Tag Archives: how to deal with bullying

Bullying: 7 Ways to End it Now!

Bullying gets so much press these days. That’s a good thing! To shine the light on the darker aspects of our human experience like bullying helps us to create positive shifts both individually and collectively.

Bullying: 7 Ways to End it Now!
How to Stop Bullying!
Bullying is an esteem issue. Bullying is about being convinced that ‘for me to feel good, I must make you feel bad.’ Bullying isn’t only inflicted through physical abuse and violence. There are more subtle, less obvious versions of bullying like verbal abuse, mind control, manipulation and distortion of the truth. Bullies always target someone who, like them, doesn’t have healthy self-esteem.

So, why do people become bullies?
As I said, bullying is a symptom of low self-esteem created by one or all of the following life challenges: 1. lack of trust in role models like parents, 2. the need to be in control because life feels out-of-control, 3. the need for attention, approval and love, 4. deep anger issues, 5. always feeling ‘wrong,’ 6. being bullied physically and/or verbally themselves and 7. being emotionally abandoned as a child.

Bullying requires two parties, each of whom does not feel good about him or herself. It’s not only in the school yard. In fact, it’s likely to start in the home between husbands and wives, parents and children and between siblings.

The dysfunctional behavior that bullying represents is the result of most challenges people face world-wide in today’s societies.

When we each have a healthy sense of ourselves…in other words, a healthy self-esteem, most of life’s so-called ‘problems’ seemingly disappear.

No matter where you are in life: young/old, male/female, and no matter what roles you play: husband/wife, parent/child, boss/employee, friend, classmate, the most important step is to feel good about yourself. When you and I take responsibility for feeling good about ourselves and share with others how to feel good, too, bullying will become a behavior of the past.

Chris and I have developed what we feel are 7 approaches that can assist you to begin to eliminate being bullied or the role of being a bully from your life and the lives of those you cherish and love.

7 Ways to End Bullying Now!:

1. Become aware about how you feel about yourself. Be honest! Not feeling good about yourself is just based on a negative story you’ve been telling yourself over and over. Is the story absolutely true about you? I doubt it!

2. Identify your fears. This pertains to both you the bully and you the victim. For example: perhaps as a child, your parents divorced. You couldn’t control that, so to create a level of safety and security, you unconsciously decided to bully others because it gave you a sense of control, power and security.

3. Create small ‘successes’ in your life that will make you feel more confident thus building your self-esteem. This is essential not only for children, but for adults, too! And especially for you adults reading this blog who have children: assist your children by supporting their likes and passions. Let them explore life on their own terms. Otherwise, you’re bullying.

4. Choose to be around positive people. Hang out with people who lift you up and don’t put you down. Examine your circle of friends. The company you keep is very telling about how you feel about yourself.

5. Mentor or coach with someone who can assist you to go through the process of raising your self-esteem.

6. Have the courage to set boundaries. Bullying is all about ignoring boundaries and disrespecting others. Know that real boundaries between you and others can only exist when there is mutual respect.

7. Celebrate your uniqueness and the uniqueness of those you love. People who tend to be bullied are perceived to be different in some way. They may be quiet, shy, non-athletic or non-academic. It’s important to understand that it’s part of who they are.

By committing to these seven suggestions, you can begin to develop a healthy self-esteem and assist others to do the same. It doesn’t matter your role, be it the bully, the bullied or even both. When we feel good about ourselves, bullying will dissipate and perhaps diminish in our world as we know it.

You and I both have the power within us to change. It is that power to feel good about ourselves that will end bullying. We can do it!




How To Heal From The Emotional Wounds Of Bullying | how to deal with bullying

how to deal with bullying
How To Deal With Bullying

Bullying has become a hot topic of conversation recently which has prompted us to create a post on how to deal with bullying. We have witnessed through the details of various news stories what it can do to people and how it can literally destroy lives. Interestingly enough, there hasn’t been a lot of talk that bullying has been a predisposition for the human experience as far back as recorded history began. Individuals have bullied other individuals, groups and tribes have bullied other groups and tribes. On a larger scale, kingdoms and nations have been bullying other nations for the last 3,000 years.

So, the one question we may want to ask is : ‘why the sudden interest in bullying in our schools specifically and our world at large?’ The answer is that on a deeper, spiritual level, bullying has gained attention because we as a society are beginning to realize that it does not have a place in our evolution as humans if we truly want to survive and co-exist.

How To Deal With Bullying Step 1: Take a moment and examine where you see bullying in your world. The ability to recognize bullying will help you develop methods on how to deal with bullying. Most of us have witnessed bullying as children in school, in the playground or on the streets of the town or city we live in. Bullying also exists in so-called intimate relationships between two adults. It is prevalent between parent and child as well. Less talked about is bullying in the workplace by superiors, co-workers and business competitors. We are well taught that bullying gets successful results and if we want to make it in this world, we have to crush the competition.

Until recently, bullying had been considered acceptable behavior. Not so anymore! Now that we know it’s not acceptable behavior, it’s important we take to time to learn how to deal with bullying. Whatever the ramifications have been from bullying throughout history, some form of justification of this behavior has always found its way into the mainstream and became the norm. We have arrived at a place in history where we are awakening to the realization that the way we were taught to survive in this world can no longer stand up to the test of time. In fact, time may be running out if we do not commit to making changes personally, nationally and globally.

On any level, bullying is about control. It is about the bully making him or herself feeling better emotionally at the expense of another person. Bullies pride themselves on using fear as their trump card. Fear is the basis of control: intimidation; the need to be right; and the desire to feel worthy and accepted. The truth is that bullies need to bully because they feel so bad about themselves. Bullying at its deepest, purely spiritual level, is a cry for love, forgiveness and compassion.

How To Deal With Bullying Step 2: This may be difficult to accept when you are the victim of bullying at its most malicious. We have recently witnessed how extreme the maliciousness can be. Typically, as a victim of bullying, most of us are only thinking about how we can avoid being bullied, how we can stop it, and even how we can achieve retribution and revenge.

In my life I have been both the bully and bullied. I have experienced both perspectives, both ends of this painful stick. As a Life Coach, Relationship Coach and Business Coach, I have witnessed countless interactions involving bullying between individuals, family members, businesses and corporations. In order to end bullying as a commonplace occurrence in our world we have to know why it occurs in the first place. You cannot eliminate any disease, either physical or emotional, without knowing its origin or cause.

Bullying is a signal that emotional pain is dominant. To move forward, we must understand that both bully and victim hold some sort of emotional pain that is inextricably linked. They have more in common with each other than meets the eye. Both feel insecure, unworthy and fearful that life will let them down. One reacts, the other retreats. One needs to defend, the other feels utterly defenseless. It is an unusual partnership to say the least. Yet, in my personal and professional experience it sets the stage for positive change and growth.

In order to move beyond the roles of bully and victim we must commit to heal. As someone who has personally healed (and is still going through the process), and as a conduit who assists others to do the same, I firmly believe that it is important for us to continue to focus on this subject. Healing holds the key to understanding what is required of us as human beings both individually and as a collective to create true inner peace. A world of beings who feel and live through inner peace cannot act out the roles of bully and bullied. When each of us makes a commitment to emotionally heal and acknowledge that we spend most of our waking moments in emotional pain, then and only then will we find true fulfillment from life.

Personally and professionally, I am excited to see the subject of bullying receiving media attention. A heightened awareness factor is the first step toward positive change, another key in our efforts concerning how to deal with bullying. With your participation and mine, we can each contribute creating a world where feeling good about ourselves doesn’t have to be at the expense of another person. Start and end with yourself and lead by example. If you find you cannot release emotional pain on your own, seek professional assistance and guidance. If you are a bully and continue to use bullying tactics to get what you want, you will never feel peace and happiness. Likewise, if you continue to be the recipient of bullying, you too, will never feel peace and happiness. The time to heal and create change is now. Let us know how you feel, what your thoughts are and how we can help.

Have you read our other article about: Bullying: 7 Ways to End it Now!

how to deal with bullying

how to deal with bullying

how to deal with bullying