The Process of Emotional Healing

Healing Is A Process

During the early years of my career as a Life Coach and Emotional Healer, I was perplexed by the realization that some people emotionally heal and others don’t.  After consulting with hundreds of clients, I noticed there are distinct differences between the people who emotionally heal and those who don’t.  The ones that heal have followed through with all of the steps that I define as the Emotional Healing Process.

Over thirty years ago, I took a college course that dealt with death and dieing and the work of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.  Dr. Kubler-Ross was a pioneer in the support and counseling of trauma, grief and grieving associated with death and dieing.  However, I realized that grieving can also be about grieving for the life we thought we should have lived or for the childhood we never had.

Life has the uncanny knack of coming around full circle when her ideas came back in to my life a few years ago.  I once again came across her model for the stages of grief.  I at once realized that this model and the stages of grief it describes are transferable and applicable to the process of emotional healing of any kind.  In other words, it can be used during the process of creating personal change and transformation and the ultimate achievement of inner peace.  Chris and I have adopted the model using  the concepts in that model and enhancing it to develop The Possibility Coaches’ Model for Emotional Healing.

The stages of the grief model are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The additional stage that Chris and I have added is forgiveness.

Clients who have followed and experienced the six stages of  The Possibility Coaches’ Model for Emotional Healing are the ones who have truly emotionally healed. These individuals are confronted with traumas of a less severe nature than the experience of  death and bereavement.  Some examples are relationship breakups, job loss, an illness, financial despair, etc.  The most frequent challenge we see people face is the grieving for the life ‘I thought I should be living.’

As Life Coaches, this model became a worthy study and reference guide beyond death and dieing.  The Possibility Coaches’ Model for Emotional Healing and its six stages, represent a ‘change model’ for assisting us to understand, deal with, and coach individuals and their reaction to the seemingly traumatic events and situations that occur in their lives.

Trauma and emotional pain are relative in terms of affect on people.  While death and dieing may be the ultimate trauma, people can and do experience similar upsets when dealing with many of life’s challenges.  This is especially true if confronting something difficult for the first time.

One person’s despair is to another person a non-threatening event.  Emotional response and trauma must be viewed in relative, not absolute terms.  The model recognizes that each of us has to go through his or her individual journey.

By applying the five original stages and adding a sixth and final stage of forgiveness, the process of emotional healing can begin.  The result is a state of inner peace and it is inner peace that we all seek.  By going through the six stages, and meeting the requirements for emotional healing I listed earlier, your life literally transforms and your authentic Self emerges.

Let’s look in depth at the six stages that lead us to emotional healing. Once again, the stages are 1. denial, 2. anger, 3. bargaining, 4. depression, 5. acceptance, 6. forgiveness. These stages do not necessarily occur in sequential order with one exception: forgiveness.  It is important to release your denial, anger and depression before you forgive.  If you forgive too soon i.e. before you release your anger, then you will lock in your anger and it will be a false, conditional form of forgiveness.  Once you have experienced the process of authentic forgiveness, you will then move towards inner peace.

Notice as you move toward a more inner peaceful existence there will be overlapping of emotions and feelings.  You may even feel at times like you are actually moving backwards and regressing to old behavior patterns.  Understand, this is exactly what personal growth and transformation are all about.

Here is a brief definition and description of each stage:

1. The Denial Stage: Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to acknowledge and accept ‘what is.’  It is a defense mechanism.  Some people spend their entire lives in denial.  The result is staying stuck in relationships and situations that are unsatisfying and anything less than gratifying.

2. The Anger Stage: Anger can manifest in a variety of ways.  It can be outward toward other people like rage, or inward toward ourselves resulting in isolation and negative emotions.  It is important to acknowledge your anger.  It is more important to be willing to let it go!

3. The Bargaining Stage:  Bargaining never provides a sustainable solution.  We bargain or seek a compromise when fear gets the best of us.  This is when we sabotage progress and success in our lives and in our quest for inner peace.

4. The Depression Stage:  The title of this stage is deceiving because it is truly an indicator that you are beginning to accept, with emotional attachment, your past and your present.  At this point, you may feel sadness, regret, remorse, fear and uncertainty.  You have begun to release and remove the barriers and blocks to peace.

5. The Acceptance Stage:  This stage indicates that you have emotionally detached yourself from your past and its regrets, the present and what are your current circumstances and the future, with all that is yet to be.  By accepting ‘what is’ you begin to take inspired action and see people and the world very differently.

6. The Forgiveness Stage:  Experiencing forgiveness inherently means you are experiencing inner peace.  Forgiveness does not mean you condone someone’s inappropriate behavior or stay in an unhealthy situation or relationship. Forgiveness is an act you do for yourself to set yourself free!  Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been different.  When you are able to finally see people for who they truly are and not for who they appear to be, what they said or what they did or didn’t do, you have awakened to live life in your natural state.  You realize that we are all on the same journey.

This process of achieving inner peace through forgiveness is a very powerful process. If you doubt or do not know your life’s purpose, committing to The Emotional Healing Process will bring you true clarity of purpose.

Time is not your healer.  You are! Scary? At times, yes; however, consider the alternative.  I bless every moment of my life experience, be it ‘good’ or ‘bad.’  It has all brought me to where I am right here and right now in this very moment.  Decide for inner peace now!

Our gift to you. Download your copy of Breaking The Chain of Emotional Pain here:




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