Tag Archives: acceptance

How Millennials Can Find Freedom Within Their Circumstances

Many of the Millennials who come to us for assistance are fighting battles with a very familiar common enemy: anxiety and economic instability.

Millennials
What is important to Millennials?

The young people seeking our coaching tend to fall into two camps. The majority, perhaps 60%, feel lost and untethered. They are crushed under college debt, they want but don’t yet have a house or a family, and they work hard jobs but haven’t broken into their careers. The other group has means with a job at a great salary, who can buy a home and start a family if they choose, but it comes with the high price of NEVER being able to take a breath. These people are going 24/7, and they are full of chaos and overwhelmed with anxiety. Some of them are amassing huge amounts of credit card debt to keep up with the Joneses and live the life they were told they should achieve in order to be considered complete.

Both of these people have something in common, and in fact they have it in common with many people across different generations as well: they are being held hostage to what the world has told them is important and worthwhile, and their internal measures of worth are being stifled in the process.

Homeownership is a common thread among Millennials right now, who have largely graduated college and been in the workforce for a while, and are looking to move to the next stages of their life. Many Millennials want to be homeowners, and yet an unprecedentedly large number of them are not compared to their parent’s generation. There are many interconnected reasons for this, but a big one is this:

Millennials were born into a very, very different economic reality than their parents were. Both the economy and the housing market have drastically changed in a few short decades.

Millennials: to buy or rent?

Not all that long ago, it was common to afford a college degree as a middle class student with no debt, to easily find some kind of job immediately upon graduation, and to retire with a pension. People born into those circumstances were indeed buying houses by the time they were 30 years old. But as many of you know, those are not the circumstances of today. Mix in a poor job market with little opportunity for new workers, vanishing benefits, and an unfavorable housing market, and it is little wonder that fewer 30 year olds are buying houses than ever. It would be astonishing if they were. The situation may sometimes feel grim, but it is far from hopeless–here’s why.

Once while in Maine, we had a very interesting conversation with some French Canadians on vacation. They were sharing their surprise at the American emphasis on homeownership. They were very confused about why so many people would want to take on the cost and responsibility of managing a piece of property. According to them, they preferred to rent, and have the freedom to go on vacations and have nice dinners. For them, renting was a lifestyle choice that they were happy to make, not a great failure or proof of a hopeless financial situation.

This conversation was fascinating because it reminded us once again about a very basic truth — you can find happiness, success, and self-actualization in any circumstance. To do so, you must first let go of the outside expectations and assumptions that have been holding you back.

We’re often told by Millennial clients that “I should have a house by now” and “they say I should have $x dollars in the bank by the time I’m 30.” Who is “they”? Why is it “should”?

It may be a helpful exercise for some frustrated Millennials to contemplate why they truly want to buy a house; is it because there is truly something intrinsic to homeownership that can provide peace and meaning? Or do you want it because you have been told that you are worthless without it?

You are going to experience pain if you’re looking for a similar outcome with someone that has a different life. Millennials face different challenges and obstacles than the ones their parents faced, and there is no shame or failure in that. In fact, there are some circumstances that are unique to Millennials that hold great opportunity. For one, Millennials have helped build a more progressive and open minded society than existed before. People that were once shut out from society completely are now being acknowledged, valued, and invited to take part.

Millennials also place more emphasis on wellness and the mind-body connection than their predecessors did, and as a result, they are living healthier and more balanced lives for it.

Another recent opportunity is that the path to entrepreneurship is more available now than ever before–tools like Skype and Zoom that have only existed for about a decade make it possible to work from anywhere, and to start a business from home. Many Millennials are taking full advantage of their unique connectedness and adventurous spirit to build thriving online businesses. In our experience, this generation is very grounded, socially compassionate, and interested in caring for and protecting other human beings. They are more connected to the environment, and they want the political policy to care about all people. This makes them incredible agents for change.

Millennials
The Millennial generation is a brilliant and caring generation!

Far from being the generation with the least opportunities, Millennials have some incredible gifts and opportune circumstances that they can use to build meaningful, complete lives. To do this, each person must decide for themselves what is important to them. Put another way, a quote from Albert Einstein states: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” The question we have for you at this point of our journey together is, “What is your genius?”

What, indeed, is your genius? What are your talents and natural gifts that are not currently being tapped into? What are your interests? What are your passions? What change do you want to see in the world? You want to decide what’s important to you, not what the world tells you is important.

Sometimes, the way to move forward is by accepting what “is” right now. Accepting a circumstance is a very different thing from being resigned to that circumstance. When you resign yourself to a bad situation, you pull in anger and resentment. As a result, you close yourself off and aren’t capable of seeing the solutions that may already be available to you. When you accept a situation, you grant yourself the inner peace you need to work on changing it. When you are motivated by anger and fear, you don’t get the results you want. If you’re willing to accept what is, you begin to be motivated by optimism and the belief that things can change and we can solve problems. Whatever you focus on tends to expand. When we focus on the problems in our life, we get more problems. When we focus on solutions, we teach ourselves to find them.

What outside expectations have been holding you back? And what dreams are waiting to pull you forward? Contact us for a no obligation no cost coaching session and we will assist you to uncover the answers to these two questions.

We also invite you to download Eight Tools for Creating Success and Happiness in Your Life as our free gift to you.

Jon Satin and Chris Pattay – The Possibility Coaches™
©2019 Possibility Coaches, LLC

What Are Healthy Manly Emotions?

When you think of ‘manly’ emotions, what do you imagine? Is it fatherly love? Loyalty, trust, honor, and compassion? Or do you think of anger, rage, the ‘right to be right’, sarcasm, or jealousy?

Healthy manly emotions

In America, at this point in time, there is a very short list of ‘approved’ male emotions. Men are allowed to be angry, but not vulnerable. They are allowed to be ambitious and self-serving, but not nurturing. How can anyone truly thrive when being held to such narrow standards that work against everything that Life is supposed to be?

As coaches, we share with our clients that Life is composed of love, joy, inspiration, creativity, and expansion. There’s nothing inherent, or even natural, about living a life that is rooted in anger or fear. None of us are born that way, but we learn to be that way.

There is a ‘Chain of Pain’ that connects members of the newest generation to the dysfunction and self-sabotaging habits of their parents and grandparents. Somewhere along the line, we started teaching our sons that anger was acceptable, while certain expressions of love were not. As a result, men grow up feeling isolation, worthlessness, and a deep longing for the kinds of relationships that can only come from unconditional love.

negative emotions and behavior
negative emotions and behavior

Gillette ran an ad not long ago that stirred a lot of debate and controversy. The ad showed clips of a boy being chased through the street by a pack of other boys, until a father intervenes while his son watches. The ad urged men to abandon the excuse of ‘boys will be boys’ for violent and exploitative behavior, and adds the tagline ‘we believe in the best in men.’ Some men reacted with anger to this ad, as though they felt threatened by its message. When we feel threatened, it indicates that a vulnerability is in danger of being exposed. Vulnerability may come as a result of the fear of rejection that keeps us from experiencing love fully, or it may come as a resistance to change. By embracing vulnerability rather than shrinking from it, we can transform our lives.

‘We believe in the best in men’ is an interesting tagline. ‘Best’ can be a loaded word–when we strive to ‘do our best’, we tend to inevitably come up short of others’ expectations. But when we learn to BE our best–to release others’ expectations of us, and live empowered in the knowledge that we honor our authentic selves–we can live the lives we were always meant to have.

Some men live without allowing themselves to fully experience love, because they are afraid of vulnerability, afraid of rejection, and afraid of ridicule. The violence shown in the ad, then, does not stem from a political problem, but a spiritual one. Do you want to live in love, or in fear? Do you want to be confined by others’ expectations of what a man can feel and how he should act, or do you want to experience life as your authentic self?

If you are struggling to manage your relationships and the expectations placed on you, we invite you to reach out for a complimentary coaching session with The Possibility Coaches. You can also download Breaking the Chain of Emotional Pain as our free gift to you.

Jon Satin and Chris Pattay – The Possibility Coaches™
©2019 Possibility Coaches, LLC

The Power of Acceptance

Acceptance is the key to inner peace! One of the great lessons of my life has been to not hold on to disappointments: they act like a heavy ball and chain.

Acceptance
Acceptance

So many may be deeply disappointed and disheartened by the events of the 2016 US Presidential election.

I have found that the best antidote to disappointment is acceptance. Without acceptance we stay mired in the unchangeable and stuck in the past. With acceptance we can move on and create different results and brighter tomorrows. It is only with acceptance that we can see the silver lining in the cloud. It is only with acceptance that we can grieve the disappointment and begin to let it go.

With acceptance we begin to dissolve our anger, resentment, rage and disillusionment. We move from “why did this happen?” to “this happened for a reason and I am open to seeing it through and learning what that reason is.”

Acceptance falls into many categories: acceptance of yourself, of others, of outcomes and of situations we cannot control. Acceptance does not mean that we do not set boundaries, do not care or become apathetic. Acceptance is something we do for ourselves so that we can gain a level of inner peace and calmness. By accepting a situation as “temporary,” we can create an inner space where desired outcomes become reality.

There is a reason the events of November 8, 2016 happened. It serves a purpose. In fact, it can have multiple purposes. The biggest purpose that I see (and I have discussed this with others over the last several years) is that our country still contains a highly racist and bigoted collective.

Truthfully, friends, the events of this day are a golden opportunity for each of us to look in the mirror and take responsibility for what we truly believe. Being prejudice and bigoted doesn’t mean someone is bad; it means they are in some way deeply wounded. Prejudice and bigotry are aspects of fear.

There is a saying that goes something like this: “you cannot give away what you do not have.” In other words, if you are full of hatred, anger, resentment and feel left out, you will project how you feel onto the world. On the other hand, if you feel love in your heart, possess compassion, empathy toward everyone, and genuinely appreciate all that you have and who you are, then that is what you will share with the world.

Therefore, it is the responsibility of each of us to be open and willing to look within and see what we find. Sometimes we don’t like what we find, yet when we get deeply honest with ourselves we can begin to clean up our inner “house” and create real change for ourselves and the world.

acceptance
acceptance
One of my heroes, Mahatma Gandhi said it best: “Be the change you want to see.” If we want America to be the shining star that everyone looks up to we must look within and see where we need to shine the light. As a nation we have not yet done this. We continue to sweep under the carpet our darkest feelings toward others both past and present.

Until we get brutally honest with ourselves as a nation: bigotry, prejudice, hatred, resentment and blame will continue. We have made mistakes, both individually and collectively. It is time to admit our mistakes and shortcomings, take responsibility for allowing them to misguide us, and then let them go once and for all.

We will see what unfolds in the coming days, months and years. This is my appeal to each and every one of you who reads this: look deep into your heart. Stop waiting for someone else to change. The truth is our politicians are not our leaders, they are paid servants of the people. We the people are the leaders; therefore, we as leaders must lead by example. What example are you setting for the rest of us? I have great confidence that it will be one that exemplifies the highest values and virtues: compassion, ethics, integrity, kindness and good-will to everyone. Bless you all!

Jon Satin and Chris Pattay – The Possibility Coaches™
©2016 Possibility Coaches, LLC

acceptance

acceptance