Tag Archives: compassion

Releasing Personal Prejudices | bigotry

There is a great deal of talk these days about prejudice and bigotry in our society. There is also a collective feeling that prejudice and bigotry are damaging the foundation that our world was built upon.

Unity

From our perspective as coaches and spiritual teachers, we may or may not see this situation as you see it. To us, prejudice and bigotry are nothing new. As long as humans have possessed fearful thoughts, beliefs and emotions, there has been prejudice and bigotry. As long as fear exists and it controls the human mind, we will remain stuck in a mindset rooted in ignorance, which is the basis for prejudice and bigotry.

In the movie “A Christmas Carol,” the ghost of Jacob Marley warned Scrooge about “ignorance and want” being the cause of the woes of the world. He shared with Scrooge that ignorance itself is the most destructive force in any society and will ultimately lead to its’ downfall and demise.

Truthfully, and this may seem like a bold statement to you: we all have prejudices and we are all bigots in one way or another. Being open to admitting this as fact is the first step we all want to take to begin dissolving our prejudices and dismantling our own personal bigoted belief systems. For example: have you ever disliked people who dislike others? Or, if you hate the haters, you are also being hateful. Contemplating this may uncover some of your own deeply hidden prejudices.

The second step is to give up condemning others for their prejudices and bigotry. We are all conditioned at a very young age to adopt certain belief systems. Until we question our own belief system, we cannot move ourselves out of prejudice and bigotry.

Everyone is unique

Our greatest contribution to the world is for all of us to look in the mirror and get brutally honest with ourselves. If we continue to concern ourselves with how other people are behaving, what other people are saying and thinking, we are perpetuating the problems that arise from prejudice and bigotry.

The preferred approach to this universal challenge is to focus on changing the prejudicial behaviors and beliefs that we possess within ourselves.

By denying any truth about ourselves, whether it is our “dark side” (our prejudices, hatred, fear and judgments) or our “light side” (our goodness, kindness, compassion and love for ourselves and others), we disempower ourselves and weaken our overall well-being.

To diminish our own self-worth is no different than diminishing the self-worth of another person. When we don’t feel good about ourselves we are essentially being prejudicial and bigoted toward ourselves.

Recall, we suggested to look in the mirror at yourself. If you are willing to do this and take the initiative to be open and honest with yourself, you will become aware that within you, too, lies thoughts and beliefs that are prejudicial and bigoted in nature about both you and the world-at-large.

Love and respect each other

This truth does not make you or anyone else a bad person. It just means you are human. Being human also means you have the ability to change yourself and the world around you. Prejudice and bigotry are by themselves constructs of the mind. We all can “change our mind” if we decide to do so.

Here are some ways to begin to dissolve prejudices that are rooted in fear-based thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that exhibit and inflict hatred, anger and guilt on ourselves and others:

  • What beliefs do you have about other people who may appear or act different or perhaps see the world from a different perspective? Write these beliefs down. Be honest! Where did these beliefs come from? Are they absolutely true for every person or group you may feel antagonistic toward and perceive in a negative way? Ask yourself: “Am I willing to open myself up to seeing this person/group differently by understanding that they, too, like me, have a set of beliefs they have adopted. And, they also insist that these beliefs are true for them?”
  • What beliefs do you have about yourself that may be prejudicial or negatively-biased? Again, write these beliefs down and be honest! Where did these beliefs come from? Are they absolutely true? Ask yourself: “Am I willing to open myself up to seeing myself differently and realize that I, too, have adopted a set of beliefs that I insist are the truth?”
  • Pick a person, a group of people, or even yourself as a “test-subject.” See if you have the capacity to send kindness, compassion and good-will to that person or group. How do you feel when you do this?
  • Be willing to expand your horizons. Make an effort to learn about other people, their cultures and lifestyles. Then attempt to embrace the differences you may have. See the differences not as a problem but as a celebration of life! Remember, we are all human and are all part of the human family!

Within this article is an opportunity for massive, positive transformation if we are each willing to see and acknowledge that underneath all the so-called “differences” we are really all the same.

When we open ourselves up and consider the possibility of letting go of anything that does not serve us or humanity in a positive way, then the process of positive change begins.

At the end of the day it may be worthwhile to remind yourself that we all have prejudicial thoughts and beliefs and have all exhibited behaviors that confirm this as so. Remind yourself from this point forward that all thoughts, beliefs and behavior that hurt others and ourselves, are all rooted in fear. Remember this: “Hurt people hurt other people.”

Also understand that hurtful thoughts, beliefs and behavior are different than having personal preferences. A healthy personal preference is not rooted in fear. The key is not to use your personal preference as a crusade by attempting to inflict it upon others and condemning them if they choose not to agree or comply with you.

Perhaps, in closing, this may assist you on your way to releasing any personal prejudices you may have: just because you may love chocolate doesn’t mean you have to hate vanilla!

Ultimately, we all want to be loved, accepted and appreciated for who we are!

We are here to assist and guide you to find peace and balance. We can also assist you to dismantle the fears that may be controlling your life. Contact us for a complementary initial discussion.

Jon Satin and Chris Pattay – The Possibility Coaches™
©2019 Possibility Coaches, LLC

What Are Healthy Manly Emotions?

When you think of ‘manly’ emotions, what do you imagine? Is it fatherly love? Loyalty, trust, honor, and compassion? Or do you think of anger, rage, the ‘right to be right’, sarcasm, or jealousy?

Healthy manly emotions

In America, at this point in time, there is a very short list of ‘approved’ male emotions. Men are allowed to be angry, but not vulnerable. They are allowed to be ambitious and self-serving, but not nurturing. How can anyone truly thrive when being held to such narrow standards that work against everything that Life is supposed to be?

As coaches, we share with our clients that Life is composed of love, joy, inspiration, creativity, and expansion. There’s nothing inherent, or even natural, about living a life that is rooted in anger or fear. None of us are born that way, but we learn to be that way.

There is a ‘Chain of Pain’ that connects members of the newest generation to the dysfunction and self-sabotaging habits of their parents and grandparents. Somewhere along the line, we started teaching our sons that anger was acceptable, while certain expressions of love were not. As a result, men grow up feeling isolation, worthlessness, and a deep longing for the kinds of relationships that can only come from unconditional love.

negative emotions and behavior
negative emotions and behavior

Gillette ran an ad not long ago that stirred a lot of debate and controversy. The ad showed clips of a boy being chased through the street by a pack of other boys, until a father intervenes while his son watches. The ad urged men to abandon the excuse of ‘boys will be boys’ for violent and exploitative behavior, and adds the tagline ‘we believe in the best in men.’ Some men reacted with anger to this ad, as though they felt threatened by its message. When we feel threatened, it indicates that a vulnerability is in danger of being exposed. Vulnerability may come as a result of the fear of rejection that keeps us from experiencing love fully, or it may come as a resistance to change. By embracing vulnerability rather than shrinking from it, we can transform our lives.

‘We believe in the best in men’ is an interesting tagline. ‘Best’ can be a loaded word–when we strive to ‘do our best’, we tend to inevitably come up short of others’ expectations. But when we learn to BE our best–to release others’ expectations of us, and live empowered in the knowledge that we honor our authentic selves–we can live the lives we were always meant to have.

Some men live without allowing themselves to fully experience love, because they are afraid of vulnerability, afraid of rejection, and afraid of ridicule. The violence shown in the ad, then, does not stem from a political problem, but a spiritual one. Do you want to live in love, or in fear? Do you want to be confined by others’ expectations of what a man can feel and how he should act, or do you want to experience life as your authentic self?

If you are struggling to manage your relationships and the expectations placed on you, we invite you to reach out for a complimentary coaching session with The Possibility Coaches. You can also download Breaking the Chain of Emotional Pain as our free gift to you.

Jon Satin and Chris Pattay – The Possibility Coaches™
©2019 Possibility Coaches, LLC

How to Widen Your Circle of Compassion

How do you widen your circle of compassion? It has been a dream of ours to assist in the creation of a world where it is completely safe for all of us to love each other. A world where we can be loved and accepted exactly as we are. This world we envision can and does exist now. This world we envision exists in each of our minds. To transmute it into physical reality requires us to embrace the power of viewing the world through the eyes of compassion.

Author and spiritual teacher Pema Chodron suggests to us that

“compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”

Compassion
Compassion
What is the darkness and where does it come from? Look at our history both collectively and personally and we have the answer. Personally, as children, we were socialized and conditioned in so many ways. By the time we reached puberty life became scary and daunting. By this time we pretty well established our own personal viewpoints and ‘takes’ on the world. We were educated and indoctrinated into the world of fear and separation.

A fear of compassion arises because, like so many heart-felt emotions (love, courage, empathy), it creates a feeling of vulnerability.

Vulnerability in our world is a sign of weakness, and anything that is said to weaken us is, to our conditioned, fear-based minds, something to be suspicious of at best.

Many think that having compassion ‘rights a wrong.’ Others may believe that compassion negates a valuable lesson to be learned and justice that needs to be served. And then there are those who may see compassion as a ‘liberal’ approach to those who may be looking for a ‘free ride’ through the journey we call Life.

Compassion is about unity and oneness. Compassion can enable us to heal by removing the socialization and conditioning we succumbed to as innocent children. The power of compassion has been grossly under-used, misunderstood and even ignored in our world for far too long. Compassion is powerful, yet benign. It can move mountains, yet simultaneously heal all wounds. Compassion is an expression of unconditional love and unconditional love is God.

To perceive compassion as dis-empowering is a misinterpretation of what compassion truly is at its’ essence. Einstein wrote:

“a human being is a part of the whole called by us Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.”

So, how do we, as Einstein suggests, widen our circle of compassion? First, we have to be open and willing to create our own circle. Then to widen our circle, to expand our very own compassionate nature and share it with humanity, requires each of us to dissect, peel away and let go of what Einstein called our own ‘optical delusion.’ The result is an unveiling of our essential, true, changeless, eternal nature. By virtue of its connection to God, our true nature only knows compassion. There is no figuring out what compassion is and what it looks and sounds like. We need only to create awareness what compassion is not.

Compassion IS NOT fear. Compassion IS NOT separation and exclusion. Compassion IS NOT lack and unworthiness. Compassion IS NOT brute-force, control and manipulation. Compassion IS NOT greed. Compassion IS NOT hatred.

When we eliminate what compassion is not from our personal selves and subsequently the world-at-large, compassion itself unfolds, breathes, expands and embraces itself within and between each and every life form that exists.

Compassion is an aspect of unconditional love. All the great sages past and present know this and speak about it. All of them were and are the very embodiment of a compassionate nature.

We are all sages. We all possess a compassionate nature. The intent for all of us is to incorporate this nature into our daily lives. This one intention: to be compassionate toward all of life (and this includes ourselves) is the key to thriving on Planet Earth.

Here are some ways you can begin to incorporate the power of compassion and widen its circle in your life:

1.See all of Life as another aspect of yourself. Treat all Life as you want to be treated: with love, kindness and compassion.

2.Let go of personal past hurts and wounds by having compassion for events, experiences and relationships that had less than positive outcomes.

3.Know that we are all living the same life story. It’s just the names, faces, locations and events that appear different. Our stories are part of our journey. They are the Universe giving us ‘feedback.’ By using the feedback wisely you can change your story. See others who are suffering with compassion. They suffer because they are not aware that they have the power to change their story.

4.Give up the notions of striving, achieving and being the best. Your true nature only knows how to thrive and always sees itself as pure perfection. Look within and see your true nature.

5.Practice kindness and give without conditions. Develop a consciousness of oneness. Notice how we are truly ‘all one playing off each other.’

The Dalai Lama put it beautifully when he said,

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

Now, more than ever, the world as a living, breathing organism needs your compassion. God wants you to be happy! God wants you to thrive! Compassion is a path and our wish is that you walk upon it.

Do you want to learn how to create more compassion for others and for yourself? How about adding some sense of balance to your life too? Learn how to create more compassion and balance with The Blueprint for Living Online Program.

compassion

compassion