Who decides whether or not we are happy? Who decides whether or not we feel at peace with ourselves? Who decides whether or not we see ourselves as successful contributors in this world?
The answer, for each of us, to all of the above questions, is “I DO.”
We are each responsible for our own happiness, peace of mind and success. It is when we refuse to take responsibility for our happiness, peace of mind and success, we suffer emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Most people, rather than take responsibility for their life, choose to blame. They blame other people and circumstances for their unhappiness, stress and so-called failures.
Let’s face it: it’s easier to point fingers than it is to take responsibility for where we are today and where we’d like to be tomorrow.
The truth is that life happens. It is part of the human experience. It’s what we all signed up for.
The challenge most of us face is that we are trained and conditioned to focus on what’s wrong with our lives rather than what could be. As children, we hear adults whining and complaining about how bad things are, what’s wrong with other people and how life is one struggle after another.
Bad attitudes and negative mindsets are contagious. The good news, however, is good attitudes and positive mindsets are contagious, too.
There is only one thing we each have to “do” to change our attitude and mindset: create what we call a “Permission Manifesto.” A manifesto is a declaration. When we declare anything, we put it into motion and our lives begin to change.
You see, until we give ourselves permission to be happy, be at peace and experience success, they will all elude us.
A permission manifesto is like your own personal decree; like your very own Declaration of Independence.
And what are you declaring your independence from: feeling down, being stressed and anxious, the past with all of its’ regrets and resentments?
A permission manifesto is a starting point where we all begin to live our lives on our own terms. It is where we give ourselves permission to develop the qualities within us that will allow us to shine, express our talents and gifts, and live our lives with greater zest and intensity.
We have written on numerous occasions that “happiness is a decision” and that we are each one decision away from experiencing it.
By giving yourself permission to experience happiness, inner peace and success, you will literally change your genetic makeup and DNA. Don’t take our word for it: scientists are now identifying this as verifiable fact.
A permission manifesto will make you feel better, look better, do more with less effort and create an all-around positive energy field for you.
Creating a permission manifesto is easy. All that is required is deciding how you want your life to be, how you want to feel most of the time and then allowing yourself to experience what it is you desire.
To get you started, here are some generic permission manifesto statements that almost everyone would want to experience in their lives:
“I now give myself permission to be happier.”
“I now give myself permission to experience more loving relationships.”
“I now give myself permission to do what I love and love what I do.”
“I now give myself permission to experience more inner peace, calmness and serenity.”
“I now give myself permission to thrive and prosper in all areas of my life.”
These are just a few examples you can include in your personalized permission manifesto. We challenge you to create your own permission manifesto. Read it daily. Print it out and place it strategically around your home: on a bathroom mirror or the refrigerator door.
Share your permission manifesto with a friend, a mentor or someone who is uplifting and encouraging. Share it with the two of us! We’d love to hear from you!
We all know someone who has an addiction: a spouse that drinks too much, an overweight child, a parent who lives on painkillers. Or a friend that shops and spends in excess and can’t seem to stop.
In our lives, we have both personally experienced a variety of addictions. The content of our past addictions is really secondary. We have each openly discussed our past in various lectures and talks, radio shows, articles and blogs so we won’t go into details here.
What’s primary is why we experienced these addictions. What caused us to seek pleasure outside ourselves? And, consider this: are these actual addictions or are these simply symptoms of one addiction that most humans suffer from?
Ask yourself, ‘Why do I seek out external pleasures that I usually regret, am remorseful about or hate myself for?’
Could the answer to this one loaded question be ‘because I am addicted to unhappiness?’
From our own personal stories, the two of us can clearly see the truth in that statement. We are all raised to some degree to believe that unhappiness is ‘normal.’
Unhappiness, which is a result of suffering, is seen as noble. We have been brainwashed to believe that playing the victim and being at the mercy of life circumstances and events, is somehow our karmic destiny. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Actually, the opposite is true. To be happy is our birthright. It is our natural state. Being unhappy, therefore, is unnatural. And because unhappiness is unnatural, it adversely affects our total well-being in our mind, body and spirit.
In our attempt to numb, deaden and even eliminate the feeling of unhappiness, we seek happiness outside ourselves. For some of us the pain is so intense, we choose dangerous alternatives such as drugs or alcohol. For others, it’s physical or emotional abuse or dead-end relationships that reinforce the addiction to unhappiness. And still for some, it is about sabotaging any good when it comes our way because happiness feels so alien to the ‘unhappiness addict.’
We are suggesting something of great significance here: that all your so-called ‘problems’ stem from an addiction to unhappiness. Now, we will back up for a moment and say that ‘yes, life includes suffering!’
We all suffer because we somehow cannot accept that everything and everyone, including ourselves, is temporary in nature. Life, in all its’ forms, is transient and always changing. We fear the end result which we call death. Acceptance of our temporary nature is the first step that allows us to break away from the addiction to unhappiness.
Being happy doesn’t mean you never experience sadness. It does mean, however, you develop a greater sense of gratitude, appreciation and love for others, yourself and Life as a whole. A shift from unhappiness to happiness changes your whole life for the better. You ‘go with the flow’ so-to-speak. You rise above any situation, experience and circumstance. When you experience let-downs, allow yourself to feel sad. Grieve , if necessary. Yet, at the end of the day, realize what happened to you doesn’t define who you are.
The addiction to unhappiness takes years to develop. Through childhood, adolescence and into adulthood, we each experience suffering in a variety of ways. This is the human condition. It is inevitable and inescapable.
Yet, we each possess the power to become addicted to happiness. Like our addiction to unhappiness, this addiction will take some time to establish itself in your life.
In order for happiness to become your new norm, you must fulfill some requirements that allow you to exchange an unhealthy addiction for one that invigorates, inspires and ignites a spark of magnificence in you.
Here is a list of processes that we recommend for making happiness your new addiction:
1. Be open to being happy. Without an open mind and an open heart no one can create lasting positive change.
2. Believe that being happy is possible and can happen to you. Without belief, you cannot change your reality which includes your experiences, circumstances and situations.
3. Take full responsibility for your life. No one can truly be happy if they refuse to take charge of their own life. Being responsible is empowering and being empowered is being happy.
4. Learn how to ‘accept what is.’ Life happens! Every moment presents us with a new set of obstacles and challenges. Instead, see them as opportunities. Through acceptance, we open the door to solutions. We can then move with Life rather than being at its’ mercy.
5. Embrace the power of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the only remedy for unhappiness. Forgiveness frees us from the bondage of all our suffering inflicted upon us by others and by the suffering we inflict upon ourselves.
6. Become a living example of happiness. To experience happiness requires you to embrace it. This means being open to it, believing it has value and being responsible for the form it takes in your life. It also means you are willing to forgive, let go of the past and begin each day with a clean slate.
Right now, in this moment, you may see your life situation as a problem; an enemy of sorts. This is not the case! Consider that your one and only problem is your one and only addiction: unhappiness.
When you really ‘get’ what the two of us are saying here you are on the road to recovery! Unhappiness no more! The road to recovering your life is making happiness yours!
Beyond your current circumstances lies your true power. That power is your true purpose. Nothing or no one will ever provide you with your true purpose because your one and only purpose is an ‘inside job.’
‘Tell Me My Purpose!’ These are the words that we have heard so often from coaching clients. These are the words of everyday people, from different backgrounds and with different careers. Yet, they all expressed feelings of inadequacy, emptiness and most of all, a lack of purpose. We have all thought at one time or another: ‘What is my purpose in life?’ ‘Why am I here?’ ‘There must be more to my life than just this!’
Truthfully, we all get caught up in the routines that life offers us on a daily basis. In fact, we tend to get so caught up into this frenzied vortex of being busy and anxious, that life seems to exist without any real significance.
You may feel like ‘my life is passing me by.’ Or, you may feel trapped: in a dead-end job, a struggling relationship or a difficult financial situation.
You may be obsessed with doing, doing, doing and not seeing the results of all your ‘hard work.’ Or, you may feel bored to death with your life and the daily grind.
You may believe if ‘I had more money my life would have a greater purpose.’ You could do more and have more. Or, you currently have financial prosperity and security, yet, feel unfulfilled. Your life lacks meaning.
“Each of us has the same inner purpose. It has nothing to do with what we do or what we have. It has everything to do with who we are. And, who are we?”
There is no absolute answer to this question. We can only say in relative terms who we think or believe we are. This is where you may get ‘tripped up.’
Some of you may say, ‘I am a spiritual being having a human experience.’ Someone else will say, ‘I’m a child of God.’ Another person may chime in, ‘I am part of the hologram that makes up the entire Universe.’ And, we may even hear these words, ‘I don’t know who I am.’
Relatively speaking, these responses to the question ‘Who am I?’ are all true. Yet, it is interesting to realize that striving to discover who you are may very well be the cause of your ‘problems’ and emotional turmoil.
Could giving up the need to know who you are lead you directly to your true inner purpose for being alive right now?
You may be skeptical; however, the answer is a resounding ‘YES!’ Your purpose, like everyone’s purpose, is to awaken. What does it mean to ‘awaken.’
To awaken implies that on some level we are asleep. To awaken is to become aware, to become conscious. Aware of what? That you have been asleep and now is the time to wake up. This is the ultimate realization of the human experience: remembering that you are part of the whole. And what is the ‘whole?’ For lack of a better term, let’s call it ‘Universal Intelligence.’
You’re struggling with your life, your relationships, your circumstances and situations for one reason and one reason only: you have forgotten that you are a piece of the Universal Intelligence.
We are like amnesia victims who have forgotten their names and the memories of their life experience. Yet, this type of amnesia goes beyond this lifetime or any lifetime for that matter. The goal then, is to realign yourself with the Intelligence that lives within you. This is a process, an inner journey. In spiritual terms it is called ‘coming home.’
When you allow yourself to reconnect with this power within you, your life takes on a whole new dimension. Rather than living a life that lacks purpose, you begin to live a new, refreshing life that is on purpose.
Typically, this inner journey doesn’t take a day or two to complete. How long it takes is up to you. The process is about seeing yourself and the world differently.
You can call it a ‘shift in consciousness.’ We like to simply call it ‘awareness.’ When we become aware of ourselves and the world and our essential nature as Universal Intelligence, a profound change occurs.
This awareness, however, requires presence. Presence is the letting go of the past and the ceasing of worrying about the future.
And now you may be thinking, ‘I have so much stuff to let go of from my past and my life is such a mess. So, how can I not worry about the future?’
“If you are overwhelmed by your past and future, it is because your mind, like all minds, can only think in terms of past and future. To know yourself and your purpose requires you to move away from thinking and being trapped by the voices in the head to having greater awareness and presence.”
When we have presence we live in the ‘now,’ this moment. We are no longer oriented or attached to the past or the future. That is thinking. Thinking is highly over-rated. With greater and heightened levels of awareness, you begin to think less. Does that make you nervous?
If it does, let’s look at it this way: your best thinking got you to where you are today! If you are unhappy and dissatisfied with the results, perhaps it is time to consider an alternative approach.
Awareness is essentially the absence of thought. Imagine your mind no longer experiencing the endless chatter, the never-ending stories, scenarios and nightmares that have seemed to plague you as far back as you can remember!
It is possible! This, friends, is true empowerment. This is your one and only purpose. Empowerment is the joy of being, regardless of what is happening all around you. It is what Einstein meant when he declared, ‘I want to know the mind of God! The rest are details.’
What is the ‘mind of God?’ Consciousness. And, where do you find this consciousness? Look within. Who possesses this consciousness? You do, and so does everyone else.
“When you become conscious, you will be living your life’s purpose. What you ‘do’ beyond that can be called your outer purpose. When you awaken and become aware from within, your outer purpose becomes less significant than it was before. And why is that?”
Because, when you realign yourself with Universal Intelligence your life will be infused with joy, enthusiasm and a new zest for living life on your new, empowered terms. Now, how would that feel? Can you imagine living life this way?
Living your life this way is available to you right now. There are no steps to get you there. All that is required of you is this: a willingness to awaken, the courage to go through the process and the patience to allow your inner transformation to occur on its’ own time schedule.
So, you wanted to know your purpose. To joyfully experience life is your one and only purpose. What you do throughout your day is a result of the joy you feel. What happens to you will likely change over time, yet your experience of being aware, conscious and realigned to who you are will never change…no matter what ‘happens.’
Knowing your purpose is ninety percent of the journey. The rest of the way is simple, yet not always easy. The only roadblocks are the ones your mind creates. We call that ‘resistance.’
For now, be open to giving up resistance. Your willingness is enough of an accelerator at this point to create positive changes in your life. Open your arms! Get ready to receive. Experience the peace and joy. Now, tell us, do you know your purpose?
Are you ready to learn more about living your life on purpose and being more joyful, enthusiastic and happy? Contact us for a complementary ‘Live Your Dream Life Coaching Session.’
If you’re like me and are consciously focusing on your own spiritual awakening, then you are familiar with the term ‘letting go.’
It’s been talked about, written about and made to be the ultimate goal for all spiritual seekers.
Yet, what exactly does the term ‘letting go’ mean? What is required of each us as we go through and experience the letting go process?
I have found that for so many, the process of letting go seems daunting, scary, frustrating and endless.
I’ve been asked countless times: “Does letting go have to be so difficult?” My answer is always a resounding ‘no!’
“When we begin to realize that we each are in control of our own destinies and the choices that we make, we awaken to the truth that we can decide in any given moment to let go.”
And, what is it that we are letting go of? The answer can be long. Too long, in fact to write about it; however, the process of letting go is always about giving up one misconception that most of us have about ourselves.
And that misconception is that there is something ‘wrong’ with us. That somehow, we are fundamentally flawed.
So letting go is simply the process by which we awaken to who we truly are. The truth that we are all special and awesome is scary for most of us, especially when we have been lying to ourselves for so long.
And what are the lies we tell ourselves? For starters: not good enough, something wrong with me, not good looking, not smart enough, not rich enough. Get the picture? The lies we tell ourselves are always about some deficiency or lack that deems us less than worthy: of happiness, success, joy and love, just to name a few items that seems so unattainable and of which we believe we are so undeserving.
Letting go is about surrendering to the truth which coincides with giving up the lies we tell ourselves or the lies others told us and we bought into.
The process of letting go challenges us because it is not a physical process; it’s an emotional one. Now that’s what scares us!
Most of us would sooner deal with being challenged physically than being challenged emotionally. And why is that? Because our emotions are directly linked to our thoughts and beliefs and our thoughts and beliefs are who we think and believe we really are. This is called our identity.
When we let go of our thoughts and beliefs, which includes our entire history, we can actually fear our own annihilation. It is like a death of sorts, only you do not die in the physical, bodily sense. What dies are the stories and along with that is the dissolution and disappearance of all our negative emotions like anger, despair, apathy, fear, anxiety, the right to be right, to name just a few examples.
“The truth is that no one can create anger, resentment, worry or any other negative emotion within you or me. Only you and I can do that by virtue of how we process the world.”
Letting go is available to each of us. This is every human’s karmic destiny and path. You can walk the path courageously or take a lifetime of detours that cause you a great deal of pain and suffering.
To begin to let go requires your willingness. For some of us, that willingness may not come easy. After all, we each invest so much time and effort into our identity and who we think we are. The truth is, who would you and I be without our identities?
Who are you without your name, your social security number, your job, your family, your possessions? Scary questions to ask, aren’t they? Maybe not. When we begin to peel away the layers of conditioning which includes so much negativity and self-limiting beliefs, we begin to realize that who we think we are may not be who we truly are at all.
Surrendering to the process of letting go is like a peeling-away process. I have likened the process to peeling an onion. Try it sometime and notice how many layers the onion has. We humans are very similar. We have many layers to each of us; in a real sense we are multidimensional. Yet, much of that depth and complexity is clouded by a multitude of misconceptions and misinterpretations.
When we live our lives this way, we are misled to believe that this is who we are and that this is just the way it is. Nothing is farther from the truth!
Letting go is magnificent! Letting go is spectacular! Letting go is experiencing true inner peace. What would you rather have? Anger or peace? Anxiety or peace? Despair or peace? Being right or being at peace? The more we let go, the more peace we experience because we spend more of our life being present rather than living in the past or future.
These are decisions we each have to make when we choose to consciously participate in the ‘letting go’ process. It is about choosing inner peace as your one and only goal. Despite where you are now and how you may be feeling, know that inner peace is your true natural state. With inner peace we experience love and with love we experience the joy of life. The sages call this ‘heaven on earth.’
I am passionate about personally experiencing heaven on earth and assisting others to experience it, too. Above all else, when I do experience it, I know that all other experiences are simply poor imitations. As I let go of the stories and all that is attached to them, I know who I am. Who I am and who you are is the same. We are all one and all connected. When you can absolutely get that concept at the deepest level of your being, you have completed the ‘letting go’ process.
You believe you have challenges. You believe you have problems. You feel pain. You suffer. Like you, I have challenges, problems, pain and suffering; however, I no longer identify or confuse myself by equating the situations in my life with who I am. This is my wish for you! Can you, no, rather will you, like me, make that distinction about who you really are? When you answer ‘yes’ you have begun to understand and experience the process of letting go.
The stirring and unrest of mankind continues. It will do so until more of us begin to realize that violence and unrest is the result of the violent thoughts and unrest that exists within the minds of men. It exist within each of us.
Terrorism may be a recent term to describe the current rash of unspeakable, heinous acts, but it is as old as the history of mankind. Churchill called history, “one damn thing after another.”
Acts of violence begin like any other physical experience: they come from a thought, an idea in the minds of men. These thoughts, which are seeds that germinate in the human mind, have been passed on from the beginning of history, from generation to generation. It is like a chain, one link connecting to another link through the ages. Now more than ever, it is time to break this chain of violence and pain.
The solution to ending this on-going planetary turmoil lives within each of us. You and I both have the power to break this chain of violence and pain. We can do so by ‘changing our minds about our minds’ and the relationship we have with them.
On my own personal journey and the journey of countless others, I have come to learn that who I am, let’s call it my essential nature, and my mind, are not one in the same.
How do I know this? I know this because in my life I have had thoughts of committing acts of violence. In fact, during my childhood, I did experience and participate in fights as a way of protecting myself and surviving.
That may have been in a school yard, yet the root of that conflict comes from the same mind that commits terrorist acts of violence.
Through personal transformation and awakening, I began to recognize a power within me that knows the ills and inappropriateness of violent acts.
We all possess this essential nature that knows morality. There is no exception to the rule. Within every sinner resides a saint. Even terrorists, who we may deem pitiful excuses for men, possess it, too. The greatest challenge we face, is the brainwashing of great populations of individuals who believe that violence is the key to their survival. Too many on our planet have been convinced that the credo to live by is “kill or be killed.”
It is this core belief, rooted in thoughts of survival of the fittest, that has poisoned the mind of mankind. It is a belief that those who possess the most weapons of destruction are the ones who will survive.
Thankfully, there is an antidote to this poison which permeates the mind of mankind. The antidote to violence is of course, peace. Peace in our world can only occur when we literally lay down our arms.
We can, I believe, only lay down our arms when we lay down our arms in our conscious minds. When you and I and everyone else on this planet makes peace with himself or herself, peace will then come to our world.
I know this is a tall order. It is asking for the stars when we have the moon. It is asking for the mother of all miracles. Yet, I believe it can happen. Do you?
The only way it will not happen is if you and I wait for the other guy to change so we can be at peace. Do not wait for the other guy! The human race has been waiting for the other guy to change for nearly 10,000 years.
Do you want peace? Then, be it. This is your only true power. Defending ourselves through acts of violence only destroys what we seek to create.
Ask yourself, “What do I want to create?”. Examine your thoughts and your overall mindset. Is it positive, uplifting and loving? Or is it negative, fear-based, angry and resentful?
Do the words of Gandhi, Dr. King or Jesus reside in your thoughts? Thoughts of love, peace, compassion, hope and integrity? Or do you feel like you have to fight for what you want because if you don’t get ‘it’ someone else will?
Be brutally honest with yourself! This is the only way we can change how we see ourselves and our world. And it is the only way we can effectively turn the tide toward peace and move away from violence.
“There is no way to peace because peace is the only way.” Global peace is the only way. Global peace begins with inner peace.
The current state of affairs of our world is simply an out-picturing of the state of our collective mind.
I cannot change your mind and convince you to take the high road of peace, love and compassion. Nor can you convince me of it either.
The only chance for global peace begins with the commitment to inner peace. The good news is, it doesn’t require the entire world population to achieve a state of inner peace.
By possessing the power and miracle of inner peace, we positively transform the lives of those we come in to physical contact with.
The number of people you and I can positively affect cannot be accurately calculated. We cannot begin to even imagine how many lives were changed over the centuries by Buddha, Jesus and Mohammed.
Their essential nature resides in you and me. Seek that essence within you. Know that it is there. With patience, commitment and a willingness, you will find it. And when you find it, the world will be a better place!
In her classic book, “Dare to Be Great,” New York Times Best-Selling author and interfaith minister Terry Cole-Whittaker says, to be great means we become “the most fully actualized people we can possibly be and do whatever we can to uplift and improve society with our talents, products, services and projects.” She goes on to write that “intelligence is meant to be used intelligently to raise ourselves to the highest point possible and to help others do the same.”
We are all pressured at one time or another to keep up with the crowd, fit in, to be accepted and acceptable. This is a safe haven where we live a life of mediocrity, predictability, inertia and ultimately inauthenticity. When we play safe, we cannot be great, nor can we be real.
At this retreat, Chris and I came together with a special group of individuals to assist them to break through the blocks and barriers that were preventing them from seeing their own greatness. In just two days, because of the courage they had, these blocks and barriers were dismantled. They are not only on the path of greatness; they are living examples of it, because they all have courage.
They have the courage to say “yes” to life and “no” to the stories of their pasts. The courage to be open and willing to explore the possibilities that tomorrow may bring and being okay with living in the mystery that the future holds for each of us. They each invested in themselves. Financially, yet more important with courage, because courage is the price we pay at the door for greatness.
At our weekend retreat, our intent is to always hold a safe space for participants. That is where safety ends. The intention is to create an environment where we can each soar. No mediocrity, completely unpredictable, lots of swirling positive energy and lots of authenticity.
Yes, to be great requires courage. We all have it. The question is why don’t most people use it?
Responsibility comes to mind as the best answer for this question. We have found that if there is an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s life, then greatness is elusive. To fully experience life we all must take responsibility and this requires courage.
Chris and I witnessed courage this weekend. Courage creates amazing outcomes. It is the willingness to embrace perfect health and release a cancer. It is about being open to allowing unconditional love to enter your life so you can truly love yourself and others. Courage is also the decision to see life situations differently and allow the power of forgiveness to heal all wounds and create miracles. Courage is about making the shift from living in impossibilities to knowing that anything is possible.
We spent two days together. None of us were or are more special than anyone else. Yet, each one of us is special in that we possess a uniqueness; an individuality that dissolves all mediocrity and conformity. Used courageously, that individuality can and does create great things in the world.
I see greatness in everyone Chris and I spent time with this past weekend. They, like you, are special to the world. Within all of us is the potential for greatness. Potentiality is energy and energy can be transmuted. You and I are energy. We can all transmute into greatness.
Chris and I are so joyous and yet humbled by the comments and afterthoughts from those who shared their lives and time with us this past weekend.
We would like to share some of these comments with you so they may inspire you to have the courage to, as Terry Cole-Whittaker wrote, “Dare to Be Great.”
“I learned to live my life more authentically, joyfully and daringly!”
“I feel that inner peace and thriving are possible.”
“I finally give myself permission to move forward spiritually and emotionally so that I can be who I am truly meant to be.”
“I finally realized that I am loveable and worthy of love.”
“I feel so relaxed and peaceful. Nothing seems to bother me anymore.”
Courageous comments! Seeds of greatness! Declarations for being unstoppable no matter what! Awesome stuff!
Do you want to get on the list for the next upcoming Break Through to the True You Weekend Retreat? Seats fill up fast. Learn more here: www.TrueYouWeekend.com
“Empty me!” What does that even mean? It means to be released of all your stress, anxiety, depression and anything else that may be holding you back from living the life you are intended to live!
It means you are willing to turn what you thought to be adversities into opportunities. You may be “down” now; however, it doesn’t mean you’re out for the count. To empty yourself means you are open to let go of anything that does not serve you and your highest good.
The life you are intended to live is one of brilliance & magnificence! And you say, “I don’t feel it right now. You have no idea what I’m going through!” And to that we say, “We understand and we’ve been there!” However, from our experience of being Success & Transformational Coaches for over a decade, we KNOW that there is brilliance in you that is just waiting to shine. We know it is there and we believe in you!
At times, we have gone thru our own doubts and struggles in life. Let’s face it; life hits all of us head on at times. During these times, we have found this prayer to be transformational in shifting our feelings and even our circumstances.
We share this prayer with you. Use it during challenging times in your life. Or, use it daily as a reminder of your brilliance.
My prayer is to be emptied of anything that would fight against my destiny. Let me leave behind any part of me that would argue for my limitations. Let me release every “but, because, maybe, and you don’t understand.” Let me truly have the courage to call upon the highest within me regardless of what those around me might say, think or do.
Instead of scaring myself, let me empty myself of all fears, hesitations and false stories. Empty me. My prayer is to be cleansed of anything that would hold me back, keep me small, or limit me in any way.
Let me release any opinions that do not serve me. I release any sense that I am responsible for judging anyone else’s business. I release any belief that I have to anticipate anyone else’s response to my actions.
Empty me of any ancestral fears of condemnation or persecution. I do not have to worry about standing out from the tribe for my tribe is infinite. I am free. I am at choice. I am able to create whatever I want from life. Now empty me of anything that is holding on to an old order. Now in this moment I am made anew. I am cleansed. I claim my perfect life NOW!
I am free from any limitations. I am emptied so that I can be filled with the power of God.
For additional ways to move forward in your life, we offer a 60% discount on our Blueprint for Living Your Life online program. This program provides you with step by step tools to ‘empty yourself’ of self-limiting beliefs, negative thinking and old behavioral patterns. www.ANewInnerYou.com
Is it possible that the power of love can be a business solution? We believe it can.
Most business solutions are geared to increasing the bottom line: more profits that create supposedly bigger and better outcomes.
If you are an entrepreneur or would like to be in the near future, it is important to understand why people buy.
Most customers, clients, or consumers purchase products or services on an emotional level.
Purchasers expect something in return. Yes, they are buying goods and services; however, underneath it all, they are emotionally buying YOU! They are buying your energy. They are unconsciously buying a feeling that they get when they interact with you or your product or service.
Yes, we are all in business to create financial security. Money is the energy used by most people on our planet as a means of exchange for goods and services; however, if money is your ‘why’ for being in business, then we suggest you re-think your position.
Most people believe that to be successful in business requires us to make it happen. To do this means we must buy into a belief system that says success requires long hours, hard work, staying ahead of the competition and doing whatever it takes to increase the bottom line.
The truth is that motivation for profit alone is a major contributing factor to Entrepreneurial Burnout, anxiety and failure.
The truly successful business owners and entrepreneurs are those individuals who have a variety of common traits and characteristics. These traits and characteristics typically carry a high quality energy that says ‘love is my business solution.’ Some prime contemporary examples of this love energy are Richard Branson of Virgin Atlantic, Bill Gates of Microsoft, Oprah Winfrey and the late Steve Jobs of Apple.
Here is a short list of some of the traits and characteristics that ultimately created great success for each of these individuals. Realize that they each used love, consciously or unconsciously, as their business solution.
1. Make ‘being of service’ to others the first priority.
If you are focused on ‘making money’ and ‘my reputation’ then your business and entrepreneurial experience is going to be stress-filled and problematic at best. True, you may get high marks at first; yet in the long-term you will find yourself running out of both financial and emotional steam.
By giving with a loving heart; be it yourself, your product or your service, you are establishing yourself and your business as someone who wants to be happy and fulfilled and share those feelings with others.
To genuinely be of service requires us to genuinely love people. Not in the romantic sense; more in the spiritual, humanistic way that embodies the idea of ‘loving thy neighbor as thyself.’
To reframe this concept from a business perspective, it’s about putting people first ahead of profits. People intuitively pick up when someone makes it all about the money. Businesses motivated only by money have a higher chance of failure. Greed, along with a lack of ethics and integrity, don’t sit well with most of society. Today’s pharmaceutical industry exemplifies such a state of consciousness.
Love, as a business solution, requires each of us to put people first by being of service to others, rather than focusing on what’s in it for me.
2. Doing what you love and loving what you do. Richard Branson has said that if he isn’t having fun he stops whatever it is he is doing. When we do what we love and love what we do, the money always follows. We have found both personally and through coaching countless others, how true this statement really is. Being passionate about what you do is a key solution to business success.
If you don’t love what you are doing, ask yourself why? Are you living your dream or someone else’s? Are you in business or a particular career to please another person or get their approval?
When we are not doing what we love and loving what we do, we are in some way denying our authentic self. When we deny who we are, and this includes are true passions, we cut off the life flow that permits us to create magnificently on the physical plane.
When you infuse love into your business or career, people feel that energy. Love, like its’ opposite, fear, is infectious. Remember, people buy people. If love isn’t your guiding power then you will not experience a life well-lived. Your business, like your life, will also fall short of its true potential if love isn’t its’ one and only business solution.
3. Leading by example.
Leading by example is contrary to what most people see as strong leadership qualities. Most people confuse leadership with managing. Whether they’re business owners, business management or high profile public figures, chances are they are not exemplifying true leadership. More likely, they are running a baby-sitting service.
True leadership is about leading by example. People will do what you do, not what you say to them. It is about being an open book that allows people to discover your inner contents. This requires you to have courage and vulnerability, which are aspects of love. It is not about power struggles and always being right. It is about being honest, caring and willing to surround yourself with people who perform in the same high quality, high energy manner.
Leading by example is also about putting people first. It is about taking the focus off yourself and letting people know how much you care about them. It’s using love as a business solution because there is an understanding of the power of vision.
“When multiple individuals lead by example and have the same vision, business growth naturally occurs at a rate that far exceeds expectations.”
Leading by example doesn’t mean you neglect yourself either. Be willing to focus on self-care both physically and emotionally. Remember, you can’t be sick enough or poor enough to assist the less fortunate. Enhance what is going on within you and be open to helping others do the same.
4. Expressing a real sense of gratitude and appreciation toward people.
When others feel genuinely appreciated they want to be around their source of appreciation. Genuine appreciation for others, be it clients, customers, employees, and even so-called competitors, sends a clear message that you are using love as your business solution.
Here are some tips to get you started to employ love as your business solution:
=> Take your focus off of the bottom line and money. Money isn’t your problem. However, your relationship with money may be unhealthy and standing in your way of creating a real business solution.
=> Ask yourself if your business or career is in alignment with your values and true passions. If what you are currently doing is not in alignment with who you truly are, then perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your life’s journey and make some changes. It is never too late to change course.
=> Seek guidance and advice from someone you admire and respect. If you are struggling financially, physically or emotionally, do not seek help from your broke brother-in-law. Collaborate with someone who you feel has attained a high level of mastery when it comes to life, career and/or business.
Pick their brains. If they employ love as their life and business solution, then they will be more than happy to share their wisdom with you.
Be open to realizing that your business success is directly affected by the energy you give it.
Whether you accept it as truth or not, love is the greatest power there is anywhere. It is the energy behind all creation. Your business is your creation! Consider infusing it with love as your one and only business solution.
As The Possibility Coaches™, Jon Satin, MBA and Chris Pattay, BBA mentor and consult with Solo-Preneurs, Entrepreneurs, Executives and Upper Management. They provide a unique and even radical approach to business success. If you are seeking a non-conventional, out-of-the-box approach to running your business or company, contact them for business coaching, consulting, mentoring or keynote speaking. To learn more about their approach and to contact them for a consultation, visit: www.PossibilityBusinessCoaching.com
How to transform your life Into The Life You Want? When first reading the title of this article, did you think about all of the things that you would like to acquire to make your life better? Did any of these thoughts pop into your mind: buying a house, a car, finding a new job, not having a job, winning the lottery, moving out of town, starting a new relationship, or having plastic surgery? What if I said that you can change your life without any of these things, and that you will be happy? Yes, your current life. The one where you are in debt, hate your job, are addicted to one thing or another, going through a divorce, or suffering from aches and pains. Would this be possible? Would it take a miracle?
In nature, butterflies are the expert miracle transformers. Caterpillars begin their life eating leaves and twigs until they are ready to change. When ready, they hang upside down attached to a twig and spin a cocoon or molt into a shiny chrysalis. Alone within this covering, the shift takes place. The caterpillar literally digests itself releasing enzymes to dissolve all of its tissue. The only thing left is a group of cells. The wings of the butterfly form in the soupy mixture until the butterfly becomes aware that it is time to appear and start anew.
How do you transform your life like the butterfly? Metamorphosis is transformation. This can only occur when we are ready to accept the life that we are living. This is necessary if we want to create positive changes. If you are attached to your current circumstances, be thankful for them and bless them. Unlearning the negative thoughts that play over and over in our mind is the way that we molt. Molting, in human terms, is letting go of the past. Being alone and turning within to discover our blocks, barriers, fears and addictions is essential for us. Like the caterpillar releasing its enzymes, we too need to release all fear.
So how do we do this? It’s done through surrender. Surrendering to a higher power begins the shift in our perception. It is not about giving up; rather it is about turning over and letting go. In this process, we are actually saying, “I no longer fear. I TRUST.”
Forgiveness is the channel for us to access the power that dissolves pain. Forgiveness is our soupy mixture. This decision allows up to let go and allow the power within to transform our lives. What is this power? The power is love which radiates through all creation including each one of us. We are all energetically connected through this power, it is our natural state. It is when we become aware of this concept that we are ready to awaken and emerge from our chrysalis like the beautiful butterfly.
Changing our perception is the shift required to change our lives. When we make this shift, our relationships are no longer filled with drama. Work becomes pleasurable. We feel better and are more energetic. We feel passionate about creating. Sharing our money and our time through volunteering fills our hearts with joy. Our new found energy attracts new opportunities. Life is not as fast-paced because the chaos in our lives vanishes.
The conscious awareness of the power of love, which in connected through all life, is the miracle to transform your life to one of inner peace.
Now, is this the life you want?
Written by Doreen Lofaro. Doreen is a Contributing Writer and Guest Blogger for The Possibility Coaches. Doreen’s articles inspire readers from all over the world to create a life filled with inspiration, inner peace and self-empowerment. She has been a student of the Possibility Coaches since 2007. Doreen is a Creative Writer and Spiritual Coach currently residing in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. She can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org
Being your best is truly about living life fully, with a sense of worthiness, direction and empowerment. Being your best is totally different than ‘doing your best.’ Doing implies action and ‘doing your best’ is based on a variety of contingencies rooted in day to day activities. ‘Doing’ also means there are external causes (action steps and results) that directly measure and determine whether you are ‘doing your best,’ and are worthy of recognition.
The idea that ‘doing your best’ will get you to the ‘Promised Land’ of achieving your goals, getting what you want and looking good to the rest of the world, is a flawed belief and a huge assumption at best. And why is that?
Ask yourself this question: ‘How would I define my version of ‘doing my best?’ Can you define it in real measurable terms? Have you ever achieved your perceived level of ‘doing my best?’ Or is it some unattainable goal far off in the future and even out of reach?
Does your ‘best’ even seem impossible because you believe you are unworthy of succeeding and shining?
When another person says to you ‘Do your best!’ do you know what they want from you? More important, ask yourself, ‘Do they know what they want from me?’
They know exactly what they want from you when they say ‘Do your best!’ They are really saying, ‘Make me happy and don’t disappoint me!’
The world has taken the term ‘do your best’ and turned it in to a form of manipulation resulting in never feeling good enough, smart enough or even loveable. Just hearing the words ‘do your best’ engulfs us in feeling guilty, worried and anxious and sets us up for on-going disappointment. It is the reason why we procrastinate, suffer from paralysis of analysis, and unwarranted perfection.
If you have spent much of your life focused on ‘doing your best’ in the name of making others happy and getting their approval, then consider stopping now! Stop focusing on ‘doing your best’ and shift to ‘being your best.’
Here is how you make this shift and know that you are ‘being my best.’ Get in-touch with how you really feel about yourself and your life in general. Review how you feel about your career, your business and your personal life. Write these feelings down.
Do these feelings bring up positive or negative emotions? Are they empowering or exhausting?
“Understand that being empowered is a feeling and a state of being. It has nothing to do with what you do or ‘doing your best’ or not. Being empowered, and feeling it, means you are being your best. Why? Because when you feel good about yourself everything you do exudes that sense of empowerment from within.”
‘Being your best’ results in taking inspired action. Inspired action is a demonstration of who you authentically are. It feels easy and effortless, and gives you a true sense of aliveness and purpose. It also means that you choose not to live your life for the sole purpose of making other people happy. Continuing to buy in to ‘doing your best’ means you will continue to define yourself and how you live your life based on how others see you and what they want from you.
Moving away from ‘doing my best’ to ‘being my best’ is a paradigm shift that results in true self-empowerment. Being your best requires you to become more inner-focused. This is not being selfish! It is actually about becoming quite generous!
Being inner-focused, so you can be your best, is about taking care of yourself first. Recall the quote “Be the change you want to see.” This is about living the life you choose! Not your parents’ vision for your life, not your spouse’s vision, and not your boss.’ This is about living life on and with purpose. Selfishness is when someone attempts to get you to live the life they choose for you. This is unhealthy and sets us up for a lot of suffering and disappointment.
Being your best means you love and appreciate yourself. It does not mean you don’t care about other people. When you really understand that being your best is the same as being empowered, you will actually give more and have more.
Let’s face it, if you don’t become your best you are withholding your greatness from the world. To be your best, begin to nurture yourself and all your gifts and talents. Allow yourself to explore your innate creativity. Be open and willing to shine simply for the sake of the experience! Author and publisher Robert Collier said it best when he wrote, “All power is from within and therefore under our control.” Look within, be your best, and watch your life transform!
To learn how to ‘be your best’ contact The Possibility Coaches™. They offer a 30 minute complementary coaching session by phone or Skype. Inquire about your session here.
Do you know what it feels like to be your authentic self? Let me ask it another way. Do you spend most of your life being the ‘real you’ or do you find yourself wearing masks, pretending to be something that you’re not, trying to be something for someone else? Do you spend your life acting in ways that contradict what you feel in your heart and soul? I’ve come to learn that in order to be truly happy, I mean truly, truly happy, it is essential that we become authentic. Let me rephrase that, it’s essential that we live as our authentic selves.
Looking back at my own life, I can’t remember a time until the most recent past when I could actually feel comfortable being myself. I wondered why that was. Why couldn’t I feel comfortable being myself?
I realized that at a very early age, like most people, I was convinced, that I had to be a certain way, act a certain way, even look a certain way to be accepted by the people in my life and by the world at large.
And there are a lot of people who confirmed that, telling me how to speak, what I had to do, what I had to know and who I had to become to be accepted into this world. To all that conditioning, the real me, which was always in me and always will be me, was buried deep in the recesses of my mind and my heart. It is my soul; it is your soul.
The great thing about our souls is that they’re changeless and eternal, and no one or no thing, no experience, no situation, even traumatic situations and experiences can alter the changelessness and the eternalness of the souls that you and I share. That’s some pretty awesome news. If you’ve been unable, for way too long to be your real self, to be authentic, know that there is a part of you, that is authentic and that is real. And that’s the part, the part of each of us, that is meant to shine, that is the part of each of us that I call our genius. It is that part of us that is eternally connected to the Universe and to all Life, whatever form it takes.
From personal experience, as I begin to let go of my conditioning, which includes my beliefs, emotions and feelings that are attached to the sixty thousand thoughts that I have every day (most of which were negative in content), I realize that, if I’m able to let go of those emotions and feelings, and feel them and be with them, and release them and not resist them, I know that underneath it all, the peeling away, the shedding of the onion, all that’s left is the true, real, authentic me.
And most people resist being real. They’ll even say “I can’t be real.” The truth is, we all can be real. The challenge that we face is we won’t ‘be real’ because we’re afraid of what the world will see.
The truth is, the reality of who we are is not the reality of who we think we are.
The reality of who you are and who I am is that we are children of the Universe. Our unique nature is unconditional love, goodness, generosity and overall well-being. But all that seems so foreign to so many of us, foreign to too many of us. Therein lies the journey home. It’s going from who you think you are to who you really are. Despite what you may think in this moment or despite what anyone has told you in the past or continues to tell you, in this and every moment you are magnificent.
Boy, that’s hard to get sometimes, isn’t it? And sometimes circumstances, events and experiences and the way we behave confirm the contrary. Sometimes there’s a hideousness, an ugliness, a darkness that comes out of all of us. Know that it’s okay to come from that place. It’s been called the shadow side. The shadow in all of us has so many benefits. I believe the shadow is a gift. It is part of the agreement we make with ourselves and our souls as we incarnate as humans in this lifetime and every other lifetime that we incarnate, as a way of evolving, as a way of becoming enlightened, and as a way to raise the consciousness of this planet, so we can not only survive, so we can thrive.
Realizing this, I feel there is nothing more important than you uncover who you really are: your authentic self. All that’s required is your willingness. If you say you can’t, remember it means you really won’t. You won’t because you’re being controlled within your mind by fears that tell you not to expose who you truly are, because that person is not worthy of being happy, of thriving, of evolving and growing and living life enthusiastically, inspired by all the beauty that the life…the one life has to offer all of us. Do not deny your part in this one life, you are a piece of it, and your peace is it.
Imagine a part of you and a part of me that lives in peace and harmony, undisturbed by the physical third dimensional world. Many times I talk with clients about what I call the fourth dimension. It’s not some far off dimension, actually it follows you wherever you go. Imagine there is another you, walking along side of you, day in and day out, from the moment you were born to the moment you leave your body. It walks along side of you, through the good and the bad. Interestingly though, no matter what you call good or what you call bad, that parallel person is always at peace, is always loving you and everyone and everything unconditionally and knows you and everyone and everything are eternal. That is the place from which we all aspire to live, that is the place of authenticity, the place of the true, one reality. Most of the world is dreaming, most of the world is asleep, most of the world doesn’t have the slightest inclination or idea that with one decision we can change and awaken to our magnificence.
My hope for you is that you awaken to your magnificence!
It is a process and an undertaking. Simple to do, not always easy. From my experience, it creates a lot of bumps and a lot of hurdles. But, as I look back I bless every bump and every hurdle and even some potholes, ditches and sinkholes that I have fallen into. But with all of that, the sun still shines on my face, no matter what. Look for who you really are, look for your authenticity. Let the sun shine on your face, feel it’s warmth, feel it’s love, let it absorb into you and realize the same warmth and the same love are in you. Let it come out, and when you say “I can’t” realize it’s just that you won’t and that you’re afraid. Question those fears and realize most of them are unfounded and come from habitual negative thinking, belief systems and conditioning. You are always one with me and with everyone else. Know that and you will find peace, be that and you will change the world.
We would love to hear your comments. Tell us what it means to you to be authentic. Please leave your comments below.
You may have heard the phrase ‘trust the process of life.’ To trust Life requires most of us to re-think, review and respond differently to life’s situations, experiences and events in a very different way than we are accustomed to. This new approach may appear and feel radical or even contrary to the ways we typically handle the day to day activities of being human.
The challenge most people face is they are taught and conditioned to react to life rather than ‘going with the flow.’ We react mostly out of fear, based on survival strategies wired into our minds.
From an internal mindset of fear, we experience life situations that confirm the belief that we should not trust most people and most circumstances. When we do not trust, we also eliminate taking risks.
Trusting life requires risk. Without some degree of risk, we miss out on life’s ultimate meaning which is to feel joy and exhilaration.
Our life takes on a dimension of different results and experiences when we become aware that we possess the power to change our life through the willingness to trust again.
Unfortunately, the fear of trust, which is rooted in the desire to survive, extends beyond our basic instincts and invades our minds. We then, at a very early age, begin to view each moment with a tactical survival approach. The most menial experiences and events are viewed as ‘life-threatening.’ With this belief, we learn not to trust Life. Under the umbrella of ‘Life’ falls the day to day activities that move us forward through what is intended to be a glorious journey for each of us.
It is that glorious journey, that we, by virtue of our existence, are entitled to experience. In order to experience this glorious journey it is necessary for us to be willing to take certain steps.
4. learning how to respond and move with the flow of Life rather that reacting and being at the mercy of every life situation.
This is ultimately about changing your perspective. It has been said often that ‘when you change the way you look at things (life), the things (your life) you look at change.’
To radically change the results you are getting in your life (relationships, career, health), you will want to take a different approach.
This approach is not only about mindset. It goes beyond mindset, requiring us to change at the level of emotions and feelings. To trust the process of life, we each must disengage ourselves from the dominant fearful emotions and feelings we experience daily. This is about taking our power back from the fear-based feelings that have enslaved us for far too long.
We take our power back through a process called ‘shedding the light on the darkness.’ The light represents our new perspective. The darkness is our conditioning from the past which we presently repeat, resulting in a future that looks very much like our life today.
The darkness also includes our fears and our reactivity to it. The light is love, which is a much healthier response to life and all that it presents to us daily.
When we come from light and love, and begin to awaken to the realization that ‘yes, I have the power to trust the process of life,’ our life begins to dramatically improve.
One way to immediately create positive changes in your life is to become aware that you not only are not your thoughts; you are also not the emotions and feelings attached to these thoughts. This one realization, in and of itself, can be life changing.
By affirming your willingness to begin again and trust the process of life, miracles will happen on your behalf. It has been said that ‘miracles can move mountains.’ We’d like to add that ‘you don’t need to move mountains to experience miracles!’
To enhance the positive changes you desire for your life, we would like to give to you a gift: we call it your own personal ‘My Declaration of Trust.’ If you like, print it, read it daily and experience a shift in your life that gets you back on what we call ‘life’s glorious journey.’
It’s never too late to begin to trust or to begin to trust again. Yesterday is history. What’s done is done! Read the Declaration of Trust, or if you like, create your own and witness the miracles one by one, day by day!
As the world busily prepares for the holiday season, let us recall that this time of year symbolizes and personifies giving. Giving, as an act, and as an expression of love, kindness and generosity, is a beautiful thing.
In today’s fast-paced society, the act of giving; moreover, the art of giving in its’ purest form, has been lost. It has rapidly become an extinct species; a fossil buried in the sands of time.
Giving has become part of the collective neurosis. For too many, it has become an act of labor and no longer a labor of love. We have discussed with so many clients over the years about this time of year and the challenges they face with giving. Their challenges with giving are typically overshadowed by what we call ‘the 3 P’s’ during the holiday season: procrastination, perfectionism and paralysis of analysis. These three mind/body control devices can easily create inner havoc for those who have to decide on, find and give just the right gift.
For those of us who are put off by the shopping experience, we delay the inevitable of purchasing the perfect gift until the eleventh hour when all hell breaks loose. For those of us who have convinced ourselves that we have to find the perfect gift for that special someone or our hard to please in-law, the anxiety of finding a gift can drive us to contracting SAMM (seasonal anxiety manufacturing madness). Actually, we just made that disorder up, although, who knows, it may be real for you!
For others, the holiday season may be a time of withdraw and hibernation. A time to be out-of sight and free from the pressures that this season can exude if we succumb to the tidal wave of commercialism, consumerism and materialism.
Beyond all this frantic doing, buried in the sands of time, yet always available to us, is the act and art of giving.
Now, more than ever before, we want to include giving, in its’ purest form, back into our lives, both individually and collectively.
Let us ask you two questions:
Do you know what giving really is?
What does giving mean to you?
These two questions, when answered honestly, will tell you whether or not you truly understand what giving is and whether or not your version is pure or distorted. Don’t despair or ruminate about your answers. We will give you the solutions.
Giving is an act. An act of conveyance, sharing, inclusion and recognition. It is also an art. An art that is innate and alive within each of us on the visceral and spiritual levels.
Giving, in its’ purest form, comes from an open and loving heart. It has no agendas, no expectations. Giving, in its’ impure and polluted version, is likened to a business contract: giving in the name of getting something in return.
During the holiday season, or during any time of year for that matter, we can always give ‘things;’ yet, not give in the purest sense at all.
The art of giving is a sharing of a gift. A spiritual gift. Like any spiritual gift, giving is an expression of love, kindness and generosity.
Giving, therefore, is not really anything you can purchase; it is something you already have and decide to share.
When we begin to understand the true meaning and importance of the act and art of giving, we begin to effectively change lives; ours and those in our circle of influence.
Let us for the moment, set aside the idea of giving as it relates to the tradition of exchanging material items. Let’s view it from a purely spiritual perspective.
There is in spiritual law an absolute truth that says, ‘I cannot give what I do not have.’ There is another truth that states, ‘All that I give is given to myself.’
What do these laws mean and how can we apply them to the holiday season and beyond?
First, ‘I cannot give what I do not have.’ No, this is not referring to money. It does, however, refer to a loving disposition and open heart. In this season, or any season, if you do not come from a place in your heart that reflects pure, positive, unconditional love, then you really do not have a whole lot to give. Love, or what we think it is, becomes a pale imitation of the real thing.
For this holiday season, then, commit to giving more from the heart and less from the anxiety-ridden mind and the wallet. Giving your most loving self to someone is the best gift you could ever give, and it’s easy on the spending budget.
The second law, ‘All that I give is given to myself,’ simply means that what we give to the world is returned to us today, tomorrow, or at some future date to be determined by the Universe. This is known as ‘karma.’
To live by this law requires us to become consciously aware of what it is we are giving to the world.
Know that what you give to others is returned to you. With that in mind, decide to give to others the gifts you want to receive yourself. Ask yourself, ‘What is it that I want most in and for my life?’ Your answer probably isn’t a thing. More than likely, it is a feeling. A feeling that makes you feel good. We can call this feeling anything we want; yet at the end of the day what we all want are the gifts of unconditional love and inner peace.
To give love and peace to others requires us to first be open to receiving love and peace ourselves. This season, commit to becoming more loving and more peaceful. These are selfless acts that you do for yourself so you can share it with others.
Love and inner peace are the most memorable and powerful gifts we can give any time of the year. All other gifts, wrapped nicely and adorned with ribbons and bows, become secondary and are soon forgotten.
When we give love and are at peace, we miraculously experience and receive the same in return. You see friends, giving and receiving are simply two aspects of the same thing.
Authentic giving and receiving know no boundaries and limits. Spiritual law tells us that life and all of its’ infinite possibilities (including love and inner peace), are available to us for the asking.
So, ask! Ask and it is given. Give love! Be at peace! Be the best gift for others and yourself this holiday season and beyond. And yes, you can put a bow on your head and even wrap yourself in ribbon.
Our gift to you is: 8 Tips to Create More Success, Inner Peace and Happiness in Your Life! Download it here.
Recently, we saw a post on Facebook that said social media is destroying relationships. In response, someone disagreed and said that social media is bringing us closer to everyone in the world.
It may be true that the internet has allowed us to create a smaller world and to come together and communicate on a global scale with ease. At what price though?
The other day we passed by a local eatery that we frequent on occasion. There was a line of traffic on the road in front of us so we were stopped directly across from the restaurant’s entrance.
It was a Saturday and very busy. People were waiting outside to have their names called when a table was available. To our astonishment, each one of the dozen or so people who was standing there had a hand-held device and was totally engrossed in whatever they were reading or searching for. They were all standing together and yet no one was talking to each other! Everyone was looking down at their devices. These very same people who send emails, texts and Facebook posts communicate freely on their devices, however, when they are standing right next to one another, they don’t know what to say!
This is just one of countless incidents that we have witnessed where people in public, who are undoubtedly with family or friends in supposed social situations, have literally ‘checked-out’ from where they are physically.
A while back we wrote about this same subject and how technology is adversely affecting parent/child relationships. The effect is the same no matter who is involved and the questions we must ask are ‘Is technology a substitute for love?’ and ‘Is technology destroying our capacity to genuinely connect with each other?’
Social media and gadgets have their place and do serve a positive purpose. However, they also appeal to and enhance dysfunctional behavior by a world population that is increasingly voyeuristic and at the same time increasingly isolated from real physical, personal relationships and social interaction.
Yes, the world is smaller because of technology. It is also becoming a haven for people, who in their lifetime, will experience little, if any, healthy relationships, real communication and genuine intimacy.
If you’re a baby-boomer like we are, then you may recall a movie in the 1970s called ‘Sleeper.’ It was written, directed and starred Woody Allen. In it, Allen is transported to a futuristic society where he discovers many oddities. Among them is a machine called an Orgasmitron. This machine allows you to have a sexual encounter without even having a physical partner.
We know what you’re thinking, so let’s keep it ‘clean!’ The point is, how far-fetched is the idea of having technology replacing love? Will the genuine human need, desire and drive for interpersonal interaction become obsolete?
As Relationship Coaches, we have heard stories from clients about marriages ending and breakups occurring through text-messaging. We’ve been told by clients about being terminated from their job via email by a boss who was in the same room at the time.
To us, this is indicative of a society that is particularly out-of-touch with its’ emotions and its’ ability to have truly mature relationships.
Now, more than ever, it is so important to be willing to participate in the world of face-to-face interaction. If you believe that technology is going to fulfill your every want, need and desire then you are deluding yourself and will end up very disappointed.
Perhaps in this moment you are struggling with a particular relationship. Or maybe, you feel like you lack the communication skills to express your true feelings. It may also be possible that you are using technology as an escape from a not so pleasant life situation.
You may also be using social media as a way to get attention; which is another way of saying ‘to feel love and approval.’
No matter what roles technology, the internet and social media play in your life, there is a very strong probability that you are over-indulging for a variety of emotionally unhealthy reasons.
Here are some tips that may assist you to use technology less and in healthier ways:
1. If technology usage is work or career-related then keep it focused on the task or project at hand.
Set parameters for yourself when you will and will not use technology. For example, we consciously keep all technology off for 24 hours on Sundays and we don’t miss it!
2. Turn technology off when you are in the company of others, especially loved ones. Learn how to give more attention to the people you love than some inanimate hand-held device.
3.Power down technology at least one hour before bedtime. Instead, read a book, listen to music, have a conversation with your spouse or better yet, just have sex!
From our perspective there is good news. Technology cannot and will not replace our desires to experience authentic human contact and love.
Yes, technology has brought us closer globally and that’s great! It has also given us a real sense of who and where we are as a society and has shed the spotlight on a real social problem: that most people live in avoidance of and isolation from emotional interaction.
Technology is hitting us all in the face by demonstrating that what we want most of all (to love and be loved) is what we fear the most.
No machine can ever give you what you or another person can give you. Take the time to honestly look at your relationship with technology. Is technology a substitute for love in your life?
To learn more about us and to receive guidance about love, marriage, divorce and how to create healthier, happier relationships in your life, connect with us here.
Divorce in America is at an all time high. The rate of divorce for second marriages is even higher than the rate for first marriages. Over the last 3 years, the demographics of clients in our relationship coaching practice represented a divorce rate of over 80%. So what’s going on in our world where relationships have become as disposable as plastic water bottles?
One way people can respond to this epidemic is to say that the moral fiber of our society is crumbling and crashing. Or that commitment to long-term relationships and the stability they are intended to provide for each of us is rapidly becoming an out-dated institution? Perhaps you personally may believe this explanation is valid. Or perhaps it isn’t.
Is the alarming divorce rate is a symptom of a society that has a deficiency? A deficiency of unworthiness that causes us to fear intimacy, openness, giving and receiving, sharing and love. As relationship coaches, we have found this to be the case with many of our clients who are facing rocky marriages and divorce.
From our vantage point we see the high rate of divorce as a symptom of a society that has become increasingly fragmented, isolated, fearful and expendable and sees relationships only as a means to a personal end.
However, we also see divorce as an opportunity to specifically heal the emotional wounds that marital relationships represent to both parties.
To heal an emotional wound is spiritual. Any lasting workable solution to any relationship problem is spiritual in nature. There is no alternative. If you believe that a big, fat alimony check is going to make everything all better, think again!
The problem was never about the divorce or how your spouse never lived up to his or her side of the bargain to honor and obey, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.
The real problem, which is always an opportunity for spiritual growth and healing, is that you bring to your relationships (marital and otherwise), your wounds from your past. Until you heal those wounds, you will repeat them.
The spiritual side of divorce, is like any life challenge, a potential blessing in disguise. It is an opportunity to look at yourself head-on in the mirror and say to yourself, ‘What is this situation showing me about myself and what is it attempting to teach me?’ Ask for an answer. Ask for guidance. You will hear it!
The spiritual side of divorce can open the door for you to finally grow-up and truly become the mature adult who can readily participate in healthy mature relationships.
When we say ‘mature’ we are not referring to the day-to-day activities and responsibilities of the average adult like having a job, paying the bills, putting a roof over your family’s head and food on the table.
We are referring to a maturity that goes much deeper than that. A maturity that has less to do with who you are and what you do and more about your willingness to heal where you are emotionally wounded. This is what it means to be spiritually mature.
Spiritual maturity is about learning how to take responsibility for your life. Responsibility for your life situations, experiences and relationships as well as the state of your emotions.
The spiritual side of divorce represents an opening. An opening where perhaps just a sliver of light is shining on a situation that looks very dark. It is only through your willingness that more light can shine on you and your life.
It is only when we begin to heal from within that the physical reality of our life and relationships permanently improve and change.
If you are experiencing intimate relationship challenges, consider the following tips as guidelines that may assist you to begin to see you and your life from a new, healthier perspective:
1. Stop playing the victim! Playing the victim role always attracts a cast of characters who are more than willing to perpetrate emotional pain on to a willing victim.
2. Cease blaming others for your situation. Until you take full and complete responsibility for your life and the role you play in it, you will suffer at the emotional mercy of other people.
3. Be open to looking within and discover why your life is not the romance novel you hoped it could have been.
4. Become more open to changing by developing a more positive, optimistic attitude and notice how you are attracting more positive, optimistic people in to your life.
5. Begin the process of loving and respecting yourself more. If you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love and respect you?
Whether you are going through a divorce now, contemplating one, have experienced one, and are attempting to get your life back on track, know that now is the time to heal your wounded relationship. First by beginning to heal the relationship with your spouse or your ex. Second, and more significant, is healing the relationship with yourself.
We all want healthy relationships! So why don’t we have healthy relationships? To experience healthy relationships, it’s important to understand that the physical world we see is like a gigantic mirror. It always reflects back to us our dominant thoughts, beliefs, feelings and emotions. What we see is a result of what we project. Our world is the screen. On that screen is a movie. We each script it, produce it, direct it and even act in it.
If you are unhappy with ‘the plot’ and the cast of characters in your life, then perhaps it is time for a re-write of your script. The quickest, most efficient way to change the world you see is to begin to be more open, willing and vulnerable to healing your life through the relationships you may consider unhealthy or unstable.
Here are three key ways that the healing power of your relationships can assist you to create a new life for yourself.
Tip #1: Be open and willing to stop trying to ‘fix’ and ‘save’ other people. If you are in the habit of trying to fix and save people be open and willing to give this up now! Do not expect anyone else to change because you want them to. If you are carrying a ‘I’ll be happy and at peace when (s)he changes’ belief, you are going to wait a very long time…even a lifetime, for that to happen.
Wanting someone to change for self-gratification is an emotionally exhausting process. It creates stress and frustration, as well as physical disease. It is really about a need to control. Ultimately, the desire for someone else to change so we can be happy interferes with our Life learning process. In the end no one gains the wisdom required to be truly happy. This wisdom is programmed in to each relationship that affects our well-being.
Instead of wanting other people to change for you, focus on YOU and how you can make an uplifting contribution to all of your relationships. Start by blessing all of your relationships, past and present, good or bad. When you do this you instantly have a more positive impact on the world.
While going through this new process, you may also uncover some aspects of yourself that you may not like very much. Be okay with who you are! There is always room for change. Creating change from within is a conscious choice that we each can make if we want to improve the quality of all of our relationships.
Tip #2: Get to know yourself now! If you truly desire more intimacy in your personal relationships begin by focusing on developing an intimate relationship with yourself. The truth is, if you are challenged being intimate with you, how can you expect to be intimate with someone else?
Get to know “you” by going on a date with yourself. Spend alone time. Journal your thoughts about what you love about you. Begin to enjoy your own company!
To improve all of your relationships begins at home, with each of us contributing our share for positive change. Gandhi said, ‘Be the change you want to see.’ This is especially relevant when it comes to the state of our relationships. To improve and awaken to the power of our relationships requires each of us to lead by example. Strong, healthy relationships are the result of giving our focused attention to our feelings, emotions and energy levels directly linked to the relationships themselves.
To improve our life and our world requires us to consciously aim to put our heart and soul in to each and every relationship, because your relationships always reflect the heart and soul of who you think you are and who you potentially can become.
All relationships are the building blocks of life; however, they are often forfeited or destroyed in the name of personal needs or gratification and even for what some may call ‘success.’
Tip #3: Begin to develop more self-confidence and healthier self-esteem. You achieve this by learning to let go of the past and cease worrying about the future. Be alive now. Accept that you are unique and one-of-a kind and so is everyone else. Experiencing healthy relationships is also about realizing that we are all interconnected to everyone and everything.
To experience this idea of uniqueness and interconnectedness simply requires a shift in how you look at things. Recall that your life and world is the movie you created. You can edit and re-write the storyline as you choose.
We are each the small successes on the big stage called Earth. Small successes, compounded over time, can create some awesome results. To achieve results requires commitment, fortitude, courage and a willingness to play the Game of Life.
The Game of Life cannot be played out to its full beauty and grandeur without your consent. All, truly healthy, mature relationships, must contain consenting adults. From this point forward, consent to take responsibility for your life by strengthening all of your relationships.
Have you ever considered Relationship Coaching? It’s great if you are single and looking, in a relationship or just ended one. See what it can do for you.
How do you widen your circle of compassion? It has been a dream of ours to assist in the creation of a world where it is completely safe for all of us to love each other. A world where we can be loved and accepted exactly as we are. This world we envision can and does exist now. This world we envision exists in each of our minds. To transmute it into physical reality requires us to embrace the power of viewing the world through the eyes of compassion.
Author and spiritual teacher Pema Chodron suggests to us that
“compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
What is the darkness and where does it come from? Look at our history both collectively and personally and we have the answer. Personally, as children, we were socialized and conditioned in so many ways. By the time we reached puberty life became scary and daunting. By this time we pretty well established our own personal viewpoints and ‘takes’ on the world. We were educated and indoctrinated into the world of fear and separation.
A fear of compassion arises because, like so many heart-felt emotions (love, courage, empathy), it creates a feeling of vulnerability.
Vulnerability in our world is a sign of weakness, and anything that is said to weaken us is, to our conditioned, fear-based minds, something to be suspicious of at best.
Many think that having compassion ‘rights a wrong.’ Others may believe that compassion negates a valuable lesson to be learned and justice that needs to be served. And then there are those who may see compassion as a ‘liberal’ approach to those who may be looking for a ‘free ride’ through the journey we call Life.
Compassion is about unity and oneness. Compassion can enable us to heal by removing the socialization and conditioning we succumbed to as innocent children. The power of compassion has been grossly under-used, misunderstood and even ignored in our world for far too long. Compassion is powerful, yet benign. It can move mountains, yet simultaneously heal all wounds. Compassion is an expression of unconditional love and unconditional love is God.
To perceive compassion as dis-empowering is a misinterpretation of what compassion truly is at its’ essence. Einstein wrote:
“a human being is a part of the whole called by us Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.”
So, how do we, as Einstein suggests, widen our circle of compassion? First, we have to be open and willing to create our own circle. Then to widen our circle, to expand our very own compassionate nature and share it with humanity, requires each of us to dissect, peel away and let go of what Einstein called our own ‘optical delusion.’ The result is an unveiling of our essential, true, changeless, eternal nature. By virtue of its connection to God, our true nature only knows compassion. There is no figuring out what compassion is and what it looks and sounds like. We need only to create awareness what compassion is not.
Compassion IS NOT fear. Compassion IS NOT separation and exclusion. Compassion IS NOT lack and unworthiness. Compassion IS NOT brute-force, control and manipulation. Compassion IS NOT greed. Compassion IS NOT hatred.
When we eliminate what compassion is not from our personal selves and subsequently the world-at-large, compassion itself unfolds, breathes, expands and embraces itself within and between each and every life form that exists.
Compassion is an aspect of unconditional love. All the great sages past and present know this and speak about it. All of them were and are the very embodiment of a compassionate nature.
We are all sages. We all possess a compassionate nature. The intent for all of us is to incorporate this nature into our daily lives. This one intention: to be compassionate toward all of life (and this includes ourselves) is the key to thriving on Planet Earth.
Here are some ways you can begin to incorporate the power of compassion and widen its circle in your life:
1.See all of Life as another aspect of yourself. Treat all Life as you want to be treated: with love, kindness and compassion.
3.Know that we are all living the same life story. It’s just the names, faces, locations and events that appear different. Our stories are part of our journey. They are the Universe giving us ‘feedback.’ By using the feedback wisely you can change your story. See others who are suffering with compassion. They suffer because they are not aware that they have the power to change their story.
4.Give up the notions of striving, achieving and being the best. Your true nature only knows how to thrive and always sees itself as pure perfection. Look within and see your true nature.
5.Practice kindness and give without conditions. Develop a consciousness of oneness. Notice how we are truly ‘all one playing off each other.’
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
Now, more than ever, the world as a living, breathing organism needs your compassion. God wants you to be happy! God wants you to thrive! Compassion is a path and our wish is that you walk upon it.
Do you want to learn how to create more compassion for others and for yourself? How about adding some sense of balance to your life too? Learn how to create more compassion and balance with The Blueprint for Living Online Program.