As Life Coaches, Chris and I have found that the most challenging relationship people encounter is not with their spouse, partner, parents or children, but with money. Money is emotional. It is the number one topic of arguments, disagreements and differences in relationships. It is the number one contributor to breakups, breakdowns and meltdowns. The subject of money brings up emotions of fear, anxiety, stress and worry. The truth is, money is neutral. It is nothing more than paper and coins. It is the value that we place on it that brings up emotions. Our emotional distress about money is how we give our power away. Money is not a cause of happiness, it is a result of our state of consciousness. Our consciousness either attracts money to us or it pushes it away from us.
As I stated in a previous blog post, prosperity consciousness isn’t only about money; however, money, the having it or not having it, is a result of your conscious and unconscious beliefs about it. Your emotional reactivity toward or response to the subject of money is very telling where your consciousness and more likely, your unconsciousness lies.
There is actually a line of communication that occurs between you and money. It is a running commentary likely comprised of habitual thoughts and beliefs. This dialogue you have with money will determine how much you attract or don’t attract. If you are uncomfortable asking for what you want (which includes the wanting of money), have a challenge with receiving or do not feel deserving, you will have challenges attracting money, prosperity and abundance. Your thoughts, feelings and words determine what you attract. If you have any guilt emotions associated with your experiences with money you will also find it challenging to attract it to you. To create change, you must let go and change how you perceive money. In other words, you will want to develop a strong positive relationship with money: a new alliance that can and will change the course of your life turning obstacles into opportunities.
When bills are staring you in the face and money is scarce, it is important to have vision. It’s important to see beyond your problems. No matter what you do in exchange for money, it is important to have a huge ‘why’ that is grounded in being of service to others. Your ‘why’ is what drives you. It is the energy behind the actions you take. It is why you do what it is you do. Know that this ‘why’ is bigger than any of your problems. Stay focused on taking inspired action and don’t give energy to what you can’t control. This is not always easy! The real value, which is priceless, is in the person you become through this process.
It’s also important to start to let go of control. Letting go of control is not anything you do or don’t do. It is an emotional release. Being in control means that you hold on emotionally – to control the outcome that you are emotionally addicted to. To transform, you become aware of your emotions so you know why you are doing what you are doing in any moment. Letting go of control is about changing your relationship with past emotional pain. Become aware of any pain you may have associated with money.
Money is an extremely emotional subject. Emotions are energy in motion and money is a form of energy used as an exchange for products or services. You can use money to purchase the energy (both mental and physical) of others as well as the products derived from the energy of others. You will earn more money by learning how to focus and deliver your own energy and its products to others in ways that are of service to them.
You will create financial prosperity if you understand that money is emotional. The world at-large tends to over-analyze financial problems. Most people procrastinate and hesitate until the perfect solution or situation comes along. Be open to being more decisive. Prosperity Consciousness includes trusting that all is well and will be well tomorrow. Prosperity Consciousness also includes the success habit of being certain and decisive. Making a decision will always create a result. If you don’t like the result, make a different decision! Your current income, business profits and net worth are the result of all the decisions you made in the past. The money that flows to you tomorrow is determined by the relationship you have with it today!
I grew up in the 1960s and the 1970s. I am a baby boomer. When I was a child, teenager and finally an adult no one ever talked about not being able to focus. There were judgments and labeling of individuals as being ‘lazy,’ or ‘unmotivated,’ or a ‘procrastinator.’ I never heard the terms ADD and ADHD used until the last decade. Did ADD and ADHD simply descend upon us? Are they really diseases? Or are they something else? I indeed believe, no, let me rephrase this, I know they are ‘something else!’
I know that one person’s inability to focus, to be motivated, to take action and not procrastinate, to think and act with clarity, is not an illness. These are symptoms of our experiencing toxic environments. Yes, ADD and ADHD are symptoms of an organism, a human organism, living in and experiencing a toxic environment.
This toxic environment is experienced by most of us as children. The truth is that almost all of us are products of what we call dysfunctional households and upbringings. The result for us as adults, is not living and experiencing Life as it was intended to be. Life, in its purest and only form is composed of unconditional love, joy, inspiration, enthusiasm, creativity and expansion. So then, how can any of us say, without hesitation, that we live our own life in its purest form?
Science has proven that as children we exist in a hypnotic state. In other words, everyone and everything we are exposed to is stored into our subconscious minds through the age of six. We literally believe everything we are told, we see and experience. The result is the life you are living right now, if unchecked and unexamined, is likely based on beliefs you formed and accepted by the age of six.
The results of this hypnotic state are your current level of success, your level of self-esteem, your level of self-confidence, your openness to giving and receiving love and money and sharing your talents. The current state of your life is a direct result of all your yesterdays. All of your yesterdays were predetermined as a young child.
So, where does ADD and ADHD fit into the scheme of what I am writing about? Quite simply, they are symptomatic of a person, who, as a child living in a dysfunctional environment, became disconnected from Life. Life is reflected by our true selves. Recall that I earlier listed the components of Life as unconditional love, joy, inspiration, enthusiasm, creativity and expansion. If you cannot define yourself by these traits, conditions and characteristics, then you are, by some degree, experiencing a spiritual disconnection to yourself and the world.
Interestingly enough, I have found that clients who claim they are suffering from ADD and ADHD typically have similar beliefs: they feel undeserving and unworthy of being happy and successful, and most disheartening, is they feel unworthy of love.
Anyone who feels undeserving, unworthy and unlovable lives by a specific set of dysfunctional rules that he or she unconsciously adopted and accepted as ‘truth’ in his or her mind at a very young age. These rules dominate and control thoughts, beliefs, habits and behaviors over one’s lifetime. If unchecked, the results in one or all areas of a person’s life will be less than satisfactory. These areas, which Chris and I break down into 5 categories are: Financial, Career, Relationships, Physical and Emotional Health and Spirituality.
My view is that both ADD and ADHD are diagnoses the medical field has given to an individual when in fact, he is really experiencing a spiritual disconnection. Let us look at the symptoms of these so-called illnesses. Some of the more predominant symptoms I have encountered with clients over the years are the inability to focus, complete tasks, get easily distracted, chaos, go at warp speed then ‘crash,’ procrastination. None of these symptoms create happy results for the person who experiences them.
Now, it can be said that there have been people who have been symptomatic of a spiritual disconnection for thousands of years. Not feeling good about oneself is not a concept that arose out of thin air during the last several decades. However, what has arose over the last several decades, are technologies that tremendously enhance the seemingly subtle symptoms most of us experienced by feeling disconnected. Technology has become the breeding ground for what doctors call ADD and ADHD and here is how and why it is such fertile ground for exaggerating and exacerbating dysfunctional behavior.
As I stated earlier, I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s. I also am a product of a dysfunctional family. I bless this family and all of the experiences I encountered because without the dysfunction, I could have never awakened and reconnected myself to who I truly am. During this time however, I, as a child and teenager, had very little diversion from a technological perspective. During this time, we had phones with no answering machines. We had television. As I recall, growing up in New York City, we only had seven channels to choose from. And by the way, they all went ‘off the air’ at 2 AM. There were no cell phones, no computers, no iPhones, no iPads, no text messaging. Some of us, even back in the day, were challenged with being focused, completing tasks, being hyperactive, being chaotic and erratic with our behavior and procrastination. All symptoms of ADD and ADHD. And through it all, we thrived, lived and prospered.
Fast forward to today. The opportunity for diversions has grown by leaps and bounds. These diversions keep us from becoming acquainted with our glorious selves. There is not one moment in any 24 hour period, that we cannot find a diversion that takes us out of the game of life. It is this external over-stimulation that is the cause for acute cases of what are called ADD and ADHD. We can now preoccupy ourselves so thoroughly and so completely that we never have to deal with ‘me and my life.’
There is a ‘silver lining’ in all this chaos. Within the addictive symptoms of being connected to the over-stimulation of modern technology, I have witnessed the beginnings of an awakening! For within the mechanics of the Universe there are always opposites. With chaos, there will eventually be order. I am witnessing it with my clients. They are becoming aware that the symptoms they are experiencing are not just labels and diagnoses like ADD, ADHD, and Bipolar Disorder. They are realizing that something is not quite ‘right’ with their lives and they want to do something about it. They are physically, and more so, emotionally exhausted and have little joy, love and happiness to show for it. They are ready to look at why they ‘do’ or ‘do not do’ what they do. They are ready to consider that ADD and ADHD is a cry from within themselves to release the pain from the past and stop using the self-imposed diversions and limitations of chaos, lack of focus and drive, and procrastination to control their life. They are also willing to re-evaluate and re-assess the role of technologies in their life.
Friends, technology is marvelous! Through technology I have the ability to reach you. I am in Pennsylvania. You may be around the corner or on the other side of the world. How awesome is that? However, if technology has become your ‘addiction’ and has compounded the fact that you may be looking for ways to avoid dealing with the barriers that are preventing you from living a wonderful life, having loving relationships, a fulfilling career, good health and financial prosperity, I ask you to please stop! Stop and consider that it is time to slow down, stop running, sit down and ask yourself: ‘If I continue to ‘do’ or ‘not do’ whatever it is I am doing or not doing, will I create the kind of life I want?’ Most of you will answer ‘no.’
If you have been diagnosed as someone with ADD or ADHD, please consider that these labels are not who you are. Be open to giving up identifying with these labels. You are a spiritual being having a human experience. Your natural state is peace, joy, happiness and love. Anything less is an indication that it may be an appropriate time to look within you for guidance. It may feel scary, and truthfully, at times it is; however, I can state unequivocally from personal experience and as a Life Coach, that you will be quite happy with the end result.
For your consideration: what appears to be ADD and ADHD may very well be your soul crying out for you to finally express your own creativity and brilliance that has been ‘bottled up’ for way too long!
Over the course of our professional careers as entrepreneurs and as Life Coaches and Business Coaches, Chris and I have learned that creating true prosperity isn’t only about money. It is, however, about changing your mind about money. True prosperity encompasses all areas of your life: Financial, Health, Career, Relationships, Spirituality.
Prosperity is a consciousness! Prosperity Consciousness means that you move away from looking at yourself and your world as lacking in any way, shape or form. This is an ‘act as if ’ position that has you consciously feeding your two minds: conscious and non-conscious with the same information. From this position, you actually re-program your mind and act as if you are living the life that you want.
• Live in the present moment. To live in the present moment means to live in the ‘now.’ This requires you to let go of the past and stop worrying about the future. Most people use the past as the measuring stick for their worthiness and for evaluating everything and everyone in the world. Whatever you are doing in any given moment, if your thoughts are elsewhere (past or future), you can not live authentically.
• Focus on what you have. Prosperity Consciousness means focusing on what you have, not on what you don’t have. Shift your focus to the resources, intelligence, basic needs that you already have and be thankful.
• Focus on what you want. Along with the inclination to focus on what we don’t have, is the tendency to focus on what we don’t want in our life. For example, the focus by most people is on not having enough money. According to the Law of Attraction, what you focus on expands, so be extremely aware of where your mind is and what it is concentrating on.
• Focus on results and solutions. Here’s a fact: unsuccessful people find excuses, successful people create results! Being ‘results oriented’ does not mean there will be no challenges in life. It does mean that you are willing to stop looking at situations as problems. A prosperous mind looks at all situations as opportunities to learn and create results and solutions. What you make of each situation, expected or not, is up to you!
• Focus on abundance. The media and advertisers inundate us with the message that ‘you are not enough.’ All advertising is based on the premise that you feel you are lacking in some way. You feel impoverished: not good looking enough, not rich enough, not smart enough, not thin enough. You get the picture! The truth is that there is unlimited abundance in the world. Money, food, opportunity. It is all there in infinite supply.
• Be grateful and appreciative for all that you are, all that you do, all that you have. To create and attract prosperity in your life you must first feel gratitude and appreciation for all that you already have. Even if it isn’t a lot, be it money, a home, a car, an intimate relationship, it is likely more than most others have. An attitude of gratitude is a sure-fire way to attract abundance into your life.
• Accept ‘what is.’ In order to create positive change in your life and attract prosperity, you must be willing to accept ‘what is’ right now. By doing this you diffuse the power that the past has over you and you will cease carrying it forward into the future. This was a huge shift in mindset for Chris and me and is very self-empowering. By accepting what is, you begin to allow all the other parameters of Prosperity Consciousness to expand.
• Make service your ‘why’ in life. Sir Winston Churchill said, ‘We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.’ If what you do is only for personal advancement and satisfaction then you may want to consider making a shift to ‘being of service.’ Service isn’t only about your job or career. It is about all of your relationships, personal and professional, and how you contribute full-out to make them the best they can be. It is also about how you treat yourself in consciousness. This includes your mind, body and spirit. When you make service an integral part of your prosperity conscious program, you will be amazed at how many doors will open for you.
By following these parameters you can begin to create a positive shift for your life. Your mindset will create your physical reality. When you understand that you have unlimited potential and capability to create all forms of prosperity, you will be amazed at the results you achieve!
As Life Coaches, Chris and I always ask our clients, ‘How do you define success?’ and ‘How do you define happiness?’ If you’re like most people, you’re probably still defining and viewing success based on an antiquated model that rarely, if ever, results in success happiness.
This old model views success as a payoff. It is founded upon the premise that if you want success you will have to agree to and accept several fundamental rules to achieve what you want in your life.
The three predispositions to achieve success with the old model are: 1.’I have to work hard to get what I want because nothing worthwhile is ever accomplished without hard work and struggle.’ 2. ‘By working hard I will get the results I want and then I will be happy.’ 3.’My success and happiness are based on accomplishments, accolades, titles after my name, deeds I perform and the accumulation of material objects.’
Are these three predispositions of the old success model the foundation on which your life journey is based upon? Remember, a table with three legs can’t stand for very long!
This old model has one intrinsic flaw that Chris and I want you to become aware of: this idea of success and happiness is rooted in two emotionally debilitating components of your human mind. They are ‘seeking’ and ‘searching.’ If you are always seeking and searching it is likely you are also suffering from stress and anxiety. This is what we call ‘future addiction.’
A good pictorial that can really assist you to see the insanity of this is to remind you of the image of a horse with a carrot dangling three feet in front of its face. The horse wants that carrot so desperately yet he cannot figure out that no matter how hard he tries, the carrot will always be three feet ahead of him.
Friends, isn’t it time to give up this horseplay? Yes, there are successful people out there, or at least they appear to be. The truth is that only about one percent of the population possesses ninety-six percent of the financial wealth. Coincidence? Luck? God loves them more? The answer: none of the above.
Chris and I have mentored and known a great many financially successful people. Yet, within that group of individuals, only a handful really understood the true meaning of success and happiness. For them, hard work, struggle, status and the accumulation of things, were not the driving forces behind their success and happiness.
Throughout many years of our own personal transformations which resulted in establishing our coaching practice, we created what we know to be a new model for success for the 21st century and beyond. We feel so strongly about this model that we can state with the deepest conviction that if we, as a society do not adopt this model the future appears dim at best.
So, here’s the good news! The new model for success that Chris and I have advocated and taught for the last several years. We call it ‘Synergetic Success.’
Synergy is defined as cooperation; to work together as a team, creating even greater results than separate, individual effort.
Synergetic Success is a model based on a foundation of harmony and balance. This includes having harmonious relationships and balance in your interactions with other people as well as experiencing harmony and balance within yourself.
Chris and I have defined 8 essential tools that you can implement immediately to create synergetic success for your life. These are the key factors for the new model. Begin to use them today and witness dramatic change in your life personally and professionally.
Success Tool #1: ‘Define and acknowledge what and who it is you want in your life!’
We all know what we don’t want. It is always on the tip of our tongue and when given the chance we are likely to tell anyone who will listen about it. Be willing to shift your focus and define what it is you do want. Revive the power of your imagination you had as a child. Start dreaming again! Don’t leave this world with your music still inside of you!
Success Tool #2: ‘Know and acknowledge who you are at your core!’
Who you likely think you are is a misperception based on a bundle of thoughts, beliefs, ideas and conceptualizations you live by that are based on past experiences. Ponder this thought: ‘You have based your entire life up until now on situations you’ve encountered and experienced; however, is this who you are?
Success Tool #3: ‘Believe anything is possible!’
By changing your thoughts, beliefs, and habits you can change your life situations and experience to achieve the results you want. Create a new identity. When your thoughts, beliefs and habits are in alignment with your desires, miracles happen!
Success Tool #4: ‘Know your purpose!’
Each of our lives contains two purposes: an inner purpose and an outer purpose. For you and me, our inner purpose is the same: to awaken and contribute in some way to the elevation and evolution of mankind. For all of us, the outer purpose can change or remain constant over a lifetime. Unlike your inner purpose, which is a state of being and awakening, your outer purpose requires what we call ‘inspired action.’ Aligning your inner and outer purposes is the key to creating success with our new model.
Success Tool #5: ‘Become aware of your inner self!’
Thinking is not mankind’s greatest capacity or achievement. Awareness is! Awareness takes you beyond thought. It makes you conscious. You awaken through awareness.
The process of awareness requires due diligence on your part. It becomes a new habit for creating success. Awareness allows you to see that your thoughts, beliefs and emotions have controlled you up until this point in time. Through awareness, you have the power to change the results you achieve.
Success Tool #6: ‘Take full responsibility for your life!’
Know this simple, yet profound fact: you cannot create what you want, be on purpose, and have conscious awareness without the willingness to take complete responsibility for your own life.
Ask yourself: ‘Who and what am I absolutely, without question, responsible for?’ When you answer this question honestly you will simplify your life tremendously.
Success Tool #7: ‘Know you have the will and ability to choose differently!’
The gift we all have as humans is free will. This is the capacity to make choices in any given moment. If you don’t like the results in your life, begin to make different choices. How easy is that?
Success Tool #8: ‘Decide to be happy!’
A decision is a choice. Happiness is a choice or option always at your disposal. It is an inside job. This is intrinsic to our success model because happiness, like success, is at the level of being and feeling.
You now have 8 basic tools to implement to create success and happiness in your life. Remember, success is a process, not a payoff, so you are currently somewhere in the process. By following and using these tools you can certainly speed up the process of success for your life.
As Life Coaches, Chris and I always would like to say to you that you can either commit to creating success and happiness now or postpone it to later. Choose now! You’ll enjoy your life a whole lot more!
Self empowerment is recognizing that within each of us is the capacity and ability to live from our natural state of being. The main characteristic of this state is peace. Simply put, ‘your power is in your peace.’
After many years of assisting hundreds of individuals as Life Coaches and Relationship Coaches, we have been able to identify what we feel are the ten essential guideposts or pillars to successfully achieving self empowerment.
Understand, that these guideposts are not steps to self empowerment. They are more like a checklist of requirements that you want to fulfill and complete to become empowered. There is no specific order for which to apply them. In fact, they can be processes you use together, simultaneously or separately, one at a time.
We call these ten aspects or attributes of self empowerment ‘guideposts’ because self empowerment is a process. Each guidepost allows you to know if you are living from a position of empowerment. In other words, whether or not you are at peace.
So here they are. They are in no specific order. Apply each of them as tools and applications to create a greater sense of empowerment in your life. By mastering these guideposts, through your willingness to change, we guarantee that you will witness both subtle and extreme shifts in your life situations and conditions, as well as in your internal state of consciousness.
Guidepost #1: Recognition
Recognition is about seeing ‘to who, what, when and where you give your power away to.’ You may give it to other people, to situations and experiences or all of the above. It means you are giving external factors permission to control your emotional well-being. Once you recognize your participation in this disempowering process you can begin to break the cycle.
Recognition is also about seeing the talents and gifts you possess. If you are waiting for the world to recognize you, you may be waiting a very long time. You possess within you unique qualities and attributes that can guide you to feel empowered. Recognize them now!
Guidepost #2: Awareness
Awareness is similar to recognition, yet it goes a little deeper. Awareness is the acknowledgment that you do disengage and disconnect from the power within you. It is also about defining why you disempower yourself in the first place.
Most important, the guidepost of awareness is about knowing that it is quite possible to take your power back at any time you decide to do so.
Guidepost #3: Responsibility
To become empowered, it is imperative that you know exactly who and what you are responsible for in your life. When you do not know this parameter you are likely to live life as a guilt-ridden victim of circumstances. First and foremost, take responsibility for you own life and begin to feel more empowered. For a more detailed explanation on responsibility see our blog on this subject.
Guidepost #4: Releasing the Past
Self empowerment, which is inner peace, can only happen in the present moment or ‘now’. When you hold grudges, criticize, judge and have a long list of regrets laced with guilt, you can never be at peace. Depression is the number one symptom of someone living in the past. Be open to letting go and forgiving. If you are challenged doing this on your own, team up with a professional who has been through the process and can assist you.
Guidepost #5: Releasing Worry About the Future
Where the future and self empowerment meet is a fine line in the sand. As Life Coaches and Spiritual Teachers, here is how Chris and I see the future: you can plan for it; however, you must be open to giving up attempting to control it. Life, and what tomorrow brings you, is and always will be a mystery. Accept this truth; otherwise, you will continue to be stressed, anxious and fearful of tomorrow. Surrender to what is ‘now’ and what is yet to be. Life requires risk-taking. Be open to flying with the eagle and not walking with the turkeys.
Guidepost #6: Trust
Trust is a guidepost that moves you into the role of being a decision-maker for you and your life. Be willing to make choices and stand by them. If you do not like the results, make different choices. Trust is about having faith in the process. The process of life is always about creativity, expansion and who you are becoming. When you trust, you become more of who you authentically are. With trust you become grounded and empowered.
Guidepost #7: Cultivate a New Mindset
Cultivating a new mindset is about your willingness to grow and expand as a human being. Observe your current, dominant thoughts, beliefs and habits. Do they serve you in a positive manner or do they keep you stuck? Cultivating a new mindset is also about acknowledging that you can control your mind and that it does not have to be the other way around. In our seminars and coaching sessions, we share a variety of mindset changing techniques that can move anyone toward a state of well-being and self-empowerment.
Guidepost #8: Share Your Greatness
We have concluded that the process of Life goes beyond giving and receiving. It is all about sharing. If you are withholding your gifts and talents from the world and yourself, then you are preventing you from experiencing inner peace. Greatness is an active state that requires expression. Share your greatness! See greatness in others! Allow them to share with you.
Guidepost #9: Live in Alignment with Truth
Most people live their life aligned to the myth that ‘putting myself first is selfish and self-centered.’ As Life Coaches, we say, as long as you don’t put you first you will never live in alignment with your truth and subsequently never be self-empowered. If you treat yourself like a second class citizen, how could you ever expect anyone else to treat you differently! Putting yourself first does not include doing so at the expense or harm of another person. It is about leading by example and doing what makes your heart sing.
Guidepost #10: Forgiveness
All the guideposts we have listed are essential measuring sticks for inner peace and self-empowerment. If one guidepost was to standout above and beyond all the others in significance it would have to be forgiveness. Without real forgiveness, real peace remains elusive.
Real forgiveness is about forgiving others. More so, it is about forgiving yourself. Each of the first nine guideposts must contain a component of real forgiveness within them to activate the state of self empowerment. That is why Chris and I call them guideposts and that is why we say they can be practiced simultaneously or in any order you choose.
The purpose of these guideposts is to assist you to live an empowered life. Remember, self-empowerment is about knowing you never lost or could lose your power. You may have simply convinced yourself that you are powerless and that your happiness and peace resides elsewhere in some future universe or dimension.
In our practice, we have witnessed radical shifts in individuals when they have followed the ‘Ten Guideposts to Self-Empowerment.’ We challenge you to print this blog and commit to following at least one guidepost today.
There are numerous ways to create a fit, healthy body, however, mental fitness must also include your mind. There are ‘proven’ workout techniques and sound nutritional programs. But what about our mind? How do we get it to be healthy and fit?
As humans, we go through a wide range of thoughts and emotions daily. Some make us feel good; others, not so good. This seems to be especially true during the vacation and holiday seasons.
You may have good thoughts and emotions regarding this time of year or you may dread it. You may feel overwhelmed and stressed about plans, itineraries, bathing suits, parties, choosing and giving gifts and the expenses that go along with all the celebrating. Staying at the peak of mental fitness will give you balance regardless of events, circumstances or environment.
All of these thoughts and emotions, whether positive or negative, have a direct impact on your physical well-being. You may have the body of a Greek god, but if you’re stressed, anxious, depressed, worried, etc., then you’re not really ‘fit.’
Before you set your ‘perfect’ body goals, understand this: you will want to include a program that includes mental fitness as well.
It has been scientifically formulated that, on average, we have 60,000 thoughts a day. Most of the thoughts that we have today are the same thoughts we had yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. Get the picture? There are no new stressful thoughts, just ones that we recycle over and over again. A strong mind that has been prepared, through mental fitness, is more suited to deal with this level of activity.
Your life, and how you are currently living it, begins and ends in your mind. How your mind operates determines how happy you are, how successful you feel, and how you interact in all areas of your life. Learning how to focus and direct your thoughts is the most critical ingredient required to have a fit mind AND a fit body.
Your thoughts have a direct influence on every cell in your body. When your mind is trapped in a negative thought pattern it affects your ability to fully function both mentally and physically.
Quite miraculously, when we change our thoughts, we change our life. There are many scientifically proven mental fitness techniques that can assist you to embrace a new level of mind. These techniques go directly to your non-conscious mind – that part of the brain that stores most of our thoughts, beliefs and emotions. These techniques are safe and very transformational.
In our workshops, classes and coaching sessions, Jon and I utilize many reconditioning mind techniques (RMT’s), the building blocks of real mental fitness. They are simple to use, require little time and virtually no effort. The only requirement is that you use them on a consistent, daily basis. In just three months you can create a new way of thinking. This is the path to becoming a truly ‘fit’ person. One very simple technique is to question every thought and belief you have. Just because you have a thought, doesn’t mean it’s true! When you have a negative, judgmental or critical thought about yourself, ask yourself: is this really true, is this really true 100% of the time and in 100% of all situations? Your answer has to obviously be a ‘no’. Now, you are creating awareness! Once you start to unravel these beliefs one knot at a time, there is no going back. This is growth.
Ask yourself: what would it feel like to think, feel and act happy today, throughout this year and beyond? Can you picture it? Can you feel it? If you answered ‘yes’ then you can transform your mind into a fit mind.
It can be said that our profession as Life and Relationship Coaches is like being aerobic instructors for the mind. We can do the exercises with you, but not for you. Are you up for the ‘fit mind challenge?’
Is it time that you learned how to be happy in life? Would you like to be happy, joyous and peaceful most of the time? It is possible when you learn the formula for living life from the inside-out.
If happiness, joy and peace are not present in your, life do not despair. You can learn how to be happy in life. Positive change is possible if you are willing to be the person necessary to create it. We know you are asking, ‘How do I change?’ The answer is by becoming aware of the person you want to be, and working with the ‘inside-out’ formula, you can literally transform yourself from within.
There is, however one step you must take before proceeding with the ‘living life from the inside-out’ formula. That step is to understand the formula you are currently using to live your life. This is will put you on the right track and help you understand how to be happy in life. If you find yourself generally unhappy, anxious, stressed, depressed and trying to function in a seemingly chaotic world, then you are living your life from the ‘outside-in.’ To assist you to understand how the two formulas for living life operate, lets briefly look at each of them.
Most of the world lives from the ‘outside-in’ and here’s why: at a very young age our elders teach us to identify with the physical and material world. By age two, we have already formulated a tight bond with ‘things.’ By the time we learn to speak we are very proficient with the word ‘my.’ ‘My toys.’ ‘My room.’ ‘My ice cream cone.’ My, my, my! Living your life from the outside-in is will not put you n the path of understanding how to be happy in life.
As children, we quickly come to realize that in order to have anything, we had to perform a certain way to get it. Things or possessions are not only material and physical items. There was very little emphasis place on how to be happy in life. They are non-physical like academic grades, sports trophies, medals, titles, prestige, reputations and love. Like our physical possessions, we are given a similar formula for achieving status, popularity and fame.
From childhood, we believe, based on what we see and what we are told, that having things is the prerequisite for being somebody. This, friends, is living life from the ‘outside-in.’ This is living life backwards. We call this the ‘living life backwards formula’ or the ‘HAVE-DO-BE’ approach to life.
It is the foundation most of us have been taught to build our lives upon and it sounds something like this: ‘When I have the perfect career and make oodles of money, I will be able to buy whatever I want, go wherever I want, whenever I want, and even have whoever I want! Then, everyone will notice me and I’ll be somebody!’ If you are approaching life this way, it is likely you are rowing against the current and you may even have one oar.
Do you strive to HAVE knowledge, possessions and money so you may be able to DO those things that are important to you so you will BE somebody and ultimately feel good about yourself? Living life this way can and will cause disharmony and disease in your physical body and jeopardize your emotional well-being. Ultimately, you will spend your whole life trying to gather evidence that will support who you think and say you are. You allow the ‘outside’ world to control and create your ‘inside’ world. The end result is one of dissatisfaction, lack of fulfillment and unhappiness because you will always find evidence to convince yourself that you have not achieved enough and are not good enough to be who you want to be.
We tend to forget that we are human ‘beings’ and not human ‘doings.’ As human beings, our natural, inborn intention is to live life from the inside-out formula. We call this the BE-DO-HAVE approach to life.
Consider living your life by this new approach. To start using this approach you will want to affirm who you want to be. Remember, this is not about ‘things’ like possessions, titles and reputations. Perhaps you will affirm to be happier, be more loving, be more compassionate, be more committed, be more understanding, be more tolerant, be more patient, be more truthful. Do you get the picture?
To ‘be’, without ‘doing’ or ‘having’, requires a willingness to change and is an act of courage on your part. You are proclaiming who you are ‘inside’ without seeking any evidence ‘outside’ of yourself to support or validate it. It is an unconditional state of being.
So, let us ask you: can you be happier just for the sake of being happier? Can you be more loving just for the sake of giving love? Can you be more committed to yourself, your relationships, your job, so you know no matter what, you are giving your all?
When you decide and declare who you want to ‘be’, doors will open and opportunity will knock on a regular basis. This requires trust and patience. Living life from the ‘inside-out’ (BEING) will guide you to take inspired action (DOING) to become the person you affirm yourself to be. As a result, you will possess those qualities and things (HAVING) that truly give you a tremendous sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.
Now that you know about the ‘BE-DO-HAVE’ approach to living life from the inside-out, you can begin to take the steps to become empowered because of who you are and not because of what you do or don’t do and have or don’t have.
It’s never too late to stop living life backwards. Start today by being the change you want to see! So ask yourself, who am I becoming?
Bullying has become a hot topic of conversation recently which has prompted us to create a post on how to deal with bullying. We have witnessed through the details of various news stories what it can do to people and how it can literally destroy lives. Interestingly enough, there hasn’t been a lot of talk that bullying has been a predisposition for the human experience as far back as recorded history began. Individuals have bullied other individuals, groups and tribes have bullied other groups and tribes. On a larger scale, kingdoms and nations have been bullying other nations for the last 3,000 years.
So, the one question we may want to ask is : ‘why the sudden interest in bullying in our schools specifically and our world at large?’ The answer is that on a deeper, spiritual level, bullying has gained attention because we as a society are beginning to realize that it does not have a place in our evolution as humans if we truly want to survive and co-exist.
How To Deal With Bullying Step 1: Take a moment and examine where you see bullying in your world. The ability to recognize bullying will help you develop methods on how to deal with bullying. Most of us have witnessed bullying as children in school, in the playground or on the streets of the town or city we live in. Bullying also exists in so-called intimate relationships between two adults. It is prevalent between parent and child as well. Less talked about is bullying in the workplace by superiors, co-workers and business competitors. We are well taught that bullying gets successful results and if we want to make it in this world, we have to crush the competition.
Until recently, bullying had been considered acceptable behavior. Not so anymore! Now that we know it’s not acceptable behavior, it’s important we take to time to learn how to deal with bullying. Whatever the ramifications have been from bullying throughout history, some form of justification of this behavior has always found its way into the mainstream and became the norm. We have arrived at a place in history where we are awakening to the realization that the way we were taught to survive in this world can no longer stand up to the test of time. In fact, time may be running out if we do not commit to making changes personally, nationally and globally.
On any level, bullying is about control. It is about the bully making him or herself feeling better emotionally at the expense of another person. Bullies pride themselves on using fear as their trump card. Fear is the basis of control: intimidation; the need to be right; and the desire to feel worthy and accepted. The truth is that bullies need to bully because they feel so bad about themselves. Bullying at its deepest, purely spiritual level, is a cry for love, forgiveness and compassion.
How To Deal With Bullying Step 2: This may be difficult to accept when you are the victim of bullying at its most malicious. We have recently witnessed how extreme the maliciousness can be. Typically, as a victim of bullying, most of us are only thinking about how we can avoid being bullied, how we can stop it, and even how we can achieve retribution and revenge.
In my life I have been both the bully and bullied. I have experienced both perspectives, both ends of this painful stick. As a Life Coach, Relationship Coach and Business Coach, I have witnessed countless interactions involving bullying between individuals, family members, businesses and corporations. In order to end bullying as a commonplace occurrence in our world we have to know why it occurs in the first place. You cannot eliminate any disease, either physical or emotional, without knowing its origin or cause.
Bullying is a signal that emotional pain is dominant. To move forward, we must understand that both bully and victim hold some sort of emotional pain that is inextricably linked. They have more in common with each other than meets the eye. Both feel insecure, unworthy and fearful that life will let them down. One reacts, the other retreats. One needs to defend, the other feels utterly defenseless. It is an unusual partnership to say the least. Yet, in my personal and professional experience it sets the stage for positive change and growth.
In order to move beyond the roles of bully and victim we must commit to heal. As someone who has personally healed (and is still going through the process), and as a conduit who assists others to do the same, I firmly believe that it is important for us to continue to focus on this subject. Healing holds the key to understanding what is required of us as human beings both individually and as a collective to create true inner peace. A world of beings who feel and live through inner peace cannot act out the roles of bully and bullied. When each of us makes a commitment to emotionally heal and acknowledge that we spend most of our waking moments in emotional pain, then and only then will we find true fulfillment from life.
Personally and professionally, I am excited to see the subject of bullying receiving media attention. A heightened awareness factor is the first step toward positive change, another key in our efforts concerning how to deal with bullying. With your participation and mine, we can each contribute creating a world where feeling good about ourselves doesn’t have to be at the expense of another person. Start and end with yourself and lead by example. If you find you cannot release emotional pain on your own, seek professional assistance and guidance. If you are a bully and continue to use bullying tactics to get what you want, you will never feel peace and happiness. Likewise, if you continue to be the recipient of bullying, you too, will never feel peace and happiness. The time to heal and create change is now. Let us know how you feel, what your thoughts are and how we can help.
As Life Coaches and Relationship Coaches, we have assisted hundreds of individuals over the years by showing them how to overcome fear. They comprise of both sexes, all age groups, various demographics and different socioeconomic backgrounds.
Initially, when each of them began coaching sessions with us, we found they all had something beyond the obvious in common- one aspect of their life experience that caused each of them to create some sort of self-imposed prison. That aspect of his or her life was fear. Specifically, it was the fear of life itself.
Fear of life can be and usually is crippling to the person who experiences it. The fear of life takes on various manifestations. This is why it is of utmost importance that you learn how to overcome fear. One prevailing form of the fear of life is when we ‘play small.’ That’s the ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘smart enough’, ‘good-looking enough’, etc. versions. These fears are steeped in beliefs of unworthiness, lack of confidence and low self-esteem.
Ironically, death and the fear of it receives more coverage than living life ever gets. The easiest way to resolve our fear of death is to simply accept it as a normal process of who we are as living, breathing organisms. We have no real control over our inevitable transitions; however, we can prolong, to some degree, our bodily, human experiences. One specific way to do that is to embrace life rather than running from it. Learning how to overcome fear of death is liberating.
To embrace life is to love life. Loving life is the opposite of fearing it. When we love life we experience magnificence. Magnificence in and of itself is simply the expression, the result, the out flowing of the love for life. We cannot experience this greatness and grandeur when we ‘play small’ in the game of life.
To move from ‘fearing life’ to ‘loving life’ we must first examine what the fear itself really is. Typically, we have found that almost all our fears are simply illusions. They are stories we have scripted and choreographed so brilliantly about ourselves and our world that we tailspin to the point where we are actually living in a hallucination- a state of mind on shaky ground that is based on events that rarely, if ever come to pass.
It is every human beings right merely by his or her own existence to embrace and love life and not to fear it. Fear is our greatest limitation. Fear also resides in the mind which itself limits us. Embracing and loving life is an act of our spirit, which is limitless. We fear life because we have been conditioned to fear it. Our thoughts, beliefs and habits are handed down to each of us from our parents and the generations that preceded them. It is exactly within this conditioned process that exists the key to moving away from a fear-based life to moving toward a love-based life.
The solution to change resides in all of us. It begins with the catalyst for all transformation, and that’s awareness. Once you are aware that you are fearful and that this fear has had a powerful, strangling hold on you which prevents you from being all that you are intended to be, you are beginning a journey of rediscovery and rebirth.
The journey continues when you also begin to question every thought and belief you have about yourself and your world. We never have our clients look for answers. That’s what got them into fear-based troubles in the first place. We always have them ask questions, because the person who asks the most questions always wins at the game of life. We know, this is not what we were all taught. The truth is; however, that asking questions is an indicator to the Universe that you are inquisitive, receptive and an open vessel to accept positive change in and for your life.
Removing fear from your life is about taking risks which are really opportunities to grow and expand. When we come to the stunning realization that most of the 60 thousand thoughts we have each and every day are not serving us for our and the world’s highest good, we begin to see that playing small and fearing life are simply rules we have imposed on ourselves that are ready to be broken. The fear of life can be- and pardon the pun- ‘a death sentence.’ We all have the ability to walk out of our self-imposed prisons.
The challenges you face today may be large. They may be small compared to what others are facing. They may be financial or career related. They may be about health or relationships. No matter what category they may fall under, you quite simply are in a chaotic, uneasy state of mind.
You are 30 something, 40 something, 50 something or older and you’re in the midst of a malaise, a sense of discontent or what some might call a midlife crisis. Currently, it may feel like a time of despair and hopelessness- emotionally painful with no solution in sight. Or it may feel like a depression, a deep psychological rut with no rope to pull yourself up to the light of day.
If you are feeling this way, you are not alone. I may have identified your personal crisis, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to be able to accomplish such a feat. Here’s where it takes more than being any kind of a scientist. What I am going to suggest to you requires more than knowledge or anything beyond traditional education can offer you. For your consideration, I am going to propose to you that your current midlife crisis may very well be a blessing.
I believe that much, if not all of our own personal discord, is a prompting, a nudge so to speak from our unconditioned, all-loving Self saying to us: ‘Hey, this is not who you intended yourself to be in this lifetime. I’m giving you a kick where it may seem to hurt a bit or a great deal. Oh, and by the way, I will continue to put you into situations and relationships you label ‘bad’ until you awaken to the magnificence you intended to be and express in this lifetime.’
In this way, a midlife crisis is an opportunity. It is a spiritual text message to you that changes are required in your life. The result, by creating these changes, will be both beneficial and positive; not only for you, but for all people who you personally and professionally interact with. To begin the process of change, you must first become aware that change is real and possible, and inevitable, like death and taxes.
I ask you this ‘Why do you do what you do?’ Mull it over for a while, and when you discover an answer, think about how you would apply it to any or all aspects of your life. In doing so, you can reveal your intention in any given moment. Responding to this question gives you valuable information as to whether or not you are living your life fully and authentically. You are also revealing the payoff of your actions, behaviors and the situations that you willingly participate in. If the payoff is a sense of emptiness or icy hopelessness, it is a signal for change. If the payoff is loneliness, depression, anger, resentment, rage or any other negative emotion, consider yourself aware and blessed that there is a part of you that loves you so much that it is making an effort to show you your so-called midlife crisis is quite simply an awakening. At this point, all that is required of you is to declare your power, stand up and say, ‘I am ready to take full responsibility for my life! I don’t know how I am going to do it; however, I’m willing to allow it to happen.’
This is how growth and transformations begins- one step at a time, one day at a time.
Midlife can be a glorious time. It is a time to admit that we really haven’t grownup and aren’t as mature as we thought. It is a time for incredible positive change for ourselves and the people around us. By our 30s and 40s we’ve all ‘been around the block’ several times. The problem is that so many of us refuse to consider taking an alternate path.
As you consider an alternate path, try to remember that in the end you will not be remembered for the size of your bank accounts, the car you drove or how many degrees you received from an accredited university. What will be remembered is the love you offered others, the kindness you spread and the smile that you shared. Your loved ones and friends will essentially recall why you came here in the first place: to be the powerful source that you inherently are. The source of this power is love and the way it is made manifest is by each of us being a conduit of service to our fellow man.
So if your current circumstances have got you down and out, ask yourself this question, ‘Am I willing to pick myself up, dust myself off and consider the possibility that Life is calling me?’ Congratulations if the answer is ‘Yes!’ You’re considering the possibilities – welcome to midlife!
Written by Jon Satin, Life Coach, Relationship Coach and Business Consultant with Possibility Coaches.
Jon Satin MBA along with his business partner Chris Pattay BBA are Life Coaches, Relationship Coaches and Business Consultants, Workshop Facilitators, Authors, and Entrepreneurs. Since founding Possibility Coaches in 2002, they have been actively exploring the human experience and condition, and empowering individuals and business owners worldwide to live a life of meaning, passion and purpose. To learn more about them, their complimentary 30 minute coaching session and their venues: The Synergetic Success Class and the Relationship and Communication Seminar, contact them at 215-794-0135 / 888-372-2473 or www.PossibilityCoaches.com / www.TheTeamForSuccess.com
For years I told myself that my life, my relationships and all the circumstances surrounding them were the way they were because I believed life was meant to be a struggle …and there was nothing I could do to change that.
Fast forward twenty years and I say today with absolute conviction that I love my life and my relationships (both personal and professional). How can that be? I broke, what I call the ‘Chain of Pain.’
The ‘Chain of Pain’ is part of our inheritance. It is the root cause of all dysfunctional behavior in our society. It is why people are unhappy, apathetic, anxious, stressed, angry, impatient, belligerent, depressed and in some extreme cases downright nasty.
Who you are; more likely who you think you are, is the sum total of the chain of pain you are connected to. Your connection to the chain of pain began with your family of origin: your parents, grandparents, siblings and adult authority figures prominent in your childhood. These represent all the so-called “experts” who claimed to do and know what was best for you.
Many of these adults in our childhood truly loved us and cared about our well-being. They wanted us to grow-up and become happy, grounded adults in happy, grounded careers and relationships. They wanted us to have a wonderful life!
For many of us in today’s society the notion of having a wonderful life with nurturing, harmonious relationships somehow fell by the wayside somewhere on the journey. The good news is that it is never and I repeat, never too late to have a wonderful life.
If you are struggling, do not despair! Don’t give up on your life or your relationships. As long as you can conceive in your mind a life or a relationship that is different than the one you are currently experiencing, then I say to you: ‘You can do it!’
‘The Chain of Pain’ is why you are currently suffering. In my Life Coaching practice, when I refer to suffering, I am speaking specifically about suffering caused by emotional pain.
Here is how your chain of pain came into being. As a child, you were abused either physically, emotionally or both. Or, it was less obvious, more subtle: what is termed ’emotional abandonment.’ This is when a child doesn’t receive the love he or she needs from one or both parents. In most cases, the parents are totally unconscious of how they are affecting their child.
Through Life Coaching, the origins of the ‘Chain of Pain’ are relatively easy to trace. Everyone’s chain is a connection that is linked to the ‘family tree.’ If you knew or know your grandparents, their behavior patterns and personalities, you can begin to understand why your parents did and said what they did and said.
The result of all this pain is that if it’s left unchecked and unresolved, it is passed on to future generations. Its’ adverse effects are wide and vast both to us as individuals, to the life we live and the relationships we participate in.
Here’s the good news! Right now you can begin the process of breaking free from your ‘chain of pain.’ The most important step you can take in the process of taking back your life and creating quality relationships that you desire and cherish is the very first step. In Life Coaching, this first step is called awareness.
Remember friends, there was a time in my life when I was totally oblivious to the idea of dysfunction in my life, let alone something called a ‘chain of pain.’ When I became aware that this source of my struggle was controlling the quality of my life and my relationships a light went on in my head. That light has shone brightly ever since.
As I began to transform my life I wanted to share what I learned with others. This is why I entered the field of Life Coaching and why I and my partner Chris have dedicated ourselves to assisting anyone who is ready and willing to cut the links to their chain of pain. If you are not doing so yet, isn’t it time that you begin to live the life and have the relationships that you so richly deserve?
In life and relationships, the world is full of extreme examples and different viewpoints on the subject of responsibility. We all know someone who is considered to be on the side of ‘irresponsible.’ We also know people who feel responsible for everyone and everything. They are the ones who appear to be carrying the world on their shoulders.
Who and what we are each responsible for appears to be a ‘gray’ area for most people. Typically, the state of our emotions dictates who and what we believe and feel responsible for.
As Life and Relationship Coaches, Chris and I break responsibility down to its’ most common denominator. This is the last word you will ever need when it comes to how you view the idea of responsibility in your life.
The level of responsibility present in your life and relationships, and how you respond, is directly related to the presence, power and role guilt plays in your life. If feeling guilty is a big player in your life, then responsibility is more than likely wearing you down. On the other hand, if you tend to lean toward irresponsibility, you more than likely blame everyone else and circumstances for your problems and shortcomings.
Yes, responsibility looms large on a daily basis: at home, at the workplace and in business. Because it does play a major role in all life and relationships, it is important that you define its parameters where you are concerned.
There are 2 questions that will arise at potentially any given time, depending on the circumstances and your state of mind. We call these 2 questions the ‘Double Whammy’ questions. They are a double-whammy that can potentially cause you to emotionally derail if you have unresolved issues regarding responsibility.
These 2 questions are: ‘What am I responsible for right now?’ and ‘Who am I responsible to and/or for right now?’
So, here are the last words for you regarding what you are, always have been and always will be responsible for: your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, words and deeds. In addition, you are responsible for how you see yourself and the world. Conversely, here is what you are never responsible for: the thoughts, beliefs, feelings, words and deeds of other people and how others see themselves, you and the world.
And now, the last words for you regarding who you are, always have been and always will be responsible for: you, yourself and any person or group of people you have an agreement with, either verbal or written. In addition, you are responsible for your children (under the age of 18) and your pets or any animals that depend on you for food, water and shelter.
Looking at responsibility this way simplifies it for you. You can begin to end the process of bearing the weight of the world on your shoulders. Or, you can begin to take back your life and relationships by being willing to take responsibility for you. When you take responsibility for you, and others begin to do the same, you become an example of and for positive change in the world. You become master of your destiny and who you are becoming. You are now the CEO of You, Inc. And that’s the last word on responsibility, in your life and relationships!
Life and relationships, in regards to creating success, is much like batting in baseball. You will strikeout, be hit by pitches, hit a homer, or something in-between.
I have loved baseball as far back as I can remember. I played the game as a youth; as an adult an avid fan of MLB. Specifically, a Yankee fan for nearly half a century. As a player, I was not what you called a power hitter. I hit simply to get on base. To get on base in baseball is success. Get a hit every 3 out of 10 at bats and you’re a star. All baseball scholars and historians always cite the “Babe” as the measure of true success. Recall that he struck out way more than he hit home runs, yet what is his legacy about? The 714 homers he hit, of course.
Great hitters hone their skills by rising above the strikeouts, ground outs and fly outs. A master ballplayer knows that creating success for himself and more importantly for his team requires consistency, persistence and laser focus. Like baseball, your life and relationships require you to hone your skills to create hits and score runs both professionally and personally.
Life and all your relationships are a game that requires your full participation. This is what is meant by living life to its full potential. It’s about keeping your “eye on the prize.” What are your eyes currently focusing on? The prize? Or the fact that the prize seems out of reach? When a championship season for your life and your relationships feels like an impossibility and you feel like the Chicago Cubs, it is time to start asking questions. Asking questions will shake you up and even change your outlook. The hitter who bats .300 every season is an athlete who without doubt gets brutally honest with himself when a batting slump appears. He doesn’t beat himself up. More likely, he observes himself from within to see where he may be out of alignment emotionally. If he isn’t willing to do this the slump will continue.
Are you willing to observe yourself? As a Life and Relationship Coach I have assisted hundreds of individuals over the years create awareness about how they are playing the game of life. Being a star in the game that is your life, like any sport, requires consistency of effort, vision and being comfortable in your own skin. It also requires you to enjoy the process and have fun on the journey. A game that doesn’t feel like fun isn’t worth playing.
No matter where you are on life’s journey, be it Spring training, the All-Star Break or the Fall Classic, it is never too early or too late to rise above the strikeouts, ground outs and fly outs and disappointments of your past seasons. Hone your life and relationship skills and create the dream life and dream relationships you desire. Remember, you only get one go-round in this uniform. Ask yourself, “How badly do I want that championship season?”
I was never a .300 hitter; however, I pride myself on being an All-Star hitting coach when it comes to life and relationships. If you seek to become an All-Star and be a champion in your life and relationships contact me. Play ball!