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How to Transform Your Life Into The Life You Want! | Transform Your Life

How to transform your life Into The Life You Want? When first reading the title of this article, did you think about all of the things that you would like to acquire to make your life better? Did any of these thoughts pop into your mind: buying a house, a car, finding a new job, not having a job, winning the lottery, moving out of town, starting a new relationship, or having plastic surgery? What if I said that you can change your life without any of these things, and that you will be happy? Yes, your current life. The one where you are in debt, hate your job, are addicted to one thing or another, going through a divorce, or suffering from aches and pains. Would this be possible? Would it take a miracle?

Transforming Your Life
Transforming Your Life
In nature, butterflies are the expert miracle transformers. Caterpillars begin their life eating leaves and twigs until they are ready to change. When ready, they hang upside down attached to a twig and spin a cocoon or molt into a shiny chrysalis. Alone within this covering, the shift takes place. The caterpillar literally digests itself releasing enzymes to dissolve all of its tissue. The only thing left is a group of cells. The wings of the butterfly form in the soupy mixture until the butterfly becomes aware that it is time to appear and start anew.

How do you transform your life like the butterfly? Metamorphosis is transformation. This can only occur when we are ready to accept the life that we are living. This is necessary if we want to create positive changes. If you are attached to your current circumstances, be thankful for them and bless them. Unlearning the negative thoughts that play over and over in our mind is the way that we molt. Molting, in human terms, is letting go of the past. Being alone and turning within to discover our blocks, barriers, fears and addictions is essential for us. Like the caterpillar releasing its enzymes, we too need to release all fear.

So how do we do this? It’s done through surrender. Surrendering to a higher power begins the shift in our perception. It is not about giving up; rather it is about turning over and letting go. In this process, we are actually saying, “I no longer fear. I TRUST.”

Forgiveness is the channel for us to access the power that dissolves pain. Forgiveness is our soupy mixture. This decision allows up to let go and allow the power within to transform our lives. What is this power? The power is love which radiates through all creation including each one of us. We are all energetically connected through this power, it is our natural state. It is when we become aware of this concept that we are ready to awaken and emerge from our chrysalis like the beautiful butterfly.

Changing our perception is the shift required to change our lives. When we make this shift, our relationships are no longer filled with drama. Work becomes pleasurable. We feel better and are more energetic. We feel passionate about creating. Sharing our money and our time through volunteering fills our hearts with joy. Our new found energy attracts new opportunities. Life is not as fast-paced because the chaos in our lives vanishes.

The conscious awareness of the power of love, which in connected through all life, is the miracle to transform your life to one of inner peace.

Now, is this the life you want?

Doreen Lofaro
Doreen Lofaro
Written by Doreen Lofaro. Doreen is a Contributing Writer and Guest Blogger for The Possibility Coaches. Doreen’s articles inspire readers from all over the world to create a life filled with inspiration, inner peace and self-empowerment. She has been a student of the Possibility Coaches since 2007. Doreen is a Creative Writer and Spiritual Coach currently residing in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. She can be contacted at dmlofaro@gmail.com

transform your life

transform your life

Being Your Best is Being Empowered

Being your best is truly about living life fully, with a sense of worthiness, direction and empowerment. Being your best is totally different than ‘doing your best.’ Doing implies action and ‘doing your best’ is based on a variety of contingencies rooted in day to day activities. ‘Doing’ also means there are external causes (action steps and results) that directly measure and determine whether you are ‘doing your best,’ and are worthy of recognition.

Being Your Best
Being Your Best
The idea that ‘doing your best’ will get you to the ‘Promised Land’ of achieving your goals, getting what you want and looking good to the rest of the world, is a flawed belief and a huge assumption at best. And why is that?

Ask yourself this question: ‘How would I define my version of ‘doing my best?’ Can you define it in real measurable terms? Have you ever achieved your perceived level of ‘doing my best?’ Or is it some unattainable goal far off in the future and even out of reach?

Does your ‘best’ even seem impossible because you believe you are unworthy of succeeding and shining?

When another person says to you ‘Do your best!’ do you know what they want from you? More important, ask yourself, ‘Do they know what they want from me?’

They know exactly what they want from you when they say ‘Do your best!’ They are really saying, ‘Make me happy and don’t disappoint me!’

The world has taken the term ‘do your best’ and turned it in to a form of manipulation resulting in never feeling good enough, smart enough or even loveable. Just hearing the words ‘do your best’ engulfs us in feeling guilty, worried and anxious and sets us up for on-going disappointment. It is the reason why we procrastinate, suffer from paralysis of analysis, and unwarranted perfection.

If you have spent much of your life focused on ‘doing your best’ in the name of making others happy and getting their approval, then consider stopping now! Stop focusing on ‘doing your best’ and shift to ‘being your best.’

Here is how you make this shift and know that you are ‘being my best.’ Get in-touch with how you really feel about yourself and your life in general. Review how you feel about your career, your business and your personal life. Write these feelings down.

Do these feelings bring up positive or negative emotions? Are they empowering or exhausting?

“Understand that being empowered is a feeling and a state of being. It has nothing to do with what you do or ‘doing your best’ or not. Being empowered, and feeling it, means you are being your best. Why? Because when you feel good about yourself everything you do exudes that sense of empowerment from within.”

‘Being your best’ results in taking inspired action. Inspired action is a demonstration of who you authentically are. It feels easy and effortless, and gives you a true sense of aliveness and purpose. It also means that you choose not to live your life for the sole purpose of making other people happy. Continuing to buy in to ‘doing your best’ means you will continue to define yourself and how you live your life based on how others see you and what they want from you.

Moving away from ‘doing my best’ to ‘being my best’ is a paradigm shift that results in true self-empowerment. Being your best requires you to become more inner-focused. This is not being selfish! It is actually about becoming quite generous!

Being inner-focused, so you can be your best, is about taking care of yourself first. Recall the quote “Be the change you want to see.” This is about living the life you choose! Not your parents’ vision for your life, not your spouse’s vision, and not your boss.’ This is about living life on and with purpose. Selfishness is when someone attempts to get you to live the life they choose for you. This is unhealthy and sets us up for a lot of suffering and disappointment.

Being your best means you love and appreciate yourself. It does not mean you don’t care about other people. When you really understand that being your best is the same as being empowered, you will actually give more and have more.

Let’s face it, if you don’t become your best you are withholding your greatness from the world. To be your best, begin to nurture yourself and all your gifts and talents. Allow yourself to explore your innate creativity. Be open and willing to shine simply for the sake of the experience! Author and publisher Robert Collier said it best when he wrote, “All power is from within and therefore under our control.” Look within, be your best, and watch your life transform!

To learn how to ‘be your best’ contact The Possibility Coaches™. They offer a 30 minute complementary coaching session by phone or Skype. Inquire about your session here.

being your best

being your best

Finding The Authentic You!

Do you know what it feels like to be your authentic self? Let me ask it another way. Do you spend most of your life being the ‘real you’ or do you find yourself wearing masks, pretending to be something that you’re not, trying to be something for someone else? Do you spend your life acting in ways that contradict what you feel in your heart and soul? I’ve come to learn that in order to be truly happy, I mean truly, truly happy, it is essential that we become authentic. Let me rephrase that, it’s essential that we live as our authentic selves.

Being The Authentic You!
Being Authentic
Looking back at my own life, I can’t remember a time until the most recent past when I could actually feel comfortable being myself. I wondered why that was. Why couldn’t I feel comfortable being myself?

I realized that at a very early age, like most people, I was convinced, that I had to be a certain way, act a certain way, even look a certain way to be accepted by the people in my life and by the world at large.

And there are a lot of people who confirmed that, telling me how to speak, what I had to do, what I had to know and who I had to become to be accepted into this world. To all that conditioning, the real me, which was always in me and always will be me, was buried deep in the recesses of my mind and my heart. It is my soul; it is your soul.

The great thing about our souls is that they’re changeless and eternal, and no one or no thing, no experience, no situation, even traumatic situations and experiences can alter the changelessness and the eternalness of the souls that you and I share. That’s some pretty awesome news. If you’ve been unable, for way too long to be your real self, to be authentic, know that there is a part of you, that is authentic and that is real. And that’s the part, the part of each of us, that is meant to shine, that is the part of each of us that I call our genius. It is that part of us that is eternally connected to the Universe and to all Life, whatever form it takes.

From personal experience, as I begin to let go of my conditioning, which includes my beliefs, emotions and feelings that are attached to the sixty thousand thoughts that I have every day (most of which were negative in content), I realize that, if I’m able to let go of those emotions and feelings, and feel them and be with them, and release them and not resist them, I know that underneath it all, the peeling away, the shedding of the onion, all that’s left is the true, real, authentic me.

And most people resist being real. They’ll even say “I can’t be real.” The truth is, we all can be real. The challenge that we face is we won’t ‘be real’ because we’re afraid of what the world will see.

The truth is, the reality of who we are is not the reality of who we think we are.

The reality of who you are and who I am is that we are children of the Universe. Our unique nature is unconditional love, goodness, generosity and overall well-being. But all that seems so foreign to so many of us, foreign to too many of us. Therein lies the journey home. It’s going from who you think you are to who you really are. Despite what you may think in this moment or despite what anyone has told you in the past or continues to tell you, in this and every moment you are magnificent.

Boy, that’s hard to get sometimes, isn’t it? And sometimes circumstances, events and experiences and the way we behave confirm the contrary. Sometimes there’s a hideousness, an ugliness, a darkness that comes out of all of us. Know that it’s okay to come from that place. It’s been called the shadow side. The shadow in all of us has so many benefits. I believe the shadow is a gift. It is part of the agreement we make with ourselves and our souls as we incarnate as humans in this lifetime and every other lifetime that we incarnate, as a way of evolving, as a way of becoming enlightened, and as a way to raise the consciousness of this planet, so we can not only survive, so we can thrive.

Realizing this, I feel there is nothing more important than you uncover who you really are: your authentic self. All that’s required is your willingness. If you say you can’t, remember it means you really won’t. You won’t because you’re being controlled within your mind by fears that tell you not to expose who you truly are, because that person is not worthy of being happy, of thriving, of evolving and growing and living life enthusiastically, inspired by all the beauty that the life…the one life has to offer all of us. Do not deny your part in this one life, you are a piece of it, and your peace is it.

Imagine a part of you and a part of me that lives in peace and harmony, undisturbed by the physical third dimensional world. Many times I talk with clients about what I call the fourth dimension. It’s not some far off dimension, actually it follows you wherever you go. Imagine there is another you, walking along side of you, day in and day out, from the moment you were born to the moment you leave your body. It walks along side of you, through the good and the bad. Interestingly though, no matter what you call good or what you call bad, that parallel person is always at peace, is always loving you and everyone and everything unconditionally and knows you and everyone and everything are eternal. That is the place from which we all aspire to live, that is the place of authenticity, the place of the true, one reality. Most of the world is dreaming, most of the world is asleep, most of the world doesn’t have the slightest inclination or idea that with one decision we can change and awaken to our magnificence.

My hope for you is that you awaken to your magnificence!

It is a process and an undertaking. Simple to do, not always easy. From my experience, it creates a lot of bumps and a lot of hurdles. But, as I look back I bless every bump and every hurdle and even some potholes, ditches and sinkholes that I have fallen into. But with all of that, the sun still shines on my face, no matter what. Look for who you really are, look for your authenticity. Let the sun shine on your face, feel it’s warmth, feel it’s love, let it absorb into you and realize the same warmth and the same love are in you. Let it come out, and when you say “I can’t” realize it’s just that you won’t and that you’re afraid. Question those fears and realize most of them are unfounded and come from habitual negative thinking, belief systems and conditioning. You are always one with me and with everyone else. Know that and you will find peace, be that and you will change the world.

We would love to hear your comments. Tell us what it means to you to be authentic. Please leave your comments below.

To learn more about The Possibility Coaches™ and how they can assist you, visit them here. They offer a 30 minute complementary coaching session by phone or Skype. Inquire about your session here.

authentic

authentic

Trusting Life Again!

You may have heard the phrase ‘trust the process of life.’ To trust Life requires most of us to re-think, review and respond differently to life’s situations, experiences and events in a very different way than we are accustomed to. This new approach may appear and feel radical or even contrary to the ways we typically handle the day to day activities of being human.

Trust Life
Trusting Life Again
The challenge most people face is they are taught and conditioned to react to life rather than ‘going with the flow.’ We react mostly out of fear, based on survival strategies wired into our minds.

From an internal mindset of fear, we experience life situations that confirm the belief that we should not trust most people and most circumstances. When we do not trust, we also eliminate taking risks.

Trusting life requires risk. Without some degree of risk, we miss out on life’s ultimate meaning which is to feel joy and exhilaration.

Our life takes on a dimension of different results and experiences when we become aware that we possess the power to change our life through the willingness to trust again.

Unfortunately, the fear of trust, which is rooted in the desire to survive, extends beyond our basic instincts and invades our minds. We then, at a very early age, begin to view each moment with a tactical survival approach. The most menial experiences and events are viewed as ‘life-threatening.’ With this belief, we learn not to trust Life. Under the umbrella of ‘Life’ falls the day to day activities that move us forward through what is intended to be a glorious journey for each of us.

It is that glorious journey, that we, by virtue of our existence, are entitled to experience. In order to experience this glorious journey it is necessary for us to be willing to take certain steps.

These steps are:

1. begin to let go of a fearful, mistrusting realm of perception.

2. being more open to rethinking and reviewing how the lack of trust blocks you from enjoying life.

3. be willing to release negative emotions that create mistrust.

4. learning how to respond and move with the flow of Life rather that reacting and being at the mercy of every life situation.

This is ultimately about changing your perspective. It has been said often that ‘when you change the way you look at things (life), the things (your life) you look at change.’

To radically change the results you are getting in your life (relationships, career, health), you will want to take a different approach.

This approach is not only about mindset. It goes beyond mindset, requiring us to change at the level of emotions and feelings. To trust the process of life, we each must disengage ourselves from the dominant fearful emotions and feelings we experience daily. This is about taking our power back from the fear-based feelings that have enslaved us for far too long.

We take our power back through a process called ‘shedding the light on the darkness.’ The light represents our new perspective. The darkness is our conditioning from the past which we presently repeat, resulting in a future that looks very much like our life today.

The darkness also includes our fears and our reactivity to it. The light is love, which is a much healthier response to life and all that it presents to us daily.

When we come from light and love, and begin to awaken to the realization that ‘yes, I have the power to trust the process of life,’ our life begins to dramatically improve.

One way to immediately create positive changes in your life is to become aware that you not only are not your thoughts; you are also not the emotions and feelings attached to these thoughts. This one realization, in and of itself, can be life changing.

By affirming your willingness to begin again and trust the process of life, miracles will happen on your behalf. It has been said that ‘miracles can move mountains.’ We’d like to add that ‘you don’t need to move mountains to experience miracles!’

To enhance the positive changes you desire for your life, we would like to give to you a gift: we call it your own personal My Declaration of Trust.’ If you like, print it, read it daily and experience a shift in your life that gets you back on what we call ‘life’s glorious journey.’

It’s never too late to begin to trust or to begin to trust again. Yesterday is history. What’s done is done! Read the Declaration of Trust, or if you like, create your own and witness the miracles one by one, day by day!

We can assist you to trust life again. Learn how here!

trust life

trust life

Tis Always the Season for Giving

As the world busily prepares for the holiday season, let us recall that this time of year symbolizes and personifies giving. Giving, as an act, and as an expression of love, kindness and generosity, is a beautiful thing.

Giving Love is the Best Gift
Giving Love is the Best Gift
In today’s fast-paced society, the act of giving; moreover, the art of giving in its’ purest form, has been lost. It has rapidly become an extinct species; a fossil buried in the sands of time.

Giving has become part of the collective neurosis. For too many, it has become an act of labor and no longer a labor of love. We have discussed with so many clients over the years about this time of year and the challenges they face with giving. Their challenges with giving are typically overshadowed by what we call ‘the 3 P’s’ during the holiday season: procrastination, perfectionism and paralysis of analysis. These three mind/body control devices can easily create inner havoc for those who have to decide on, find and give just the right gift.

For those of us who are put off by the shopping experience, we delay the inevitable of purchasing the perfect gift until the eleventh hour when all hell breaks loose. For those of us who have convinced ourselves that we have to find the perfect gift for that special someone or our hard to please in-law, the anxiety of finding a gift can drive us to contracting SAMM (seasonal anxiety manufacturing madness). Actually, we just made that disorder up, although, who knows, it may be real for you!

For others, the holiday season may be a time of withdraw and hibernation. A time to be out-of sight and free from the pressures that this season can exude if we succumb to the tidal wave of commercialism, consumerism and materialism.

Beyond all this frantic doing, buried in the sands of time, yet always available to us, is the act and art of giving.

Now, more than ever before, we want to include giving, in its’ purest form, back into our lives, both individually and collectively.

Let us ask you two questions:

Do you know what giving really is?
What does giving mean to you?

These two questions, when answered honestly, will tell you whether or not you truly understand what giving is and whether or not your version is pure or distorted. Don’t despair or ruminate about your answers. We will give you the solutions.

Giving is an act. An act of conveyance, sharing, inclusion and recognition. It is also an art. An art that is innate and alive within each of us on the visceral and spiritual levels.

Giving, in its’ purest form, comes from an open and loving heart. It has no agendas, no expectations. Giving, in its’ impure and polluted version, is likened to a business contract: giving in the name of getting something in return.

During the holiday season, or during any time of year for that matter, we can always give ‘things;’ yet, not give in the purest sense at all.

The art of giving is a sharing of a gift. A spiritual gift. Like any spiritual gift, giving is an expression of love, kindness and generosity.

Giving, therefore, is not really anything you can purchase; it is something you already have and decide to share.

When we begin to understand the true meaning and importance of the act and art of giving, we begin to effectively change lives; ours and those in our circle of influence.

Let us for the moment, set aside the idea of giving as it relates to the tradition of exchanging material items. Let’s view it from a purely spiritual perspective.

There is in spiritual law an absolute truth that says, ‘I cannot give what I do not have.’ There is another truth that states, ‘All that I give is given to myself.’

What do these laws mean and how can we apply them to the holiday season and beyond?

First, ‘I cannot give what I do not have.’ No, this is not referring to money. It does, however, refer to a loving disposition and open heart. In this season, or any season, if you do not come from a place in your heart that reflects pure, positive, unconditional love, then you really do not have a whole lot to give. Love, or what we think it is, becomes a pale imitation of the real thing.

For this holiday season, then, commit to giving more from the heart and less from the anxiety-ridden mind and the wallet. Giving your most loving self to someone is the best gift you could ever give, and it’s easy on the spending budget.

The second law, ‘All that I give is given to myself,’ simply means that what we give to the world is returned to us today, tomorrow, or at some future date to be determined by the Universe. This is known as ‘karma.’

To live by this law requires us to become consciously aware of what it is we are giving to the world.

Know that what you give to others is returned to you. With that in mind, decide to give to others the gifts you want to receive yourself. Ask yourself, ‘What is it that I want most in and for my life?’ Your answer probably isn’t a thing. More than likely, it is a feeling. A feeling that makes you feel good. We can call this feeling anything we want; yet at the end of the day what we all want are the gifts of unconditional love and inner peace.

To give love and peace to others requires us to first be open to receiving love and peace ourselves. This season, commit to becoming more loving and more peaceful. These are selfless acts that you do for yourself so you can share it with others.

Love and inner peace are the most memorable and powerful gifts we can give any time of the year. All other gifts, wrapped nicely and adorned with ribbons and bows, become secondary and are soon forgotten.

When we give love and are at peace, we miraculously experience and receive the same in return. You see friends, giving and receiving are simply two aspects of the same thing.

Authentic giving and receiving know no boundaries and limits. Spiritual law tells us that life and all of its’ infinite possibilities (including love and inner peace), are available to us for the asking.

So, ask! Ask and it is given. Give love! Be at peace! Be the best gift for others and yourself this holiday season and beyond. And yes, you can put a bow on your head and even wrap yourself in ribbon.

Our gift to you is: 8 Tips to Create More Success, Inner Peace and Happiness in Your Life! Download it here.

Peace to you and yours!

giving

giving

Is Technology Replacing Love?

Recently, we saw a post on Facebook that said social media is destroying relationships. In response, someone disagreed and said that social media is bringing us closer to everyone in the world.

Do you love technology too much?
Do you love technology too much?
It may be true that the internet has allowed us to create a smaller world and to come together and communicate on a global scale with ease. At what price though?

The other day we passed by a local eatery that we frequent on occasion. There was a line of traffic on the road in front of us so we were stopped directly across from the restaurant’s entrance.

It was a Saturday and very busy. People were waiting outside to have their names called when a table was available. To our astonishment, each one of the dozen or so people who was standing there had a hand-held device and was totally engrossed in whatever they were reading or searching for. They were all standing together and yet no one was talking to each other! Everyone was looking down at their devices. These very same people who send emails, texts and Facebook posts communicate freely on their devices, however, when they are standing right next to one another, they don’t know what to say!

This is just one of countless incidents that we have witnessed where people in public, who are undoubtedly with family or friends in supposed social situations, have literally ‘checked-out’ from where they are physically.

A while back we wrote about this same subject and how technology is adversely affecting parent/child relationships. The effect is the same no matter who is involved and the questions we must ask are ‘Is technology a substitute for love?’ and ‘Is technology destroying our capacity to genuinely connect with each other?’

Social media and gadgets have their place and do serve a positive purpose. However, they also appeal to and enhance dysfunctional behavior by a world population that is increasingly voyeuristic and at the same time increasingly isolated from real physical, personal relationships and social interaction.

Yes, the world is smaller because of technology. It is also becoming a haven for people, who in their lifetime, will experience little, if any, healthy relationships, real communication and genuine intimacy.

If you’re a baby-boomer like we are, then you may recall a movie in the 1970s called ‘Sleeper.’ It was written, directed and starred Woody Allen. In it, Allen is transported to a futuristic society where he discovers many oddities. Among them is a machine called an Orgasmitron. This machine allows you to have a sexual encounter without even having a physical partner.

We know what you’re thinking, so let’s keep it ‘clean!’ The point is, how far-fetched is the idea of having technology replacing love? Will the genuine human need, desire and drive for interpersonal interaction become obsolete?

As Relationship Coaches, we have heard stories from clients about marriages ending and breakups occurring through text-messaging. We’ve been told by clients about being terminated from their job via email by a boss who was in the same room at the time.

To us, this is indicative of a society that is particularly out-of-touch with its’ emotions and its’ ability to have truly mature relationships.

Now, more than ever, it is so important to be willing to participate in the world of face-to-face interaction. If you believe that technology is going to fulfill your every want, need and desire then you are deluding yourself and will end up very disappointed.

Perhaps in this moment you are struggling with a particular relationship. Or maybe, you feel like you lack the communication skills to express your true feelings. It may also be possible that you are using technology as an escape from a not so pleasant life situation.
You may also be using social media as a way to get attention; which is another way of saying ‘to feel love and approval.’

No matter what roles technology, the internet and social media play in your life, there is a very strong probability that you are over-indulging for a variety of emotionally unhealthy reasons.

Here are some tips that may assist you to use technology less and in healthier ways:

1. If technology usage is work or career-related then keep it focused on the task or project at hand.
Set parameters for yourself when you will and will not use technology. For example, we consciously keep all technology off for 24 hours on Sundays and we don’t miss it!

2. Turn technology off when you are in the company of others, especially loved ones. Learn how to give more attention to the people you love than some inanimate hand-held device.

3.Power down technology at least one hour before bedtime. Instead, read a book, listen to music, have a conversation with your spouse or better yet, just have sex!

From our perspective there is good news. Technology cannot and will not replace our desires to experience authentic human contact and love.

Yes, technology has brought us closer globally and that’s great! It has also given us a real sense of who and where we are as a society and has shed the spotlight on a real social problem: that most people live in avoidance of and isolation from emotional interaction.

Technology is hitting us all in the face by demonstrating that what we want most of all (to love and be loved) is what we fear the most.

No machine can ever give you what you or another person can give you. Take the time to honestly look at your relationship with technology. Is technology a substitute for love in your life?

To learn more about us and to receive guidance about love, marriage, divorce and how to create healthier, happier relationships in your life, connect with us here.

technology

technology

The Spiritual Side of Divorce

Divorce in America is at an all time high. The rate of divorce for second marriages is even higher than the rate for first marriages. Over the last 3 years, the demographics of clients in our relationship coaching practice represented a divorce rate of over 80%. So what’s going on in our world where relationships have become as disposable as plastic water bottles?

Spiritual Divorce
Spiritual Divorce
One way people can respond to this epidemic is to say that the moral fiber of our society is crumbling and crashing. Or that commitment to long-term relationships and the stability they are intended to provide for each of us is rapidly becoming an out-dated institution? Perhaps you personally may believe this explanation is valid. Or perhaps it isn’t.

Is the alarming divorce rate is a symptom of a society that has a deficiency? A deficiency of unworthiness that causes us to fear intimacy, openness, giving and receiving, sharing and love. As relationship coaches, we have found this to be the case with many of our clients who are facing rocky marriages and divorce.

From our vantage point we see the high rate of divorce as a symptom of a society that has become increasingly fragmented, isolated, fearful and expendable and sees relationships only as a means to a personal end.

However, we also see divorce as an opportunity to specifically heal the emotional wounds that marital relationships represent to both parties.

To heal an emotional wound is spiritual. Any lasting workable solution to any relationship problem is spiritual in nature. There is no alternative. If you believe that a big, fat alimony check is going to make everything all better, think again!

The problem was never about the divorce or how your spouse never lived up to his or her side of the bargain to honor and obey, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.

The real problem, which is always an opportunity for spiritual growth and healing, is that you bring to your relationships (marital and otherwise), your wounds from your past. Until you heal those wounds, you will repeat them.

The spiritual side of divorce, is like any life challenge, a potential blessing in disguise. It is an opportunity to look at yourself head-on in the mirror and say to yourself, ‘What is this situation showing me about myself and what is it attempting to teach me?’ Ask for an answer. Ask for guidance. You will hear it!

The spiritual side of divorce can open the door for you to finally grow-up and truly become the mature adult who can readily participate in healthy mature relationships.

When we say ‘mature’ we are not referring to the day-to-day activities and responsibilities of the average adult like having a job, paying the bills, putting a roof over your family’s head and food on the table.

We are referring to a maturity that goes much deeper than that. A maturity that has less to do with who you are and what you do and more about your willingness to heal where you are emotionally wounded. This is what it means to be spiritually mature.

Spiritual maturity is about learning how to take responsibility for your life. Responsibility for your life situations, experiences and relationships as well as the state of your emotions.

The spiritual side of divorce represents an opening. An opening where perhaps just a sliver of light is shining on a situation that looks very dark. It is only through your willingness that more light can shine on you and your life.

It is only when we begin to heal from within that the physical reality of our life and relationships permanently improve and change.

If you are experiencing intimate relationship challenges, consider the following tips as guidelines that may assist you to begin to see you and your life from a new, healthier perspective:

1. Stop playing the victim! Playing the victim role always attracts a cast of characters who are more than willing to perpetrate emotional pain on to a willing victim.

2. Cease blaming others for your situation. Until you take full and complete responsibility for your life and the role you play in it, you will suffer at the emotional mercy of other people.

3. Be open to looking within and discover why your life is not the romance novel you hoped it could have been.

4. Become more open to changing by developing a more positive, optimistic attitude and notice how you are attracting more positive, optimistic people in to your life.

5. Begin the process of loving and respecting yourself more. If you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love and respect you?

Whether you are going through a divorce now, contemplating one, have experienced one, and are attempting to get your life back on track, know that now is the time to heal your wounded relationship. First by beginning to heal the relationship with your spouse or your ex. Second, and more significant, is healing the relationship with yourself.

As relationship and divorce coaches we believe that ‘relationships are the cornerstone for all existence.’

The spiritual side of divorce is a divine invitation from your soul to heal your emotional wounds from all of your current and past relationships.

If you are contemplating divorce, going through divorce or rebuilding your life after divorce, we can assist you! Learn more.

©Possibility Coaches LLC

spiritual divorce

spiritual divorce

3 Keys to Healthy Relationships

We all want healthy relationships! So why don’t we have healthy relationships? To experience healthy relationships, it’s important to understand that the physical world we see is like a gigantic mirror. It always reflects back to us our dominant thoughts, beliefs, feelings and emotions. What we see is a result of what we project. Our world is the screen. On that screen is a movie. We each script it, produce it, direct it and even act in it.

Tips for a Healthy Relationship
Tips for Healthy Relationships
If you are unhappy with ‘the plot’ and the cast of characters in your life, then perhaps it is time for a re-write of your script. The quickest, most efficient way to change the world you see is to begin to be more open, willing and vulnerable to healing your life through the relationships you may consider unhealthy or unstable.

Here are three key ways that the healing power of your relationships can assist you to create a new life for yourself.

Tip #1: Be open and willing to stop trying to ‘fix’ and ‘save’ other people. If you are in the habit of trying to fix and save people be open and willing to give this up now! Do not expect anyone else to change because you want them to. If you are carrying a ‘I’ll be happy and at peace when (s)he changes’ belief, you are going to wait a very long time…even a lifetime, for that to happen.

Wanting someone to change for self-gratification is an emotionally exhausting process. It creates stress and frustration, as well as physical disease. It is really about a need to control. Ultimately, the desire for someone else to change so we can be happy interferes with our Life learning process. In the end no one gains the wisdom required to be truly happy. This wisdom is programmed in to each relationship that affects our well-being.

Instead of wanting other people to change for you, focus on YOU and how you can make an uplifting contribution to all of your relationships. Start by blessing all of your relationships, past and present, good or bad. When you do this you instantly have a more positive impact on the world.

While going through this new process, you may also uncover some aspects of yourself that you may not like very much. Be okay with who you are! There is always room for change. Creating change from within is a conscious choice that we each can make if we want to improve the quality of all of our relationships.

Tip #2: Get to know yourself now! If you truly desire more intimacy in your personal relationships begin by focusing on developing an intimate relationship with yourself. The truth is, if you are challenged being intimate with you, how can you expect to be intimate with someone else?

Get to know “you” by going on a date with yourself. Spend alone time. Journal your thoughts about what you love about you. Begin to enjoy your own company!

To improve all of your relationships begins at home, with each of us contributing our share for positive change. Gandhi said, ‘Be the change you want to see.’ This is especially relevant when it comes to the state of our relationships. To improve and awaken to the power of our relationships requires each of us to lead by example. Strong, healthy relationships are the result of giving our focused attention to our feelings, emotions and energy levels directly linked to the relationships themselves.

To improve our life and our world requires us to consciously aim to put our heart and soul in to each and every relationship, because your relationships always reflect the heart and soul of who you think you are and who you potentially can become.

All relationships are the building blocks of life; however, they are often forfeited or destroyed in the name of personal needs or gratification and even for what some may call ‘success.’

Tip #3: Begin to develop more self-confidence and healthier self-esteem. You achieve this by learning to let go of the past and cease worrying about the future. Be alive now. Accept that you are unique and one-of-a kind and so is everyone else. Experiencing healthy relationships is also about realizing that we are all interconnected to everyone and everything.

To experience this idea of uniqueness and interconnectedness simply requires a shift in how you look at things. Recall that your life and world is the movie you created. You can edit and re-write the storyline as you choose.

We are each the small successes on the big stage called Earth. Small successes, compounded over time, can create some awesome results. To achieve results requires commitment, fortitude, courage and a willingness to play the Game of Life.

The Game of Life cannot be played out to its full beauty and grandeur without your consent. All, truly healthy, mature relationships, must contain consenting adults. From this point forward, consent to take responsibility for your life by strengthening all of your relationships.

Have you ever considered Relationship Coaching? It’s great if you are single and looking, in a relationship or just ended one. See what it can do for you.

©Possibility Coaches, LLC

healthy relationships

healthy relationships

How to Widen Your Circle of Compassion

How do you widen your circle of compassion? It has been a dream of ours to assist in the creation of a world where it is completely safe for all of us to love each other. A world where we can be loved and accepted exactly as we are. This world we envision can and does exist now. This world we envision exists in each of our minds. To transmute it into physical reality requires us to embrace the power of viewing the world through the eyes of compassion.

Author and spiritual teacher Pema Chodron suggests to us that

“compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”

Compassion
Compassion
What is the darkness and where does it come from? Look at our history both collectively and personally and we have the answer. Personally, as children, we were socialized and conditioned in so many ways. By the time we reached puberty life became scary and daunting. By this time we pretty well established our own personal viewpoints and ‘takes’ on the world. We were educated and indoctrinated into the world of fear and separation.

A fear of compassion arises because, like so many heart-felt emotions (love, courage, empathy), it creates a feeling of vulnerability.

Vulnerability in our world is a sign of weakness, and anything that is said to weaken us is, to our conditioned, fear-based minds, something to be suspicious of at best.

Many think that having compassion ‘rights a wrong.’ Others may believe that compassion negates a valuable lesson to be learned and justice that needs to be served. And then there are those who may see compassion as a ‘liberal’ approach to those who may be looking for a ‘free ride’ through the journey we call Life.

Compassion is about unity and oneness. Compassion can enable us to heal by removing the socialization and conditioning we succumbed to as innocent children. The power of compassion has been grossly under-used, misunderstood and even ignored in our world for far too long. Compassion is powerful, yet benign. It can move mountains, yet simultaneously heal all wounds. Compassion is an expression of unconditional love and unconditional love is God.

To perceive compassion as dis-empowering is a misinterpretation of what compassion truly is at its’ essence. Einstein wrote:

“a human being is a part of the whole called by us Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.”

So, how do we, as Einstein suggests, widen our circle of compassion? First, we have to be open and willing to create our own circle. Then to widen our circle, to expand our very own compassionate nature and share it with humanity, requires each of us to dissect, peel away and let go of what Einstein called our own ‘optical delusion.’ The result is an unveiling of our essential, true, changeless, eternal nature. By virtue of its connection to God, our true nature only knows compassion. There is no figuring out what compassion is and what it looks and sounds like. We need only to create awareness what compassion is not.

Compassion IS NOT fear. Compassion IS NOT separation and exclusion. Compassion IS NOT lack and unworthiness. Compassion IS NOT brute-force, control and manipulation. Compassion IS NOT greed. Compassion IS NOT hatred.

When we eliminate what compassion is not from our personal selves and subsequently the world-at-large, compassion itself unfolds, breathes, expands and embraces itself within and between each and every life form that exists.

Compassion is an aspect of unconditional love. All the great sages past and present know this and speak about it. All of them were and are the very embodiment of a compassionate nature.

We are all sages. We all possess a compassionate nature. The intent for all of us is to incorporate this nature into our daily lives. This one intention: to be compassionate toward all of life (and this includes ourselves) is the key to thriving on Planet Earth.

Here are some ways you can begin to incorporate the power of compassion and widen its circle in your life:

1.See all of Life as another aspect of yourself. Treat all Life as you want to be treated: with love, kindness and compassion.

2.Let go of personal past hurts and wounds by having compassion for events, experiences and relationships that had less than positive outcomes.

3.Know that we are all living the same life story. It’s just the names, faces, locations and events that appear different. Our stories are part of our journey. They are the Universe giving us ‘feedback.’ By using the feedback wisely you can change your story. See others who are suffering with compassion. They suffer because they are not aware that they have the power to change their story.

4.Give up the notions of striving, achieving and being the best. Your true nature only knows how to thrive and always sees itself as pure perfection. Look within and see your true nature.

5.Practice kindness and give without conditions. Develop a consciousness of oneness. Notice how we are truly ‘all one playing off each other.’

The Dalai Lama put it beautifully when he said,

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

Now, more than ever, the world as a living, breathing organism needs your compassion. God wants you to be happy! God wants you to thrive! Compassion is a path and our wish is that you walk upon it.

Do you want to learn how to create more compassion for others and for yourself? How about adding some sense of balance to your life too? Learn how to create more compassion and balance with The Blueprint for Living Online Program.

compassion

compassion

In God We Trust

In God We Trust. These are the words inscribed on American currency. Our forefathers knew something special, spiritual and perhaps mystical when they adopted these words. Have we forgotten what they knew? Have we decided to live our lives by standards that lack trust in God and in any creative power including ourselves?

In God We Trust
In God We Trust
I believe we, as a people, have turned our backs on God. When I speak of and write the word ‘God’ I specifically am referring to the Power that is in all including you and me. If you know, as I do, that God lives in each of us, then the question to ask is “If we don’t trust God, are we simply not trusting ourselves?”

I believe that this one question defines in totality for us all, the purpose of our human experience. Yes, to trust God is to trust our Self. Trust, which is an aspect of faith, is also found in the power of unconditional love. Therefore, to trust ourselves means to have faith in our Godliness, which is the power of unconditional love.

For decades I grappled with God. As a teen, I felt God ‘lost my file.’ He had somehow forgotten me. I felt lost among the masses of the billions of others he had forsaken, too.

Later, I doubted his existence. After that I got really pissed off at him. I tried every which way to turn my life into the way I thought it ‘should be.’
Then, one day, I realized that I had exhausted every plan to control my world and have it be the way I wanted it to be. The result, however, was always a no-win situation. There was no one or no thing that could give me what I wanted more than anything else. You see, the realization for me, which was my awakening, was that all I ever wanted was the Peace of God.

When I ran out of ‘human options’ I turned my life over to Him/Her. Put another way, I turned my life over to that part of me that is changeless and eternal. That part of me that knows no fear, no disease and no death.

All I did was to make the decision FOR God. I will share with you that when I did this, it became extremely liberating emotionally, mentally and physically.

From that moment my life became simplified. My life flowed with ease. I had two goals from that point forward: to experience the Peace of God and to be of service to the world in some capacity.

No more doubt! No more drama! No more strategic planning! I gave my spiritual Self permission to run the show called ‘My Life.’ My human, socially conditioned, follow –the-herd little self, now has only one function: to navigate, to be the vehicle, the body, that transports the ‘In God I Trust’ me from one moment to the next.

So how did I move from turning my back on God to allowing the Power that is God use me as a vessel? I really didn’t ‘do’ anything. Looking back it was my willingness to let go of a long list of fear-based attributes, beliefs and behaviors that caused me to suffer and return home to who I and you truly are at our core.

Here’s the ‘short list’ of what it was that I let go of. Imagine we are like onions and each layer is an aspect of fear we want to remove and discard. Removing and discarding fear. For me, and perhaps you, too, it was fear of:
1. Trusting God
2. Loving myself and my life
3. Loving other people
4. Letting the world see the true me
5. Feeling joy (which is feeling the God Power)
6. Living in the mystery
7. My greatness

Look at my list. Read my list over and over about what I was fearful of for way too long. What a paradox! That which I feared most, was really what I was seeking all along!

Trusting God. Loving myself and my life unconditionally. Loving other people unconditionally. Being authentic. Feeling joy. Living in the mystery. Acknowledging my greatness. It’s a process. Be patient. Have faith. This works!

To live by the words ‘In God We Trust’ requires each of us to make the decision ‘In God I Trust.’

My wish for you is that you make the decision I did and live by these words! If you haven’t done so already, I trust you will! Peace!

Chris and I are offering you a gift. It’s a free download of our Special Report:Breaking The Chain of Pain -Freeing Yourself From The Negativity of Your Past! This is our way of saying thank you for visiting our blog!

God

God

Bullying: 7 Ways to End it Now!

Bullying gets so much press these days. That’s a good thing! To shine the light on the darker aspects of our human experience like bullying helps us to create positive shifts both individually and collectively.

Bullying: 7 Ways to End it Now!
How to Stop Bullying!
Bullying is an esteem issue. Bullying is about being convinced that ‘for me to feel good, I must make you feel bad.’ Bullying isn’t only inflicted through physical abuse and violence. There are more subtle, less obvious versions of bullying like verbal abuse, mind control, manipulation and distortion of the truth. Bullies always target someone who, like them, doesn’t have healthy self-esteem.

So, why do people become bullies?
As I said, bullying is a symptom of low self-esteem created by one or all of the following life challenges: 1. lack of trust in role models like parents, 2. the need to be in control because life feels out-of-control, 3. the need for attention, approval and love, 4. deep anger issues, 5. always feeling ‘wrong,’ 6. being bullied physically and/or verbally themselves and 7. being emotionally abandoned as a child.

Bullying requires two parties, each of whom does not feel good about him or herself. It’s not only in the school yard. In fact, it’s likely to start in the home between husbands and wives, parents and children and between siblings.

The dysfunctional behavior that bullying represents is the result of most challenges people face world-wide in today’s societies.

When we each have a healthy sense of ourselves…in other words, a healthy self-esteem, most of life’s so-called ‘problems’ seemingly disappear.

No matter where you are in life: young/old, male/female, and no matter what roles you play: husband/wife, parent/child, boss/employee, friend, classmate, the most important step is to feel good about yourself. When you and I take responsibility for feeling good about ourselves and share with others how to feel good, too, bullying will become a behavior of the past.

Chris and I have developed what we feel are 7 approaches that can assist you to begin to eliminate being bullied or the role of being a bully from your life and the lives of those you cherish and love.

7 Ways to End Bullying Now!:

1. Become aware about how you feel about yourself. Be honest! Not feeling good about yourself is just based on a negative story you’ve been telling yourself over and over. Is the story absolutely true about you? I doubt it!

2. Identify your fears. This pertains to both you the bully and you the victim. For example: perhaps as a child, your parents divorced. You couldn’t control that, so to create a level of safety and security, you unconsciously decided to bully others because it gave you a sense of control, power and security.

3. Create small ‘successes’ in your life that will make you feel more confident thus building your self-esteem. This is essential not only for children, but for adults, too! And especially for you adults reading this blog who have children: assist your children by supporting their likes and passions. Let them explore life on their own terms. Otherwise, you’re bullying.

4. Choose to be around positive people. Hang out with people who lift you up and don’t put you down. Examine your circle of friends. The company you keep is very telling about how you feel about yourself.

5. Mentor or coach with someone who can assist you to go through the process of raising your self-esteem.

6. Have the courage to set boundaries. Bullying is all about ignoring boundaries and disrespecting others. Know that real boundaries between you and others can only exist when there is mutual respect.

7. Celebrate your uniqueness and the uniqueness of those you love. People who tend to be bullied are perceived to be different in some way. They may be quiet, shy, non-athletic or non-academic. It’s important to understand that it’s part of who they are.

By committing to these seven suggestions, you can begin to develop a healthy self-esteem and assist others to do the same. It doesn’t matter your role, be it the bully, the bullied or even both. When we feel good about ourselves, bullying will dissipate and perhaps diminish in our world as we know it.

You and I both have the power within us to change. It is that power to feel good about ourselves that will end bullying. We can do it!

bullying

bullying

bullying

Goals Made Easy

Goals. Having them and getting them. We are all so conditioned to believe that having goals and getting them are essentials to our happiness and success.

Goals Made Easy
Goals Made Easy
For nearly 40 years, I had this belief. Over the last ten years however, I have learned that having goals and goal setting are not necessarily prerequisites for happiness or success. In fact, I have come to the conclusion that for most people the idea of having a long list of goals and achieving them is a prescription for disaster. This prescription is laced with anxiety, worry, chaos, procrastination and stress. And the end result is one that is lackluster, filled with disappointment, discouragement and despondency.

From personal experience, I have also learned that in order to achieve the results that we each want for our life, we first and foremost do absolutely nothing. Yes, you read correctly! Here’s why…

Have you ever written down a list of goals you wanted to achieve? I have and I must say it was usually a complete waste of time and emotional energy. Why? Because at the time when I wrote them, I did not feel worthy of receiving these goals, nor did I believe that I could realistically achieve them. In other words, when we set goals that are not in alignment with our personal belief systems, the likelihood of getting the results we want is relatively low at best.

Obtaining the results we want, are much more readily achieved when our mindset is in alignment with those goals. This requires creating a new belief system. One that projects to the world a sense of worthiness, wholeness and self-respect.

For example, feeling happy and successful is far more beneficial than setting goals. Especially if we are convinced that these goals will make us happier and more successful. You see, most of us live life backwards. I call it the ‘I’ll be happy and successful when’ Syndrome.

This leads to another reason why setting goals is a waste of time: they psychologically put all of the ideal situations and experiences we desire in to the future. This mind-screwing game, beyond all aspects of goal-setting, is what sets most people up for letdowns, rather than receiving the results they want. Happiness and success, as a result of this approach, are always some future destination.

Now, here’s a ‘kicker’ about goals, goal-setting and goal-getting that will make it easier for you to achieve exactly the results in your life that are the ‘best fit’ for you. It is what I call ‘goals made easy.’

‘Goals Made Easy’ is a different kind of prescription for experiencing the perfect results, for the perfect life, for the perfect person that is you.

It is not giving up the idea of goals. It is about using goals in your life from a very different perspective. It is about no longer looking at goals as an ‘end’ resulting from working hard, so we can ‘make it happen’ and be happy and successful.

What I am suggesting is that you still have goals. Only two goals specifically and using them as means, not as end results.

These two goals, to be effective, require you to give up all other goals. If you are an avid goal-setter this can be challenging and even a bit scary. In addition, these two goals can only be 100% effective if you consciously believe that the first goal is all you want to have for yourself and the second goal is what you are willing to give to the world.

The two goals that I am referring to are (1) the goal to experience inner peace and (2) the goal to be of service to the world in some shape or form with the intention to provide that service for the highest good of all concerned (and that includes you).

I guarantee that if you are open and willing to adopt these two goals; not as end results, but as means to only positive results, you automatically and spontaneously will be happy and successful.

I have found that in Life, when I am at peace and when I put service to others above all self-motivations, I receive exactly what I need so I can enjoy my life experience to its fullest.

Stop wasting time and energy setting goals that are outside of you. Understand, there is nothing wrong with ‘things.’ Money, homes, cars, clothes are neutral. Yes, I know, we need our basic needs met! However, when we place value on them as necessities for our happiness and success, we inevitably set ourselves up for misery and disappointment. Have you ever been on a hamster wheel. Do you get the picture?

Interestingly enough, I have found that truly happy and successful people are those individuals who live life from a place of inner peace and who put service to others first. They always seem to be living the life that is best suited for them. A life that meets all their wants and desires and is in alignment with who they truly are. ‘Goals Made Easy’ is created by only having two goals in every moment of every day.

Remember this: the most powerful possession you will always have is your peace! To achieve inner peace you must be willing to let go of all external goals other than being of service to the world. Your results may astound you when you live life with two goals in mind. How much easier can it get?

Do you want to create more balance in your life and learn how to master your mindset? Have more inner peace and discover your greater purpose? You can do it and you don’t need goals!

goals

goals

goals

Knowing the True Meaning of Personal Growth

Personal growth. What does it mean to you? Does it scare you? Is it a place you rather avoid or not even deal with at all? Is it some type of process or cure that will make you a better person? Is it a journey that in the end will give you happiness and fulfillment? Or perhaps, it’s a destination that when you arrive, all your desires, wants and needs will be waiting for you?

with The Possiblity Coaches
Personal Growth with The Possibility Coaches
If you, like most people, believe any of the scenarios I have just described, then you do not understand the meaning of personal growth.

The truth is, that the essence of personal growth is not personal at all. Nor does it require any growth on your part physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.

There is no ‘adding to’ with personal growth. There are no course requirements or educational courses. No certificates and no degrees.

The true nature of personal growth is really quite impersonal. The experience is the same for you as it is for me. No matter your background, who you are, where you come from, the titles you hold, the possessions you call ‘mine.’ All of this is irrelevant.

Personal growth is not about becoming better. It is about recognizing who you already are and letting go of everyone and everything that you identify with as being part of the person you call ‘me.’

To experience personal growth is to experience a diminishing or lessening of identifying with your past and how over a lifetime, you have been conditioned to see yourself and your world in a particular way. You can call that ‘my story.’

Personal growth is about letting go of your story. Now you will ask me, ‘Who am I without my story?’ Great question! To truly experience the essence of personal growth it is necessary to know the answer to that one single question.

Imagine yourself, if you can, living life without your story. No more sad endings. No more unhappiness. No more conflict. The end of searching for the perfect life, the perfect partner, the perfect job, house, car, etc.

Without a story, there is no past and no future. There is only now. You give up being a victim. You stop victimizing others. You live from one moment to the next as who you truly are: a spiritual being enjoying your human experience.

Spirit is our essential nature. When you understand this and I mean really ‘get it’ within every fiber of your being, you are living life authentically.

To live life authentically simply means to be real. Who you really are is not the roles you play. Personal growth is about coming to that realization. Who you are is not your name, your appearance, your possessions. The truth is personal growth begins and ends with not knowing who you are at all.

If that thought scares you or even makes you feel threatened, be okay with those feelings. It is quite natural.

Personal growth is about awakening to who you always have been and always will be. We each awaken through awareness. Through awareness we begin to understand that who we think and believe we are is part of the human condition. Over time, we became convinced that we are defined by and dependent upon all things physical: people, possessions, experiences, events and situations.

Personal growth is a diminishing of who you think you are and an arising of becoming consciously aware of your essential, changeless nature. And what is your essential, changeless nature? It is the same as my and everyone’s essential nature: unconditional love.

Now you know what personal growth is and is not. From this vantage point I would like to give you some hands-on applications to assist you to live your life through your essential, changeless nature of unconditional love.

If any of these applications challenge you, then partner with someone who can guide you through the process. This can be a close friend you feel is truly grounded and feels comfortable in their own skin. Or you can mentor with someone who has gone through the transformational experience of true personal growth.

Applications to Experience Personal Growth:

1. Question every belief you have about yourself. Write these beliefs down. Share them with someone you trust. Are these beliefs absolutely true? If they aren’t, let them go!

2. Write a new story for your life. The story you keep telling yourself is the story you keep on living through and experiencing. Do you want a different ending? Then, write a different story!

3. Give up being a victim of life. This includes letting go of being a victim of other people’s ideas, beliefs, words and behavior. Take responsibility for your own life. Focus on your ideas, your beliefs, the way you express yourself and your behavior. Focus on being a kinder, more loving person.

4. Let go of the past and the emotional pain associated with it. The only way to accomplish this is through the power of forgiveness.

5. Cease worrying about the future. You have been conditioned (as was I) to endlessly worry about tomorrow. Begin to allow the power of trust to dominate your nature. Your breathing as you read this. Trust you will be breathing tomorrow!

Personal growth is about being authentic. When you are authentic, you will feel comfortable in your own skin.

I will close by quoting one of my ‘tips’ from my book I co-authored with Chris. It reads, ‘Be authentic today! Authenticity is more than being real, honest and upfront with others. It is about being true to you. It is also about creating an outer, physical world that reflects who you are at your core…the heart and soul that is you! Do not deprive yourself any longer of the experience of being authentic. It will block you and the world around you from evolving both physically and spiritually. Free yourself and the world by practicing authenticity today!’

Once you do, I promise your life will be totally magnificent! Now you know the true meaning of personal growth!

personal growth

personal growth

personal growth

Secrets to Finding True Love!

We’re going to talk about true love, but not necessarily in a way you may think! Visualize a horse with a carrot dangling about a foot in front of it. That’s how we get the horse to move in a forward direction.

Now imagine that you are that horse (no insult intended) and the carrot represents love in all its various forms. Like the horse in pursuit of the carrot, this is how most of us pursue love. We convince ourselves that once we are given love by another person our life is complete. We believe that the emotional void will disappear and be filled by a proclamation of love from someone else.

Secrets to finding true love
Secrets to finding true love
This belief, that another person can make us happy, is central to the mythology of romantic love. Romantic love, for the most part is simply a composite of sexual attraction. The balance of it tends to be made up of neediness: the need to be wanted, accepted and appreciated. The problem here is that when we do not have our own ‘needs’ met, romantic love quickly fizzles out.

Now don’t get us wrong, we’re all for romantic love and great sex! This modern notion of true love is a result of us being conditioned to find true love to be happy. However, this idea about romantic love is flawed simply because most of us do not understand what true love is all about. True love is changeless and absolute. On the other hand, romantic love can literally blow with the wind. Just look at the terms “falling in love” and “falling out of love.” The implication here is that there is something temporary about love and ‘fall’ becomes the operative word. If we can finally understand and dispel this myth, we would all begin to experience stronger, more loving relationships.

“Falling in love” does not exist because it implies there are varying degrees of love. Love cannot be measured, although most people spend a lifetime in pursuit of it with a measuring stick. Again, love is absolute. Either it is present in your relationships or it isn’t.

Experiencing stronger and truly loving relationships has one requirement: to love yourself. We are not referring to being narcissistic or egotistical here. We are talking about treating yourself in the only way you were intended to be treated: divinely, without conditions, rules or regulations. When you experience self-love you ultimately treat others the same way.

Think about it: if you do not love yourself, how could you truly love another person? You simply cannot give away what you do not have!

What we are suggesting may seem ridiculous, far-fetched and impossible to achieve. To this we respond: you can experience true love for yourself and everyone else in your life when you are open and willing to release and remove all the emotional blocks and barriers to love (which are all fears).

This requires you to go through a process of looking within. Scary at first, perhaps, but rest assured, you will be happy with the end result! We have a 4-step process to get you there. They occur in no particular order, and in fact are more likely to occur simultaneously and ongoing as you begin to unveil the secret to experiencing strong and loving relationships.

These 4 steps are:
1. self-awareness of love or its absence in your life.
2. self-acceptance so you can move to loving unconditionally.
3. self-forgiveness for all that you have done to deny loving yourself and others.
4. self-love: also known as ‘the real deal.’

Follow this process. Stop chasing the carrot. Come alive by experiencing self-love. It’s the only way to truly experience loving relationships, because after all, there is only one real relationship.

Begin to experience real love in your life by downloading your free copy of our Special Report: Breaking The Chain of Emotional Pain – Healing The Emotional Wounds From Your Past.

If you are you ready to improve all of your relationships including the one you have with yourself? Contact us for a complimentary, no obligation coaching session.

©Possibility Coaches, LLC

true love

true love

true love

Your Life Purpose: Acknowledging Your Genius!

Life purpose. I recall several years ago coming across a quote that had a profound effect on me and ultimately changed my life and how I looked at my life purpose. It was written by author Richard Bach who wrote ‘Jonathan Livingston Seagull’ and ‘Illusions.’ It went something like this: ‘Here is a test to find out whether your mission on Earth is complete: if you’re alive, it isn’t!’

Your Life Purpose: Acknowledging Your Genius!
Acknowledging Your Genius!
Everyone’s mission, be it yours or mine, has a purpose behind it. Your mission is very likely to be different than my mission; however, the life purpose behind everyone’s mission is essentially the same. And that life purpose, which is internal, spiritual and universal in nature, is to acknowledge the genius that lives within all of us.

Being a bit of an amateur etymologist (someone who traces the root origin of words), my curiosity was peaked to discover the origins of the word ‘genius.’ In Ancient Roman mythology a genius was a guardian spirit assigned to each person at birth to influence that person’s destiny. Genius comes from the Latin word ‘genere’ which means ‘to produce or create.’

Another interesting form of the Latin root is the word ‘genie’ (of the ‘I’ll grant you three wishes master.’ variety). For some reason Barbara Eden coming out of her bottle just popped into my head!

This all leads me to ask this one question: ‘Were the Ancient Romans on to something when they believed in a spirit guide whose function was to assist each of us to fulfill our life purpose through productivity and creativity?’ I believe they understood at some level, that within each of us, lives a life force capable of assisting you and me to accomplish far more than we could ever imagine!

In our world today, we use the word ‘genius’ quite differently than the Ancient Romans. Genius is a label we attach to certain people. Like all labels, we use them to differentiate between what makes one person superior or inferior to another. Genius on one end of the spectrum. Idiot on the other.

Typically, we think of a genius as ‘above the crowd.’ Someone who has made a great discovery like Edison and the light bulb or Einstein and his Theory of Relativity. Or an artistic genius like Michaelangelo and his Sistine Chapel or David. Or a Mozart, who began composing music at the age of three. Are they really special or superior to you and me? Or was it that they each were completely tuned in to and turned on by the spiritual guardian ‘genius’ that lived within them?

Yes, I know that some people just seem to naturally have talents that appear to be above and beyond what you and I may consider average. However, could the only difference be that Edison, Einstein, Michaelangelo and Mozart simply gave their ‘genius’ the green light to use them as a vessel so their personal missions and destinies could be fulfilled?

No matter how you see yourself right now as you read this article, know this: you have gifts and talents! Perhaps you may or may not be consciously aware of them. You may even deny and turn your back on them as I have done on many occasions. You may also believe that your talents can serve no real life purpose.

Genius resides in all of us. The Ancient Romans knew their stuff (although I am not too keen on what went on in the Coliseum)! The only real difference between someone we call a genius and everyone else is that a genius is someone who has the courage to give him or herself permission to let him or herself shine.

To let yourself shine involves a certain degree of risk. Scary? Perhaps. The payoff, however, can be extremely rewarding.

No matter where you are now in your life’s journey is irrelevant. Time is always on your side. Use it wisely! For all of us the result of our life purpose is to be in some way of service to others. How it looks on the outside is unimportant. Whether it is collecting trash or doing research for curing disease, the result is always to be of assistance in some way to mankind. How your life purpose appears in the physical world can and likely will change many times in your lifetime.

What you are doing now, does not have to be forever; especially if you decide that it is time for a change. Consider giving yourself permission to create a connection with your inner genius! It is with you for your entire lifetime and like the genie in the lamp, it will respond to your requests.
Recall the ancient adage ‘Ask and Ye Shall Receive.’

If you truly desire positive change then begin to acknowledge your genius. It is your life purpose! In this moment, the form it will take in the physical world may very well be a mystery. Be okay with this fact. This is where faith, trust, courage and love play key roles.

On a personal note: Chris and I tap in to our genius by providing a service that assists anyone who is sick and tired of being ‘sick and tired’ and genuinely wants to find solutions to their problems. Yes, Chris and I call ourselves Life and Relationship Coaches; however, the truth is we assist people to first discover their life purpose by acknowledging their genius. Then, together, we begin to dismantle the blocks that have been keeping the genius from coming out to play. Once these block are removed, the genius in you can guide you to complete your mission and fulfill your destiny.

Each genius is quite impressive and extraordinary in nature. Each is unique in how it expresses itself through each of us.

My dream for you is that you simply decide to be courageous and give yourself permission to acknowledge your genius! This is your life purpose. You can no longer say, ‘I don’t know my life purpose!’ The mystery is over! The secret is out! Be open to turning your life over to the genius that is you! God Bless!

Please comment and share!

life purpose

life purpose

life purpose

Jump from the Fiscal Cliff into the Spiritual Pool Now!

Fiscal cliff. I was probably the last person to learn about the latest fear-based sound byte from our politicians and our media. I confess: I have not watched a news broadcast or read a newspaper in nearly 15 years. Why would I? The news hasn’t changed much over the last 50 years except that it receives more air time. From the brief glimpses I’ve seen, ‘yellow journalism’ seems to be rampant.

Jumping from the Fiscal Cliff into the Spiritual Pool
Jumping from the Fiscal Cliff into the Spiritual Pool
The fiscal cliff as a concept is nothing new. You and I, like most people, have been conditioned to believe that life in general is one continuous series of fiscal cliffs. We are conditioned to live in fear, on the edge, looking out into the unknown and expecting the worst to happen. This is how you and I, if we allow it, are controlled by governments, organizations, corporations, religious institutions and by other people in general.

As children, we did not have the ability or know-how to say ‘no’ to being controlled by fear-driven individuals. And that includes our parents! However, as adults, we have the capability to discern truth from falsehood and make choices that are in and for our best interest. Buying into the idea of a fiscal cliff or hanging around the edge of any type of cliff is not in your or my best interest. Would you agree?

I believe as we enter 2013 that we are witnessing a desperate attempt by those who seek power and control through fear, a final push to hang on to old, dated, worthless values, whose time has come to fade away.

Friends, the fiscal cliff for you, for me, for us as a society, is an extreme version of a collective manipulation that can only succeed by making you and I jump of the cliff.

I will now back up and back off for a moment. I believe that I am a person of compassion. I know people are suffering financially and otherwise. I have been there! I know people who are currently suffering through their own personal fiscal cliff. However, although important for survival, financial soundness is not the one and only solution that will eliminate our so-called social problems in the 21st century and beyond.

I propose to you not to buy in to a fiscal cliff or any other precipice where your fear of heights may kick in. I suggest to you that you and I take a different approach to our current and all future hazardous situations by not hanging out on cliff edges.

Instead, may I recommend you consider taking up a more permanent residence in what I call the ‘Spiritual Pool.’

The spiritual pool, like the fiscal cliff, is not a location you will find on any map or world atlas. Your GPS can’t get you there, but your heart and soul can!

The spiritual pool is that place in your vision that emanates from your heart. From this place, your authentic self, which is comprised of unconditional love, peace and compassion, permanently resides in you. It is the best place to be when you are ready and willing to receive solutions to any of your so-called problems, financial or otherwise.

Who you are, where you’ve been and what you’ve done or haven’t done is unimportant to whether or not you relax in the spiritual pool. It is open to everyone. How to get to the pool is up to you. How long it takes you to get there is also up to you.

Some of you may be finding your physical or emotional health on a cliff. You may be confronted with some disease that you feel is causing you to suffer. For others, it may be a marriage or some other significant relationship that is causing you to hang on to the cliff for dear life. And for others, it may be standing on the edge of a cliff because your life at this moment lacks purpose and meaning.

As a Life and Relationship Coach, I deal with people standing on these ‘cliffs’ on a daily basis. Here are a few tips that I learned and have shared that allowed me to enter and bask in the ‘spiritual pool.’ Perhaps they will assist you to turn around, walk away from your own personal fiscal cliff or any other type of cliff for that matter.

Understand that to truly be successful, calm, centered and balanced in all areas of your life requires your willingness to create positive changes. It is the one and only way to get to the Spiritual Pool. Simply follow the old adage ‘If it is to be, it is up to me!’

By the way, these tips are taken from a class that Chris and I have taught live to hundreds of people over the last 5 years and is also available online. This class is called ‘A Blueprint for Success.’ The intent of this class and this article, is that Chris and I share workable ways for you to take responsibility for your life, your happiness and your overall well-being. You can only live this kind of life when you take yourself off the fiscal cliff and jump in to the Spiritual Pool.

Tip #1: Begin to define what a successful life looks like for you. Only you (not the mailman or your manicurist) know what kind of life you want to live.

Tip #2: Take your focus off of you and your so-called problems by being of service to those who are even less fortunate than you. This is the quickest way to get you to the Spiritual Pool.

Tip #3: Be open to healing your relationship with yourself. Since it’s the longest relationship you will have in this lifetime, wouldn’t you rather have it be peaceful, loving and harmonious?

Tip #4: Nurture, treat and feed you body well. You can’t live in the crystal clear water of the Spiritual Pool when you pollute your mind and body with toxic waste and toxic people.

Tip #5: Live life from ‘the inside-out.’ Give yourself permission to heal and grow. Your journey is personal and unique and you will discover it on your own, and in your own way.

Use these tips as your foundation for personal change. Live from the power that is within you. Stop giving your power away to ‘smoke and mirror’ antics like fiscal cliffs and anything else that is initiated for purposes to keep you in fear!

Fear, in all its’ forms, has paralyzed you and me long enough! The time has come for us to realize once and for all that our very survival is dependent upon each of us to take personal responsibility for our own overall well-being.

If you still feel like jumping off the fiscal cliff, that’s your choice. Look closely though, and notice that if you jump in one particular direction you might just land in the Spiritual Pool! Come on in! The water feels great!

Please comment!

To learn more, you’re invited to download a free gift: A Special Report: Breaking the Chain of Emotional Pain -Freeing Yourself from the Negativity of Your Past!

fiscal cliff

fiscal cliff

Stress Free Holiday -Useful Tips

Stress Free Holiday Tips to add more peace, love and joy to your holiday season! Sound good? How do you do it?

Wow, can you believe it!? It’s the holiday season again. So it’s either panic, stress and chaos for you. Or is it the time for love, peace and joy? After all, it is a choice. I will share some tips to assist you to have a stress free holiday filled with peace, love and joy!

How to Have a Stress Free and Peaceful Holiday
Tips for a Stress Free Holiday
Tip #1:
Remember to Breathe!
Yes, you read that right. It’s a matter of remembering to take some deep breaths, or at least, once in a while. Deep breathing is nature’s natural tranquilizer. So if you feel rushed or stressed, take three deeps breaths. Breathe in slowly through your nose for the count of 5 to the point where your lungs are fully expanded. Hold it for 3 seconds. Then release the breath slowly through your mouth for the count of 8. This can be done anywhere at any time. Try it while you are stuck in traffic going to the mall, on line at the grocery store or even when looking at your credit card statement from all your holiday purchases. Deep breathing works wonders and it’s free!

Tip #2:
Give Up the Perfectionism!
Always remember this: people will not remember the ‘things’ that you gave them for the holidays. However, they will always remember the experiences. How do you want to be remembered? Do you want to be remembered for giving the perfect gift, holiday dinner or holiday card even if it meant you are stressed, agitated and overloaded? Or do you want people to remember you for how joyful you made the holidays, or even how joyful you were. Think about that for a minute. What type of holiday legacy traditions do you want to leave? Busyness or peace, love and joy? My neighbor remembers Christmas as being a stressful time of year for her parents. She told me a story about how angry and stressed-out her father was one Christmas and he threw the Christmas tree out the living room window (through the glass). When she recalls the story, it’s as if she was a little girl again. However, my neighbor is 80 years old! For her, she never had a stress free holiday. You can change that for yourself!

Tip #3:
Keep it Simple!
Over the decades, the holiday season has become a time for material things. It’s a big money making time of year. After all, Black Friday now determines the future of our economy. If you don’t believe this is so, recall the news story a few short years ago when a man was trampled to death at a Long island, NY department store when the doors opened early the morning on Black Friday. Two store employees were also critically wounded when they tried to help the man. All in the name of a deeply discounted flat screen TV! I’m not suggesting that we have to be ‘anti-establishment’ or not support the economy. However, I am suggesting that it would be a lot less stressful and less expensive if you kept it simple. For example, a three foot table top Christmas tree can be just as fun for the family to decorate than the twelve foot monster. Remember, it’s all about the experiences! Another example is to purchase gift cards and/or give cash. I know, I know, gift cards have become an outdated way to give a gift, but if done properly, it can be the perfect gift. Cash always makes a great gift too and it’s the only gift I know that isn’t returned or exchanged after the holidays!

When giving a Gift Card, make sure it’s from a place that the person loves to shop. Gift Cards now come in beautiful gift boxes that can be wrapped as a special gift. When you give cash as a gift, make a special presentation of it. For example, if you want to give someone fifty dollars, you can get ten, ten dollar bills. Rolls the bills in a tube shape with a small thin ribbon around each one (similar to a diploma). Then place the rolls of cash in a gift box similar to a box used for jewelry lined in cotton. These simple gift ideas are ways for you to still provide a nice, useful and thoughtful holiday gift without all the stress of running around to department stores or waiting on long lines.

As far as keeping holiday gatherings and dinners simple, here are a couple of tips (especially if time is limited). Cater! Yes, cater! It doesn’t have to be expensive. Many grocery stores now provide fully cooked ham or turkey dinners along with all the side dishes and fixings, and they are reasonably priced. All you have to do it heat it up and serve. Or another idea is to have a ‘pot luck’ or ‘covered dish’ gathering. When given the opportunity, people love to ‘give’ and help out. Guests love to contribute. You provide the place and set the tone for the setting and your guests bring the food. Try it and you’ll never stress-out over a holiday dinner again.

When sending holiday cards, purchase pre-printed cards with your name already printed in the card. All you have to do is write their name inside at the top of the card. Use pre-printed address labels and return address labels. With this approach, you can get 100 cards out in 20 minutes! Again, it’s a matter of giving up the perfection and keeping it simple.

Tip# 4:
Let People Be!
What does that mean? During the holidays, we all tend to be around more people than usual. It seems like all the ‘button pushers’ in your life show up all at the same time! Hint hint, you’ll want to manage your expectations of these people and for gosh sakes, make sure you’re not spending time alone with them! Grumpy Uncle Harry that you only see once a year. Or your daughters’ slug of a boyfriend. Remember, you can’t change people and it’s not your place to change them. Let them be and the holidays will be over before you know it.

One of the most effective ways to make the personality conflicts dissolve during the holiday gatherings is to ‘give up your right to be right’. By that I mean, don’t engage in arguments. Just say ‘Uncle Harry, you’re absolutely right about that. Thanks for pointing that out to me. I never thought of it that way before.’ Trust me, Uncle Harry won’t know what to do with this and it will diffuse an argument before it even gets started. This then may be the first time an unruly, opinionated relative didn’t have anything to say! When in doubt, always remember this: the ones that are the most difficult to love, are the ones that need it the most! Especially during the holidays, adults can seem to act like needy children striving for your love and attention in any way they can get it. Love them anyway! Once you get this, you will have a stress free holiday!

Tip #5:
Take Time for Yourself to Decompress!
The holidays are a time for family, friends and joy. Remember to add a little joy to YOUR day.
Attempt to keep your regular schedule of eating and sleeping as much as possible. Don’t try to get it all done (whatever ‘it’ is.) Understand too that it is okay to say ‘no’. You don’t have to attend every event and do everything. And when needed, ask for help!

Now that the tree is up, the cards are sent, the gifts are wrapped, take time for yourself. Enjoy the experience. Create some balance by giving yourself permission to relax and unwind. Put on your favorite holiday music, make a cup of tea and sit by the tree and enjoy. You deserve it.

You now have five practical tips to make the holidays more peaceful and less stressful, are you going to use them? That’s up to you and it depends on what type of holiday season you want to have? One of perfection and stress or one of peace, love and joy! Enjoy your holidays and create lasting peaceful memories for yourself and those you love.

Written by Chris Pattay. Chris along with his business partner Jon Satin are The Possibility Coaches. For over a decade they have been assisting individuals and business owners worldwide to live a life of meaning, passion and purpose.

To learn more, you’re invited to download a free gift: A Special Report: Breaking The Chain of Emotional Pain: http://www.possibilitycoaches.com

stress free holiday

stress free holiday

stress free holiday