Life and Relationship Coaching Dilemma: Breakdown or Breakthrough?

Over the years,  in our life and relationship coaching practice,  Chris and I have had many people come to us for guidance at what seemed to be ‘the breaking point.’  The breaking point is a time most have of us have experienced once or multiple times in our lifetimes or too many times we care to recall.  It’s a time when we felt we had no where to turn and we were out of options.

relationship coaching
Putting the pieces back together again with relationship coaching

For many of us, and I will include myself in this,  it appeared we were on the verge of an emotional breakdown of sorts;  a coming apart of all the seams that held our sanity in place.  Given the chance, we could easily throw in the towel on life.  And yet, we didn’t! Something prompted us to move forward.  To take some sort of action.  And at that time perhaps we ask the question, “Am I having a nervous breakdown?”

In relationship coaching,  we discuss the most important relationship of all:  the one we have with ourselves.  Everything we think, say and do is rooted in and emanates from that one relationship.  If it is healthy, then our other relationships and our  life and life experiences are healthy too.  For most people,  unfortunately, the relationship they have with themselves is not healthy.  To have a healthy relationship of any kind, especially the one we have with ourselves, we must be free of the blocks, barriers and discord we feel and experience internally.  When we feel like we are having a breakdown we are receiving clear messages that we must change our life course.

So where are these messages coming from? In my relationship coaching sessions I have given a variety of responses to that question.  My answers are only words. Only concepts. I believe what you call the messenger, be it your ‘higher self,’ your ‘authentic self,’ your ‘spirit,’  even God, is unimportant.  The important thing is that we listen to the message.

For this reason, and because I have gone through this process myself,  I know that most of the emotionally draining and fear-based episodes we experience as human beings are really opportunities for each of us to stop where we are, both physically and emotionally, and simply regroup.  This is typically where our life and relationship coaching clients are in their lives when they contact me and Chris.

The opportunity to stop and regroup emotionally and physically is critical.  It is a point in time, wherever we find ourselves on the life journey, when we literally have the option to utilize the greatest gift that was given to us as human beings:  the gift of choice.

When a so-called ‘breakdown’ seems to be knocking on the door, we have the choice to answer and turn our backs on our life or we can see this setback of sorts as an opportunity to begin the process of creating real positive change in our lives.

More times than not in our society we turn our backs on ourselves and others at these seemingly difficult and horrific times.  To get ourselves and others through it we seek easy answers that temporarily cover up the pain we are feeling.  We medicate,  be it with chemicals, food, sex, shopping.  We will literally do anything to numb the pain. You name it, somewhere, someone has a remedy for you and your breakdown.

In my life and relationship coaching sessions with clients who claim to be at their own personal ‘breaking points’ I suggest we begin an intervention of sorts.  We don’t look at the way they have numbed their pain.  We look at the choices they are making that comes from the mind that has convinced them that they have no alternative.

You see, you and I always, in any given moment, can decide to take the challenges we are facing and view them one of two ways:  as signs of impending disaster and doom or as a real opportunity to take stock of ourselves, who we are, how we treat ourselves and others and decide once and for all that  ‘I am going to have a breakthrough and not a breakdown.’

Breakdowns, according to the medical experts, are episodes where we are out of  touch with ‘reality.’  Based on where the majority of people in our society are today emotionally,  I believe measuring what is ‘reality’ is like measuring depression or happiness;  you can’t!  I have met many individuals who would be classified as ‘sane’ who I believe are out of touch with reality.  How many ‘functioning’ people do you know who believe that someone is always out to ‘get them’ or are regularly ‘flying off the handle’ and finding themselves in the middle of arguments, fights and conflicts?

I believe that there are a majority of people who are suffering what appear to be episodic breakdowns.  They are functioning, but barely, day to day, yet they feel like they are just hanging on by a thread.  Truth be said, they are just barely hanging on!  If you are someone in that situation or know someone that is, realize that what you are witnessing is what you may call a breakdown.  I, on the other hand, will suggest it is an opportunity, an encounter that literally happens continuously through messages delivered to us from that part of us that loves us unconditionally, that it will do everything in its power to awaken you to make different choices.

What I am really suggesting here in this blog and to all my clients who participate in relationship coaching sessions, is a change in perspective.  It is about becoming aware of opportunities that are knocking on your door and being at some point in time willing to answer.  I, like many of you, have been ‘down and out,’ yet here I am today astounded by where I have been emotionally, where I have gone emotionally, and where I am now.  This is not to impress you, but to impress upon you that anything is possible!

Wherever we find ourselves at this place in time is irrelevant.  What’s relevant is how you feel about where you are.  Our emotions tell the story…the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Remember this:  emotions are energy in motion and you and I have the power to change the contents of that energy at all times.

Seeing a breakdown as a potential breakthrough is one way to shift your energy.  Have a relationship coaching session with yourself.  Take time to get in-touch with yourself again at a conscious level.  If you are feeling ‘lost’ it means you have lost your emotional way because you have strayed from your true emotional ‘home.’  We all have the capacity to find our way back home.  It’s just a matter of deciding that we’re going to get there.  Not by having a ‘breakdown, but by breaking through the emotional barriers and blocks that we have allowed to prevent us from getting there! Chris and I are your guides. Jump on board!

relationship coaching

relationship coaching

relationship coaching


2 thoughts on “Life and Relationship Coaching Dilemma: Breakdown or Breakthrough?”

  1. Yes! I am there, smack dab in the middle of the breakdown. Calling it dark night of the soul sometimes. Regardless of the name, it is really a nasty place to be AND a huge call to wake up and open up and be willing to see something different. There is nothing easy about it but going forward is really the only way. Grant me strength and courage.

    Thank you for your blog. I also loved the Self Empowerment article. I’ve printed it out to read again and again.

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