Tag Archives: healing

Finding The Authentic You!

Do you know what it feels like to be your authentic self? Let me ask it another way. Do you spend most of your life being the ‘real you’ or do you find yourself wearing masks, pretending to be something that you’re not, trying to be something for someone else? Do you spend your life acting in ways that contradict what you feel in your heart and soul? I’ve come to learn that in order to be truly happy, I mean truly, truly happy, it is essential that we become authentic. Let me rephrase that, it’s essential that we live as our authentic selves.

Being The Authentic You!
Being Authentic
Looking back at my own life, I can’t remember a time until the most recent past when I could actually feel comfortable being myself. I wondered why that was. Why couldn’t I feel comfortable being myself?

I realized that at a very early age, like most people, I was convinced, that I had to be a certain way, act a certain way, even look a certain way to be accepted by the people in my life and by the world at large.

And there are a lot of people who confirmed that, telling me how to speak, what I had to do, what I had to know and who I had to become to be accepted into this world. To all that conditioning, the real me, which was always in me and always will be me, was buried deep in the recesses of my mind and my heart. It is my soul; it is your soul.

The great thing about our souls is that they’re changeless and eternal, and no one or no thing, no experience, no situation, even traumatic situations and experiences can alter the changelessness and the eternalness of the souls that you and I share. That’s some pretty awesome news. If you’ve been unable, for way too long to be your real self, to be authentic, know that there is a part of you, that is authentic and that is real. And that’s the part, the part of each of us, that is meant to shine, that is the part of each of us that I call our genius. It is that part of us that is eternally connected to the Universe and to all Life, whatever form it takes.

From personal experience, as I begin to let go of my conditioning, which includes my beliefs, emotions and feelings that are attached to the sixty thousand thoughts that I have every day (most of which were negative in content), I realize that, if I’m able to let go of those emotions and feelings, and feel them and be with them, and release them and not resist them, I know that underneath it all, the peeling away, the shedding of the onion, all that’s left is the true, real, authentic me.

And most people resist being real. They’ll even say “I can’t be real.” The truth is, we all can be real. The challenge that we face is we won’t ‘be real’ because we’re afraid of what the world will see.

The truth is, the reality of who we are is not the reality of who we think we are.

The reality of who you are and who I am is that we are children of the Universe. Our unique nature is unconditional love, goodness, generosity and overall well-being. But all that seems so foreign to so many of us, foreign to too many of us. Therein lies the journey home. It’s going from who you think you are to who you really are. Despite what you may think in this moment or despite what anyone has told you in the past or continues to tell you, in this and every moment you are magnificent.

Boy, that’s hard to get sometimes, isn’t it? And sometimes circumstances, events and experiences and the way we behave confirm the contrary. Sometimes there’s a hideousness, an ugliness, a darkness that comes out of all of us. Know that it’s okay to come from that place. It’s been called the shadow side. The shadow in all of us has so many benefits. I believe the shadow is a gift. It is part of the agreement we make with ourselves and our souls as we incarnate as humans in this lifetime and every other lifetime that we incarnate, as a way of evolving, as a way of becoming enlightened, and as a way to raise the consciousness of this planet, so we can not only survive, so we can thrive.

Realizing this, I feel there is nothing more important than you uncover who you really are: your authentic self. All that’s required is your willingness. If you say you can’t, remember it means you really won’t. You won’t because you’re being controlled within your mind by fears that tell you not to expose who you truly are, because that person is not worthy of being happy, of thriving, of evolving and growing and living life enthusiastically, inspired by all the beauty that the life…the one life has to offer all of us. Do not deny your part in this one life, you are a piece of it, and your peace is it.

Imagine a part of you and a part of me that lives in peace and harmony, undisturbed by the physical third dimensional world. Many times I talk with clients about what I call the fourth dimension. It’s not some far off dimension, actually it follows you wherever you go. Imagine there is another you, walking along side of you, day in and day out, from the moment you were born to the moment you leave your body. It walks along side of you, through the good and the bad. Interestingly though, no matter what you call good or what you call bad, that parallel person is always at peace, is always loving you and everyone and everything unconditionally and knows you and everyone and everything are eternal. That is the place from which we all aspire to live, that is the place of authenticity, the place of the true, one reality. Most of the world is dreaming, most of the world is asleep, most of the world doesn’t have the slightest inclination or idea that with one decision we can change and awaken to our magnificence.

My hope for you is that you awaken to your magnificence!

It is a process and an undertaking. Simple to do, not always easy. From my experience, it creates a lot of bumps and a lot of hurdles. But, as I look back I bless every bump and every hurdle and even some potholes, ditches and sinkholes that I have fallen into. But with all of that, the sun still shines on my face, no matter what. Look for who you really are, look for your authenticity. Let the sun shine on your face, feel it’s warmth, feel it’s love, let it absorb into you and realize the same warmth and the same love are in you. Let it come out, and when you say “I can’t” realize it’s just that you won’t and that you’re afraid. Question those fears and realize most of them are unfounded and come from habitual negative thinking, belief systems and conditioning. You are always one with me and with everyone else. Know that and you will find peace, be that and you will change the world.

We would love to hear your comments. Tell us what it means to you to be authentic. Please leave your comments below.

To learn more about The Possibility Coaches™ and how they can assist you, visit them here. They offer a 30 minute complementary coaching session by phone or Skype. Inquire about your session here.



The Process of Emotional Healing

Healing Is A Process

During the early years of my career as a Life Coach and Emotional Healer, I was perplexed by the realization that some people emotionally heal and others don’t.  After consulting with hundreds of clients, I noticed there are distinct differences between the people who emotionally heal and those who don’t.  The ones that heal have followed through with all of the steps that I define as the Emotional Healing Process.

Over thirty years ago, I took a college course that dealt with death and dieing and the work of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.  Dr. Kubler-Ross was a pioneer in the support and counseling of trauma, grief and grieving associated with death and dieing.  However, I realized that grieving can also be about grieving for the life we thought we should have lived or for the childhood we never had.

Life has the uncanny knack of coming around full circle when her ideas came back in to my life a few years ago.  I once again came across her model for the stages of grief.  I at once realized that this model and the stages of grief it describes are transferable and applicable to the process of emotional healing of any kind.  In other words, it can be used during the process of creating personal change and transformation and the ultimate achievement of inner peace.  Chris and I have adopted the model using  the concepts in that model and enhancing it to develop The Possibility Coaches’ Model for Emotional Healing.

The stages of the grief model are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The additional stage that Chris and I have added is forgiveness.

Clients who have followed and experienced the six stages of  The Possibility Coaches’ Model for Emotional Healing are the ones who have truly emotionally healed. These individuals are confronted with traumas of a less severe nature than the experience of  death and bereavement.  Some examples are relationship breakups, job loss, an illness, financial despair, etc.  The most frequent challenge we see people face is the grieving for the life ‘I thought I should be living.’

As Life Coaches, this model became a worthy study and reference guide beyond death and dieing.  The Possibility Coaches’ Model for Emotional Healing and its six stages, represent a ‘change model’ for assisting us to understand, deal with, and coach individuals and their reaction to the seemingly traumatic events and situations that occur in their lives.

Trauma and emotional pain are relative in terms of affect on people.  While death and dieing may be the ultimate trauma, people can and do experience similar upsets when dealing with many of life’s challenges.  This is especially true if confronting something difficult for the first time.

One person’s despair is to another person a non-threatening event.  Emotional response and trauma must be viewed in relative, not absolute terms.  The model recognizes that each of us has to go through his or her individual journey.

By applying the five original stages and adding a sixth and final stage of forgiveness, the process of emotional healing can begin.  The result is a state of inner peace and it is inner peace that we all seek.  By going through the six stages, and meeting the requirements for emotional healing I listed earlier, your life literally transforms and your authentic Self emerges.

Let’s look in depth at the six stages that lead us to emotional healing. Once again, the stages are 1. denial, 2. anger, 3. bargaining, 4. depression, 5. acceptance, 6. forgiveness. These stages do not necessarily occur in sequential order with one exception: forgiveness.  It is important to release your denial, anger and depression before you forgive.  If you forgive too soon i.e. before you release your anger, then you will lock in your anger and it will be a false, conditional form of forgiveness.  Once you have experienced the process of authentic forgiveness, you will then move towards inner peace.

Notice as you move toward a more inner peaceful existence there will be overlapping of emotions and feelings.  You may even feel at times like you are actually moving backwards and regressing to old behavior patterns.  Understand, this is exactly what personal growth and transformation are all about.

Here is a brief definition and description of each stage:

1. The Denial Stage: Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to acknowledge and accept ‘what is.’  It is a defense mechanism.  Some people spend their entire lives in denial.  The result is staying stuck in relationships and situations that are unsatisfying and anything less than gratifying.

2. The Anger Stage: Anger can manifest in a variety of ways.  It can be outward toward other people like rage, or inward toward ourselves resulting in isolation and negative emotions.  It is important to acknowledge your anger.  It is more important to be willing to let it go!

3. The Bargaining Stage:  Bargaining never provides a sustainable solution.  We bargain or seek a compromise when fear gets the best of us.  This is when we sabotage progress and success in our lives and in our quest for inner peace.

4. The Depression Stage:  The title of this stage is deceiving because it is truly an indicator that you are beginning to accept, with emotional attachment, your past and your present.  At this point, you may feel sadness, regret, remorse, fear and uncertainty.  You have begun to release and remove the barriers and blocks to peace.

5. The Acceptance Stage:  This stage indicates that you have emotionally detached yourself from your past and its regrets, the present and what are your current circumstances and the future, with all that is yet to be.  By accepting ‘what is’ you begin to take inspired action and see people and the world very differently.

6. The Forgiveness Stage:  Experiencing forgiveness inherently means you are experiencing inner peace.  Forgiveness does not mean you condone someone’s inappropriate behavior or stay in an unhealthy situation or relationship. Forgiveness is an act you do for yourself to set yourself free!  Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been different.  When you are able to finally see people for who they truly are and not for who they appear to be, what they said or what they did or didn’t do, you have awakened to live life in your natural state.  You realize that we are all on the same journey.

This process of achieving inner peace through forgiveness is a very powerful process. If you doubt or do not know your life’s purpose, committing to The Emotional Healing Process will bring you true clarity of purpose.

Time is not your healer.  You are! Scary? At times, yes; however, consider the alternative.  I bless every moment of my life experience, be it ‘good’ or ‘bad.’  It has all brought me to where I am right here and right now in this very moment.  Decide for inner peace now!

Our gift to you. Download your copy of Breaking The Chain of Emotional Pain here: http://www.possibilitycoaches.net/pain/