible and to help others do the same.”
We are all pressured at one time or another to keep up with the crowd, fit in, to be accepted and acceptable. This is a safe haven where we live a life of mediocrity, predictability, inertia and ultimately inauthenticity. When we play safe, we cannot be great, nor can we be real.
At this retreat, Chris and I came together with a special group of individuals to assist them to break through the blocks and barriers that were preventing them from seeing their own greatness. In just two days, because of the courage they had, these blocks and barriers were dismantled. They are not only on the path of greatness; they are living examples of it, because they all have courage.
They have the courage to say “yes” to life and “no” to the stories of their pasts. The courage to be open and willing to explore the possibilities that tomorrow may bring and being okay with living in the mystery that the future holds for each of us. They each invested in themselves. Financially, yet more important with courage, because courage is the price we pay at the door for greatness.
At our weekend retreat, our intent is to always hold a safe space for participants. That is where safety ends. The intention is to create an environment where we can each soar. No mediocrity, completely unpredictable, lots of swirling positive energy and lots of authenticity.
Yes, to be great requires courage. We all have it. The question is why don’t most people use it?
Responsibility comes to mind as the best answer for this question. We have found that if there is an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s life, then greatness is elusive. To fully experience life we all must take responsibility and this requires courage.
Chris and I witnessed courage this weekend. Courage creates amazing outcomes. It is the willingness to embrace perfect health and release a cancer. It is about being open to allowing unconditional love to enter your life so you can truly love yourself and others. Courage is also the decision to see life situations differently and allow the power of forgiveness to heal all wounds and create miracles. Courage is about making the shift from living in impossibilities to knowing that anything is possible.
We spent two days together. None of us were or are more special than anyone else. Yet, each one of us is special in that we possess a uniqueness; an individuality that dissolves all mediocrity and conformity. Used courageously, that individuality can and does create great things in the world.
I see greatness in everyone Chris and I spent time with this past weekend. They, like you, are special to the world. Within all of us is the potential for greatness. Potentiality is energy and energy can be transmuted. You and I are energy. We can all transmute into greatness.
Chris and I are so joyous and yet humbled by the comments and afterthoughts from those who shared their lives and time with us this past weekend.
We would like to share some of these comments with you so they may inspire you to have the courage to, as Terry Cole-Whittaker wrote, “Dare to Be Great.”
“I learned to live my life more authentically, joyfully and daringly!”
“I feel that inner peace and thriving are possible.”
“I finally give myself permission to move forward spiritually and emotionally so that I can be who I am truly meant to be.”
“I finally realized that I am loveable and worthy of love.”
“I feel so relaxed and peaceful. Nothing seems to bother me anymore.”
Courageous comments! Seeds of greatness! Declarations for being unstoppable no matter what! Awesome stuff!
Do you want to get on the list for the next upcoming Break Through to the True You Weekend Retreat? Seats fill up fast. Learn more here: www.TrueYouWeekend.com
“Empty me!” What does that even mean? It means to be released of all your stress, anxiety, depression and anything else that may be holding you back from living the life you are intended to live!
It means you are willing to turn what you thought to be adversities into opportunities. You may be “down” now; however, it doesn’t mean you’re out for the count. To empty yourself means you are open to let go of anything that does not serve you and your highest good.
The life you are intended to live is one of brilliance & magnificence! And you say, “I don’t feel it right now. You have no idea what I’m going through!” And to that we say, “We understand and we’ve been there!” However, from our experience of being Success & Transformational Coaches for over a decade, we KNOW that there is brilliance in you that is just waiting to shine. We know it is there and we believe in you!
At times, we have gone thru our own doubts and struggles in life. Let’s face it; life hits all of us head on at times. During these times, we have found this prayer to be transformational in shifting our feelings and even our circumstances.
We share this prayer with you. Use it during challenging times in your life. Or, use it daily as a reminder of your brilliance.
My prayer is to be emptied of anything that would fight against my destiny. Let me leave behind any part of me that would argue for my limitations. Let me release every “but, because, maybe, and you don’t understand.” Let me truly have the courage to call upon the highest within me regardless of what those around me might say, think or do.
Instead of scaring myself, let me empty myself of all fears, hesitations and false stories. Empty me. My prayer is to be cleansed of anything that would hold me back, keep me small, or limit me in any way.
Let me release any opinions that do not serve me. I release any sense that I am responsible for judging anyone else’s business. I release any belief that I have to anticipate anyone else’s response to my actions.
Empty me of any ancestral fears of condemnation or persecution. I do not have to worry about standing out from the tribe for my tribe is infinite. I am free. I am at choice. I am able to create whatever I want from life. Now empty me of anything that is holding on to an old order. Now in this moment I am made anew. I am cleansed. I claim my perfect life NOW!
I am free from any limitations. I am emptied so that I can be filled with the power of God.
For additional ways to move forward in your life, we offer a 60% discount on our Blueprint for Living Your Life online program. This program provides you with step by step tools to ‘empty yourself’ of self-limiting beliefs, negative thinking and old behavioral patterns. www.ANewInnerYou.com
Is it possible that the power of love can be a business solution? We believe it can.
Most business solutions are geared to increasing the bottom line: more profits that create supposedly bigger and better outcomes.
If you are an entrepreneur or would like to be in the near future, it is important to understand why people buy.
Most customers, clients, or consumers purchase products or services on an emotional level.
Purchasers expect something in return. Yes, they are buying goods and services; however, underneath it all, they are emotionally buying YOU! They are buying your energy. They are unconsciously buying a feeling that they get when they interact with you or your product or service.
Yes, we are all in business to create financial security. Money is the energy used by most people on our planet as a means of exchange for goods and services; however, if money is your ‘why’ for being in business, then we suggest you re-think your position.
Most people believe that to be successful in business requires us to make it happen. To do this means we must buy into a belief system that says success requires long hours, hard work, staying ahead of the competition and doing whatever it takes to increase the bottom line.
The truth is that motivation for profit alone is a major contributing factor to Entrepreneurial Burnout, anxiety and failure.
The truly successful business owners and entrepreneurs are those individuals who have a variety of common traits and characteristics. These traits and characteristics typically carry a high quality energy that says ‘love is my business solution.’ Some prime contemporary examples of this love energy are Richard Branson of Virgin Atlantic, Bill Gates of Microsoft, Oprah Winfrey and the late Steve Jobs of Apple.
Here is a short list of some of the traits and characteristics that ultimately created great success for each of these individuals. Realize that they each used love, consciously or unconsciously, as their business solution.
1. Make ‘being of service’ to others the first priority.
If you are focused on ‘making money’ and ‘my reputation’ then your business and entrepreneurial experience is going to be stress-filled and problematic at best. True, you may get high marks at first; yet in the long-term you will find yourself running out of both financial and emotional steam.
By giving with a loving heart; be it yourself, your product or your service, you are establishing yourself and your business as someone who wants to be happy and fulfilled and share those feelings with others.
To genuinely be of service requires us to genuinely love people. Not in the romantic sense; more in the spiritual, humanistic way that embodies the idea of ‘loving thy neighbor as thyself.’
To reframe this concept from a business perspective, it’s about putting people first ahead of profits. People intuitively pick up when someone makes it all about the money. Businesses motivated only by money have a higher chance of failure. Greed, along with a lack of ethics and integrity, don’t sit well with most of society. Today’s pharmaceutical industry exemplifies such a state of consciousness.
Love, as a business solution, requires each of us to put people first by being of service to others, rather than focusing on what’s in it for me.
2. Doing what you love and loving what you do. Richard Branson has said that if he isn’t having fun he stops whatever it is he is doing. When we do what we love and love what we do, the money always follows. We have found both personally and through coaching countless others, how true this statement really is. Being passionate about what you do is a key solution to business success.
If you don’t love what you are doing, ask yourself why? Are you living your dream or someone else’s? Are you in business or a particular career to please another person or get their approval?
When we are not doing what we love and loving what we do, we are in some way denying our authentic self. When we deny who we are, and this includes are true passions, we cut off the life flow that permits us to create magnificently on the physical plane.
When you infuse love into your business or career, people feel that energy. Love, like its’ opposite, fear, is infectious. Remember, people buy people. If love isn’t your guiding power then you will not experience a life well-lived. Your business, like your life, will also fall short of its true potential if love isn’t its’ one and only business solution.
3. Leading by example.
Leading by example is contrary to what most people see as strong leadership qualities. Most people confuse leadership with managing. Whether they’re business owners, business management or high profile public figures, chances are they are not exemplifying true leadership. More likely, they are running a baby-sitting service.
True leadership is about leading by example. People will do what you do, not what you say to them. It is about being an open book that allows people to discover your inner contents. This requires you to have courage and vulnerability, which are aspects of love. It is not about power struggles and always being right. It is about being honest, caring and willing to surround yourself with people who perform in the same high quality, high energy manner.
Leading by example is also about putting people first. It is about taking the focus off yourself and letting people know how much you care about them. It’s using love as a business solution because there is an understanding of the power of vision.
“When multiple individuals lead by example and have the same vision, business growth naturally occurs at a rate that far exceeds expectations.”
Leading by example doesn’t mean you neglect yourself either. Be willing to focus on self-care both physically and emotionally. Remember, you can’t be sick enough or poor enough to assist the less fortunate. Enhance what is going on within you and be open to helping others do the same.
4. Expressing a real sense of gratitude and appreciation toward people.
When others feel genuinely appreciated they want to be around their source of appreciation. Genuine appreciation for others, be it clients, customers, employees, and even so-called competitors, sends a clear message that you are using love as your business solution.
Here are some tips to get you started to employ love as your business solution:
=> Take your focus off of the bottom line and money. Money isn’t your problem. However, your relationship with money may be unhealthy and standing in your way of creating a real business solution.
=> Ask yourself if your business or career is in alignment with your values and true passions. If what you are currently doing is not in alignment with who you truly are, then perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your life’s journey and make some changes. It is never too late to change course.
=> Seek guidance and advice from someone you admire and respect. If you are struggling financially, physically or emotionally, do not seek help from your broke brother-in-law. Collaborate with someone who you feel has attained a high level of mastery when it comes to life, career and/or business.
Pick their brains. If they employ love as their life and business solution, then they will be more than happy to share their wisdom with you.
Be open to realizing that your business success is directly affected by the energy you give it.
Whether you accept it as truth or not, love is the greatest power there is anywhere. It is the energy behind all creation. Your business is your creation! Consider infusing it with love as your one and only business solution.
As The Possibility Coaches™, Jon Satin, MBA and Chris Pattay, BBA mentor and consult with Solo-Preneurs, Entrepreneurs, Executives and Upper Management. They provide a unique and even radical approach to business success. If you are seeking a non-conventional, out-of-the-box approach to running your business or company, contact them for business coaching, consulting, mentoring or keynote speaking. To learn more about their approach and to contact them for a consultation, visit: www.PossibilityBusinessCoaching.com
Do you know what it feels like to be your authentic self? Let me ask it another way. Do you spend most of your life being the ‘real you’ or do you find yourself wearing masks, pretending to be something that you’re not, trying to be something for someone else? Do you spend your life acting in ways that contradict what you feel in your heart and soul? I’ve come to learn that in order to be truly happy, I mean truly, truly happy, it is essential that we become authentic. Let me rephrase that, it’s essential that we live as our authentic selves.
Looking back at my own life, I can’t remember a time until the most recent past when I could actually feel comfortable being myself. I wondered why that was. Why couldn’t I feel comfortable being myself?
I realized that at a very early age, like most people, I was convinced, that I had to be a certain way, act a certain way, even look a certain way to be accepted by the people in my life and by the world at large.
And there are a lot of people who confirmed that, telling me how to speak, what I had to do, what I had to know and who I had to become to be accepted into this world. To all that conditioning, the real me, which was always in me and always will be me, was buried deep in the recesses of my mind and my heart. It is my soul; it is your soul.
The great thing about our souls is that they’re changeless and eternal, and no one or no thing, no experience, no situation, even traumatic situations and experiences can alter the changelessness and the eternalness of the souls that you and I share. That’s some pretty awesome news. If you’ve been unable, for way too long to be your real self, to be authentic, know that there is a part of you, that is authentic and that is real. And that’s the part, the part of each of us, that is meant to shine, that is the part of each of us that I call our genius. It is that part of us that is eternally connected to the Universe and to all Life, whatever form it takes.
From personal experience, as I begin to let go of my conditioning, which includes my beliefs, emotions and feelings that are attached to the sixty thousand thoughts that I have every day (most of which were negative in content), I realize that, if I’m able to let go of those emotions and feelings, and feel them and be with them, and release them and not resist them, I know that underneath it all, the peeling away, the shedding of the onion, all that’s left is the true, real, authentic me.
And most people resist being real. They’ll even say “I can’t be real.” The truth is, we all can be real. The challenge that we face is we won’t ‘be real’ because we’re afraid of what the world will see.
The truth is, the reality of who we are is not the reality of who we think we are.
The reality of who you are and who I am is that we are children of the Universe. Our unique nature is unconditional love, goodness, generosity and overall well-being. But all that seems so foreign to so many of us, foreign to too many of us. Therein lies the journey home. It’s going from who you think you are to who you really are. Despite what you may think in this moment or despite what anyone has told you in the past or continues to tell you, in this and every moment you are magnificent.
Boy, that’s hard to get sometimes, isn’t it? And sometimes circumstances, events and experiences and the way we behave confirm the contrary. Sometimes there’s a hideousness, an ugliness, a darkness that comes out of all of us. Know that it’s okay to come from that place. It’s been called the shadow side. The shadow in all of us has so many benefits. I believe the shadow is a gift. It is part of the agreement we make with ourselves and our souls as we incarnate as humans in this lifetime and every other lifetime that we incarnate, as a way of evolving, as a way of becoming enlightened, and as a way to raise the consciousness of this planet, so we can not only survive, so we can thrive.
Realizing this, I feel there is nothing more important than you uncover who you really are: your authentic self. All that’s required is your willingness. If you say you can’t, remember it means you really won’t. You won’t because you’re being controlled within your mind by fears that tell you not to expose who you truly are, because that person is not worthy of being happy, of thriving, of evolving and growing and living life enthusiastically, inspired by all the beauty that the life…the one life has to offer all of us. Do not deny your part in this one life, you are a piece of it, and your peace is it.
Imagine a part of you and a part of me that lives in peace and harmony, undisturbed by the physical third dimensional world. Many times I talk with clients about what I call the fourth dimension. It’s not some far off dimension, actually it follows you wherever you go. Imagine there is another you, walking along side of you, day in and day out, from the moment you were born to the moment you leave your body. It walks along side of you, through the good and the bad. Interestingly though, no matter what you call good or what you call bad, that parallel person is always at peace, is always loving you and everyone and everything unconditionally and knows you and everyone and everything are eternal. That is the place from which we all aspire to live, that is the place of authenticity, the place of the true, one reality. Most of the world is dreaming, most of the world is asleep, most of the world doesn’t have the slightest inclination or idea that with one decision we can change and awaken to our magnificence.
My hope for you is that you awaken to your magnificence!
It is a process and an undertaking. Simple to do, not always easy. From my experience, it creates a lot of bumps and a lot of hurdles. But, as I look back I bless every bump and every hurdle and even some potholes, ditches and sinkholes that I have fallen into. But with all of that, the sun still shines on my face, no matter what. Look for who you really are, look for your authenticity. Let the sun shine on your face, feel it’s warmth, feel it’s love, let it absorb into you and realize the same warmth and the same love are in you. Let it come out, and when you say “I can’t” realize it’s just that you won’t and that you’re afraid. Question those fears and realize most of them are unfounded and come from habitual negative thinking, belief systems and conditioning. You are always one with me and with everyone else. Know that and you will find peace, be that and you will change the world.
We would love to hear your comments. Tell us what it means to you to be authentic. Please leave your comments below.
As the world busily prepares for the holiday season, let us recall that this time of year symbolizes and personifies giving. Giving, as an act, and as an expression of love, kindness and generosity, is a beautiful thing.
In today’s fast-paced society, the act of giving; moreover, the art of giving in its’ purest form, has been lost. It has rapidly become an extinct species; a fossil buried in the sands of time.
Giving has become part of the collective neurosis. For too many, it has become an act of labor and no longer a labor of love. We have discussed with so many clients over the years about this time of year and the challenges they face with giving. Their challenges with giving are typically overshadowed by what we call ‘the 3 P’s’ during the holiday season: procrastination, perfectionism and paralysis of analysis. These three mind/body control devices can easily create inner havoc for those who have to decide on, find and give just the right gift.
For those of us who are put off by the shopping experience, we delay the inevitable of purchasing the perfect gift until the eleventh hour when all hell breaks loose. For those of us who have convinced ourselves that we have to find the perfect gift for that special someone or our hard to please in-law, the anxiety of finding a gift can drive us to contracting SAMM (seasonal anxiety manufacturing madness). Actually, we just made that disorder up, although, who knows, it may be real for you!
For others, the holiday season may be a time of withdraw and hibernation. A time to be out-of sight and free from the pressures that this season can exude if we succumb to the tidal wave of commercialism, consumerism and materialism.
Beyond all this frantic doing, buried in the sands of time, yet always available to us, is the act and art of giving.
Now, more than ever before, we want to include giving, in its’ purest form, back into our lives, both individually and collectively.
Let us ask you two questions:
Do you know what giving really is?
What does giving mean to you?
These two questions, when answered honestly, will tell you whether or not you truly understand what giving is and whether or not your version is pure or distorted. Don’t despair or ruminate about your answers. We will give you the solutions.
Giving is an act. An act of conveyance, sharing, inclusion and recognition. It is also an art. An art that is innate and alive within each of us on the visceral and spiritual levels.
Giving, in its’ purest form, comes from an open and loving heart. It has no agendas, no expectations. Giving, in its’ impure and polluted version, is likened to a business contract: giving in the name of getting something in return.
During the holiday season, or during any time of year for that matter, we can always give ‘things;’ yet, not give in the purest sense at all.
The art of giving is a sharing of a gift. A spiritual gift. Like any spiritual gift, giving is an expression of love, kindness and generosity.
Giving, therefore, is not really anything you can purchase; it is something you already have and decide to share.
When we begin to understand the true meaning and importance of the act and art of giving, we begin to effectively change lives; ours and those in our circle of influence.
Let us for the moment, set aside the idea of giving as it relates to the tradition of exchanging material items. Let’s view it from a purely spiritual perspective.
There is in spiritual law an absolute truth that says, ‘I cannot give what I do not have.’ There is another truth that states, ‘All that I give is given to myself.’
What do these laws mean and how can we apply them to the holiday season and beyond?
First, ‘I cannot give what I do not have.’ No, this is not referring to money. It does, however, refer to a loving disposition and open heart. In this season, or any season, if you do not come from a place in your heart that reflects pure, positive, unconditional love, then you really do not have a whole lot to give. Love, or what we think it is, becomes a pale imitation of the real thing.
For this holiday season, then, commit to giving more from the heart and less from the anxiety-ridden mind and the wallet. Giving your most loving self to someone is the best gift you could ever give, and it’s easy on the spending budget.
The second law, ‘All that I give is given to myself,’ simply means that what we give to the world is returned to us today, tomorrow, or at some future date to be determined by the Universe. This is known as ‘karma.’
To live by this law requires us to become consciously aware of what it is we are giving to the world.
Know that what you give to others is returned to you. With that in mind, decide to give to others the gifts you want to receive yourself. Ask yourself, ‘What is it that I want most in and for my life?’ Your answer probably isn’t a thing. More than likely, it is a feeling. A feeling that makes you feel good. We can call this feeling anything we want; yet at the end of the day what we all want are the gifts of unconditional love and inner peace.
To give love and peace to others requires us to first be open to receiving love and peace ourselves. This season, commit to becoming more loving and more peaceful. These are selfless acts that you do for yourself so you can share it with others.
Love and inner peace are the most memorable and powerful gifts we can give any time of the year. All other gifts, wrapped nicely and adorned with ribbons and bows, become secondary and are soon forgotten.
When we give love and are at peace, we miraculously experience and receive the same in return. You see friends, giving and receiving are simply two aspects of the same thing.
Authentic giving and receiving know no boundaries and limits. Spiritual law tells us that life and all of its’ infinite possibilities (including love and inner peace), are available to us for the asking.
So, ask! Ask and it is given. Give love! Be at peace! Be the best gift for others and yourself this holiday season and beyond. And yes, you can put a bow on your head and even wrap yourself in ribbon.
Our gift to you is: 8 Tips to Create More Success, Inner Peace and Happiness in Your Life! Download it here.
Recently, we saw a post on Facebook that said social media is destroying relationships. In response, someone disagreed and said that social media is bringing us closer to everyone in the world.
It may be true that the internet has allowed us to create a smaller world and to come together and communicate on a global scale with ease. At what price though?
The other day we passed by a local eatery that we frequent on occasion. There was a line of traffic on the road in front of us so we were stopped directly across from the restaurant’s entrance.
It was a Saturday and very busy. People were waiting outside to have their names called when a table was available. To our astonishment, each one of the dozen or so people who was standing there had a hand-held device and was totally engrossed in whatever they were reading or searching for. They were all standing together and yet no one was talking to each other! Everyone was looking down at their devices. These very same people who send emails, texts and Facebook posts communicate freely on their devices, however, when they are standing right next to one another, they don’t know what to say!
This is just one of countless incidents that we have witnessed where people in public, who are undoubtedly with family or friends in supposed social situations, have literally ‘checked-out’ from where they are physically.
A while back we wrote about this same subject and how technology is adversely affecting parent/child relationships. The effect is the same no matter who is involved and the questions we must ask are ‘Is technology a substitute for love?’ and ‘Is technology destroying our capacity to genuinely connect with each other?’
Social media and gadgets have their place and do serve a positive purpose. However, they also appeal to and enhance dysfunctional behavior by a world population that is increasingly voyeuristic and at the same time increasingly isolated from real physical, personal relationships and social interaction.
Yes, the world is smaller because of technology. It is also becoming a haven for people, who in their lifetime, will experience little, if any, healthy relationships, real communication and genuine intimacy.
If you’re a baby-boomer like we are, then you may recall a movie in the 1970s called ‘Sleeper.’ It was written, directed and starred Woody Allen. In it, Allen is transported to a futuristic society where he discovers many oddities. Among them is a machine called an Orgasmitron. This machine allows you to have a sexual encounter without even having a physical partner.
We know what you’re thinking, so let’s keep it ‘clean!’ The point is, how far-fetched is the idea of having technology replacing love? Will the genuine human need, desire and drive for interpersonal interaction become obsolete?
As Relationship Coaches, we have heard stories from clients about marriages ending and breakups occurring through text-messaging. We’ve been told by clients about being terminated from their job via email by a boss who was in the same room at the time.
To us, this is indicative of a society that is particularly out-of-touch with its’ emotions and its’ ability to have truly mature relationships.
Now, more than ever, it is so important to be willing to participate in the world of face-to-face interaction. If you believe that technology is going to fulfill your every want, need and desire then you are deluding yourself and will end up very disappointed.
Perhaps in this moment you are struggling with a particular relationship. Or maybe, you feel like you lack the communication skills to express your true feelings. It may also be possible that you are using technology as an escape from a not so pleasant life situation.
You may also be using social media as a way to get attention; which is another way of saying ‘to feel love and approval.’
No matter what roles technology, the internet and social media play in your life, there is a very strong probability that you are over-indulging for a variety of emotionally unhealthy reasons.
Here are some tips that may assist you to use technology less and in healthier ways:
1. If technology usage is work or career-related then keep it focused on the task or project at hand.
Set parameters for yourself when you will and will not use technology. For example, we consciously keep all technology off for 24 hours on Sundays and we don’t miss it!
2. Turn technology off when you are in the company of others, especially loved ones. Learn how to give more attention to the people you love than some inanimate hand-held device.
3.Power down technology at least one hour before bedtime. Instead, read a book, listen to music, have a conversation with your spouse or better yet, just have sex!
From our perspective there is good news. Technology cannot and will not replace our desires to experience authentic human contact and love.
Yes, technology has brought us closer globally and that’s great! It has also given us a real sense of who and where we are as a society and has shed the spotlight on a real social problem: that most people live in avoidance of and isolation from emotional interaction.
Technology is hitting us all in the face by demonstrating that what we want most of all (to love and be loved) is what we fear the most.
No machine can ever give you what you or another person can give you. Take the time to honestly look at your relationship with technology. Is technology a substitute for love in your life?
To learn more about us and to receive guidance about love, marriage, divorce and how to create healthier, happier relationships in your life, connect with us here.
Divorce in America is at an all time high. The rate of divorce for second marriages is even higher than the rate for first marriages. Over the last 3 years, the demographics of clients in our relationship coaching practice represented a divorce rate of over 80%. So what’s going on in our world where relationships have become as disposable as plastic water bottles?
One way people can respond to this epidemic is to say that the moral fiber of our society is crumbling and crashing. Or that commitment to long-term relationships and the stability they are intended to provide for each of us is rapidly becoming an out-dated institution? Perhaps you personally may believe this explanation is valid. Or perhaps it isn’t.
Is the alarming divorce rate is a symptom of a society that has a deficiency? A deficiency of unworthiness that causes us to fear intimacy, openness, giving and receiving, sharing and love. As relationship coaches, we have found this to be the case with many of our clients who are facing rocky marriages and divorce.
From our vantage point we see the high rate of divorce as a symptom of a society that has become increasingly fragmented, isolated, fearful and expendable and sees relationships only as a means to a personal end.
However, we also see divorce as an opportunity to specifically heal the emotional wounds that marital relationships represent to both parties.
To heal an emotional wound is spiritual. Any lasting workable solution to any relationship problem is spiritual in nature. There is no alternative. If you believe that a big, fat alimony check is going to make everything all better, think again!
The problem was never about the divorce or how your spouse never lived up to his or her side of the bargain to honor and obey, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.
The real problem, which is always an opportunity for spiritual growth and healing, is that you bring to your relationships (marital and otherwise), your wounds from your past. Until you heal those wounds, you will repeat them.
The spiritual side of divorce, is like any life challenge, a potential blessing in disguise. It is an opportunity to look at yourself head-on in the mirror and say to yourself, ‘What is this situation showing me about myself and what is it attempting to teach me?’ Ask for an answer. Ask for guidance. You will hear it!
The spiritual side of divorce can open the door for you to finally grow-up and truly become the mature adult who can readily participate in healthy mature relationships.
When we say ‘mature’ we are not referring to the day-to-day activities and responsibilities of the average adult like having a job, paying the bills, putting a roof over your family’s head and food on the table.
We are referring to a maturity that goes much deeper than that. A maturity that has less to do with who you are and what you do and more about your willingness to heal where you are emotionally wounded. This is what it means to be spiritually mature.
Spiritual maturity is about learning how to take responsibility for your life. Responsibility for your life situations, experiences and relationships as well as the state of your emotions.
The spiritual side of divorce represents an opening. An opening where perhaps just a sliver of light is shining on a situation that looks very dark. It is only through your willingness that more light can shine on you and your life.
It is only when we begin to heal from within that the physical reality of our life and relationships permanently improve and change.
If you are experiencing intimate relationship challenges, consider the following tips as guidelines that may assist you to begin to see you and your life from a new, healthier perspective:
1. Stop playing the victim! Playing the victim role always attracts a cast of characters who are more than willing to perpetrate emotional pain on to a willing victim.
2. Cease blaming others for your situation. Until you take full and complete responsibility for your life and the role you play in it, you will suffer at the emotional mercy of other people.
3. Be open to looking within and discover why your life is not the romance novel you hoped it could have been.
4. Become more open to changing by developing a more positive, optimistic attitude and notice how you are attracting more positive, optimistic people in to your life.
5. Begin the process of loving and respecting yourself more. If you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love and respect you?
Whether you are going through a divorce now, contemplating one, have experienced one, and are attempting to get your life back on track, know that now is the time to heal your wounded relationship. First by beginning to heal the relationship with your spouse or your ex. Second, and more significant, is healing the relationship with yourself.
Love. A four-letter word that turns our insides out or our minds upside down. Either way, I have witnessed over the years that love has been mostly over-rated, under-rated, misinterpreted and used as a formidable disguise for people to get away with a lot of physical and emotional crap.
Know that I am not down on love! Nor am I down on being loving. As a life and relationship coach I teach about a particular kind of love. The kind of love I teach and guide my clients to aspire to, is a love that is unconditional. You see there is only unconditional love. It took me over half a century to realize this. I don’t want it to take that long for you.
Tina Turner asked the question as the title of the hit song, “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” I love Tina Turner; however, love in this song got a bad rap! We are conditioned at a very early age to believe that we are not lovable. As children, we are very impressionable. Until we are six years old or so we live in a hypnotic state and are unable to think logically or objectively. Most of us did not receive the love we craved as children. By the time we are teens we begin to buy in to the notion that love is, on the one hand, beautiful and at the same time painful. We live in a catch-22 state. What we want the most we fear the most.
Herein lies the paradox of love that has been created through the generations. We have romanticized it. We have heard, read and talked about the illicit and forbidden aspects of it. We dream about experiencing it, feeling it, getting emotionally high from it. We even avoid it. Yet, when all is said and done, we have been totally misdirected to where to find it.
There are few of us who were taught or told where the true source of love can be found. I, for one, can never recall one instant in my life where it was indicated to me where I could find true love. For years it seemed so evasive and elusive, yet on a really deep, soul level I knew it was hanging out somewhere nearby. It was not until I began a personal, transformational journey that I discovered that love of the unconditional variety, was the only genuine state of love.
Now, if you are getting antsy in your seat I certainly understand! Unconditional love includes everyone and everything and that includes you and me. This includes the ex-husband who you would love to strangle for ditching you for another woman. And, yes, it also includes the father who left you, your mother and your siblings and forgot to leave a forwarding address. Oh, and by the way, this also includes your so-called best friend who ended up ‘stealing’ the love of your life. Let’s also add to this list your mother who hasn’t said a kind word to you since music was recorded on 8 tracks. And let’s not forget that ungrateful child of yours who hasn’t called you in months. Finally, let’s throw in that nasty boss or co-worker at the office who by just quitting or getting fired would restore your faith in divine justice!
Contemplate this for a few moments or even a few days or weeks: we are convinced we need love in our life. Contemplate this, too: How can you need anything when you already have it? The power of the only kind of real love lives, breathes and flows in each and every one of us. And how do I know this for sure? Because you and I possess the same consciousness. We may look totally different. We may have different likes and dislikes. You may have gifts and talents that I do not possess and vice-a-verse, yet one thing is for sure: we both have a built-in mechanism to feel unconditional love.
We have all experienced unconditional love. The most obvious examples are when we are around babies and pets. They only know unconditional love and we in return give them the same. That is until the baby grows into a little person who wants to demonstrate his or her independence. That is until the dog eats the toes off of your favorite pair of shoes.
Love relationships, as we see illustrated on the big screen, the boob tube and in romance novels, is primarily revolved around a good ‘roll in the hay’ followed by a commitment to ‘living happily ever after.’ Prince Charming, Cinderella and the whole crew on a journey of ever-lasting bliss. The truth is however, that we never get to check back in with Prince Charming and Cinderella (now Princess Charming) to see how they are doing after the honeymoon is over. If we were flies on the wall we would be quickly heading for the nearest exit because Prince Charming has already dropped his end of the bargain. Unprintable words are flying from the mouths of the Royal Couple. And why? Because love has nothing to do with it. Unconditional love is the answer and has everything to do with it.
Recently at one of our ‘mastering relationship’ seminars I spoke about the myth of compromise in relationships. We are told that love requires compromise. It’s a 50/50 split. ‘I will meet you half-way and you agree to do the same.’ Who thought up this nonsense and how did we ever buy in to it? True relationship, which can only be rooted in unconditional love, is about extending one hundred percent of yourself to your significant other, your friendships, your business associates, the world and most significantly, to you!
At this point I will say, that to go from living a lifetime in the notion of romantic love and switching to living from a position that is totally grounded in unconditional love, is a process of personal transformation. It may surprise you to know that this one single metamorphosis or change is the basis for all self-improvement, self-help and self-empowerment. It is also the one and only remedy for genuinely feeling happy and successful.
So the next time you confuse a dinner date and an interlude at the Motel 6 with real love, read this blog post. Now, I am not saying don’t enjoy the most natural of human experiences. What I am saying is put it all in real perspective. The next time love seems to hurt, be open to asking yourself, ‘What’s unconditional love got to do with this?’
Are you ready to improve all of your relationships including the one you have with yourself? Contact us for a complimentary, no obligation coaching session.