Tag Archives: addiction

Make Happiness Your New Addiction

We all know someone who has an addiction: a spouse that drinks too much, an overweight child, a parent who lives on painkillers. Or a friend that shops and spends in excess and can’t seem to stop.

Addicted to Happiness
Addicted to Happiness

In our lives, we have both personally experienced a variety of addictions. The content of our past addictions is really secondary. We have each openly discussed our past in various lectures and talks, radio shows, articles and blogs so we won’t go into details here.

What’s primary is why we experienced these addictions. What caused us to seek pleasure outside ourselves? And, consider this: are these actual addictions or are these simply symptoms of one addiction that most humans suffer from?

Ask yourself, ‘Why do I seek out external pleasures that I usually regret, am remorseful about or hate myself for?’

Could the answer to this one loaded question be ‘because I am addicted to unhappiness?’

From our own personal stories, the two of us can clearly see the truth in that statement. We are all raised to some degree to believe that unhappiness is ‘normal.’

Unhappiness, which is a result of suffering, is seen as noble. We have been brainwashed to believe that playing the victim and being at the mercy of life circumstances and events, is somehow our karmic destiny. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Actually, the opposite is true. To be happy is our birthright. It is our natural state. Being unhappy, therefore, is unnatural. And because unhappiness is unnatural, it adversely affects our total well-being in our mind, body and spirit.

You can be happier!
You can be happier!

In our attempt to numb, deaden and even eliminate the feeling of unhappiness, we seek happiness outside ourselves. For some of us the pain is so intense, we choose dangerous alternatives such as drugs or alcohol. For others, it’s physical or emotional abuse or dead-end relationships that reinforce the addiction to unhappiness. And still for some, it is about sabotaging any good when it comes our way because happiness feels so alien to the ‘unhappiness addict.’

We are suggesting something of great significance here: that all your so-called ‘problems’ stem from an addiction to unhappiness. Now, we will back up for a moment and say that ‘yes, life includes suffering!’

We all suffer because we somehow cannot accept that everything and everyone, including ourselves, is temporary in nature. Life, in all its’ forms, is transient and always changing. We fear the end result which we call death. Acceptance of our temporary nature is the first step that allows us to break away from the addiction to unhappiness.

Through a variety of processes, we can each transform ourselves from being addicted to unhappiness to making happiness our new addiction.

Being happy doesn’t mean you never experience sadness. It does mean, however, you develop a greater sense of gratitude, appreciation and love for others, yourself and Life as a whole. A shift from unhappiness to happiness changes your whole life for the better. You ‘go with the flow’ so-to-speak. You rise above any situation, experience and circumstance. When you experience let-downs, allow yourself to feel sad. Grieve , if necessary. Yet, at the end of the day, realize what happened to you doesn’t define who you are.

The addiction to unhappiness takes years to develop. Through childhood, adolescence and into adulthood, we each experience suffering in a variety of ways. This is the human condition. It is inevitable and inescapable.

Yet, we each possess the power to become addicted to happiness. Like our addiction to unhappiness, this addiction will take some time to establish itself in your life.

In order for happiness to become your new norm, you must fulfill some requirements that allow you to exchange an unhealthy addiction for one that invigorates, inspires and ignites a spark of magnificence in you.

Here is a list of processes that we recommend for making happiness your new addiction:

1. Be open to being happy. Without an open mind and an open heart no one can create lasting positive change.

2. Believe that being happy is possible and can happen to you. Without belief, you cannot change your reality which includes your experiences, circumstances and situations.

3. Take full responsibility for your life. No one can truly be happy if they refuse to take charge of their own life. Being responsible is empowering and being empowered is being happy.

4. Learn how to ‘accept what is.’ Life happens! Every moment presents us with a new set of obstacles and challenges. Instead, see them as opportunities. Through acceptance, we open the door to solutions. We can then move with Life rather than being at its’ mercy.

5. Embrace the power of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the only remedy for unhappiness. Forgiveness frees us from the bondage of all our suffering inflicted upon us by others and by the suffering we inflict upon ourselves.

6. Become a living example of happiness. To experience happiness requires you to embrace it. This means being open to it, believing it has value and being responsible for the form it takes in your life. It also means you are willing to forgive, let go of the past and begin each day with a clean slate.

Right now, in this moment, you may see your life situation as a problem; an enemy of sorts. This is not the case! Consider that your one and only problem is your one and only addiction: unhappiness.

When you really ‘get’ what the two of us are saying here you are on the road to recovery! Unhappiness no more! The road to recovering your life is making happiness yours!

Are you ready to be happier? Contact us for a complementary ‘Live Your Dream Life Coaching Session.’

Jon Satin and Chris Pattay – The Possibility Coaches™
©2015 Possibility Coaches, LLC



Addiction and How to Heal It: The Door to Peace and Happiness

Addiction manifests in a variety of ways. Addictive behavior and how to overcome it has become an integral part of the human experience over the last century.  From 12-step programs to rehab centers to electric shock therapy, there have been a variety of approaches to curing them.

addiction and the doorway to inner peace
Overcome addiction and open the door to inner peace!

Though some of these approaches have resulted in eliminating the substance from the addict’s life, the cause itself has rarely been addressed.  As a life and relationship coach, I have observed over the last decade that addictive behavior, in varying degrees,  is innate in all human beings.  We are, by definition, creatures of habit.  We are Pavlov’s dog. The big difference though between us and the dog is that our habitual behaviors can have life-altering and even life threatening effects on us.

Healing an addiction requires us to move away from examining the symptoms (the drinking, the drugs, the eating, the gambling, the working, the shopping, the sexing, the sugar, the chaos and even the drama to name a few prominent examples) to the cause.  The cause for any addiction is the same for all of us:  an addiction is a representation that there is within the addict, an absence of love.

Healing an addiction through the door to peace and happiness, is achieved solely by introducing the presence of love in to the addict’s life.  I know, you may be thinking, ‘get real’ now and ‘smell the coffee!’  Friends, if you are thinking this, then I say to you that you have addictive behaviors that are (or an addiction that is) controlling your life (through addiction) and denying you the peace and happiness that you deserve to experience.

An addiction is simply a repetitive behavior that is a substitute or replacement for an emotional void that we are feeling at our core.  I have discovered that an addiction, no matter what shape or form it takes, is a symptom of what I call a spiritual disconnection.  The key to healing an addiction is reconnecting ourselves to who we are spiritually.

Healing an addiction is about creating a new life story.  All addicts have one thing in common: they all habitually lie to themselves.  Their self-talk is one unsubstantiated story, fable and tall-tale after another.  The content of these stories is always negative, emotionally draining and debilitating and in some cases can become life-threatening.  A footnote here that is sad, but true:  most Americans are addicts.  When there is an absence of real love for oneself you will always find an addiction.

At this point, you may very well be saying that your story is sadder, more horrific than others and that is why you experience an addiction.  To this, I say, excuses, alibis and playing the victim are the significant symptoms of addictive behavior.  Peace and happiness can never exist in anyone’s life when excuses, lies, playing the victim and living in denial exist. Living in denial about ‘not feeling lovable’ or ‘not feeling good enough’ are the typical root causes for people to medicate and numb themselves through substances and negative behaviors.

Ending any addiction begins with knowing the root cause of it.  Why do you do what you do? Why do you drink that fifth of vodka? Why do you smoke marijuana day after day? Why do you shop when your closet can’t hold another stitch of clothing? Why do you secretly watch pornography night after night? Why do you always end up with men who physically and mentally abuse you? Why is your life filled with drama day after day like a television soap opera? Why do you go into the fridge and eat that cheesecake when everyone else is asleep?

The answer is simple.  You have been lying to yourself for so long that the stories you have been telling yourself over and over have become the person you believe you really are.  It is as if you are a propaganda specialist.  A person who specializes in propaganda is someone who knows that by telling a story over and over again to the same audience, they will, in time, begin to accept it as gospel truth.  Think of television commercials.  Joseph Goebbels, the head of German propaganda during World War II said that if you tell a lie often enough the people will begin to believe it as truth.  Sadly, and perhaps this is a rather strong analogy, this is what we do to ourselves.

When the stories we tell become the experiences we have through the notion that ‘as we think, so shall we be’ the pain can become overwhelming and potentially intolerable. This is when we look for diversions.  Again, some diversions such as internet surfing,  can be trivial and simply wastes of precious time and others like substance abuse can have unfortunate and even disastrous effects.

Healing an addiction requires uncovering the truth once and for all.  One of the most shocking truths I assist people uncover when they decide to heal an addiction is that most, if not all of the beliefs they live by, are lies.  This can be a bitter pill to swallow.  When I went through this process I became extremely angry.  The realization that I had been lying to myself habitually and living through one addiction after another, was quite an eye-opener to say the least.

Another key component for healing an addiction is NOT to identify yourself with the substance or the behavior. If you do, this perpetuates the same identity you have been holding that is rooted in victim-hood.  This causes the continuation of addictive behavior.   For example, if you drink alcohol and say ‘I am an alcoholic’, you are identifying yourself AS the addiction.  This can lock-in the addiction because you are making it your identity.  You are NOT your addiction. Identifying with the symptoms aligns you with behaviors that keep you stuck.  If you have been identifying yourself for quite a while AS your addiction, know that there is more to you than your addiction and your addictive behavior. To heal an addiction requires YOU to create a new identity by releasing negative emotions that no longer serve you. This is accomplished through the process of emotional healing. It requires you to tap into the greatness that lives within you and is waiting to come out!

Healing an addiction requires each of us to take our power back.  When I speak of power, I speak spiritually, and not physically.  In psychology, the term self-actualized is used to describe the end result of being empowered.  It is the ultimate destination of one’s life journey:  to be comfortable in one’s own skin!  This my friends, is called self-love.  This is the door that opens to a room where peace and happiness await you.

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to begin to tell yourself a different story.  You can do this by first questioning every belief you have.  This may sound daunting and even insane, yet I have done this and I will tell you that it gets real positive results.  Prior to the new story, is an old story line that at some point in time you will have to be willing to surrender and let go forever.  This is about letting go of the past once and for all.  This includes the regrets, the guilt, the shame and playing the victim.  It also includes letting go of the ‘should haves,’ ‘wished I hads’ and ‘why didn’t I’s.’

Healing an addiction is also about giving up the notion of having to be perfect.  Perfection to me is like the tail the dog chases and never seems to realize that it is his tail he is chasing.  Perfection is your tail.  It is part of you already.  Stop chasing it!

No matter what current situation you are in; if you do not love yourself simply because you exist, then healing an addiction will always be an ongoing challenge. Self-love is the ultimate and permanent solution for living a life of peace and happiness.  The symptoms are irrelevant.  It does not matter if it is chemical or otherwise.  If you cannot do it on your own, seek support and guidance.

When you are able to create a new storyline and see ‘you’ as you truly are, all addictions melt away as if they were ice cubes sitting out in the summer sun: here one minute and gone the next.  Healing an addiction is a process.

You are not an alcoholic. You are not a drug addict. You are not an over eater. You are a human being who is experiencing emotional pain because of the negative thoughts and beliefs that you have about yourself and the world. To ease that pain, you have been reaching outside yourself for relief. Instead, consider that true healing results from releasing emotional pain from within.

You must turn the knob, go through the door and be willing to create a new environment for yourself.  This place is within you.  It is your personal shrine of emotional well-being.  Feel peace and happiness! After all, it is your birthright!