Change Your Story to Change Your Life!

What is your story? What is the story you tell yourself, in your mind, about yourself day in and day out? The story you tell yourself in your mind and tell others, is ultimately how you live your life. If you want to change your life, you have to be willing to change your ‘story.’

Change your story to change your life!
When you carry your negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself and the world (which is your story) from day to day then you can never change your future. You want to learn how to change your story so you can change your life!

So let us explain. There are two types of people in the world: dreamers and dreamers who become achievers.  The world unfortunately labels the first as unsuccessful and the latter as successful. Dreamers talk about big ideas, while achievers put them into action to create a new physical reality. We are all one or the other in any given moment.

Right now, if you are struggling to make positive changes in your life you may be in a dreamer’s mode where you are wishing, hoping and yearning for something better or something bigger. The likelihood is you are living a story you told yourself during your childhood. This story probably includes a lot of reasonable sounding excuses about why it’s hard or even impossible to create different results for your life.

If you are not getting the results you want for your life, then you may not be aware of the type of energy that is the driving force in your life.

If your life feels like drudgery most of the time then it is likely that your story may require some editing and rewrites. Your story may also require a change in its cast of characters. Who are those closest to you? Are they positive, uplifting people or do they drag you down emotionally? It has been said that the results you receive in your life will be determined by who you keep company and spend most of your time with and who you have the closest emotional ties to.

Now, we are not suggesting if your spouse, partner, significant other or other loved ones are not positive role models that you should leave them or eliminate them from your life all together. We are suggesting that you become aware of their unduly negative influence and control, they may have over you. Become open to changing your story so you can begin to change your life and the results you are receiving.

Right now, even in this very moment you may be coming up with some pretty amazing excuses. The fact remains, good stories do not justify a lack of results. You can always come up with truly great reasons to justify unwanted results in your life. The truth is: good stories and negative situations do not equal success, happiness and a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

To change your story and to change your life, requires specific internal shifts on your part that will enable you to change your external results.

To change your life requires:

#1 A willingness to take full responsibility for your life and your life situation. If you are not willing to do this, then nothing will ever change for you. As long as you blame, play the victim and point the finger for all your so-called problems your story will broadcast a series of reruns of your own personal soap opera.

#2 Acceptance of your current life and its’ circumstances. This may seem like it does not make any sense at all. You may be asking, “But if I accept what’s going on in my life, doesn’t that attract more of the same for me: the same results , the same types of people, the same lousy relationships and situations that I am in now?” And we say, “Absolutely not!”

An important explanation is required right here.  You see, there is something called “the paradox of change.” To create change doesn’t mean focusing on getting rid of who and what you don’t want in your life so you can have the people and circumstances that you do want. It means to first accept ‘what is’ in this very moment, be okay that this is it right now.

By doing this you are actually energetically defusing and emotionally detaching yourself from your old story of misery. You are no longer depleting your energy resources that you need to create positive changes. You cease playing the victim day after day to ‘what is’ or ‘what was’ yesterday, last week, last year or a lifetime ago! You now have the energy to move your focus, intentions and action steps into creating positive changes in and for your life.

#3 Knowing your ‘why.’ It is imperative to know your ‘why,’ get a ‘why’ or get a new one. Why do you do what you do? Why do you get out of bed in the morning? Why do you go to work 5 days a week or more? Why do you associate with who you associate with?

If you are unclear about how to answer these questions then you may want to consider uncovering a more powerful ‘why’ for your life. You see, it is a powerful ‘why’ that becomes the driving force behind changing your story to change your life.

When you do not know your ‘why’ or your ‘why’ is something like ‘well, I have to pay the bills, don’t I?’ and have money to go on vacation every summer, then it’s time for a new ‘why’, a new reason for being a bigger, larger than life contributor to the world.  It also means it’s time to stop making money your ‘why.’

When you begin to clarify and create your ‘why’ you are more than likely to run into obstacles that include people, situations, circumstances that really do not want you to change at all. The biggest obstacle may be your belief system about yourself and your world.  If these beliefs are contrary to the results you want, you will feel and perhaps experience your own resistance to positive change.

This is what we classify as the emotional blocks and barriers that prevent you from starring in you life’s story. Learn how to remove the emotional blocks and barriers from your life!

#4 And this is the 4th requirement to change your story and to change your life: releasing and letting go of the emotional blocks and barriers that are causing you to create the same old story day in and day out.

#5 The 5th and final requirement to changing your story is to simply feel the fears that come up during the ‘changing my story’ process, move through them and take the action that is in alignment with the new story, the new results you want for your life.

Understand that changing your story to change your life is a process.  It’s like an education.  In order to enroll in college you must have a high school diploma.  There will be bumps, humps, potholes, trenches, detours and mud on the road; however, it is your willingness, yes, your will, that ultimately is the driving power behind the probability of you changing your life by changing your story.

So, do you want a different story and a different life? Or do you want to continue with the same old, same old? From our perspective, where we are sitting, we suggest you consider changing your story.

Interestingly enough, just by reading this blog, and allowing us to share this information with you, is the beginning for positive changes in your life.

Because we have provided you with wisdom and information, you are now consciously aware that you can change you story to change your life!

To learn more, we invite you to download our free gift: A Special Report: Breaking The Chain of Emotional Pain: http://www.possibilitycoaches.net/pain

change your life

change your life

change your life

Is Your Relationship/Marriage Made in Heaven or a Living Hell?

As a Relationship Coach, I absolutely love counseling couples! Why? Because I enjoy listening to both his and her version of what’s ‘really going on.’ Each one, comes to their sessions believing they know what’s ‘wrong’ with their relationship/marriage. I always sit there with a grin as they each proceed to enlighten me on what their partner is or isn’t doing and saying or not saying, causing a breakdown and ultimate failure of the relationship.

Create Healthy Relationships!
Create Healthy Relationships!
My grins are a response to witnessing ‘the butting of two heads.’ Author and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle calls this interaction ‘the meeting of two pain bodies.’ Your pain body, as well as my pain body, is that part of us that believes you and I are separate from everyone else. This pain body also requires other people to fulfill its’ insatiable needs- especially those of the emotional kind.

When we do not have these emotional needs met we are typically faced with large amounts of internal strife. We can label these struggles with a variety of names and conditions. None of them feel good. Some of the names and conditions we give to the other person who is not fulfilling our needs are: ‘selfish,’ ‘self-centered,’ ‘unloving,’ ‘untrustworthy,’ ‘immature,’ ‘manipulative,’ ‘deceitful,’ ‘controlling,’ ‘argumentative’ and ‘critical.’ These are some of the descriptive words my clients, and perhaps you, too, have used to describe your partners both past and present.

As a result of attaching labels and conditions to our partners, we also simultaneously attach descriptive conditions to ourselves. If we do not feel good about ourselves, our self-talk can easily convince us either consciously or unconsciously that somehow we may deserve this current relationship. Your relationship/marriage which you once thought was ‘made in heaven,’ now appears to be ‘a living hell.’

This ‘living hell’ is a direct result of our feelings of unworthiness. This unworthy feeling stems from the belief that we are not deserving to be truly loved for who we are. We may also believe, on some deeper level, that love is not really meant to feel good, so consequently, we push away goodness from our lives. This is particularly true if we were taught not to trust people in general and/or we have experienced people who we thought loved us suddenly depart from our lives either physically or emotionally.

Right now, in this very moment, if you can honestly recognize and assess the status of your most significant relationship, I applaud you! So where do you rate it? Is it a heavenly co-existence, a hellish on-going battle like the ‘hundred years war,’ or somewhere in-between? Does it seem to switch without warning from blissful and loving to rage-filled and chaotic?

Begin now to take notice of the conditions, patterns and behaviors of both you and your partner/spouse that dominate and trend in your relationship. Observe if conflict is more prevalent than peace. Is intimate conversation and communication absent or a painful process that seems to be avoided at all cost?

Be honest about all of this! If you can’t, then honesty is absent from your relationship. I have found that most relationships lack a certain degree of authenticity in that each person wears a variety of ‘personality masks’ to keep themselves from getting hurt by other people.

These masks we wear are associated with the beliefs we have about ourselves, love, and whether or not you and I are deserving of receiving and giving love.

If your relationship/marriage is hellish, don’t get down on yourself or the current situation!

I have found with my own life journey and as a guide to hundreds of others over the years, that our relationships, like every other circumstance we experience, are reflections of how we see ourselves.

Now, this idea has some staggering, perhaps life-altering implications if you even contemplate and consider that this may be true. If all our relationships are simply like a mirror reflecting back to us what we are ‘putting out’ to the world, and we are dissatisfied with what we are experiencing, then perhaps it is time to be pro-active to positively changing the status of our relationships.

I’d like to share with you some basic, yet mandatory requirements that will assist you to begin the process of moving out of hellish relationships toward ones that are more likely made in heaven. These applications can be applied to all of your relationship, however, I am particularly focused here on your most intimate and significant ones at this time.

These ‘requirements’ cannot be overlooked or omitted, for if they are, you will surely experience a continuation of displeasure, disharmony and discord in your relationship or marriage. These requirements are listed below and must be followed in sequential order to create success in your relationship:

1. BEING READY, WILLING AND OPEN. Be ready, willing and open to improve the quality of your relationship. If you are not, then do not proceed! Instead, ask yourself ‘why am I resistant to moving forward?’

2. LOOK WITHIN. Once you agree to the first requirement, be open to looking within. This serves 2 purposes: first, it allows you to get in-touch with your true feelings toward the other person and yourself. It also provides you with greater insight to how you are in some way attracting unloving and unwanted relationships in to your life.

3. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE QUALITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. When you begin to accept that who you attract in to your life is a reflection of who you believe you are, you can begin to take responsibility for all aspects of your life, including your relationships.

4. COMMIT TO CREATING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS. Knowing that you are responsible for the status of all your relationships, you can now begin to positively affect their status. To do this requires commitment- and this is huge! This is about becoming the type of person you want in your life. This is acknowledging once and for all that the only person you can effectively change is you!

5. ACCEPT THAT ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY. By accepting that only you can change your relationships, you are on the road to becoming and doing whatever it takes to make your relationships work. This means that you cease to hold others responsible for your happiness. You also give up trying to change people to meet your emotional needs.

If you are willing to utilize my suggestions, you will gain clarity about yourself and your relationships. You will also see many of your relationships strengthen through love. On the other hand, some relationships may change course or even dissolve, yet they will do so in a more loving way.

This all can be a scary process! However, consider the alternative represented by a lifetime of unhealthy, unpredictable, dysfunctional relationships.

In the end, I guarantee you that the emotional payoff far outweighs the risk you take to create heaven on earth through your relationships!

To learn more, I invite you to download our free gift: Special Report: Breaking The Chain of Emotional Pain:
http://www.possibilitycoaches.net/pain

Are you ready to improve all of your relationships including the one you have with yourself? Contact us or a complimentary, no obligation coaching session.

©Possibility Coaches LLC

marriage

marriage

Begin to Eliminate Worry from Your Life Now!

Have you ever asked yourself, ‘Why do I worry?’ Have you ever asked yourself, ‘What is worry and why does it play such an important role in my life?’

How to Eliminate Worry
How to Eliminate Worry
These questions, in and of themselves, open what I call ‘portals to awareness and change.’ From a life coach perspective, awareness is the first key step to creating any type of positive change in your life. For without conscious awareness, you and I will continue to exhibit thoughts, language and behaviors that either lead us to the promised land of positive results or to the dreaded outcomes and the day of the locusts we so greatly fear.

So, what is worry and why do most of us experience it? All forms of fear, be it anxiety, depression, anger, despair, and worry, serve some purpose. Worry serves the worrier in some purposeful way. When our clients tell me or Chris that they are worried, we always respond with this question, ‘How does worrying serve you?’

You see, each and every emotion we possess and exhibit serves some purpose. Worry, and the experience of worrying and identifying ourselves as a worrier, are simple manifestations of our own energy in motion. The energy that you and I label ‘worry’ never creates a good feeling. Know that all emotions, whether good or bad, create feelings in our bodies. How we feel through our bodies is simply a network of electric charges of sorts. When this charge is fired up over and over again it becomes habitual. This is also known as an addiction.

Which leads me to ask you, ‘Are you addicted to worrying?’ Before you answer that question, know this: most people today are worry addicts. You see, worry, is simply your mind’s fixation and obsession on some future event, situation, experience or condition that has not occurred and may never, ever happen at all. The truth is that nearly all that you and I may worry about never comes to pass. Yet, that fact alone does not stop you from worrying, does it? No, I didn’t think it would!

If your are a worry wart, stop for a moment and ask yourself, ‘Why do I worry so much of the time?’ Listen, and I mean really listen for the answer. I will suggest to you that the response you receive is directly linked to a lack of trust in your own life. Specifically, when it comes to trusting other people, and mostly not trusting yourself.

Worry is always future-oriented. Interestingly, when we are present, mindful of what we are doing here and now, worry vanishes. Though very few of us have mastered living ‘in the now’ all of the time, we are able to eliminate worry when we consciously begin to trust the world, ourselves and the process of life more today than we did yesterday.

Here’s a fact about worry that may assist you to begin to move away from it now: worry is an emotional behavior that is passed on and learned. It is likely that as a child you witnessed one or both of your parents exhibiting worry as a rather constant aspect of their personalities.

My mother, like most mothers, is a habitual worrier. It’s as if she needs something to worry about. It appears that as a society we have conditioned women to believe that motherhood and worrying go hand-in-hand. I believe that a lot of women who play the role of Mom confuse worry for love.

In other words, the belief they live by is ‘if I don’t worry I’m not being a concerned, dedicated, loving parent.’ Within this belief is an inherent lack of trust. That lack of trust is directly (willingly or not) passed on to children. The result is, and has been, a world full of fear-based worriers. Just turn on the news: the advertisers are banking on the fact that you and I are worry addicts!

Loving and caring about others is very different from worrying. There is an old saying ‘the best laid plans of mice and men.’ I forget how it goes. The translation is that no amount of planning can control what the future holds for you and me. We each have a story about how we planned and planned, and worried and worried some more. And in the end none of that really mattered.

With that said, if we cannot control certain outcomes why bother worrying about them at all? And if you can genuinely control an outcome, then take the appropriate action to produce it. In either case it becomes a no-brainer to eliminate worry from your life.

Worry, with its’ habitual nature, can have unfortunate consequences long-term. Some of these consequences manifest in physical diseases like headaches, ulcers and other digestive disorders, to back ailments and cardiac disease, to name a few.

On the non-physical level, worry blocks possibilities and new growth-oriented opportunities from entering our lives. When we focus our undivided attention on what could possibly go wrong, we inevitably miss all the good that is right in front of us, and we miss any future opportunity to improve what currently is our life.

As a recovering worrier, let me assure you that it is very likely you can eliminate worry from your life, too. Here is a simple way to start: grab a pen and a sheet of paper. On this paper write down a list of everything you are currently worrying about…and I mean everything!

Now, put the letter ‘C’ next to each item that you feel you can honestly change or control. These are the situations, experiences or results you fear will happen; however, with right action, you can potentially change or completely eliminate them from ever happening. Next, put the letter ‘U’ along side the items you did not mark with the letter ‘C.’ These represent all the worry items that you believe are uncontrollable and out of your hands and there is absolutely no right action you can take to change or eliminate it from occurring.

When you are done with this exercise, read each item marked with a ‘U’ aloud. Then say: ‘I release this situation, experience, or outcome to the powers that be. I trust the process of life and I know that all is well now and always!’

Then, select one, two or even three items you marked with a ‘C’ that you can potentially change the outcome to create a more desired result. If you can change it, then commit to one action step to do so. The answer may be as simple as you being more trusting and willing to give up the need to worry and control all of the outcomes that life gives you from one day to the next.

Understand that the process of worrying keeps us from feeling good both emotionally and physically. In the long run it can do a ‘real number’ on us in a variety of ways.

Be open to eliminating worry from your life now! Notice when you worry. Ask yourself what function does it serve. How may worry be blocking positivity from entering in to your life? Do the exercise I suggested. Consider doing it on a regular basis until you have taken right action with the future outcomes you can control and change. Over time you will see the list shrink. And finally, feel the worry and be open to turning it over to a higher power, whatever that power is for you.

When worry diminishes in intensity you will witness some astounding changes in your life. You will actually find yourself enjoying life on a deeper, more meaningful level. And that my friends, is what being here and being human is all about!

worry

worry

Relationships: What Really Matters Most!

Relationships matter! As a coach to individuals, couples, families and businesses, I am, on a daily basis, assisting people to create solutions for their most challenging relationships.

Relationships
The Power of Relationships
I took time out this weekend, or so I thought, from coaching, to go to my 40 year reunion of my elementary school in New York City. Most people who attend school reunions typically go to their high school or college reunion. This was different. It was a gathering of my peers, on-site, at the school itself, who journeyed with me from kindergarten to 8th grade: many of whom I have not seen in 40 years! Talk about re-living your childhood!

It was wonderful to see the faces from my past, although they have matured and changed just a bit from 14 to 54. I am blessed to say, I am still friends with many of them to this day. With others, it was an amazing trip back in time to a place of true innocence and a time when we all developed our beliefs about ourselves and our world. Ponder this idea: every decision you and I make today is likely rooted in some belief, either positive or negative, from our childhood and adolescence. When you attend a reunion, you get a really clear idea of the beliefs, be they positive or negative, that have dominated your thinking for so long and still do.

So, here I am attending this gathering of former classmates. Many, I felt, would seem like complete strangers to me. They are leading different lives than I am. They probably have different life-styles, different viewpoints on a variety of subject-matter from politics, religion, to who’s your favorite professional sports team. Would we have anything to talk about after 40 years? Was that really going to matter?

As I parked my car and made my way to the front entrance of the school I felt a ‘gnawing in my gut.’ You know the feeling. Its the feeling you get when you are nervous with anticipation toward an upcoming event and how it ultimately is going to unfold. As I made my way into the building, I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I actually felt as if I was transported back in time. To a place where it all began. Where, as children, we developed both physically and emotionally, the core beliefs and values that we would carry with us into adulthood. I then asked myself, ‘How much of that little boy is still part of the mature adult me?’

In addition, would I have anything to say that sounded halfway intelligent to my classmates after 40 years? Did that really matter? Would anyone really care? In short, the answer to both questions is ‘No!’ Conversations were mostly reminiscent in content. There was so much excitement as we wandered the hallways recalling highlights of a distant past. As we perhaps sugar-coated, embellished and exaggerated events, the content of conversation became irrelevant. Who we are now and what we do now seemed to be inconsequential.

What became extremely apparent was that there were no words necessary or possible to describe the bonds we all shared as children and classmates all those years ago. The realization for me was that after 40 years, each and every one of us still had relationships with everyone else who was present. For those classmates I hadn’t seen all those years, I was still participating in a relationship with each and every one of them. They may have been out-of-sight and out-of-mind for all of those years, yet the memories and their effects, both positive and negative, still endured. My friend Eleanor, who I have been friends with since 6 years of age, put it so eloquently when she said to me: ‘These relationships are for this entire lifetime because the roots are old, deep and forever intertwined.’ She was so on-the-mark with her comment. We all shared so many experiences that endure today, 40 years later, in our hearts and minds.

I learned on this day, as I have on so many countless occasions, that relationships never die…they just change. Those relationships we hold close to our hearts or rehash in our minds are extremely powerful in that they have the ability to move us in the direction of our wildest dreams or our worst nightmares. How we perceive our relationships, both past and present, directly influences every decision you and I make.

Truth be said, it isn’t American History or Algebra that fulfills the promise of a bright, successful future. It’s the relationships you and I have throughout our lifetimes. That’s the most important learning field. That’s the real classroom! It is our relationships that give to us life’s greatest lessons, and as I always say to my clients (and on occasion to myself): ‘Life gives you feedback. Each choice we make, in any given moment, produces an outcome. If you don’t like the result, make a different choice!’

Relationships are like a train depot. Growing up in New York City I spent many hours on its’ infamous subway system. I recall taking the subway to the ‘end of the line’ where all of the trains converged, merged and diverged all in one location. Some coming in, others going out. A few passing on the right, and others moving to left. In, out, constantly changing, moving from one train track to another.

That’s what our relationships are like. They are always on the move, changing, evolving, going in one direction or another. Relationships, much to our dismay, are also temporary. Sometimes temporary can last a lifetime, yet it’s still temporary. There is also an inherent fear that we have inadvertently built in to all of our relationships. This fear is the belief that all of our relationships, at some point in time, are going to end.

Consider this: your and my relationships never end and they never die. Yes, we all eventually will physically come to an end and leave our bodies. Yet, even then, we still have relationships with those who have passed on to wherever it is they pass on to. And yes, we may not see certain people in our lives for many decades, like I experienced this past week; however, those relationships live on.

The important question to ask yourself is: ‘Where do you store your relationships?’ Are they in your mind conjuring up negativity, judgments, grudges, guilt and regrets? Or do they live in your heart, where you realize that every relationship you and I have is a reflection of our participation in the process of life. I know, beyond any doubt, that our relationships mirror the direction we are moving, the choices we make, and the quality and quantity of the love we share with others and ourselves.

You and I have one relationship with many people. It is never too late to hone your relationship skills. Start at home with the relationship you have with yourself. Recall that train depot I described a moment ago. Picture it again. It is also a great image of the internal relationship we have with ourselves. Each train is a different aspect of who we are. Begin to have a relationship with all of those trains. Do not be frightened! Remember, all of our relationships, even the one you are having with yourself, are temporary and changeable in any given moment!

My 40th elementary school reunion put a huge smile on my face. Full of memories from a childhood gone by decades ago. Yet, the relationships live on. Changed only by the temporary, ever-changing aspect that life is, these relationships can, if we want them to, have a place in our hearts forever! Now there’s nothing temporary about that!

relationships

relationships

Addiction and How to Heal It: The Door to Peace and Happiness

Addiction manifests in a variety of ways. Addictive behavior and how to overcome it has become an integral part of the human experience over the last century.  From 12-step programs to rehab centers to electric shock therapy, there have been a variety of approaches to curing them.

addiction and the doorway to inner peace
Overcome addiction and open the door to inner peace!

Though some of these approaches have resulted in eliminating the substance from the addict’s life, the cause itself has rarely been addressed.  As a life and relationship coach, I have observed over the last decade that addictive behavior, in varying degrees,  is innate in all human beings.  We are, by definition, creatures of habit.  We are Pavlov’s dog. The big difference though between us and the dog is that our habitual behaviors can have life-altering and even life threatening effects on us.

Healing an addiction requires us to move away from examining the symptoms (the drinking, the drugs, the eating, the gambling, the working, the shopping, the sexing, the sugar, the chaos and even the drama to name a few prominent examples) to the cause.  The cause for any addiction is the same for all of us:  an addiction is a representation that there is within the addict, an absence of love.

Healing an addiction through the door to peace and happiness, is achieved solely by introducing the presence of love in to the addict’s life.  I know, you may be thinking, ‘get real’ now and ‘smell the coffee!’  Friends, if you are thinking this, then I say to you that you have addictive behaviors that are (or an addiction that is) controlling your life (through addiction) and denying you the peace and happiness that you deserve to experience.

An addiction is simply a repetitive behavior that is a substitute or replacement for an emotional void that we are feeling at our core.  I have discovered that an addiction, no matter what shape or form it takes, is a symptom of what I call a spiritual disconnection.  The key to healing an addiction is reconnecting ourselves to who we are spiritually.

Healing an addiction is about creating a new life story.  All addicts have one thing in common: they all habitually lie to themselves.  Their self-talk is one unsubstantiated story, fable and tall-tale after another.  The content of these stories is always negative, emotionally draining and debilitating and in some cases can become life-threatening.  A footnote here that is sad, but true:  most Americans are addicts.  When there is an absence of real love for oneself you will always find an addiction.

At this point, you may very well be saying that your story is sadder, more horrific than others and that is why you experience an addiction.  To this, I say, excuses, alibis and playing the victim are the significant symptoms of addictive behavior.  Peace and happiness can never exist in anyone’s life when excuses, lies, playing the victim and living in denial exist. Living in denial about ‘not feeling lovable’ or ‘not feeling good enough’ are the typical root causes for people to medicate and numb themselves through substances and negative behaviors.

Ending any addiction begins with knowing the root cause of it.  Why do you do what you do? Why do you drink that fifth of vodka? Why do you smoke marijuana day after day? Why do you shop when your closet can’t hold another stitch of clothing? Why do you secretly watch pornography night after night? Why do you always end up with men who physically and mentally abuse you? Why is your life filled with drama day after day like a television soap opera? Why do you go into the fridge and eat that cheesecake when everyone else is asleep?

The answer is simple.  You have been lying to yourself for so long that the stories you have been telling yourself over and over have become the person you believe you really are.  It is as if you are a propaganda specialist.  A person who specializes in propaganda is someone who knows that by telling a story over and over again to the same audience, they will, in time, begin to accept it as gospel truth.  Think of television commercials.  Joseph Goebbels, the head of German propaganda during World War II said that if you tell a lie often enough the people will begin to believe it as truth.  Sadly, and perhaps this is a rather strong analogy, this is what we do to ourselves.

When the stories we tell become the experiences we have through the notion that ‘as we think, so shall we be’ the pain can become overwhelming and potentially intolerable. This is when we look for diversions.  Again, some diversions such as internet surfing,  can be trivial and simply wastes of precious time and others like substance abuse can have unfortunate and even disastrous effects.

Healing an addiction requires uncovering the truth once and for all.  One of the most shocking truths I assist people uncover when they decide to heal an addiction is that most, if not all of the beliefs they live by, are lies.  This can be a bitter pill to swallow.  When I went through this process I became extremely angry.  The realization that I had been lying to myself habitually and living through one addiction after another, was quite an eye-opener to say the least.

Another key component for healing an addiction is NOT to identify yourself with the substance or the behavior. If you do, this perpetuates the same identity you have been holding that is rooted in victim-hood.  This causes the continuation of addictive behavior.   For example, if you drink alcohol and say ‘I am an alcoholic’, you are identifying yourself AS the addiction.  This can lock-in the addiction because you are making it your identity.  You are NOT your addiction. Identifying with the symptoms aligns you with behaviors that keep you stuck.  If you have been identifying yourself for quite a while AS your addiction, know that there is more to you than your addiction and your addictive behavior. To heal an addiction requires YOU to create a new identity by releasing negative emotions that no longer serve you. This is accomplished through the process of emotional healing. It requires you to tap into the greatness that lives within you and is waiting to come out!

Healing an addiction requires each of us to take our power back.  When I speak of power, I speak spiritually, and not physically.  In psychology, the term self-actualized is used to describe the end result of being empowered.  It is the ultimate destination of one’s life journey:  to be comfortable in one’s own skin!  This my friends, is called self-love.  This is the door that opens to a room where peace and happiness await you.

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to begin to tell yourself a different story.  You can do this by first questioning every belief you have.  This may sound daunting and even insane, yet I have done this and I will tell you that it gets real positive results.  Prior to the new story, is an old story line that at some point in time you will have to be willing to surrender and let go forever.  This is about letting go of the past once and for all.  This includes the regrets, the guilt, the shame and playing the victim.  It also includes letting go of the ‘should haves,’ ‘wished I hads’ and ‘why didn’t I’s.’

Healing an addiction is also about giving up the notion of having to be perfect.  Perfection to me is like the tail the dog chases and never seems to realize that it is his tail he is chasing.  Perfection is your tail.  It is part of you already.  Stop chasing it!

No matter what current situation you are in; if you do not love yourself simply because you exist, then healing an addiction will always be an ongoing challenge. Self-love is the ultimate and permanent solution for living a life of peace and happiness.  The symptoms are irrelevant.  It does not matter if it is chemical or otherwise.  If you cannot do it on your own, seek support and guidance.

When you are able to create a new storyline and see ‘you’ as you truly are, all addictions melt away as if they were ice cubes sitting out in the summer sun: here one minute and gone the next.  Healing an addiction is a process.

You are not an alcoholic. You are not a drug addict. You are not an over eater. You are a human being who is experiencing emotional pain because of the negative thoughts and beliefs that you have about yourself and the world. To ease that pain, you have been reaching outside yourself for relief. Instead, consider that true healing results from releasing emotional pain from within.

You must turn the knob, go through the door and be willing to create a new environment for yourself.  This place is within you.  It is your personal shrine of emotional well-being.  Feel peace and happiness! After all, it is your birthright!

addiction

addiction

Love? What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Love. A four-letter word that turns our insides out or our minds upside down. Either way, I have witnessed over the years that love has been mostly over-rated, under-rated, misinterpreted and used as a formidable disguise for people to get away with a lot of physical and emotional crap.

love
One mind? One Spirit? One Love!

Know that I am not down on love! Nor am I down on being loving. As a life and relationship coach I teach about a particular kind of love. The kind of love I teach and guide my clients to aspire to, is a love that is unconditional. You see there is only unconditional love. It took me over half a century to realize this. I don’t want it to take that long for you.

Tina Turner asked the question as the title of the hit song, “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” I love Tina Turner; however, love in this song got a bad rap! We are conditioned at a very early age to believe that we are not lovable. As children, we are very impressionable. Until we are six years old or so we live in a hypnotic state and are unable to think logically or objectively. Most of us did not receive the love we craved as children. By the time we are teens we begin to buy in to the notion that love is, on the one hand, beautiful and at the same time painful. We live in a catch-22 state. What we want the most we fear the most.

Herein lies the paradox of love that has been created through the generations. We have romanticized it. We have heard, read and talked about the illicit and forbidden aspects of it. We dream about experiencing it, feeling it, getting emotionally high from it. We even avoid it. Yet, when all is said and done, we have been totally misdirected to where to find it.

There are few of us who were taught or told where the true source of love can be found. I, for one, can never recall one instant in my life where it was indicated to me where I could find true love. For years it seemed so evasive and elusive, yet on a really deep, soul level I knew it was hanging out somewhere nearby. It was not until I began a personal, transformational journey that I discovered that love of the unconditional variety, was the only genuine state of love.

Now, if you are getting antsy in your seat I certainly understand! Unconditional love includes everyone and everything and that includes you and me. This includes the ex-husband who you would love to strangle for ditching you for another woman. And, yes, it also includes the father who left you, your mother and your siblings and forgot to leave a forwarding address. Oh, and by the way, this also includes your so-called best friend who ended up ‘stealing’ the love of your life. Let’s also add to this list your mother who hasn’t said a kind word to you since music was recorded on 8 tracks. And let’s not forget that ungrateful child of yours who hasn’t called you in months. Finally, let’s throw in that nasty boss or co-worker at the office who by just quitting or getting fired would restore your faith in divine justice!

Contemplate this for a few moments or even a few days or weeks: we are convinced we need love in our life. Contemplate this, too: How can you need anything when you already have it? The power of the only kind of real love lives, breathes and flows in each and every one of us. And how do I know this for sure? Because you and I possess the same consciousness. We may look totally different. We may have different likes and dislikes. You may have gifts and talents that I do not possess and vice-a-verse, yet one thing is for sure: we both have a built-in mechanism to feel unconditional love.

We have all experienced unconditional love. The most obvious examples are when we are around babies and pets. They only know unconditional love and we in return give them the same. That is until the baby grows into a little person who wants to demonstrate his or her independence. That is until the dog eats the toes off of your favorite pair of shoes.

Love relationships, as we see illustrated on the big screen, the boob tube and in romance novels, is primarily revolved around a good ‘roll in the hay’ followed by a commitment to ‘living happily ever after.’ Prince Charming, Cinderella and the whole crew on a journey of ever-lasting bliss. The truth is however, that we never get to check back in with Prince Charming and Cinderella (now Princess Charming) to see how they are doing after the honeymoon is over. If we were flies on the wall we would be quickly heading for the nearest exit because Prince Charming has already dropped his end of the bargain. Unprintable words are flying from the mouths of the Royal Couple. And why? Because love has nothing to do with it. Unconditional love is the answer and has everything to do with it.

Recently at one of our ‘mastering relationship’ seminars I spoke about the myth of compromise in relationships. We are told that love requires compromise. It’s a 50/50 split. ‘I will meet you half-way and you agree to do the same.’ Who thought up this nonsense and how did we ever buy in to it? True relationship, which can only be rooted in unconditional love, is about extending one hundred percent of yourself to your significant other, your friendships, your business associates, the world and most significantly, to you!

At this point I will say, that to go from living a lifetime in the notion of romantic love and switching to living from a position that is totally grounded in unconditional love, is a process of personal transformation. It may surprise you to know that this one single metamorphosis or change is the basis for all self-improvement, self-help and self-empowerment. It is also the one and only remedy for genuinely feeling happy and successful.

So the next time you confuse a dinner date and an interlude at the Motel 6 with real love, read this blog post. Now, I am not saying don’t enjoy the most natural of human experiences. What I am saying is put it all in real perspective. The next time love seems to hurt, be open to asking yourself, ‘What’s unconditional love got to do with this?’

Are you ready to improve all of your relationships including the one you have with yourself? Contact us for a complimentary, no obligation coaching session.

©Possibility Coaches LLC

love

love

Whitney Houston: She gave us more than just talent

whitney houston
Whitney Houston: More Than Just Amazing Talent

The press and media will tell you all about the talent that Whitney Houston personified and how tragic her passing is to the public and all of her fans.

What they won’t share with you is the living, breathing model Whitney Houston exemplified as a person whose tremendous fame, fortune and success completely contradicted how she saw herself. It is this contradiction of images, and not drugs and alcohol, that ended the life of another famous talent.

If you and I could have crept into the mind of Whitney Houston we probably would have been astonished and perhaps appalled at the thoughts she was experiencing on a daily basis. She may have ‘had it all.’ The challenge for her was she didn’t ‘feel it all.’ In other words, she did not feel deserving of receiving what fame and fortune can give each of us.

When fame and fortune, recognition and accolades enter our life, we may go through the experience of being perceived as almost super-human. If we are not prepared for the consequences, we will behave and react in ways that will destroy the ways others see us. While her fans saw her as beautiful, brilliantly talented and successful, Whitney Houston saw herself as the opposite. When she looked into the mirror what she saw was likely no less than horrific. I guarantee you that she told herself she was undeserving of all that was bestowed upon her. This internal self-talk is a result of what is called ‘The Impostor Syndrome.’

The Impostor Syndrome is when our minds tell us thoughts like: ‘Who do you think you are?’ ‘You don’t deserve all of this!’ ‘Eventually everyone will see right through all of this phoniness and they’ll finally see who you really are!’ It is these thoughts that represent one’s core beliefs. Whether loving or hate-filled, these thoughts dictate our responses to life. And when those core beliefs, without awareness of where they came from and why, contradict our life situations, a sort of self-destruct mechanism turns on.

Whitney Houston’s self-destruct switch went on many years ago. Perhaps, sadly, no one took her by the hand and guided her to see that she could look within and see that all she thought, believed and felt about herself were just this: a negative story that she had told herself over and over again since she was a child and had convinced herself that it was all true. This was a by-product and end-result of Whitney’s personal, emotional chain of pain.

You see, like Whitney Houston, we all tell ourselves some sort of a negative story. In most cases, what we tell ourselves isn’t true. Just look at Whitney. I always saw her as beautiful, immensely talented and full of heart and soul. I just wish she saw herself the same way. That would not mean she was full of herself. It would have meant that she was her own best friend and that she was acknowledging her God-given gifts.

On the days since her passing I have contemplated what our fascination is with celebrities, Hollywood and with the entire entertainment industry at-large. In a real sense, famous people like Whitney Houston are like sacrificial lambs. We admire their talent that we each wish we possessed. We admire their courage to stand on stage and be in the limelight. We feel their pain when their life takes a turn for the worse. And why do we do this with people of celebrity status?

We do it for two specific reasons. First, through them, we feel some sense of indirect fame, recognition and most of all love for ourselves. It is as if we live vicariously through them without going through the process they had to go through to become successful. The second reason is that most people feel, like Whitney Houston, that they do not deserve to have success and all the bells and whistles that go with it. Instead, we admire someone who achieves what society deems success, witness their downfall, pity them for their tragedy and then we move on to someone else. And, if the celebrities do not have a healthy self-image, we watch the same pattern repeat itself.

We have seen destructive behavior express itself with a countless number of celebrities. You do not have to look to far back in time to recognize how success, fame and fortune do not mix well with a self-loathing, self-punishing mindset and belief system. Just look at Michael Jackson. Charlie Sheen. Tiger Woods. Lindsay Lohan. To name a few. Chris and I call this self-destructive process ‘The Judy Garland Syndrome.’

Like Whitney Houston, Judy Garland was adored and idolized as one of the great singing talents of all time. The one and only problem was that Judy did not feel the same way. After an entire adult life battling with drugs and alcohol her physical body finally gave in, and like Whitney Houston, died in a hotel bathroom at the age of 47. Today, we still remember her as a great talent. I mean, who doesn’t love Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz?

Like Judy Garland, Whitney Houston gave us more than just talent. She put her heart and soul into what she had to offer us which is clearly visible in the way she could belt out a tune. The unfortunate aspect of her life, and the lives of so many celebrities remembered or forgotten before her, is she could not put it all in to perspective. She could not separate Whitney the entertainer and Whitney the human being. The human being who only wanted what we all want: to be loved for who we truly are. And above everything else, to be able to give that love to ourselves unconditionally.

Like Whitney Houston, we are all on the road of success. The results we receive may not be Grammy Awards, movie deals and concert tours. Yet, in the end we are all the same. We all came here to be of some kind of service to our fellow man and woman. Whitney Houston did just that. I can only hope that on some deep soul level she knew that she did!

whitney houston

whitney houston

whitney houston

Parenting: If I Had a Child

Knowing what I know about human behavior, human nature and the dysfunction that goes along for the ride, I view parenting as a misinterpreted and misunderstood role.

parenting
parenting

No degrees or certificates are given to people to prepare them for the role of parenting.  Nor are there awards given out for completing decades of parenting that includes ceaseless attempts to create a happy and successful offspring.

Before I explain what I feel parenting is about, I would like to state what I feel parenting isn’t.  Parenting is not ownership.  There is no deed or bill of sale that goes with being a mother or father, though I am amazed at how many parents I know who would beg to differ.  You do not own your children.  You birth your children, they come through you to learn their own ‘Life Lessons’.  They are on their own journey to bring forth their own gifts to the world.  As a parent, you may want to make their ‘journey’ less bumpy or even remove the bumps on their road of Life.  However, please remember, you can not take their journey for them.  They need to learn how to maneuver around their own bumps in the road of their own life.  This is how they learn and grow.

Parenting is not about creating another person in your own image or in an image that you believe you have failed to achieve.  It is also not about controlling, manipulating and bullying another human being in to becoming someone important or ‘special’  so you can feel happy, successful and at peace.

Have you ever asked yourself why certain people ever became parents? In a previous blog, ‘Breaking the Chain of Emotional Pain,’ I wrote that parenting becomes a lot more fulfilling and enjoyable for both parent and child alike when the parent takes responsibility for their own behavior and motives in the parenting relationship.

So, what is parenting really about? Parenting is simply about leading by example. Do not expect anyone, especially your children to be willing to behave or act in a particular manner if you are not willing to do so yourself.  Do you want your child to be happy? Of course, you do!  The more appropriate question is: are you happy? Do you want your child to be successful in his or her personal and professional life? Of course, you do! The more appropriate question is: do you feel successful in your personal life as well as in your professional life?

Know that your children take their cues from you, Mom and you, Dad.  From day one, they are studying you with great interest and intensity. They are monitoring and internalizing every move you make, every word you say and every ‘look’ you give.

Now, I know what you’re thinking! Yes, it can be really easy to become obsessive, paranoid and downright insane if your every breathe determined the mental and emotional well-being of your child.  No, that is not what parenting is about.

Here are some tips that I would use for parenting, if I had a child.

If I had a daughter, I would inform her about all the important things she will need to know to be prepared for life. I would tell her that life goes in cycles with ups and downs, yet through it all she would want to be grateful for whatever comes her way.

I would talk to her about the mystery and unpredictability of life and all the excitement and wonderment that awaits her.  I would share with her the importance of making memories and creating experiences rather than making the accumulation of ‘things’ the yard stick for happiness and success.

I would share with my daughter the importance of kindness and generosity, especially during the times when it is not returned. I would talk about perspective and to always find the good in people and appreciate something about everyone in your life, even when your relationships are challenging at best.

I would teach my daughter about independence and that everything she needs to know, she knows already. I would teach her that there is no such thing as ‘being the best’ because she is already and always will be perfect.

I would tell my daughter that it is important to honor everyone who appears in your life because no matter how brief the encounter, all people serve some purpose.  I would instill upon her that there are no mistakes in life, only feedback and that through feedback, we become masters of our own destiny.

Finally, I would share with my daughter that parenting is about mutual respect and understanding and that she is a person, too.  And for us to have a magnificent relationship, I have to participate in it one hundred percent.  I would lead her along life’s journey by example.

Now, if I had a son, I would emphasize to him the importance of knowing inner peace because inner peace is the key to a peaceful life.  I would teach him that to be a leader you must be willing to allow others to be who they are and to find their own way. I would teach him to give advice only when asked and that people really don’t care how much you know;  however, they will remember how much you cared.

I would tell my son that commitment, patience, faith, integrity and fair play are so much more powerful than brute force, speed and physical strength.

I would share with my son that each day we are given to live is a valuable blessing, and what you do with your blessings determines how you will be blessed.

I would teach my son the importance of being a master listener rather than being the first to speak.  Remember, my son, you were given two ears and one mouth, so use them proportionately!

I would share with my son the gift of having a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at life and all of its foibles and most important to be able to laugh at himself.

I would instill in my son the importance of trusting his instincts and listening to his heart when making decisions. I would also share with him the notion that if you cannot trust yourself, you can never trust others and therefore, can never fully love.

Most important of all, I would tell my son that it is okay to be vulnerable, because when you are vulnerable and open, people are attracted to you.  Your vulnerability, I would add, is part of your divine innocence.

So, there you have my tips for parenting.  I do not have a child.  Yet I still remain a child of two people who brought me into the physical world.

I have applied these tips to my own life.  Much of it I did not receive as a child.  Not because my parents weren’t loving or caring.  It was because they were not taught the necessary parenting skills that I have just shared with you, from their parents.

Moms. Dads. Lead by example.  Heed your own advice. We all started out as little girls or little boys.  We all needed to be loved, nurtured, protected and encouraged in preparation for Life’s journey.  Many of us did not receive this important information.  Perhaps it is time for you to rethink, re-evaluate and revamp your approach to parenting and what it takes to have an empowered child become an empowered adult.

parenting

parenting

parenting

The Resistance Factor

I’m willing to bet the farm (even though I don’t own one) that emotional resistance plays a major role in your life and you may not even know it!

resistance
Does it feel like you are moving through life is gum on the bottom of your shoe?

Just say the word ‘resistance.’  Now say it slowly.  The word has a heaviness to it.  To me it is reminiscent of when I’ve stepped onto a piece of already chewed gum on the street and it sticks to my shoe and I am voraciously attempting to pull it off.  No matter what I seem to do, it seems that the gum just wants to stay where it is.  There is a resistance because it likes being stuck to the bottom of my shoe.  It wants to come home with me.

That is what emotional resistance is like.  It will follow you around, stick to you like gum to a shoe sole and create a whole lineup of negative emotions that gradually wear us down. I call this energy ‘The Resistance Factor.’

The Resistance Factor is quite simply the underlying current that dominates and controls how most of us navigate day to day through life.

So, what is it that most of us resist? For starters, we create resistance to Life itself.  Life gives us gifts, free of charge, however we often resist accepting them.  What does Life give us? It gives us a whole litany of wonderful goodies like love, beauty, opportunities, change, personal growth and expansion.  And yet, we create resistance to many, if not all of those ‘goodies.’

I, for one, spent most of the first 50 years of my own life dominated by this energy of resistance.  I experienced resistance to love.  Why? Fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, unworthiness of experiencing it, to name just a few reasons. The result for me was emotional isolation.  That can be a very lonely place to be.

When we are resistant to Life itself, we miss what’s in front of us. The beauty that Life provides for us daily becomes non-existent when we have ‘gum on our shoes.’  All that tugging and pulling and we’ve missed the beautiful people, the relationships, the trees, the flowers, the moments. They whiz on by because we are so preoccupied with crisis after crisis. You wake up one day and you say, ‘I feel like life is passing me by.’ If you have ever said that, then you are a victim of ‘The Resistance Factor.’

Not only do we miss out on love and beauty when resistance to life is the dominant force in our lives; we miss out on opportunities.  I have said and written on many occasions that opportunity doesn’t knock once or twice in a lifetime. It knocks every moment of every day. You just have to be consciously awake to its’ presence. When you live in resistance, it is impossible to hear opportunity knocking on your door.

Then there is resistance to change.  This is the number one symptom of ‘The Resistance Factor.’  This symptom has so intrigued me over the years as I’ve grown and expanded personally and as I’ve coached hundreds of people. There is a built-in paradox to change: we say we want it in a positive way; however, when ‘push comes to shove’ we resist what it takes to create it.

Why do we resist change? Because we are creatures of habit, and creatures of habit will repeatedly do what is familiar to them, regardless of the outcome or results.  This is why so many people resist personal growth and expansion.  Resistance becomes a habit.  It is a lot easier to stay stuck, miss out on love, beauty, opportunity, creativity and expansion than to emotionally let go and see and experience what life really has to offer.

Believe me, I have been there and in some aspects of myself and my life, I still am.  I still experience resistance; however, through dedication to positive change, growth and expansion, it plays a much smaller and less significant role in my life than it did five or ten years ago.  I am now consciously connected to Life which is the life force within me and all other beings including you.

It can be said that ‘The Resistance Factor’ is an emotional disease that prevents us from living in the crystal clear stream that represents the natural flow of life.  Look around you. Look at nature.  There is no resistance in nature.  Trees and flowers don’t resist Life.  In fact, they take advantage of Life and all it has to offer them so they can show off  and share their beauty. They do it unconditionally and they do it for us.  Observe our pets.  There is no resistance to Life where they are concerned.  Love, opportunity, creative expansion through play are as natural to them as breathing.  That’s why we love having them in our lives.  They represent that state of mind which we seek to return to.

I know you’re asking, ‘How do I remove resistance to Life from my life once and for all?’ The answer is: being open and willing to remove it from your life.  I’m smiling as I ask this next question: ‘Are you feeling resistance?’

Know that removing resistance to Life and all the wonderful attributes it offers us during and through our human experience is a process.  For a very small percentage of us, we can let go and live life in the ‘hands-free’ zone instantaneously.  For most of us, however, it requires consistent focus and effort.

Here are some tips that can assist you to eliminate emotional resistance from your life:

Tip #1: Right here, right now, no matter what is or isn’t going on in your life, stop! Stop, and in this moment accept what is. Don’t judge it, criticize it or analyze it. Just accept it! By accepting ‘what is’ allows you to release the resistance and actually opens the space for positive change and opportunity to come in to your life.

Tip #2: Focus on what’s right with your life and what you really want to happen. Stop focusing on what’s wrong! Be willing to give up playing the victim! That only reinforces and perpetuates resistance.

Tip #3: Take an inventory of how resistance is present in your life. Write it down.  Resistance is only a symptom of fear, so you will now become aware of what it is you are really afraid of.  This is a good thing because you are now shedding light on something that can only exist in darkness.

Tip #4: Become a risk-taker. Now, I’m not suggesting you sign up for sky-diving tomorrow, although you can if you want to.  What I am suggesting is to ‘go out on a limb’ emotionally and do something that may be just a bit uncomfortable for you.  This is essential if you want to experience quality positive change in your life.

Tip #5: Embrace change.  Change is the only constant in Life!  Either you flow with it, or you constantly go against the tide. Personally, I found that flowing with change is a lot easier than acting like a salmon going upstream all the time.

Remember, ‘The Resistance Factor’ can only play a role in your life if you give it permission to do so.  Like me, you have likely done so unconsciously for many years. Use my tips and see if you achieve some positive results.  Let me hear from you.  I love hearing good news!

resistance

resistance

resistance

The Secret to Living an Inspired Life

Living an inspired life. Life is a journey. Becoming self-empowered. Just being happy. All of these simple statements have received so much press in the self-help circles that it’s enough to make anyone spiritually dizzy.

inspired life
365 Tips For Living And Inspired Life

The older I get, the less I know. In fact, the older I get, the less I need to know. It is not about knowledge. I have awakened to the truth that it is all about wisdom. Knowledge is facts, figures, science, logic and reason. Life, and living an inspired life, has nothing to do with facts, figures, science and least of all logic and reason.

Based on this non-factual, non-scientific, illogical and at times unreasonable experience called Life, Chris and I have penned our experiences that somehow, miraculously, without explanation, led us to living an inspired life. A life that gives a real feeling of empowerment and is more than not, joy-filled. We share these experiences in the form of 365 daily tips in our new book “The Possibility Coaches Guide to Living an Inspired, Empowered and Joy-filled Life.”

These tips are based on feedback Chris and I received during the first 50 years or so of our personal life journeys and how we used the feedback to our own personal advantage to now spend most of our waking days grounded, at peace and just feeling good about being alive.

The intent of these tips is to assist you, the reader, to contemplate and if willing, to apply them to your daily experiences with yourself and the people in your life. If you are willing to use them in your life you may begin to notice some miraculous changes. These tips may also enlighten you to witness some life patterns that you may be living with, and exhibiting, that do not serve you or those you love in a loving way. This ultimately can begin the process of guiding you to make some real, positive changes.

Recall that I suggested that these tips are not based in fact, logic, science or reason. This may irritate you at first, and that’s a good thing. It is a signal that you are awakening a piece of you that perhaps has been dormant for a very long time. Picture a volcano that has not erupted for eons. Now don’t associate yourself with the eruption portion. Picture what happens after a volcano erupts and how over time changes the landscape around it. That landscape typically becomes incredibly fertile and life flourishes in a variety of magnificent forms. In a very real sense, we are all volcanoes. We all have the capacity to create wonderful, beautiful and beneficial situations, experiences and realities for ourselves and those we really care about.

We are confident that our new book of 365 tips will assist you to begin to awaken and register who you truly are on the Richter scale of life. All that is required of you is openness and willingness. Even just a bit of each can get you started as you read one tip per day. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live, what you do for a living or whether or not you have some printed piece of paper that says you graduated from some institution of higher learning. All that matters is that you say ‘yes, I want to live an inspired life!’

In an instant, and I can personally attest to this, your life can change dramatically. However, the only way that can happen is if you decide that you and only you are in-charge of you, your life and the direction you want to travel.

Wherever you are right now, take a moment and ask yourself if you are really feeling like you are living an inspired life. If you can say that you are without any doubt then I am so happy for you! If not, ask yourself, ‘Why not?’ The truth about being happy is no longer a secret. Chris and I are happy to share it with you!

To learn more about our tips for living an inspired, empowered and joy-filled life, visit http://www.365dailytips.com

inspired life

inspired life

inspired life

Life and Relationship Coaching Dilemma: Breakdown or Breakthrough?

Over the years,  in our life and relationship coaching practice,  Chris and I have had many people come to us for guidance at what seemed to be ‘the breaking point.’  The breaking point is a time most have of us have experienced once or multiple times in our lifetimes or too many times we care to recall.  It’s a time when we felt we had no where to turn and we were out of options.

relationship coaching
Putting the pieces back together again with relationship coaching

For many of us, and I will include myself in this,  it appeared we were on the verge of an emotional breakdown of sorts;  a coming apart of all the seams that held our sanity in place.  Given the chance, we could easily throw in the towel on life.  And yet, we didn’t! Something prompted us to move forward.  To take some sort of action.  And at that time perhaps we ask the question, “Am I having a nervous breakdown?”

In relationship coaching,  we discuss the most important relationship of all:  the one we have with ourselves.  Everything we think, say and do is rooted in and emanates from that one relationship.  If it is healthy, then our other relationships and our  life and life experiences are healthy too.  For most people,  unfortunately, the relationship they have with themselves is not healthy.  To have a healthy relationship of any kind, especially the one we have with ourselves, we must be free of the blocks, barriers and discord we feel and experience internally.  When we feel like we are having a breakdown we are receiving clear messages that we must change our life course.

So where are these messages coming from? In my relationship coaching sessions I have given a variety of responses to that question.  My answers are only words. Only concepts. I believe what you call the messenger, be it your ‘higher self,’ your ‘authentic self,’ your ‘spirit,’  even God, is unimportant.  The important thing is that we listen to the message.

For this reason, and because I have gone through this process myself,  I know that most of the emotionally draining and fear-based episodes we experience as human beings are really opportunities for each of us to stop where we are, both physically and emotionally, and simply regroup.  This is typically where our life and relationship coaching clients are in their lives when they contact me and Chris.

The opportunity to stop and regroup emotionally and physically is critical.  It is a point in time, wherever we find ourselves on the life journey, when we literally have the option to utilize the greatest gift that was given to us as human beings:  the gift of choice.

When a so-called ‘breakdown’ seems to be knocking on the door, we have the choice to answer and turn our backs on our life or we can see this setback of sorts as an opportunity to begin the process of creating real positive change in our lives.

More times than not in our society we turn our backs on ourselves and others at these seemingly difficult and horrific times.  To get ourselves and others through it we seek easy answers that temporarily cover up the pain we are feeling.  We medicate,  be it with chemicals, food, sex, shopping.  We will literally do anything to numb the pain. You name it, somewhere, someone has a remedy for you and your breakdown.

In my life and relationship coaching sessions with clients who claim to be at their own personal ‘breaking points’ I suggest we begin an intervention of sorts.  We don’t look at the way they have numbed their pain.  We look at the choices they are making that comes from the mind that has convinced them that they have no alternative.

You see, you and I always, in any given moment, can decide to take the challenges we are facing and view them one of two ways:  as signs of impending disaster and doom or as a real opportunity to take stock of ourselves, who we are, how we treat ourselves and others and decide once and for all that  ‘I am going to have a breakthrough and not a breakdown.’

Breakdowns, according to the medical experts, are episodes where we are out of  touch with ‘reality.’  Based on where the majority of people in our society are today emotionally,  I believe measuring what is ‘reality’ is like measuring depression or happiness;  you can’t!  I have met many individuals who would be classified as ‘sane’ who I believe are out of touch with reality.  How many ‘functioning’ people do you know who believe that someone is always out to ‘get them’ or are regularly ‘flying off the handle’ and finding themselves in the middle of arguments, fights and conflicts?

I believe that there are a majority of people who are suffering what appear to be episodic breakdowns.  They are functioning, but barely, day to day, yet they feel like they are just hanging on by a thread.  Truth be said, they are just barely hanging on!  If you are someone in that situation or know someone that is, realize that what you are witnessing is what you may call a breakdown.  I, on the other hand, will suggest it is an opportunity, an encounter that literally happens continuously through messages delivered to us from that part of us that loves us unconditionally, that it will do everything in its power to awaken you to make different choices.

What I am really suggesting here in this blog and to all my clients who participate in relationship coaching sessions, is a change in perspective.  It is about becoming aware of opportunities that are knocking on your door and being at some point in time willing to answer.  I, like many of you, have been ‘down and out,’ yet here I am today astounded by where I have been emotionally, where I have gone emotionally, and where I am now.  This is not to impress you, but to impress upon you that anything is possible!

Wherever we find ourselves at this place in time is irrelevant.  What’s relevant is how you feel about where you are.  Our emotions tell the story…the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Remember this:  emotions are energy in motion and you and I have the power to change the contents of that energy at all times.

Seeing a breakdown as a potential breakthrough is one way to shift your energy.  Have a relationship coaching session with yourself.  Take time to get in-touch with yourself again at a conscious level.  If you are feeling ‘lost’ it means you have lost your emotional way because you have strayed from your true emotional ‘home.’  We all have the capacity to find our way back home.  It’s just a matter of deciding that we’re going to get there.  Not by having a ‘breakdown, but by breaking through the emotional barriers and blocks that we have allowed to prevent us from getting there! Chris and I are your guides. Jump on board!

relationship coaching

relationship coaching

relationship coaching

 

What’s All the Hoopla About the Mayan Calendar and 2012?

One of the major components of our life coaching practice is that Chris and I regularly observe peoples’ behavior and vigilantly listen to how they express themselves both verbally and emotionally.

life coaching
What does December 21st, 2012 have to do with life coaching? Everything!

One of the many opportunities we have for observing and listening is when we, as those working in the field of life coaching, have our local discussion groups. One of the most prevalent topics of discussion over the last year has been about what is going to happen to us as individuals, and on a greater scale, what is going to happen to planet Earth during 2012.

I have listened to comments that have headlines like the ‘the world is going to end,’ to Armageddon, to cataclysmic disasters and massive devastation to a huge shift in consciousness that will change our evolutionary course as human beings.

I know that whatever you or I ‘buy into’ about 2012, the result will always be what you and I focus our thoughts upon. This is described in the ancient adage: ‘As ye sow so shall ye reap.’

Life coaching for Chris and me is about listening- listening to a client’s inner dialogue. It is the content of this inner dialogue that creates each of our external realities, which we then call our own personal life experiences.

This inner dialogue is not intricate or difficult to understand. In fact, it is easy to assess whether or not our inner dialogue serves us and those we interact with (family, friends, co-workers, etc.) in a positive or negative way. Quite simply put, our inner dialogue falls in to one of two categories: a dialogue of love or a dialogue of fear.

One of the main benefits of participating in the life coaching process, is to move from a fear-based inner dialogue to the creation of a new thought system grounded in love. The result of this transformational process is that you see yourself and the world in a very different way. When you and I are open to changing our perspective from fear to love, we can live up to our limitless potential in any or all areas of our lives.

I am going to ‘shift gears’ now because I sense you may be asking ‘what does the life coaching process have to do with the Mayan calendar and all the fuss about what is going to happen in 2012?’ The answer is: everything!

When you begin the process of understanding that most, if not all of your thinking, has been hypnotically induced by what you hear from other sources (family, friends, acquaintances, the media), and that you have willingly accepted these ‘messages’ as the gospel truth, you begin to, if willing, to question the validity of the message itself.

All of the hoopla and coverage around 2012 is just another example of what I am suggesting to you. If you believe that Armageddon is upon us then you, my friend, are living a life rooted in fear. And to you I say: ‘Wouldn’t you rather live a life filled with inner peace and unconditional love?’ And to that I add this: ‘Do you know that you have the capacity to shift from fear to love in this or any given moment?’

I know, for some of you right now, in this moment, that sounds and feels like a tall order…a virtual impossibility. To you, I say, ‘I understand.’ Please read on.

It was Mahatma Gandhi who said, ‘Be the change you want to see.’ So, what does this statement mean to you personally? What kind of positive changes do you want to see for yourself, your world, and the planet-at-large in 2012 and beyond? Grab some paper and write them down. No matter how grandiose the changes you want to create may appear, remember, that in life all things are possible.

Do not analyze, judge or categorize the changes you would like to see and experience in 2012 and beyond. However, what I would like you to observe is the energy you are infusing into these changes you have written down for you and your world. For these positive changes to become reality in your physical world, as we share with those in our life coaching classes,  the energy behind each one of these changes has to be love.

Chris and I suggest to all of our life coaching clients that love, and love alone, is the greatest catalyst for creating positive change. It is our capacity to love that is our greatest strength. It is our capacity to feel unloved or not loveable (which is really fear in disguise) that weakens us.

From this point forward, through 2012 and beyond, focus on your greatest strength. When every change you seek is grounded and backed by the power of love, you will begin to witness incredible, positive change in your life and in the lives of those who follow you. Recall Gandhi’s words about being the change you want to see. In layman’s terms this simply means to ‘lead by example.’

Now, understand, I am not writing this to discredit the Mayan calendar or the magnificent civilization that created it. I am suggesting, however, that no matter what time it is, whatever day, year, decade, century or millennium it is, you and I only have this moment right here, right now. And it is in this very moment, as your friends in life coaching community, that you and I either choose to live our lives and see the world through one of two lenses: the lens of love or the lens of fear.

For those of you who choose to focus on the great catastrophes that may befall us, I suggest that you reconsider your choices. First, through the life coaching technique of observing your inner dialogue. Notice your own self-talk. A self-talk rooted in fearful thoughts is very attracted to fearful messages from other fear-based sources.

Now, what if you could change those fearful thoughts to thoughts of love? When you begin to shift your thought patterns from fear to love you create two significant changes in and for your life. First, you see your outer world from a different perspective. Life on the outside becomes more attractive. Second, as we teach through our life coaching business, when your inner world of self-talk is grounded in love, with all of its’ attributes like kindness, co-operation, sharing and openness, you become very attractive to the outside world.

Be willing in 2012 to begin to let go of all this negative, fear-based buzz about ‘the end of the world on December 21, 2012.’ Instead, take a tip from the life coaching community and commit to focusing on your strengths and how you can be part of both the inner and outer shift for humankind.

Do not believe for one moment that you cannot make a positive difference. I always say to my life coaching clients: ‘You are one decision away from living the life you were intended to live.’ Make that decision for yourself, your loved ones and for the entire world in 2012!

And with that I say with love, ‘2012…bring it on!’

life coaching

life coaching

life coaching

Deciding What’s Really Important in Doylestown, Pennsylvania

As an American, I am blessed to live in a region of the country that is both visually and culturally rich.  As a small town, Doylestown is nestled between Philadelphia and New York. Like many of its’ inhabitants, I am an urban transplant, moving here from New York 20 years ago.

doylestown
Living a successful and prosperous life in Doylestown, PA

Times have changed much in Doylestown and the surrounding area since 1990. Like most American towns, it has been impacted by changes and shifts in societal and cultural values, as well as economic upswings and recessionary downturns.

Like other American towns, Doylestown’s inhabitants reflect the times we live in.  In times of economic downturns many of them are distressed, anxious, worried and worst of all: living in fear.

One of the main elements I teach as a life coach and business coach, especially when clients live their life from a fearful perspective,  is to look at what appear to be obstacles as opportunities for positive growth and transformation.

Life, be it on Main Street in Doylestown or 5th Avenue in New York, isn’t always easy. It’s rules however, are intended to be simple. It is you and I who tend to make it complicated.  Life is simplified and made easy when you and I get out of our own way!

Most of my local coaching clients live and work in the vicinity of Doylestown. Some have careers employed by small, local companies. Others are small (and in some cases medium-sized and large) business owners.  No matter who they are, single, married, divorced, what their educational or religious background is, they all seem to be at a point in their life that represents a transition.

This transition that many of my clients are experiencing places them in a precarious position.  It literally feels like being on the open waters of the ocean without a life preserver.  It’s either sink or swim or the sharks are gonna get ya!

When obstacles appear in your life and you give your personal power over to them, you will sink.  Treat them as opportunities, and you’ve begun to swim.  When I collaborate with clients, I am throwing them an emotional life preserver.

So, what are some of the obstacles my clients who live in the beautiful hamlet of Doylestown facing today? Well, for one thing, uncertainty about their futures. The future of their finances, their relationships and their physical and emotional well-being.

It is no longer about achieving the ‘American Dream.’  It’s no longer about what you have to have and what and who is missing from your life.  It’s not about beating yourself up because of so-called failures and shortcomings.  It’s no longer about convincing yourself that ‘I should be further along at this stage of my life,’ and ‘I have to be somebody!’

It is about having peace of mind and cultivating stronger bonds with other human beings!  It’s about feeling good about who you are! It’s about co-operating with rather than competing against others personally and in business!  It’s about wanting to jump out of bed in the morning and making a real difference!

You see, everyone who hires me or Chris as a life coach does so for one reason, and one reason only:  they want to re-connect with themselves; the person that somehow got lost in the shuffle while traveling on the highway of life and forgot that life was meant to be easy.

When times seem tough, as they appear for far too many here in Doylestown, Pennsylvania and elsewhere, the solution always lies in our own personal strengths as individuals.  Together, through collaboration, we can turn the depths of despair into mountains of hope and optimism and some damn good results!

However, no matter what your current circumstances are, it has to start with you! And why is that? Because the only aspect of your life that you can truly control is you. And we control ourselves and the results we achieve, by the choices we make.

Chris and I always remind our clients how powerful they really are when it comes to creating positive change and transformation in and for their lives.

Life can be easy. Life can be hard. You can be down and out or up and in the game. I have experienced both scenarios countless times throughout my life. I now choose easy. I now choose up and in the game of life.

Yes, times may be tough.  However, you do not have to choose to buy in to that notion.  I know a great many people in these ‘tough times’ who refuse to buy in to pessimism and hang with the ‘down and out’ crowd.

As a fellow human being and as someone who genuinely cares, I appeal to the you who knows there is hope for a positive shift in your life and your life situation.

Over the years, Chris and I have witnessed miracles, both personally and with clients.  No obstacle will be given to you or I that either one of us cannot handle.  All it really requires is preparation.  And how do you prepare? For my life coaching clients, be they in Doylestown, Pennsylvania, Eau Claire, Wisconsin or Oxfordshire, England, the response is always the same:  to be truly prepared means you consciously choose to see everyone and everything that appears in your life as a blessing. Know that a blessing is an opportunity to share your strengths with others so that they too can be uplifted and then pass their strengths on to others, and so on and so on.  Regardless, it has to start with you through preparation and the courage to take action.

Decide today, no matter what your circumstances, no matter where you live in the world, no matter what your personal history is about, to make a personal commitment that from this moment forward, you are preparing for a new way of living your life.  You are choosing what’s really important for you.

Keep me posted! I love to hear about miracles!

doylestown

doylestown

doylestown

What’s the Real Message Being Sent When Parents Text Message?

Today, when parents text they are certainly sending the youth of America a message. The question is, ‘What’s the message?’

when parents text
When Parents Text

Technology. Ever-changing. As mainstream as a body piercing or a tattoo. It certainly has its value and certainly serves a purpose. It is also part of the creative energy and evolution of human beings. However, its’ subsequent explosive popularity has greatly contributed to the breakdown of the very fiber of interpersonal relationships and the ability to communicate.

How easy it has become for anyone to send a message and avoid confrontation at all costs while hiding behind a pocket-sized screen. When parents text and create it as their dominant form of communication with their children, they are leading by example and setting a precedent. It is a ‘ripple effect’ that can have disastrous consequences in both the short and long-term. These parents are definitely providing their children with an education. Unfortunately, the course of study they are teaching is ‘How to be Inept in Communicating with Others and How to Have Really Shallow Relationships.’

To me, as a Life and Relationship Coach, text messaging, like emailing, has a perverse and adverse effect on its’ participants. I do not believe this is a generational issue where those of us, who shall we say are more mature in our years, are resistant to technological change.

I strongly feel that the real issue that arises when parents text is spiritual immaturity. In this context, I define a spiritually mature person as someone who puts their consciousness first. When we are truly conscious concerning our relationships, specifically the relationships with our children, we are showing a genuine desire to commit and forge a strong bond with other people. We are leading by example.

When I jog through one of the many local parks in my area and witness school soccer, baseball or football teams at play I will always look at the sidelines and notice whether or not the parents of these children are genuinely present and watching their children participating in healthy sports. In every instant their will be a few, if not several parents looking down at their phones preoccupied with text messaging. If these parents honestly believe that their children on the field are not adversely affected when they see Mom or Dad text messaging, they are only fooling themselves. They are doing a tremendous disservice to themselves and their children. They are giving their children a mixed message that says ‘I’m physically here, but not emotionally present.’

Technology has become a symptom of severe spiritual disconnectedness. It is another way to remain unconscious and not fully participate in the game of life.

In a blog I posted several months ago I wrote about where dysfunctional behavior comes from. I wrote about the emotional ‘chain of pain’ that is passed down from one generation to the next. I stated that if unchecked, the pain becomes heightened and more acute with each subsequent generation. This ‘chain of pain’ is now so severe and widespread that I attribute it to being the cause of most dysfunctional behavior in our society.

When parents text, we are witnessing just another symptom in a long line of behaviors that are contributing to the breakdown of our society. It appears that parents, in their unconscious state, are creating new links to this chain of pain. Constantly on the go and on the move, striving to be more and ‘get it all done,’ they don’t have a moment to stop and be at peace. They also do not have to deal with their children’s emotional pain and through addictive, compulsive behaviors like text messaging, they never have to deal with their own emotional pain either.

Breakdowns in relationships, especially within the family unit, can be attributed to the spread of the virus that I call ‘dysfunctional noise.’

When parents text, we are witnessing ‘dysfunctional noise.’ This noise is any behavior, activity or distraction that keeps us from breaking free from emotional pain and re-uniting ourselves with ourselves and those around us who we love and cherish. Dysfunctional noise is symptomatic of someone in emotional turmoil and pain. The degree of pain experienced is different for each of us.

I always say to my clients who are concerned about their children’s future well-being that ‘your kids will always do what you do and not what you say…and by the way, they always know what you’re doing, even if they don’t physically see what it is that you’re doing!’

So, when parents text they lay the groundwork for creating what is viewed by the illogical mind of a young child, as ‘acceptable’ behavior.

Unchecked, we are witnessing the demise of conversation as we have known it since man learned how to communicate with language. More serious is the fact that we are isolating and detaching ourselves from other human beings. This in turn is destroying one of the main pillars necessary for human survival: interaction with others and the need for feeling and being included.

When parents text they are promoting a different set of values than those that promote close family ties and bonds, good communication skills and inclusion in a world where survival is dependent upon strong relationships.

At this point, I would like to say that I am not suggesting we give up or eliminate technology for communication and informational purposes. On the contrary. Technology, I believe, can continue to play a huge, positive role in raising our consciousness as human beings and as a result, bring the people of this world closer together.

However, we cannot eliminate communication as we’ve known it for tens of thousands of years. You see, oral or verbal communication provides each of us with an opportunity in any given moment to express ourselves from our heart. No one can ever experience the heartfelt words of another through a text message. Not even the words ‘I love you!’

Parents, the next time you feel the impulse to text someone whose relationship you value either personally or professionally, consider opting for the god-given gift of communicating through speaking.

If you’re feeling challenged with or being resistant to participating in an in-person or phone conversation, I suggest you begin to ask yourself ‘Why?’ Don’t make excuses! Don’t blame anyone else. Don’t blame it on your busy schedule! Most of all, don’t blame yourself!

As I stated earlier, when parents text, when kids text, or when anyone is text messaging compulsively, we are witnessing a symptom of deeper emotional pain. All pain, no matter what we call it, is rooted in fear. And the truth is, the majority of us live in a fear-based world both within ourselves and all around us.

To eliminate emotional pain requires a healing process that moves us out of a fear-based internal world to one that is rooted in love. One way to begin this process is to ease up on what I termed earlier as ‘dysfunctional noise.’ Be open to text messaging and emailing less and telephoning and talking in-person more. Be open to being outdoors with nature. Leave the technology home. You won’t miss anything. If the earth falls off its axis you will be the first to know about it!

Many of my clients who are on the path of emotional healing have indicated to me that sometimes without the noise of technology, the silence can be deafening. I always suggest that they stay the course because they are in the process of re-connecting with themselves and those relationships that are important to them.

When parents text we are witnessing just one of a long list of dysfunctional behaviors that sooner or later will have to be reckoned with if we want to thrive both emotionally and physically as healthy human and spiritual beings. I believe that we deal with it now! How about you?

when parents text

when parents text

when parents text

Removing Struggle from Your Life’s Equation | eckhart tolle

According to one of my favorite authors, Eckhart Tolle , in his book ‘Stillness Speaks’, ‘When you say ‘yes’ to what is, you become aligned with the power and intelligence of Life itself.  Only then can you become an agent for positive change in the world.’

eckhart tolle
Make A Decision To Remove Struggle From Your Life

In other words, what he is saying is, if you resist saying ‘yes,’ then Life will be an endless series of struggles.

Are you struggling today just to get through the day itself? Does struggle have a significant presence in your life?

So, how do you behave from day to day? Are you stressed, anxious, irritable? Do you greet each day with excitement and anticipation? Or would you rather pull the covers over your head and go back to sleep?

Your responses to these questions are fairly good indicators of whether or not you see life as a daily grind that contains the component of struggle in it.

If you’re like me, you probably grew up in a household where struggle was a constant, underlying theme that played itself out in a variety of ways.  Beliefs about life and how it is, have been passed down to each of us from previous generations.

Here, in America, our beliefs about life are deeply rooted in a set of standards called the Puritan ethic. The basis for this ethic is that if you’re not hard at work, miserably toiling away, you are living an immoral, impure life.  The value and worthiness of everything we do or don’t do, say or don’t say is measured by this standard.

When we are conditioned by a set of standards such as these, we are voluntarily committing ourselves to having struggle present in our life.

Years ago, I read a small paperback book called ‘Life Was Never Meant to be a Struggle’ by Stuart Wilde.  In it, Wilde calls struggle ‘a programmed response, natural to many who often find themselves struggling without realizing they’re doing so.’  He cites that the first step in reducing and eliminating struggle from your life is to identify how it appears in your life.

As a child can you recall hearing statements like, ‘You have to work hard if you want to be the best or want to succeed?’ ‘Life isn’t easy, that’s just the way it is!’ ‘You gotta do whatever it takes to make it happen!’ ‘No pain, no gain!’  The list of messages goes on and on.  Inherent in all of them is the theme of struggle.  I am sure you have your own personal recollections of how the struggle mentality and belief system was instilled in you at a very young age.

In our practice as Life Coaches, Chris and I can say with certainty that over the years nearly all of our clients have some type of struggle mentality in one or more areas of their life.  For many, struggling has actually become a habit, an addiction.

When we believe that life is hard, challenging, a constant uphill, upstream battle, we are set up for a less than joyous life experience.

Based on years of assisting individuals with creating solutions to eliminate struggle from their lives, I have identified a list of predominant scenarios when you include struggle in Life’s equation.  Review this list as it will assist you to create awareness and to see if you are a ‘struggle-holic.’  Awareness is the first step in healing this addiction which then leads you to creating new habits and solutions.  Here is how struggle may manifest itself in your life

1.  You are pessimistic and more often see the glass as half empty rather than half full.

2.  You tend to give up on creating success before you even get started by sabotaging opportunities.  You may possess a ‘why bother’ mentality.

3.  By setting unrealistic goals for yourself, you may become a ‘workaholic’ because you believe struggle is moral and noble and validates your existence and worthiness. More struggle arises when you drive yourself to get to a destination that you never seem to get to.

4.  You may spend your life playing the role of victim so you can justify your belief that you are suppose to spend your life struggling.

5.  You may play the role of martyr that sees struggle as a way of receiving attention and love.

6.  You may struggle simply because on a deeper level you want someone to ‘save’ you and prove that they love you.

To further witness the presence of struggle, you may do so by reviewing all aspects of your life.  Identify if any of the following aspects of your life have a component of struggle built-in to them: 1. your emotional state, 2. your physical body, 3. your relationships, 4. your finances and/or career, 5. your attitudes, beliefs and habits, 6. your ability to handle challenges and 7. your spiritual connection.

Once you have identified how struggle is present in your life you can begin the process of eliminating it.  Up until now, struggle has served some purpose for you. Know this: struggle, if unchecked, is a ceaseless, life-draining battle that you fight with yourself!

Eckhart Tolle describes struggle as ‘a constant undercurrent of unease, tension, and discontent.’  Struggle is essentially unnatural.  Struggle is action laced with negative emotion.  It is a habit, and like any habit that is unwanted, it requires commitment and due diligence to eliminate it from appearing as a cast member on your life’s stage.  The elimination of struggle is therefore an ‘inside job.’  Removing it from your life experience requires you to possess the willingness to give it up as part of your daily routine once and for all!

Like most of life’s challenges, its origins and presence are based on the level of self-esteem we each live with.  Most people who struggle possess low self-esteem. They struggle because they are seeking acceptance, acknowledgment and approval from others.  They are constantly worried about what other people think about them.  Our society is masterful at perpetuating and reinforcing the struggle mentality by constantly reminding us that ‘who we are’ and ‘what we have’ define our value and worth.

Be willing to look at the role struggle has and may still be playing in your life. Notice how it cuts off your natural ease and flow of life.  See how it has been programmed in your mind and then acknowledge that struggling does not give you the results you truly desire for your life.

Understand that your struggle, whatever form it currently appears, is inherently linked to your past.  Early on you were somehow convinced that struggle was natural and had some special value that must play a significant role in your life.  Like most people, you adopted struggle rather than designing a life that represents a series of inspired actions and results that manifested with effortless ease.

Any struggle you are experiencing, be it with finances, health, relationships, whatever, possesses an underlying negative emotion that justifies the struggle mentality.  Begin a new habit by asking yourself, ‘What is the underlying emotion that I am experiencing now that is enabling me to feel like a struggler in life?’

As a Life Coach, I have witnessed some incredible breakthroughs and transformations when a so-called struggler becomes clear about and identifies the function of struggling in his or her life.  Like any dysfunctional behavior, it thrives in the dark.  By identifying and acknowledging the presence of struggle in your life and the unhealthy purpose it serves, you are shedding light on it.  This is how you begin to eliminate it from your life.

The true process of life is one of ease, of ebb and flow, of peaks and valleys.  When we struggle, we cannot accept nor experience this natural process.  Instead, we are challenged by the very nature of the process of life itself.

When we drop the struggle by letting go of our conditioned past, we begin to notice subtle changes in our life.  Life becomes easy! You do the math! See what happens when you remove struggle from your life’s equation.

To learn more about the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, request a free coaching session by filling out the form on the right hand side of this page.

Recommended reading:  The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle

eckhart tolle

eckhart tolle

eckhart tolle

Success Made Easy

When success becomes synergetic and encompasses more than money, more than status and more than just ‘things,’ life becomes more balanced and harmonious. With this as our foundation, Chris and I developed The Synergetic Success Program in 2008 that was taught and continues to be taught in a classroom environment. We are now so excited to be able to offer the rich content and benefits of this program online so anyone, anywhere can experience and apply this information to create true, lasting success in their life.

success
Click This Image To Learn More About The Synergetic Success Online Program

I believe the reason for this was and still is because the most commonly accepted version of success is based on a general consensus handed down from generation to generation. To put it another way: it is likely that no one ever asked us or recommended to us to define success for ourselves. Left to our own devices, we simply followed the pack or threw in the towel.

In our world, success is defined solely by monetary gains, status, fame, accolades and medals. So few of us will ever achieve this kind of success for a variety of reasons. First, by the time most of us reach adulthood our sense of self-worth tends to be at low levels because we have been meticulously brainwashed to strive for a level of success that seems unreachable and unattainable. We are told to ‘do and be the best.’ Interestingly enough, has anyone ever defined ‘the best?’ Hint: the best does not exist. Second, it is highly likely we have spent much of our formative years with individuals (namely our family members) who are already disenchanted and tarnished by the so-called inequities and injustices of life. The message here is ‘life ain’t easy, let alone fair.’ From these perspectives, success becomes some far-off destination not likely to ever be reached. The chance of achieving success with this model are slim to none and results in disappointment for most.

Years ago Chris and I were fortunate enough to awaken to the possibility that the way to achieving success and the symbols of success were not necessarily success itself. On many occasions, for example, we have coached clients who seem ‘to have it all,’ yet at the deepest emotional and spiritual levels, feel truly unsuccessful.

This led us to believe that success, as society defines it, is exclusively about finances and career and at some point sets most people up (Chris and I included) for a less than gratifying or satisfying life experience. With our model of success, we also incorporate other areas of your life where you can be successful such as having good health or a loving relationship.

Success has been defined for centuries as a payoff. Know this: success is a process, not a payoff. More so, it is a state of being. Success is emotional!

With this realization, Chris and I developed a program that enables anyone to create emotional success for themselves and their life. It’s a new way to define success. We feel so strongly about this program because we have witnessed real transformations of individuals who committed to what we call ‘the process of creating success from the inside-out’. We call it Synergetic Success.

The word ‘synergetic’ comes from the word ‘synergy’ which is defined as the ‘sum total of the whole is greater than the sum of its’ parts.’ The sum total we are referring to is the result of applying the process of creating success from the inside-out to 5 key areas of your life: your finances, your career, your relationships, your physical and emotional health and your spiritual connectedness to yourself and the world. The ‘whole’ refers to you…the complete, well-rounded, grounded, balanced You!

In our Synergetic Success Guidebook, which contains nearly 100 pages of content, we provide a blueprint for achieving success by illustrating to you how to define success on your own terms. It’s as if success becomes a state of being. Feeling successful becomes your dominant emotion. When you feel this emotion you will truly wonder where it has been hiding all these years.

The Synergetic Success Online Program covers a variety of topics such as a guaranteed formula for creating results in any or all areas of your life, discovering or uncovering your life’s purpose, creating positive beliefs, habits and behavior for success, developing a daily method of operation and becoming a role model for success, to name just a few.

Achieving success is not intended to be a hard, laborious struggle which requires you to ‘claw your way to the top.’ Success Made Easy is achieved once you have our tools and you give yourself permission to experience it.

Our program provides you with the ability to gain clarity, focus, commitment and resolve to create the results you want in your life. It also opens up doors of opportunity time and time again for people who would otherwise walk right past success without even recognizing it while it was staring them right in the face.

Chris and I developed this program because we know in our hearts that talent and genius reside within all of us and that includes you. The only missing piece for most people is the tools and applications that will assist them to create success and most significant, to feel successful.

I know that success is certain when you are ready and willing to embrace it. Chris and I look forward to being a part of your journey when you decide to use this formula for success in your life.

To learn more and to register for the Synergetic Success Online Program, visit: http://www.possibilitycoaches.net/life/

Here’s to your success!

success

success

success

Are You an Emotional Eater? | mcdonalds nutrition

mcdonalds nutrtion
Is "McDonalds Nutrition" Contributing To Your Pattern Of Emotional Eating?

Is the current quest for nutrition information regarding fast food, like McDonalds nutrition, a quest for knowledge or a reason to justify poor eating habits? Through the experiences of my own physical and personal transformations over my adult lifetime, and as a Life Coach to hundreds of individuals, I have learned that one key factor, if unchecked, can control one’s entire life, and that key factor is addictive behavior.

Now, I am openly admitting that up until a few years ago I was an emotional eater.  When I became aware of this I was stunned to learn how I used food, specifically any food that contained sugar, as a way to feel good.

Jon Satin
Jon Satin

For anyone wh0 knows me this may be surprising.  Up until five years ago, I spent the better part of twenty plus years bodybuilding and keeping myself physically fit.  However, through much of that time I was also ingesting unhealthy foods.  I knew and implemented the basics of good nutrition like eating five or six small, balanced meals per day; yet, when it came to my sugar, specifically anything chocolate, I would not be denied.

Despite the overindulging and addiction to sugar, it was my fixation with my body coupled with my neurotic perfectionism that kept me ‘looking good.’  I never once in those days put ‘two and two’ together that my sugar intake was directly related to my lack of emotional well-being.

From my own personal journey and relationship with food, and coaching clients individually and in groups, I conclude that almost all of us are, in varying degrees, emotional eaters.

Just look at people in the spotlight.  Whenever we are given the opportunity to hear celebrities up-close and personal tell their stories about why they accumulated so much body weight, the inevitable conclusion by all of them was that the additional pounds were the result of some emotional distress.

I have heard this very same rendition repeated countless times by such noted individuals as Oprah, Kirstie Alley, Valerie Bertinelli and Marie Osmond.  They were, and in some cases, still are emotional eaters.

So, who and what is an emotional eater? An emotional eater is anyone who reaches for and consumes food for purposes of easing some kind of emotional pain or discord.  We also like to mask this emotional pain and discord under the term of stress!  The food, therefore, serves some purpose to lull the eater into easing the pain or discord and creating a temporary state of what appears to be positive well-being.  This is of course a false state of well-being that masks pain.  Only eating more food can sustain and replicate that feeling.  This is how an addiction is born.  It becomes a vicious cycle.  Unchecked, the results become physically apparent:  obesity and all the related diseases of the body that are currently and unnecessarily plaguing so many Americans.

If emotional pain creates emotional eating which then creates the additional weight, we have in our grasps the solution to the weight gain epidemic.  This is why so-called weight loss programs and diets do not work over the long term.  How many people  do you know go on diets, buy prepackaged food plans like Nutrisystem, or go to weekly meetings like Weight Watchers, lose the weight, only to gain it back and then some a year later? Why did this happen? Because, like so many plans or programs, nutritional or otherwise, they never address the root cause of the symptom or weight gain.

The root cause as I wrote earlier, is negative emotions associated with unresolved painful issues from the past.  Negative emotions are simply the result of negative thoughts, beliefs and experiences that we relive in our minds over and over again.  Food, because it is easily accessible to most Americans, becomes the drug that can temporarily stifle those ‘bad’ feelings and emotions that arise from negative self-talk.

mcdonalds nutrition
What is behind the recent increase in demand for information regarding McDonalds nutrition?

It is this ease of accessibility of food, specifically ‘fast food‘ with our busy, busy, chaotic society, that has become the main resource for the American emotional eater.  He or she easily seeks out McDonalds nutrition (or something dangerously similar).  Fast food is quick, relatively inexpensive, and contains all the toxic components necessary to satisfy and minimize the needs of the compulsive, emotional eater.

McDonalds nutrition, (now that’s an oxymoron like ‘Big shrimp’) provides emotional comfort, nurturing, as well as physical and emotional padding by supplying high levels of saturated fat, sodium, and simple carbohydrates that covert to sugar, as the food selections for its’ consumers.

People who eat these kinds of foods are able to easily ‘stuff down’ their emotions and never have to deal with them.  Many times finding themselves at the fast food drive-through without even knowing how they got there.  This, I know, has become the dangerous cycle we are witnessing and ultimately leading to the demise of a once relatively healthy nation.

I once heard a mentor of mine say that if  ‘the powers that be’ can keep a society addicted to fast food, sugar and keep them in fear and financial debt, they can control them.  Perhaps that’s a subject for another blog at another time.

Let’s shift gears and focus on solutions to this addiction.  Like any addiction, I believe the focus should not be on the type of addiction itself,  but rather on the internal dialogue that moves you or someone you know toward food as a drug.  You may have heard the saying: it’s not what you are eating, it’s what’s eating you!

No matter the addiction: be it food, alcohol, cigarettes, the process of creating a solution and ending the pull toward, and the desire or craving for a substance of any kind is this:  to be ready, willing and able to connect the addictive thoughts, feelings and emotions associated with the addictive behavior.

If you are an emotional eater and are ready to end the addiction, then read on.  Once you are open to this process, begin to observe yourself and how you operate around and with food.  Learn about your relationship with food.  Do you eat to live, fuel your body and sustain your natural well-being? Or do you live to eat just for the purpose of burying your emotions and comfort yourself because you always feel uncomfortable?  Does that extra weight you carry create a protective padding that gives you a false feeling of safety and protection from what you truly emotionally fear?

Chris and I have assisted a great many people with this process and we have developed some really easy and effective tools to begin the process of ending an addictive dependency on food, especially unhealthy, toxic food.

Tip #1:  Put a note on your refrigerator written on an 8 1/2 x 11 paper that says ‘Why am I about to open this door? Am I really hungry or am I avoiding some feeling or emotion?’ This tip works by awakening you to becoming aware of why you are going to the frig.  If you are able to not open the door (and I know you are) , proceed to the next tip.

Tip #2: Walk away from the refrigerator and write down (preferably in a journal) how you are feeling right now.  What are your thoughts? What are you fearful of? What’s really bothering you? Be open and willing to be there for you and share your emotions with yourself.  This will assist you to uncover the link between your hidden thoughts about food and what you may be feeling on a deeper level.  This level of awareness begins the healing process.

Tip #3: If you are ready and willing, open yourself to moving forward and releasing the mindset patterns that lead you to emotional eating.  Seek guidance from a friend, mentor or health care professional.

Understand, that you never want to lose weight, because what you lose will always find its’ way back to you.

The goal here is to do as I have done.  Through the process of emotional healing, I released the thoughts associated with emotional pain that attracted the weight and cravings to me.  And I know you can do the same!

Enjoy healthy foods for their nutritional value and for the shear pleasure of an eating experience.  Without any emotional attachment to food, I guarantee you will experience a new, healthier more vital and fit you!

mcdonalds nutrition

mcdonalds nutrition

mcdonalds nutrition

Wordpress SEO Plugin by SEOPressor