Breaking the Chain of Emotional Pain | life coaching

Life Coaching
Breaking The Chain Of Pain

For years I told myself that my life, my relationships and all the circumstances surrounding them were the way they were because I believed life was meant to be a struggle …and there was nothing I could do to change that.

Fast forward twenty years and I say today with absolute conviction that I love my life and my relationships (both personal and professional).  How can that be? I broke, what I call the ‘Chain of Pain.’

The ‘Chain of Pain’ is part of our inheritance.  It is the root cause of all dysfunctional behavior in our society.  It is why people are unhappy, apathetic, anxious, stressed, angry, impatient, belligerent, depressed and in some extreme cases downright nasty.

Who you are; more likely who you think you are, is the sum total of the chain of pain you are connected to.  Your connection to the chain of pain began with your family of origin:  your parents, grandparents, siblings and adult authority figures prominent in your childhood.  These represent all the so-called “experts” who claimed to do and know what was best for you.

Many of these adults in our childhood truly loved us and cared about our well-being.  They wanted us to grow-up and become happy, grounded adults in happy, grounded careers and relationships.  They wanted us to have a wonderful life!

For many of us in today’s society the notion of having a wonderful life with nurturing, harmonious relationships somehow fell by the wayside somewhere on the journey.  The good news is that it is never and I repeat, never too late to have a wonderful life.

If you are struggling, do not despair! Don’t give up on your life or your relationships.  As long as you can conceive in your mind a life or a relationship that is different than the one you are currently experiencing, then I say to you:  ‘You can do it!’

‘The Chain of Pain’ is why you are currently suffering. In my Life Coaching practice, when I refer to suffering,  I am speaking specifically about suffering caused by emotional pain.

Here is how your chain of pain came into being.  As a child, you were abused either physically, emotionally or both.  Or, it was less obvious, more subtle:  what is termed ’emotional abandonment.’  This is when a child doesn’t receive the love he or she needs from one or both parents.  In most cases, the parents are totally unconscious of how they are affecting their child.

Through Life Coaching, the origins of the ‘Chain of Pain’ are relatively easy to trace.  Everyone’s chain is a connection that is linked to the ‘family tree.’  If you knew or know your grandparents, their behavior patterns and personalities, you can begin to understand why your parents did and said what they did and said.

The result of all this pain is that if it’s left unchecked and unresolved, it is passed on to future generations.  Its’ adverse effects are wide and vast both to us as individuals, to the life we live and the relationships we participate in.

Here’s the good news! Right now you can begin the process of breaking free from your ‘chain of pain.’  The most important step you can take in the process of taking back your life and creating quality relationships that you desire and cherish is the very first step.  In Life Coaching, this first step is called awareness.

Remember friends, there was a time in my life when I was totally oblivious to the idea of dysfunction in my life, let alone something called a ‘chain of pain.’  When I became aware that this source of my struggle was controlling the quality of my life and my relationships a light went on in my head.  That light has shone brightly ever since.

As I began to transform my life I wanted to share what I learned with others.  This is why I entered the field of Life Coaching and why I and my partner Chris have dedicated ourselves to assisting anyone who is ready and willing to cut the links to their chain of pain.  If you are not doing so yet, isn’t it time that you begin to live the life and have the relationships that you so richly deserve?

Our gift to you. Download your copy of How to Break The Chain of Emotional Pain here:

life coaching

life coaching

life coaching

The Last Word on Responsibility in Life and Relationships

life and relationships
Life and Relationships

In life and relationships, the world is full of extreme examples and different viewpoints on the subject of responsibility. We all know someone who is considered to be on the side of ‘irresponsible.’  We also know people who feel responsible for everyone and everything.  They are the ones who appear to be carrying the world on their shoulders.

Who and what we are each responsible for appears to be a ‘gray’ area for most people.  Typically, the state of our emotions dictates who and what we believe and feel responsible for.

As Life and Relationship Coaches, Chris and I break responsibility down to its’ most common denominator.  This is the last word you will ever need when it comes to how you view the idea of responsibility in your life.

The level of responsibility present in your life and relationships, and how you respond, is directly related to the presence, power and role guilt plays in your life.  If feeling guilty is a big player in your life, then responsibility is more than likely wearing you down.  On the other hand, if you tend to lean toward irresponsibility, you more than likely blame everyone else and circumstances for your problems and shortcomings.

Yes, responsibility looms large on a daily basis:  at home, at the workplace and in business.  Because it does play a major role in all life and relationships, it is important that you define its parameters where you are concerned.

There are 2 questions that will arise at potentially any given time, depending on the circumstances and your state of mind.  We call these 2 questions the ‘Double Whammy’ questions.  They are a double-whammy that can potentially cause you to emotionally derail if you have unresolved issues regarding responsibility.

These 2 questions are: ‘What am I responsible for right now?’ and ‘Who am I responsible to and/or for right now?’

So, here are the last words for you regarding what you are, always have been and always will be responsible for:  your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, words and deeds.  In addition, you are responsible for how you see yourself and the world.  Conversely, here is what you are never responsible for:  the thoughts, beliefs, feelings, words and deeds of other people and how others see themselves, you and the world.

And now, the last words for you regarding who you are, always have been and always will be responsible for:  you, yourself and any person or group of people you have an agreement with, either verbal or written.  In addition, you are responsible for your children (under the age of 18) and your pets or any animals that depend on you for food, water and shelter.

Looking at responsibility this way simplifies it for you.  You can begin to end the process of bearing the weight of the world on your shoulders.  Or, you can begin to take back your life and relationships by being willing to take responsibility for you.  When you take responsibility for you, and others begin to do the same, you become an example of and for positive change in the world.  You become master of your destiny and who you are becoming.  You are now the CEO of You, Inc.  And that’s the last word on responsibility, in your life and relationships!

life and relationships

life and relationships

life and relationships

Baseball: Strikeouts, Homers & The Game of Life and Relationships

Life and relationships, in regards to creating success, is much like batting in baseball. You will strikeout, be hit by pitches, hit a homer, or something in-between.

life and relationships
life and relationships

I have loved baseball as far back as I can remember.  I played the game as a youth;  as an adult an avid fan of MLB. Specifically, a Yankee fan for nearly half a century.  As a player,  I was not what you called a power hitter. I hit simply to get on base.  To get on base in baseball is success. Get a hit every 3 out of 10 at bats and you’re a star. All baseball scholars and historians always cite the “Babe” as the measure of true success. Recall that he struck out way more than he hit home runs, yet what is his legacy about? The 714 homers he hit, of course.

Great hitters hone their skills by rising above the strikeouts, ground outs and fly outs. A master ballplayer knows that creating success for himself and more importantly for his team requires consistency, persistence and laser focus.  Like baseball, your life and relationships require you to hone your skills to create hits and score runs both professionally and personally.

Life and all your relationships are a game that requires your full participation. This is what is meant by living life to its full potential. It’s about keeping your “eye on the prize.” What are your eyes currently focusing on? The prize? Or the fact that the prize seems out of reach? When a championship season for your life and your relationships feels like an impossibility and you feel like the Chicago Cubs, it is time to start asking questions. Asking questions will shake you up and even change your outlook. The hitter who bats .300 every season is an athlete who without doubt gets brutally honest with himself when a batting slump appears. He doesn’t beat himself up. More likely, he observes himself from within to see where he may be out of alignment emotionally. If he isn’t willing to do this the slump will continue.

Are you willing to observe yourself? As a Life and Relationship Coach I have assisted hundreds of individuals over the years create awareness about how they are playing the game of life. Being a star in the game that is your life, like any sport, requires consistency of effort, vision and being comfortable in your own skin. It also requires you to enjoy the process and have fun on the journey. A game that doesn’t feel like fun isn’t worth playing.

No matter where you are on life’s journey, be it Spring training, the All-Star Break or the Fall Classic, it is never too early or too late to rise above the strikeouts, ground outs and fly outs and disappointments of your past seasons. Hone your life and relationship skills and create the dream life and dream relationships you desire. Remember, you only get one go-round in this uniform. Ask yourself, “How badly do I want that championship season?”

I was never a .300 hitter; however, I pride myself on being an All-Star hitting coach when it comes to life and relationships.  If you seek to become an All-Star and be a champion in your life and relationships contact me. Play ball!

life and relationships

life and relationships

life and relationships

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