Tag Archives: life coaching

Takeaways from the Pandemic

The two of us always share with clients that to create change, you must be open to receiving it.

Lessons Learned from the Pandemic
Life Lessons

What’s interesting about the last two years is that it felt like great change came upon the world in a way that seemed so sudden and without warning.

Yet for most of us, the last few years have demonstrated not only how adaptable to change we really are; they also showed us how resilient we are, too.

What seemed like a time of great challenge for many became an opportunity for new adventures for others. For the two of us, the pandemic became a time to really slow down, to enjoy the time, and ultimately make the most of what we already have and be grateful for it.

We optimistically feel that the future is brighter because of the lessons we received from the pandemic. We call these lessons takeaways. Here are the takeaways the two of us received from lock-downs, face masks and vaccines.

Takeaway #1: we will never underestimate the importance of downtime ever again. Our downtime was used to inspire our creativity by cultivating new interests and building on old ones. For us it was cooking every day, filling our home with house plants, coloring, painting, gardening, lots of reading, and of course, coaching.

Takeaway #2: we learned how adaptable to change we can be no matter what the outcome may look like. Though at times it can be difficult to accept; change is constant and inevitable. The sooner we all accept this fact the quicker we reduce our levels of stress, worry, and anxiety. Accepting change is also about making the most of what we have and making the best with any specific challenges we may be facing in the moment. Adapting to change is also accomplished by opening ourselves up to reinventing some aspect of ourselves either professionally or personally. For the two of us, it was about connecting with clients exclusively on Zoom, rather than in person, individually or in the workshop/classroom settings. We’re both so grateful for technology because it allows us to continue to share our wisdom with all of you.

Takeaway #3: we also learned to have more gratitude and a greater appreciation for our health. Every day that we opened our eyes was a gift!

Takeaway #4: just when we thought we knew each other and ourselves, the pandemic showed us otherwise. Being human and enjoying life is always a work in progress. No one really makes it because there’s no it. There’s only the joy of living. That’s the singular goal we all want to have. During the pandemic, we realized that the joy of living IS the one and only true joy. And that joy is in the simple things in life. It is those simple things that assisted the two of us to know ourselves better and appreciate our individuality.

The simple things we have found to have the most lasting, profound, healthy effects on us are: meditating, journaling, exercising the body, and creating good communication channels between us and those we love. The result was the realization that it is the simple things in life that are important, and it is only those things that can give us true happiness. For truth be said: happiness is an inside job, and that was confirmed and reaffirmed for the two of us by the pandemic.

We would love to hear from you about any takeaways from the pandemic that have changed your life in a positive way. Sharing experiences is a great way to assist others to move forward even when options may seem limited. Contact us here.

Jon Satin and Chris Pattay – The Possibility Coaches™
©2021 Possibility Coaches, LLC

Creating a Permission Manifesto for Happiness!

Who decides whether or not we are happy? Who decides whether or not we feel at peace with ourselves? Who decides whether or not we see ourselves as successful contributors in this world?

The answer, for each of us, to all of the above questions, is “I DO.”

Permission Manifesto
Permission Manifesto

We are each responsible for our own happiness, peace of mind and success. It is when we refuse to take responsibility for our happiness, peace of mind and success, we suffer emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Most people, rather than take responsibility for their life, choose to blame. They blame other people and circumstances for their unhappiness, stress and so-called failures.

Let’s face it: it’s easier to point fingers than it is to take responsibility for where we are today and where we’d like to be tomorrow.

The truth is that life happens. It is part of the human experience. It’s what we all signed up for.

The challenge most of us face is that we are trained and conditioned to focus on what’s wrong with our lives rather than what could be. As children, we hear adults whining and complaining about how bad things are, what’s wrong with other people and how life is one struggle after another.

Bad attitudes and negative mindsets are contagious. The good news, however, is good attitudes and positive mindsets are contagious, too.

There is only one thing we each have to “do” to change our attitude and mindset: create what we call a “Permission Manifesto.” A manifesto is a declaration. When we declare anything, we put it into motion and our lives begin to change.

You see, until we give ourselves permission to be happy, be at peace and experience success, they will all elude us.

A permission manifesto is like your own personal decree; like your very own Declaration of Independence.

And what are you declaring your independence from: feeling down, being stressed and anxious, the past with all of its’ regrets and resentments?

A permission manifesto is a starting point where we all begin to live our lives on our own terms. It is where we give ourselves permission to develop the qualities within us that will allow us to shine, express our talents and gifts, and live our lives with greater zest and intensity.

We have written on numerous occasions that “happiness is a decision” and that we are each one decision away from experiencing it.

By giving yourself permission to experience happiness, inner peace and success, you will literally change your genetic makeup and DNA. Don’t take our word for it: scientists are now identifying this as verifiable fact.

A permission manifesto will make you feel better, look better, do more with less effort and create an all-around positive energy field for you.

Creating a permission manifesto is easy. All that is required is deciding how you want your life to be, how you want to feel most of the time and then allowing yourself to experience what it is you desire.

To get you started, here are some generic permission manifesto statements that almost everyone would want to experience in their lives:

“I now give myself permission to be happier.”

“I now give myself permission to experience more loving relationships.”

“I now give myself permission to do what I love and love what I do.”

“I now give myself permission to experience more inner peace, calmness and serenity.”

“I now give myself permission to thrive and prosper in all areas of my life.”

These are just a few examples you can include in your personalized permission manifesto. We challenge you to create your own permission manifesto. Read it daily. Print it out and place it strategically around your home: on a bathroom mirror or the refrigerator door.

Share your permission manifesto with a friend, a mentor or someone who is uplifting and encouraging. Share it with the two of us! We’d love to hear from you!

©2015 Possibility Coaches LLC



Global Peace Begins with Inner Peace

World Peace
World Peace
The stirring and unrest of mankind continues. It will do so until more of us begin to realize that violence and unrest is the result of the violent thoughts and unrest that exists within the minds of men. It exist within each of us.

Terrorism may be a recent term to describe the current rash of unspeakable, heinous acts, but it is as old as the history of mankind. Churchill called history, “one damn thing after another.”

Acts of violence begin like any other physical experience: they come from a thought, an idea in the minds of men. These thoughts, which are seeds that germinate in the human mind, have been passed on from the beginning of history, from generation to generation. It is like a chain, one link connecting to another link through the ages. Now more than ever, it is time to break this chain of violence and pain.

The solution to ending this on-going planetary turmoil lives within each of us. You and I both have the power to break this chain of violence and pain. We can do so by ‘changing our minds about our minds’ and the relationship we have with them.

On my own personal journey and the journey of countless others, I have come to learn that who I am, let’s call it my essential nature, and my mind, are not one in the same.

How do I know this? I know this because in my life I have had thoughts of committing acts of violence. In fact, during my childhood, I did experience and participate in fights as a way of protecting myself and surviving.

That may have been in a school yard, yet the root of that conflict comes from the same mind that commits terrorist acts of violence.

Through personal transformation and awakening, I began to recognize a power within me that knows the ills and inappropriateness of violent acts.

We all possess this essential nature that knows morality. There is no exception to the rule. Within every sinner resides a saint. Even terrorists, who we may deem pitiful excuses for men, possess it, too. The greatest challenge we face, is the brainwashing of great populations of individuals who believe that violence is the key to their survival. Too many on our planet have been convinced that the credo to live by is “kill or be killed.”

It is this core belief, rooted in thoughts of survival of the fittest, that has poisoned the mind of mankind. It is a belief that those who possess the most weapons of destruction are the ones who will survive.

Thankfully, there is an antidote to this poison which permeates the mind of mankind. The antidote to violence is of course, peace. Peace in our world can only occur when we literally lay down our arms.

We can, I believe, only lay down our arms when we lay down our arms in our conscious minds. When you and I and everyone else on this planet makes peace with himself or herself, peace will then come to our world.

I know this is a tall order. It is asking for the stars when we have the moon. It is asking for the mother of all miracles. Yet, I believe it can happen. Do you?

The only way it will not happen is if you and I wait for the other guy to change so we can be at peace. Do not wait for the other guy! The human race has been waiting for the other guy to change for nearly 10,000 years.

As Gandhi said: “Be the change you want to see.”

Do you want peace? Then, be it. This is your only true power. Defending ourselves through acts of violence only destroys what we seek to create.

Ask yourself, “What do I want to create?”. Examine your thoughts and your overall mindset. Is it positive, uplifting and loving? Or is it negative, fear-based, angry and resentful?

Do the words of Gandhi, Dr. King or Jesus reside in your thoughts? Thoughts of love, peace, compassion, hope and integrity? Or do you feel like you have to fight for what you want because if you don’t get ‘it’ someone else will?

Be brutally honest with yourself! This is the only way we can change how we see ourselves and our world. And it is the only way we can effectively turn the tide toward peace and move away from violence.

“There is no way to peace because peace is the only way.” Global peace is the only way. Global peace begins with inner peace.

The current state of affairs of our world is simply an out-picturing of the state of our collective mind.

I cannot change your mind and convince you to take the high road of peace, love and compassion. Nor can you convince me of it either.
The only chance for global peace begins with the commitment to inner peace. The good news is, it doesn’t require the entire world population to achieve a state of inner peace.

By possessing the power and miracle of inner peace, we positively transform the lives of those we come in to physical contact with.

The number of people you and I can positively affect cannot be accurately calculated. We cannot begin to even imagine how many lives were changed over the centuries by Buddha, Jesus and Mohammed.

Their essential nature resides in you and me. Seek that essence within you. Know that it is there. With patience, commitment and a willingness, you will find it. And when you find it, the world will be a better place!

Do you want to learn how to create inner peace in YOUR life! Contact The Possibility Coaches for a complementary introductory coaching session.

Written by Jon Satin co-founder of The Possibility Coaches™
©2015 Possibility Coaches, LLC



Discovering Your Greatness

Discovering Your Greatness
Discovering Your Greatness
In her classic book, “Dare to Be Great,” New York Times Best-Selling author and interfaith minister Terry Cole-Whittaker says, to be great means we become “the most fully actualized people we can possibly be and do whatever we can to uplift and improve society with our talents, products, services and projects.” She goes on to write that “intelligence is meant to be used intelligently to raise ourselves to the highest point possible and to help others do the same.”

We are all pressured at one time or another to keep up with the crowd, fit in, to be accepted and acceptable. This is a safe haven where we live a life of mediocrity, predictability, inertia and ultimately inauthenticity. When we play safe, we cannot be great, nor can we be real.

Chris and I witnessed greatness this weekend at our Break Through to the True You Retreat. We witnessed it in relationships, people emotionally lifting other people, as well as confronting each other so they could rise above their story lines and finally see the truth about their greatness.

At this retreat, Chris and I came together with a special group of individuals to assist them to break through the blocks and barriers that were preventing them from seeing their own greatness. In just two days, because of the courage they had, these blocks and barriers were dismantled. They are not only on the path of greatness; they are living examples of it, because they all have courage.

They have the courage to say “yes” to life and “no” to the stories of their pasts. The courage to be open and willing to explore the possibilities that tomorrow may bring and being okay with living in the mystery that the future holds for each of us. They each invested in themselves. Financially, yet more important with courage, because courage is the price we pay at the door for greatness.

At our weekend retreat, our intent is to always hold a safe space for participants. That is where safety ends. The intention is to create an environment where we can each soar. No mediocrity, completely unpredictable, lots of swirling positive energy and lots of authenticity.

Yes, to be great requires courage. We all have it. The question is why don’t most people use it?

Responsibility comes to mind as the best answer for this question. We have found that if there is an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s life, then greatness is elusive. To fully experience life we all must take responsibility and this requires courage.

Chris and I witnessed courage this weekend. Courage creates amazing outcomes. It is the willingness to embrace perfect health and release a cancer. It is about being open to allowing unconditional love to enter your life so you can truly love yourself and others. Courage is also the decision to see life situations differently and allow the power of forgiveness to heal all wounds and create miracles. Courage is about making the shift from living in impossibilities to knowing that anything is possible.

We spent two days together. None of us were or are more special than anyone else. Yet, each one of us is special in that we possess a uniqueness; an individuality that dissolves all mediocrity and conformity. Used courageously, that individuality can and does create great things in the world.

I see greatness in everyone Chris and I spent time with this past weekend. They, like you, are special to the world. Within all of us is the potential for greatness. Potentiality is energy and energy can be transmuted. You and I are energy. We can all transmute into greatness.

Chris and I are so joyous and yet humbled by the comments and afterthoughts from those who shared their lives and time with us this past weekend.

We would like to share some of these comments with you so they may inspire you to have the courage to, as Terry Cole-Whittaker wrote, “Dare to Be Great.”

“I learned to live my life more authentically, joyfully and daringly!”

“I feel that inner peace and thriving are possible.”

“I finally give myself permission to move forward spiritually and emotionally so that I can be who I am truly meant to be.”

“I finally realized that I am loveable and worthy of love.”

“I feel so relaxed and peaceful. Nothing seems to bother me anymore.”

Courageous comments! Seeds of greatness! Declarations for being unstoppable no matter what! Awesome stuff!

Do you want to get on the list for the next upcoming Break Through to the True You Weekend Retreat? Seats fill up fast. Learn more here: www.TrueYouWeekend.com



Knowing the True Meaning of Personal Growth

Personal growth. What does it mean to you? Does it scare you? Is it a place you rather avoid or not even deal with at all? Is it some type of process or cure that will make you a better person? Is it a journey that in the end will give you happiness and fulfillment? Or perhaps, it’s a destination that when you arrive, all your desires, wants and needs will be waiting for you?

with The Possiblity Coaches
Personal Growth with The Possibility Coaches
If you, like most people, believe any of the scenarios I have just described, then you do not understand the meaning of personal growth.

The truth is, that the essence of personal growth is not personal at all. Nor does it require any growth on your part physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.

There is no ‘adding to’ with personal growth. There are no course requirements or educational courses. No certificates and no degrees.

The true nature of personal growth is really quite impersonal. The experience is the same for you as it is for me. No matter your background, who you are, where you come from, the titles you hold, the possessions you call ‘mine.’ All of this is irrelevant.

Personal growth is not about becoming better. It is about recognizing who you already are and letting go of everyone and everything that you identify with as being part of the person you call ‘me.’

To experience personal growth is to experience a diminishing or lessening of identifying with your past and how over a lifetime, you have been conditioned to see yourself and your world in a particular way. You can call that ‘my story.’

Personal growth is about letting go of your story. Now you will ask me, ‘Who am I without my story?’ Great question! To truly experience the essence of personal growth it is necessary to know the answer to that one single question.

Imagine yourself, if you can, living life without your story. No more sad endings. No more unhappiness. No more conflict. The end of searching for the perfect life, the perfect partner, the perfect job, house, car, etc.

Without a story, there is no past and no future. There is only now. You give up being a victim. You stop victimizing others. You live from one moment to the next as who you truly are: a spiritual being enjoying your human experience.

Spirit is our essential nature. When you understand this and I mean really ‘get it’ within every fiber of your being, you are living life authentically.

To live life authentically simply means to be real. Who you really are is not the roles you play. Personal growth is about coming to that realization. Who you are is not your name, your appearance, your possessions. The truth is personal growth begins and ends with not knowing who you are at all.

If that thought scares you or even makes you feel threatened, be okay with those feelings. It is quite natural.

Personal growth is about awakening to who you always have been and always will be. We each awaken through awareness. Through awareness we begin to understand that who we think and believe we are is part of the human condition. Over time, we became convinced that we are defined by and dependent upon all things physical: people, possessions, experiences, events and situations.

Personal growth is a diminishing of who you think you are and an arising of becoming consciously aware of your essential, changeless nature. And what is your essential, changeless nature? It is the same as my and everyone’s essential nature: unconditional love.

Now you know what personal growth is and is not. From this vantage point I would like to give you some hands-on applications to assist you to live your life through your essential, changeless nature of unconditional love.

If any of these applications challenge you, then partner with someone who can guide you through the process. This can be a close friend you feel is truly grounded and feels comfortable in their own skin. Or you can mentor with someone who has gone through the transformational experience of true personal growth.

Applications to Experience Personal Growth:

1. Question every belief you have about yourself. Write these beliefs down. Share them with someone you trust. Are these beliefs absolutely true? If they aren’t, let them go!

2. Write a new story for your life. The story you keep telling yourself is the story you keep on living through and experiencing. Do you want a different ending? Then, write a different story!

3. Give up being a victim of life. This includes letting go of being a victim of other people’s ideas, beliefs, words and behavior. Take responsibility for your own life. Focus on your ideas, your beliefs, the way you express yourself and your behavior. Focus on being a kinder, more loving person.

4. Let go of the past and the emotional pain associated with it. The only way to accomplish this is through the power of forgiveness.

5. Cease worrying about the future. You have been conditioned (as was I) to endlessly worry about tomorrow. Begin to allow the power of trust to dominate your nature. Your breathing as you read this. Trust you will be breathing tomorrow!

Personal growth is about being authentic. When you are authentic, you will feel comfortable in your own skin.

I will close by quoting one of my ‘tips’ from my book I co-authored with Chris. It reads, ‘Be authentic today! Authenticity is more than being real, honest and upfront with others. It is about being true to you. It is also about creating an outer, physical world that reflects who you are at your core…the heart and soul that is you! Do not deprive yourself any longer of the experience of being authentic. It will block you and the world around you from evolving both physically and spiritually. Free yourself and the world by practicing authenticity today!’

Once you do, I promise your life will be totally magnificent! Now you know the true meaning of personal growth!

personal growth

personal growth

personal growth

Jump from the Fiscal Cliff into the Spiritual Pool Now!

Fiscal cliff. I was probably the last person to learn about the latest fear-based sound byte from our politicians and our media. I confess: I have not watched a news broadcast or read a newspaper in nearly 15 years. Why would I? The news hasn’t changed much over the last 50 years except that it receives more air time. From the brief glimpses I’ve seen, ‘yellow journalism’ seems to be rampant.

Jumping from the Fiscal Cliff into the Spiritual Pool
Jumping from the Fiscal Cliff into the Spiritual Pool
The fiscal cliff as a concept is nothing new. You and I, like most people, have been conditioned to believe that life in general is one continuous series of fiscal cliffs. We are conditioned to live in fear, on the edge, looking out into the unknown and expecting the worst to happen. This is how you and I, if we allow it, are controlled by governments, organizations, corporations, religious institutions and by other people in general.

As children, we did not have the ability or know-how to say ‘no’ to being controlled by fear-driven individuals. And that includes our parents! However, as adults, we have the capability to discern truth from falsehood and make choices that are in and for our best interest. Buying into the idea of a fiscal cliff or hanging around the edge of any type of cliff is not in your or my best interest. Would you agree?

I believe as we enter 2013 that we are witnessing a desperate attempt by those who seek power and control through fear, a final push to hang on to old, dated, worthless values, whose time has come to fade away.

Friends, the fiscal cliff for you, for me, for us as a society, is an extreme version of a collective manipulation that can only succeed by making you and I jump of the cliff.

I will now back up and back off for a moment. I believe that I am a person of compassion. I know people are suffering financially and otherwise. I have been there! I know people who are currently suffering through their own personal fiscal cliff. However, although important for survival, financial soundness is not the one and only solution that will eliminate our so-called social problems in the 21st century and beyond.

I propose to you not to buy in to a fiscal cliff or any other precipice where your fear of heights may kick in. I suggest to you that you and I take a different approach to our current and all future hazardous situations by not hanging out on cliff edges.

Instead, may I recommend you consider taking up a more permanent residence in what I call the ‘Spiritual Pool.’

The spiritual pool, like the fiscal cliff, is not a location you will find on any map or world atlas. Your GPS can’t get you there, but your heart and soul can!

The spiritual pool is that place in your vision that emanates from your heart. From this place, your authentic self, which is comprised of unconditional love, peace and compassion, permanently resides in you. It is the best place to be when you are ready and willing to receive solutions to any of your so-called problems, financial or otherwise.

Who you are, where you’ve been and what you’ve done or haven’t done is unimportant to whether or not you relax in the spiritual pool. It is open to everyone. How to get to the pool is up to you. How long it takes you to get there is also up to you.

Some of you may be finding your physical or emotional health on a cliff. You may be confronted with some disease that you feel is causing you to suffer. For others, it may be a marriage or some other significant relationship that is causing you to hang on to the cliff for dear life. And for others, it may be standing on the edge of a cliff because your life at this moment lacks purpose and meaning.

As a Life and Relationship Coach, I deal with people standing on these ‘cliffs’ on a daily basis. Here are a few tips that I learned and have shared that allowed me to enter and bask in the ‘spiritual pool.’ Perhaps they will assist you to turn around, walk away from your own personal fiscal cliff or any other type of cliff for that matter.

Understand that to truly be successful, calm, centered and balanced in all areas of your life requires your willingness to create positive changes. It is the one and only way to get to the Spiritual Pool. Simply follow the old adage ‘If it is to be, it is up to me!’

By the way, these tips are taken from a class that Chris and I have taught live to hundreds of people over the last 5 years and is also available online. This class is called ‘A Blueprint for Success.’ The intent of this class and this article, is that Chris and I share workable ways for you to take responsibility for your life, your happiness and your overall well-being. You can only live this kind of life when you take yourself off the fiscal cliff and jump in to the Spiritual Pool.

Tip #1: Begin to define what a successful life looks like for you. Only you (not the mailman or your manicurist) know what kind of life you want to live.

Tip #2: Take your focus off of you and your so-called problems by being of service to those who are even less fortunate than you. This is the quickest way to get you to the Spiritual Pool.

Tip #3: Be open to healing your relationship with yourself. Since it’s the longest relationship you will have in this lifetime, wouldn’t you rather have it be peaceful, loving and harmonious?

Tip #4: Nurture, treat and feed you body well. You can’t live in the crystal clear water of the Spiritual Pool when you pollute your mind and body with toxic waste and toxic people.

Tip #5: Live life from ‘the inside-out.’ Give yourself permission to heal and grow. Your journey is personal and unique and you will discover it on your own, and in your own way.

Use these tips as your foundation for personal change. Live from the power that is within you. Stop giving your power away to ‘smoke and mirror’ antics like fiscal cliffs and anything else that is initiated for purposes to keep you in fear!

Fear, in all its’ forms, has paralyzed you and me long enough! The time has come for us to realize once and for all that our very survival is dependent upon each of us to take personal responsibility for our own overall well-being.

If you still feel like jumping off the fiscal cliff, that’s your choice. Look closely though, and notice that if you jump in one particular direction you might just land in the Spiritual Pool! Come on in! The water feels great!

Please comment!

To learn more, you’re invited to download a free gift: A Special Report: Breaking the Chain of Emotional Pain -Freeing Yourself from the Negativity of Your Past!

fiscal cliff

fiscal cliff

Relationships: What Really Matters Most!

Relationships matter! As a coach to individuals, couples, families and businesses, I am, on a daily basis, assisting people to create solutions for their most challenging relationships.

The Power of Relationships
I took time out this weekend, or so I thought, from coaching, to go to my 40 year reunion of my elementary school in New York City. Most people who attend school reunions typically go to their high school or college reunion. This was different. It was a gathering of my peers, on-site, at the school itself, who journeyed with me from kindergarten to 8th grade: many of whom I have not seen in 40 years! Talk about re-living your childhood!

It was wonderful to see the faces from my past, although they have matured and changed just a bit from 14 to 54. I am blessed to say, I am still friends with many of them to this day. With others, it was an amazing trip back in time to a place of true innocence and a time when we all developed our beliefs about ourselves and our world. Ponder this idea: every decision you and I make today is likely rooted in some belief, either positive or negative, from our childhood and adolescence. When you attend a reunion, you get a really clear idea of the beliefs, be they positive or negative, that have dominated your thinking for so long and still do.

So, here I am attending this gathering of former classmates. Many, I felt, would seem like complete strangers to me. They are leading different lives than I am. They probably have different life-styles, different viewpoints on a variety of subject-matter from politics, religion, to who’s your favorite professional sports team. Would we have anything to talk about after 40 years? Was that really going to matter?

As I parked my car and made my way to the front entrance of the school I felt a ‘gnawing in my gut.’ You know the feeling. Its the feeling you get when you are nervous with anticipation toward an upcoming event and how it ultimately is going to unfold. As I made my way into the building, I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I actually felt as if I was transported back in time. To a place where it all began. Where, as children, we developed both physically and emotionally, the core beliefs and values that we would carry with us into adulthood. I then asked myself, ‘How much of that little boy is still part of the mature adult me?’

In addition, would I have anything to say that sounded halfway intelligent to my classmates after 40 years? Did that really matter? Would anyone really care? In short, the answer to both questions is ‘No!’ Conversations were mostly reminiscent in content. There was so much excitement as we wandered the hallways recalling highlights of a distant past. As we perhaps sugar-coated, embellished and exaggerated events, the content of conversation became irrelevant. Who we are now and what we do now seemed to be inconsequential.

What became extremely apparent was that there were no words necessary or possible to describe the bonds we all shared as children and classmates all those years ago. The realization for me was that after 40 years, each and every one of us still had relationships with everyone else who was present. For those classmates I hadn’t seen all those years, I was still participating in a relationship with each and every one of them. They may have been out-of-sight and out-of-mind for all of those years, yet the memories and their effects, both positive and negative, still endured. My friend Eleanor, who I have been friends with since 6 years of age, put it so eloquently when she said to me: ‘These relationships are for this entire lifetime because the roots are old, deep and forever intertwined.’ She was so on-the-mark with her comment. We all shared so many experiences that endure today, 40 years later, in our hearts and minds.

I learned on this day, as I have on so many countless occasions, that relationships never die…they just change. Those relationships we hold close to our hearts or rehash in our minds are extremely powerful in that they have the ability to move us in the direction of our wildest dreams or our worst nightmares. How we perceive our relationships, both past and present, directly influences every decision you and I make.

Truth be said, it isn’t American History or Algebra that fulfills the promise of a bright, successful future. It’s the relationships you and I have throughout our lifetimes. That’s the most important learning field. That’s the real classroom! It is our relationships that give to us life’s greatest lessons, and as I always say to my clients (and on occasion to myself): ‘Life gives you feedback. Each choice we make, in any given moment, produces an outcome. If you don’t like the result, make a different choice!’

Relationships are like a train depot. Growing up in New York City I spent many hours on its’ infamous subway system. I recall taking the subway to the ‘end of the line’ where all of the trains converged, merged and diverged all in one location. Some coming in, others going out. A few passing on the right, and others moving to left. In, out, constantly changing, moving from one train track to another.

That’s what our relationships are like. They are always on the move, changing, evolving, going in one direction or another. Relationships, much to our dismay, are also temporary. Sometimes temporary can last a lifetime, yet it’s still temporary. There is also an inherent fear that we have inadvertently built in to all of our relationships. This fear is the belief that all of our relationships, at some point in time, are going to end.

Consider this: your and my relationships never end and they never die. Yes, we all eventually will physically come to an end and leave our bodies. Yet, even then, we still have relationships with those who have passed on to wherever it is they pass on to. And yes, we may not see certain people in our lives for many decades, like I experienced this past week; however, those relationships live on.

The important question to ask yourself is: ‘Where do you store your relationships?’ Are they in your mind conjuring up negativity, judgments, grudges, guilt and regrets? Or do they live in your heart, where you realize that every relationship you and I have is a reflection of our participation in the process of life. I know, beyond any doubt, that our relationships mirror the direction we are moving, the choices we make, and the quality and quantity of the love we share with others and ourselves.

You and I have one relationship with many people. It is never too late to hone your relationship skills. Start at home with the relationship you have with yourself. Recall that train depot I described a moment ago. Picture it again. It is also a great image of the internal relationship we have with ourselves. Each train is a different aspect of who we are. Begin to have a relationship with all of those trains. Do not be frightened! Remember, all of our relationships, even the one you are having with yourself, are temporary and changeable in any given moment!

My 40th elementary school reunion put a huge smile on my face. Full of memories from a childhood gone by decades ago. Yet, the relationships live on. Changed only by the temporary, ever-changing aspect that life is, these relationships can, if we want them to, have a place in our hearts forever! Now there’s nothing temporary about that!



Life and Relationship Coaching Dilemma: Breakdown or Breakthrough?

Over the years,  in our life and relationship coaching practice,  Chris and I have had many people come to us for guidance at what seemed to be ‘the breaking point.’  The breaking point is a time most have of us have experienced once or multiple times in our lifetimes or too many times we care to recall.  It’s a time when we felt we had no where to turn and we were out of options.

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Putting the pieces back together again with relationship coaching

For many of us, and I will include myself in this,  it appeared we were on the verge of an emotional breakdown of sorts;  a coming apart of all the seams that held our sanity in place.  Given the chance, we could easily throw in the towel on life.  And yet, we didn’t! Something prompted us to move forward.  To take some sort of action.  And at that time perhaps we ask the question, “Am I having a nervous breakdown?”

In relationship coaching,  we discuss the most important relationship of all:  the one we have with ourselves.  Everything we think, say and do is rooted in and emanates from that one relationship.  If it is healthy, then our other relationships and our  life and life experiences are healthy too.  For most people,  unfortunately, the relationship they have with themselves is not healthy.  To have a healthy relationship of any kind, especially the one we have with ourselves, we must be free of the blocks, barriers and discord we feel and experience internally.  When we feel like we are having a breakdown we are receiving clear messages that we must change our life course.

So where are these messages coming from? In my relationship coaching sessions I have given a variety of responses to that question.  My answers are only words. Only concepts. I believe what you call the messenger, be it your ‘higher self,’ your ‘authentic self,’ your ‘spirit,’  even God, is unimportant.  The important thing is that we listen to the message.

For this reason, and because I have gone through this process myself,  I know that most of the emotionally draining and fear-based episodes we experience as human beings are really opportunities for each of us to stop where we are, both physically and emotionally, and simply regroup.  This is typically where our life and relationship coaching clients are in their lives when they contact me and Chris.

The opportunity to stop and regroup emotionally and physically is critical.  It is a point in time, wherever we find ourselves on the life journey, when we literally have the option to utilize the greatest gift that was given to us as human beings:  the gift of choice.

When a so-called ‘breakdown’ seems to be knocking on the door, we have the choice to answer and turn our backs on our life or we can see this setback of sorts as an opportunity to begin the process of creating real positive change in our lives.

More times than not in our society we turn our backs on ourselves and others at these seemingly difficult and horrific times.  To get ourselves and others through it we seek easy answers that temporarily cover up the pain we are feeling.  We medicate,  be it with chemicals, food, sex, shopping.  We will literally do anything to numb the pain. You name it, somewhere, someone has a remedy for you and your breakdown.

In my life and relationship coaching sessions with clients who claim to be at their own personal ‘breaking points’ I suggest we begin an intervention of sorts.  We don’t look at the way they have numbed their pain.  We look at the choices they are making that comes from the mind that has convinced them that they have no alternative.

You see, you and I always, in any given moment, can decide to take the challenges we are facing and view them one of two ways:  as signs of impending disaster and doom or as a real opportunity to take stock of ourselves, who we are, how we treat ourselves and others and decide once and for all that  ‘I am going to have a breakthrough and not a breakdown.’

Breakdowns, according to the medical experts, are episodes where we are out of  touch with ‘reality.’  Based on where the majority of people in our society are today emotionally,  I believe measuring what is ‘reality’ is like measuring depression or happiness;  you can’t!  I have met many individuals who would be classified as ‘sane’ who I believe are out of touch with reality.  How many ‘functioning’ people do you know who believe that someone is always out to ‘get them’ or are regularly ‘flying off the handle’ and finding themselves in the middle of arguments, fights and conflicts?

I believe that there are a majority of people who are suffering what appear to be episodic breakdowns.  They are functioning, but barely, day to day, yet they feel like they are just hanging on by a thread.  Truth be said, they are just barely hanging on!  If you are someone in that situation or know someone that is, realize that what you are witnessing is what you may call a breakdown.  I, on the other hand, will suggest it is an opportunity, an encounter that literally happens continuously through messages delivered to us from that part of us that loves us unconditionally, that it will do everything in its power to awaken you to make different choices.

What I am really suggesting here in this blog and to all my clients who participate in relationship coaching sessions, is a change in perspective.  It is about becoming aware of opportunities that are knocking on your door and being at some point in time willing to answer.  I, like many of you, have been ‘down and out,’ yet here I am today astounded by where I have been emotionally, where I have gone emotionally, and where I am now.  This is not to impress you, but to impress upon you that anything is possible!

Wherever we find ourselves at this place in time is irrelevant.  What’s relevant is how you feel about where you are.  Our emotions tell the story…the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Remember this:  emotions are energy in motion and you and I have the power to change the contents of that energy at all times.

Seeing a breakdown as a potential breakthrough is one way to shift your energy.  Have a relationship coaching session with yourself.  Take time to get in-touch with yourself again at a conscious level.  If you are feeling ‘lost’ it means you have lost your emotional way because you have strayed from your true emotional ‘home.’  We all have the capacity to find our way back home.  It’s just a matter of deciding that we’re going to get there.  Not by having a ‘breakdown, but by breaking through the emotional barriers and blocks that we have allowed to prevent us from getting there! Chris and I are your guides. Jump on board!

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relationship coaching

relationship coaching


What’s All the Hoopla About the Mayan Calendar and 2012?

One of the major components of our life coaching practice is that Chris and I regularly observe peoples’ behavior and vigilantly listen to how they express themselves both verbally and emotionally.

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What does December 21st, 2012 have to do with life coaching? Everything!

One of the many opportunities we have for observing and listening is when we, as those working in the field of life coaching, have our local discussion groups. One of the most prevalent topics of discussion over the last year has been about what is going to happen to us as individuals, and on a greater scale, what is going to happen to planet Earth during 2012.

I have listened to comments that have headlines like the ‘the world is going to end,’ to Armageddon, to cataclysmic disasters and massive devastation to a huge shift in consciousness that will change our evolutionary course as human beings.

I know that whatever you or I ‘buy into’ about 2012, the result will always be what you and I focus our thoughts upon. This is described in the ancient adage: ‘As ye sow so shall ye reap.’

Life coaching for Chris and me is about listening- listening to a client’s inner dialogue. It is the content of this inner dialogue that creates each of our external realities, which we then call our own personal life experiences.

This inner dialogue is not intricate or difficult to understand. In fact, it is easy to assess whether or not our inner dialogue serves us and those we interact with (family, friends, co-workers, etc.) in a positive or negative way. Quite simply put, our inner dialogue falls in to one of two categories: a dialogue of love or a dialogue of fear.

One of the main benefits of participating in the life coaching process, is to move from a fear-based inner dialogue to the creation of a new thought system grounded in love. The result of this transformational process is that you see yourself and the world in a very different way. When you and I are open to changing our perspective from fear to love, we can live up to our limitless potential in any or all areas of our lives.

I am going to ‘shift gears’ now because I sense you may be asking ‘what does the life coaching process have to do with the Mayan calendar and all the fuss about what is going to happen in 2012?’ The answer is: everything!

When you begin the process of understanding that most, if not all of your thinking, has been hypnotically induced by what you hear from other sources (family, friends, acquaintances, the media), and that you have willingly accepted these ‘messages’ as the gospel truth, you begin to, if willing, to question the validity of the message itself.

All of the hoopla and coverage around 2012 is just another example of what I am suggesting to you. If you believe that Armageddon is upon us then you, my friend, are living a life rooted in fear. And to you I say: ‘Wouldn’t you rather live a life filled with inner peace and unconditional love?’ And to that I add this: ‘Do you know that you have the capacity to shift from fear to love in this or any given moment?’

I know, for some of you right now, in this moment, that sounds and feels like a tall order…a virtual impossibility. To you, I say, ‘I understand.’ Please read on.

It was Mahatma Gandhi who said, ‘Be the change you want to see.’ So, what does this statement mean to you personally? What kind of positive changes do you want to see for yourself, your world, and the planet-at-large in 2012 and beyond? Grab some paper and write them down. No matter how grandiose the changes you want to create may appear, remember, that in life all things are possible.

Do not analyze, judge or categorize the changes you would like to see and experience in 2012 and beyond. However, what I would like you to observe is the energy you are infusing into these changes you have written down for you and your world. For these positive changes to become reality in your physical world, as we share with those in our life coaching classes,  the energy behind each one of these changes has to be love.

Chris and I suggest to all of our life coaching clients that love, and love alone, is the greatest catalyst for creating positive change. It is our capacity to love that is our greatest strength. It is our capacity to feel unloved or not loveable (which is really fear in disguise) that weakens us.

From this point forward, through 2012 and beyond, focus on your greatest strength. When every change you seek is grounded and backed by the power of love, you will begin to witness incredible, positive change in your life and in the lives of those who follow you. Recall Gandhi’s words about being the change you want to see. In layman’s terms this simply means to ‘lead by example.’

Now, understand, I am not writing this to discredit the Mayan calendar or the magnificent civilization that created it. I am suggesting, however, that no matter what time it is, whatever day, year, decade, century or millennium it is, you and I only have this moment right here, right now. And it is in this very moment, as your friends in life coaching community, that you and I either choose to live our lives and see the world through one of two lenses: the lens of love or the lens of fear.

For those of you who choose to focus on the great catastrophes that may befall us, I suggest that you reconsider your choices. First, through the life coaching technique of observing your inner dialogue. Notice your own self-talk. A self-talk rooted in fearful thoughts is very attracted to fearful messages from other fear-based sources.

Now, what if you could change those fearful thoughts to thoughts of love? When you begin to shift your thought patterns from fear to love you create two significant changes in and for your life. First, you see your outer world from a different perspective. Life on the outside becomes more attractive. Second, as we teach through our life coaching business, when your inner world of self-talk is grounded in love, with all of its’ attributes like kindness, co-operation, sharing and openness, you become very attractive to the outside world.

Be willing in 2012 to begin to let go of all this negative, fear-based buzz about ‘the end of the world on December 21, 2012.’ Instead, take a tip from the life coaching community and commit to focusing on your strengths and how you can be part of both the inner and outer shift for humankind.

Do not believe for one moment that you cannot make a positive difference. I always say to my life coaching clients: ‘You are one decision away from living the life you were intended to live.’ Make that decision for yourself, your loved ones and for the entire world in 2012!

And with that I say with love, ‘2012…bring it on!’

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life coaching

Breaking the Chain of Emotional Pain | life coaching

Life Coaching
Breaking The Chain Of Pain

For years I told myself that my life, my relationships and all the circumstances surrounding them were the way they were because I believed life was meant to be a struggle …and there was nothing I could do to change that.

Fast forward twenty years and I say today with absolute conviction that I love my life and my relationships (both personal and professional).  How can that be? I broke, what I call the ‘Chain of Pain.’

The ‘Chain of Pain’ is part of our inheritance.  It is the root cause of all dysfunctional behavior in our society.  It is why people are unhappy, apathetic, anxious, stressed, angry, impatient, belligerent, depressed and in some extreme cases downright nasty.

Who you are; more likely who you think you are, is the sum total of the chain of pain you are connected to.  Your connection to the chain of pain began with your family of origin:  your parents, grandparents, siblings and adult authority figures prominent in your childhood.  These represent all the so-called “experts” who claimed to do and know what was best for you.

Many of these adults in our childhood truly loved us and cared about our well-being.  They wanted us to grow-up and become happy, grounded adults in happy, grounded careers and relationships.  They wanted us to have a wonderful life!

For many of us in today’s society the notion of having a wonderful life with nurturing, harmonious relationships somehow fell by the wayside somewhere on the journey.  The good news is that it is never and I repeat, never too late to have a wonderful life.

If you are struggling, do not despair! Don’t give up on your life or your relationships.  As long as you can conceive in your mind a life or a relationship that is different than the one you are currently experiencing, then I say to you:  ‘You can do it!’

‘The Chain of Pain’ is why you are currently suffering. In my Life Coaching practice, when I refer to suffering,  I am speaking specifically about suffering caused by emotional pain.

Here is how your chain of pain came into being.  As a child, you were abused either physically, emotionally or both.  Or, it was less obvious, more subtle:  what is termed ’emotional abandonment.’  This is when a child doesn’t receive the love he or she needs from one or both parents.  In most cases, the parents are totally unconscious of how they are affecting their child.

Through Life Coaching, the origins of the ‘Chain of Pain’ are relatively easy to trace.  Everyone’s chain is a connection that is linked to the ‘family tree.’  If you knew or know your grandparents, their behavior patterns and personalities, you can begin to understand why your parents did and said what they did and said.

The result of all this pain is that if it’s left unchecked and unresolved, it is passed on to future generations.  Its’ adverse effects are wide and vast both to us as individuals, to the life we live and the relationships we participate in.

Here’s the good news! Right now you can begin the process of breaking free from your ‘chain of pain.’  The most important step you can take in the process of taking back your life and creating quality relationships that you desire and cherish is the very first step.  In Life Coaching, this first step is called awareness.

Remember friends, there was a time in my life when I was totally oblivious to the idea of dysfunction in my life, let alone something called a ‘chain of pain.’  When I became aware that this source of my struggle was controlling the quality of my life and my relationships a light went on in my head.  That light has shone brightly ever since.

As I began to transform my life I wanted to share what I learned with others.  This is why I entered the field of Life Coaching and why I and my partner Chris have dedicated ourselves to assisting anyone who is ready and willing to cut the links to their chain of pain.  If you are not doing so yet, isn’t it time that you begin to live the life and have the relationships that you so richly deserve?

Our gift to you. Download your copy of How to Break The Chain of Emotional Pain here: http://www.possibilitycoaches.net/pain/

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life coaching